Rain. Wouldn’t it be amazing if it could just wash away all our fears,our tears,cleanse our soul, make things right again? It was the first downpour of winter and the thunder was able to muffle the sounds of Jieun’s crying. She sat alone on a bench as people hurried past holding newspapers and umbrella’s over their heads, rushing to find cover. However,Jieun had more pressing concerns than running from the rain. For so long,she had wanted just this one man. She had hoped and prayed and hoped again and now when he was finally within her reach, he slipped right through her reaching fingers.

Does this pain ever  go away? She wished there was someone there to answer that question as she clutched her chest. This feeling of falling into a bottomless pit…the tears and the stabbing in your heart..does it ever go away? She had changed for him and yet,he was still the person Jaejoong had made him out to be. It was her fault really. What was she expecting? Dating a superstar who is constantly surrounded by hundreds of skinny girls willfully throwing themselves at him?

“Jieun?” Someone called out her name but she couldn’t look up. She could barely make out anything over the heavy downpour and her aching heart. She found herself being roughly shaken by the shoulders. “Jieun!” She blinked up at him through the water. Bright blonde hair and worried eyes. If possible she began to cry harder.

*

“So…mind telling me why you were planning to freeze to death?” Jaejoong asked as he handed her a cup of hot chocolate.

“You were right Jaejoong…”Jieun mumbled,voice hoarse.

“Right about?”

“Everything?” Jieun shrugged

“I don’t get what youre talking about…”Jaejoong frowned as he sat across from her in the lounge of his apartment.

“Yunho cheated on me. I went to his place to talk things over about the scandal..and some girl opened to door..”Jieun wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeves. “I was such a fool Jaejoong…I let myself believe that the impossible was actually possible..and it isnt! Yunho..he isnt perfect. Just like you said. I was willing to do anything to keep him because for the first time in my life…I had something that I wanted and I was willing to fight tooth and nail for it.”

“He was pissed because of that news that got leaked?”

“Yeah. He claimed I was cheating on him…”Jieun pursed her lips as fresh tears sprung in her eyes.

“But you werent..’Jaejoong said softly. “The only reason he got this bad is because he loves you a lot. Yunho is always in the public eye…anything he does is reported and I know what that’s like. Yeah,he was wrong to just go and bang some other chick but Yunho is a bit…impulsive. He’ll be blinded by rage and after a while he’ll realize that what he did was wrong. You’ll have to accept this side of him. Right now he’s probably hating himself. Jieun, I know what I said about Yunho but know this, he isnt a bad guy. He holds things dear to his heart,way too tight. Its his way of coping with the hardships that come alongside being rich and famous. He’s like…a mother bear? Gets threatened by the smallest things. You’ll need to achieve an understanding with him or the two of you wont work out..”

“You think I havent tried? Its frustrating! I always have to tell him where Im going and with whom. He doesn’t even give me space to breathe sometimes..I know this all comes with being in a relationship but…”Jieun bit her lip. “I just…don’t think I fit into his life..”

“And what do you mean by that?” Jaejoong came and sat next to her.

“I love him…and he loves me. But there’s this gap between us. This wall. Ive tried to overcome it but I cant. Yunho will always be popular amongst the ladies and I will have to stand by and watch. Besides SNSD, there will be other people, normal people, who will be judging me and I don’t want that. Im sick of living a life where I have to walk on thin ice all the time because of what people will say. And Yunho..Yunho’s also the kind who cares too much for what people will think and because of that,I think Im going to lose out in this relationship because…I fear that..that if someone was to say something harsh, Yunho might let it pass because he wouldn’t want to say something to compromise his position. I need a man who can..protect me and stand up for me.. not someone who will ask me to just ‘let things go’.”

“So behind the lovey dovey, there is trouble in YunJiu Island?”Jaejoong held her close. “I understand what you mean. I guess things have been falling apart between the two of you without you realizing. Was this why you were willing to change?”

“I didn’t want Yunho to feel uncomfortable by the comments of others. I wanted to be someone who he could proudly show to the world. But…Im tired of that Jae..I keep doing this and I wonder if..if it’ll ever pay off. He still hasn’t introduced me to any of his friends of his family. We’ve dating for over a month now…its clear this isnt going anywhere…”Jieun’s phone began to ring. She checked the caller id. “Its..Yunho.”

“Talk to him..”Jaejoong urged.

“I..I cant. I don’t know what to say…”Jieun frowned.

“Try and talk things out with him…or ask him for some time.”

“I don’t know Jaejoong…not now.” She switched off her phone. “Tell me something…why are you talking to me now?”

“Something about you crying hysterically in the rain made my heart melt.” Jaejoong laughed before his smile faltered. “I was thinking about you and decided to go for a walk to clear my hand and well it started raining and before I could return home, I saw you and well…I wasn’t going to just leave you out there to freeze. Plus…I guess…Ive missed you. I know..we had a fight and..I was wrong to have not returned your calls and messages but I was mad. I didn’t understand the concept behind making yourself suffer for the person you love. I understand spending that extra ten minutes on your make up or spending an hour doing your hair and dressing up in pretty clothes because that must be part of being a girl…but what I couldn’t comprehend was going torturing your body to make it into something your lover will approve of. If he loves you…shouldn’t he just accept you for who you are? Ive been down this road Jieun and its not a happy one. I wasn’t exactly all looks when I was younger and when I fell for this one girl,I was willing to go through any kind of make over to make myself appealing to her. Then when people started calling me beautiful and the ‘Oh my God JJ is so good looking’ started getting more frequent, she backed off because she didn’t understand. Because now she didn’t just have me to herself, now every other girl on the street wanted me and that was just tapping into her insecurities. In the end, we had to break up. She could have been The One Jieun…but because of my effort to change myself,she isnt a part of my life anymore. I didn’t want you to have to go through the same thing, purely because there are similarities between her behaviour and Yunho’s.”

“Were you being honest…when you said that…that..you’d love me for who I am?” Jieun asked,chewing on her lower lip and searching his eyes for an answer.

Jaejoong pressed his thumb against her lower lip to release it from her teeth before leaning in and kissing her softly.

What do you think? Was left unsaid.