Sad and gloomy YongShin fic requested by dzealousie.

*****

It started with heavy menses.

Shin Hye knew that her period had ceased three weeks ago, and she knew she had always been regular. She consulted her cousin, who had the same condition. Shin Hye realized that she had been stressed out from work for two months, usually coming home at almost Cinderella time. And she had always been tired because of her work in the broadcasting company.

When her period ceased, she went to an OB-Gyne, who recommended ultrasound. She underwent the procedure, and after the results were released, the doctor told her that her results turned out normal. It was just hormonal imbalance secondary to stress.

She thought it was all right now. But another problem came up. She had shortness of breath, but she thought it was due to stress, as it was not often. Later, she had fainting spells twice in a day. The supervisor thought it was weird, and he knew she was not malingering because she was hardworking, so he had to bring her to the clinic, where the company doctor would check on her.

"Hmmm...," the doctor said to her and the supervisor when she was awake. "I will refer you to a cardiologist."

Shin Hye got pale when she heard what the doctor said.

"Do...do I have a heart condition?" she asked.

The doctor told her that it is likely because of her the sign, but a thorough assessment would be best.

*****

When she got to the cardiologist, the specialist examined her and had her undergo diagnostic exams and lab works. For the meantime, the doctor had her admitted, with her intravenous fluids strictly regulated to avoid fluid overload. Even her fluid intake was also regulated--much to her dismay, as she was a water lover.

"What now?" she thought. "At first, I thought that my menses was the problem, but why do I have all these other symptoms?"

The cardiologist told her that the hormonal imbalance she had was not related to her present condition.

"Can I go out of the room and try to roam around?" she asked.

The doctor prohibited her from straining herself, so she sulked. When the doctor went out of her room, she told her aunt that she wanted very much to get out of the room. Her aunt scolded her, but she was bored.

Later, the doctor came in with a diagnosis of pulmonary aneurysm. Her pulmonary artery had weakened a bit, but it could be managed. As the aneurysm was not that large, the cardiologist chose to watch and wait. She told the doctor to tell her in all honesty regarding the worst case scenario, and the doctor told her that she might die of severe bleedding if the anyeurism would rupture. If her anyeurism had weakened, she would have to under an operation to place stent to strengthen the arterial wall. But since she was managed well, and her shortness of breath was reduced, the doctor had her discharged.

She was hard-headed, because she wanted to work behind the camera. Her supervisor and the producer would often give her lighter jobs, but she would have none of it. Finally, the director told her that even if she was a member of the crew, she still had to follow orders from the producer and accept the light jobs. She had to put down her pride and follow instructions.

****

One day, during her day off, she went with her cousin to the park as it was spring, and the flowers were in bloom. She was wearing a chic sun hat so that the rays of the sun behind the clouds would not get to her face. The day was quite windy, so her hat was tossed by the wind to the water on the pond.

"Jamkkanmanyo," she told her cousin as she rushed to the pond.

Shin Hye rushed down and tried to pull the hat, but the wind blew the hat further. She got exasperated, so she tried to look for some stick.

"You are having a hard time, Agasshi," a husky male voice spoke to her.

When she turned around, she saw a lean guy with a toothy smile and a handsome face. She felt as if Cupid had tossed all of his golden love arrows at her.

"Ah...ne... see...my..."

The man smiled at her as he grabbed the hat with his umbrella. She waited eagerly as he got the hat and gave the hat to her.

"Gamsahamnida, gamsahamnida," Shin Hye thanked him as she bowed politely a lot of times.

"Anieyo," he said with a smile. Then, holding out his hand, "Jung Yong Hwa-yeyo."

She bit her lips and introduced her name. She gripped his hand, but she could not help but stare at the stranger who helped her.

"Shin Hye-ya!" her cousin called her.

"O, mianhae, Boram-eonni," she called out.

Boram got down and apologized to Yong Hwa, who told her that it was all right. The three of them got out of the pond and strolled around. Yong Hwa was alone because his housemates were busy with their work, and he had his day off. Just then, Boram's phone rang, and she took the call.

Meanwhile, Shin Hye and Yong Hwa talked about each other. Yong Hwa found her very endearing and smart that he that her boyfriend might be very fond of her.

"Namjachinguneun eopseoyo (I have no BF)," she said demurely.

"Oh, so that means, a lot of guys can apply," he said.

"Am I a job?" she asked him with a cute pout.

Yong Hwa pinched her cute cheeks and told her that there was an ice cream stand that sold ice cream with lots and lots of marshmallows.

"Jinjja?" she asked happily.

"Even your taste is so cute," he said with a wink.

His unexpected hot drop of his lid made her blush, so he pinched her cheek again.

"Shin Hye-ya, Yong Hwa-ssi, mianhande, I really need to go," Boram said after the phone call.

"Gwaenchanha, Eonni," Shin Hye said.

"Uhm, take care of yourself, Shin Hye-ya," Boram said. "Jo Kwon also needed me because he was admitted just today."

"Ah, geuraeyo? Please send my regards to Jo Kwon-oppa," Shin Hye said.

Boram told Yong Hwa to take good care of Shin Hye, and he agreed. As Boram left, the couple went to the ice cream stand to buy some ice cream on large cups. Shin Hye liked her large because she loved chocolate syrup and lots and lots of marshmallows. Yong Hwa looked at her with interest and fondness because she was working in a broadcasting company, but she acts all aegyo just like she was T-ara's tenth member. So cute.

"By the way, Boram-noona said that you need to be careful," Yong Hwa said. "If I may ask, what happened?"

Shin Hye was not one to shy away regarding her condition. She felt like she was standing on the fulcrum of a seesaw, where one wrong move could move her to the wrong or fatal side.

"Are you not scared?" he asked in concern.

"I am not sure...but if I will be in that situation in that time of my life, I think I will be scared," she confessed. "You asking me that, I am not afraid of dying, but I know that when that time comes, I think I will get scared."

Yong Hwa held her hand and squeezed it tight.

"I will be your friend, starting today, not because I know you have a condition, but because I want to be your friend," Yong Hwa said.

"Ne... gamsahamnida," she said.

He told her to be casual with him, so she spoke less formally. Yong strolled around with her according to her ability, and thank goodness, as the wind was good, she had no shortness of breath.

"Shin Hye-ya, Boram-noona will probably be busy, so can we go out on your next day-off?" he invited her.

"That would be great," she said. "After all, we have the same days-off."

****

The next day, as Shin Hye was busy preparing the materials and props for the shooting, Yong Hwa called her on phone and asked her if he could eat out with her. She nodded and told him that they would meet at the lobby. So that lunch time, she went to the lobby and met with him, and to her surprise, the producer of the drama saw them together and for having a hot boyfriend. Shin Hye blushed and introduced the PD to Yong. Yong introduced himself formally.

"Oh, I thought that Shin Hye has a boyfriend," Na-PD said. "Yong Hwa-ssi, I would be very happy if you will be her boyfriend."

"How come?" Yong asked.

The PD did not reply, as he went into explosive nosebleeds at their cuteness.

****

And so, Yong Hwa made his presence known to Shin Hye's colleagues, and the people at work teased them. Shin Hye also visited the law firm where Yong was working as an accountant, and the lawyers had explosive nosebleeds everytime the two of them were together.

****

One day, Shin Hye got ouf of the elevator when she fainted. One of the men carried her to the corner, where he tried to perform CPR. Yong Hwa, who was there, saw the commotion, and went to the scene. When he saw the man performing CPR, Yong Hwa told him that his friend had a heart and lung condition, and needed to be rushed to the hospital. The man performing the CPR was not able to protest when Yong Hwa swooped Shin Hye from the floor and ran out of the building to his car.

"Hang in there, Shin Hye," he begged.

****

Shin Hye often told him where she was admitted, so it was no problem as to where to bring her. At the emergency room, the medical team started doing their work to save her life, and the cardiologist was contacted at the shortest turnaround time. Meanwhile, the doctor on duty ordered for the patient to be admitted.

After the initial results, the specialist ordered more diagnostic exams. Boram was informed, as she was the only relative Shin Hye had living with her. Her parents were in the province. When the patient was brought to the radiology department for CT scan, Boram went with the medical team, and Yong Hwa had to be tough for the two of them. He could not afford to see the tears from his noona's eyes, and he could not help but feel anxious and fearful regarding the result of the scan.

"She is gonna be OK, right?" Yong Hwa asked her in anguish, but partially hopeful.

"I hope," Boram said in tears.

*****

Shin Hye was transported back, and she had gone back to her senses. The doctor came in with the result, and told her that her pulmonary anyeurism had weakened further.

"She needed to undergo operation," the cardiologist said.

He explained to the patient that stents needed to be placed to strengthen the walls of her pulmonary artery. He could not afford to have bleeding episodes. Shin Hye signed the consent, hesitant at first regarding the outcome of the operation. But her hope of getting well weighed more than the fear of being subjected under the knife.

When the doctor got out of the room to speak with Boram, Yong Hwa held Shin Hye's hand and pressed his other hand to hers gently.

"Shin Hye-ya, I will pray for you and be here for you," he whispered sincerely.

The look in his eyes was too much that she could not help but stammer. Yong Hwa smiled and leaned forward...

To kiss her forehead.

"Yong... Yong Hwa..." she whispered.

Yong stared at her and lovingly her cheek with his thumb.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" he asked her.

Shin Hye's tears fell. It pained her because she might leave him too soon that he might get hurt, and she did not want that.

"But... but what if I...?"

"I know... and I am afraid too," he confessed. "All I want to give you is happiness and many sweet moments to remember by."

He leaned forward and pecked her lower lip gently. She closed her eyes to feel the warmth and sweetness of his kiss, that she held his cheeks and kissed him back. After the kiss, she declared that she'd accept his love and be his girlfriend.

*****

Finally, Shin Hye was operated on, and Yong and Boram had to leave work for a week to tend to her. Their supervisors understood because Boram would need a reliever just in case. But she took care of Shin Hye every night because it was off limits for men to care for female patients unless immediate family or relatives.

The operation went smoothly, but she was monitored at the ICU. And when the cardiologist assessed she was good to get back to the normal room, she was transported there.

*****

One morning, as Shin Hye was eating her breakfast, Yong Hwa came in with a bouquet of gerber daisies, in colors of pink, white, yellow, orange, and red.

"Sunshiny day!" Yong Hwa greeted her with a smile that matched the bright colors of the daisies.

"Omona, yeppeuda...." she gushed.

Yong Hwa arranged the flowers in the vase and went to her.

"Are you feeling fine?" he asked her as he her hair.

"Eung," she responded. "You and your daisies make up my day."

Yong Hwa leaned and gave her soft kisses on her lips. After the kiss, he placed the tray on the table and sat on the bedside chair.

"Jagiya, tomorrow, I will be coming in the morning at breakfast, but I had to get back to work," he said sadly.

"Gwaenchanha," she said. "It can't be helped."

And later that day, her supervisor, the PD, the casts of the drama, and the director came to visit her. She responded well to the questions, but they had to limit their visit so as not to stress her.

And everyday that Yong visited her, he always brought lovely surprises for her, like new bunch of flowers, good books to read, funny magazines, food that she likes but in accordance to doctor's orders, as well as a cute dog stuffed toy. Of course, for her, the best present was always him.

*****

Finally, she was discharged, and she was given two weeks of rest. She reckoned she could use that time to spend some vacation. She told Yong Hwa about it, and he told her that he wanted to go to Jeju Island for some vacation.

And during his two days-off, the two of them travelled by themselves. They stayed in a hotel room together because he wanted to watch over her. They went sight seeing during the day, but he did not stress her out because he wanted her to get well as soon as possible.

That night, the two of them sat on the floor at the balcony while watching the stars. She was leaning on his chest as they held hands together.

"Jagiya, are you not tired of having a sickly girlfriend?" she asked him all of a sudden.

Yong Hwa told her that was not, because the moment he asked for her permission to be his girlfriend, he knew the consequences. The two of them looked at each other, and she felt his caring eyes despite the night sky being illuminated only by the stars.

"Saranghae," he whispered.

"Na do, dangshineul saranghae," she said.

She closed her eyes and embraced him as he got closer to her face. And she savored the moment when his soft lips touched upon hers. She moaned gently when his tongue played with hers gently, because he did not want her to get short of breath. Her fingers found themselves messing up with his hair, and he rubbed her back gently with all the love that he had. Of course, he did not want to make love with her because he wanted her to be pure, and he knew that is only for married people. Second, he knew from the doctor that people who underwent major cardiopulmonary/cardiac operations recently should not be stressed with things. He made sure that her kisses with her where just moderate.

****

And that night, Yong lay on the sofa bed while Shin Hye occupied the king bed.

****

****

Shin Hye was able to live for the next six months feeling all right. One night, as she was about to get to Yong Hwa's car after their date, she suddenly coughed so hard and had shortness of breath again. He had noticed earlier that week that her fingers were a bit bloated, but she told him she was fine. Given that, plus the ongoing symptoms, he did not hesitate to bring her to the hospital, despite her protests.

And there, the doctors had found out that a new anyeurism had formed, and she needed to be operated on the next day. She was suddenly weak and blue that she was carefully monitored, and Yong Hwa had to inform Boram in tears. When he get back to the room, Shin Hye was no better than what she looked like during their date. The cardiologist came in and explained that she needed to be operated on because the pulmonary anyeurism that had formed silently was slowly taking away her life.

Like her life was leaning to the wrong side of the seesaw.

Shin Hye was very weak that she had no energy to respond, and Yong Hwa held her hand in tears. His tears had been falling nonstop after she had shortness of breath back at the restaurant.

"Shin Hye-ya, can you hear me?" he asked her. "I... I am not ready to see you die, but if you had to, let me say goodbye formally."

He tried to open his lips, but only air can get through. He tried to push his voice out, but his tears choked his voice. He did his best to let out a sound for her to hear. But no words could come out.

He kissed her hand and then her cheeks. He could not kiss her lips because she was on oxygen therapy, and she had a mask on.

"Saranghae..." were the words he was able to blurt out as he her hair.

And he dropped his head on her bed and cried hard.

****

The next day, the day of the operation.

The cardiologist was informed that the patient was ready, so Shin Hye was transported. Yong Hwa waited outside the OR complex and paced anxiously. Something was telling him that something was not right.

After only thirty minutes from the time the operation started, the doctors and the nurses in the complex started to get busy. Instead of cooperating with the stent, the new anyeurism erupted, and a massive bleeding episode happened. It was very critical because she was heavily sedated as well. Many equipment got strapped on her, and she was heavily monitored.

****

Yong Hwa stood up as he saw the cardiologist exit the complex. He noticed that the doctor was sweating profusely.

"Seonsaengnim... how was the..."

But the doctor shook his head.

"Joesonghamnida," he said.

He did not go on further, and Yong Hwa immediately knew what it meant. Shin Hye had succumbed at the operating table due to massive blood loss, and despite their efforts, her body gave away.

"Andwae...andwae..." Yong Hwa cried as he knelt in front of the doctor.

"I am only doing what God wanted me to do," the doctor said. "He holds all of our lives, and for now, He knew it was her time to go... No matter how much I tried, I can only do my best according to my limited ability."

Yong Hwa sobbed...much to Boram's and Jo Kwon's shock.

"Seonsaengnim... is it true?" she asked, her voice breaking.

"Agasshi, it is true," the doctor said grimly. "Joesonghamnida."

He excused himself and went back to the complex. Yong and Boram went to each other and cried hard as they hugged each other. Jo Kwon went to them and cried as he hugged them both.

Later on, the corpse was transported out of the operating room to be brought to the morgue, and Boram had to run around the hospital to secure the death certificate and process papers. Yong Hwa saw the dead body on the stretcher, and he asked the orderly if he could see her. The orderly hesistated, but the cardiologist allowed the young man to. As Yong held the covers of the blanket, his hand shuddered, as he could not bear to look at the girl he loved the most. But he needed to, so he opened the blanket to reveal her face.

"Nae jagiya..." he sobbed as he let tears fall down his eyes.

Then, he covered the body back, and went with the orderly to the morgue.

****

Boram relayed the sad news to her aunt and uncle, who cried over the phone. The elderly couple went to Seoul to go to their daughter's wake, which was prepared by Boram.

Yong Hwa was at the point of getting insane when he saw Shin Hye's picture in the wake. As many people said their condolences to the family and to him, he could not hear them. All he had in his mind was chaos.

And finally, Shin Hye's body was buried in the mountain in the province under lush magnolia trees. Yong Hwa did his best to remember the location so that he will visit her when he can.

****

And he did visit her every month, sitting by the magnolia tree while feeling the cool wind on his face. He gravely missed her a lot, and he wished they had more times together.

Perhaps they could have gotten married and had children on their own.

All he had were sad memories at the hospital. He tried to think of all the beautiful memories that they had together.

Her pout and helplessness at her sun hat by the pond.

Her look of cuteness as she enjoyed her ice cream.

Her kisses in the hospital during breakfast.

Her smiles when she received his gifts.

Their sweet and semi-torrid kiss by the balcony in Jeju.

Their dates...including the final one.

He turned back to the tree and looked at her plaque, then gave the tree a hug. Tears fell from his eyes again as he wept over her.

"I may fall in love someday, or I may never love at all," he said to her. "But now, all I had in my mind is just you... but I had to let you go..."

He stood up and wiped the bits of grasses off his but, then turned his vision back to the tree.

"Even if I will let you go, it will never be denied that I had loved you. And I will always love you..."

On your mark.Get set and go
On your mark.Get set and go
Just go

The endless winter, frozen Seoul
Looked towards the sky; it was clouded, the shade of you all over
Struggling to endure one hellish minute
Handful of memories that can’t be discarded

On your mark. Get set and go
On your mark. Get set and go.

Broken mirror, slanted scales
Tears dripping down the broken face
Running sky, crashing sunset
Those beautiful days that will never come back

On your mark. Get set and go
On your mark. Get set and go

The one who can’t seem to forget is I, not you
My other self that’s trapped in the mirror
is your own broken face
The one who can’t seem to forget is I, not you
You, another name of mine. You, another winter of mine

On your mark. Get set and go

~~~~END~~~~

(up next, CN Blue and 2NE1. Mianhae, I am temporarily not accepting requests as of this time. By the way, the song is "Go" by Nell.).

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