020
{WOO} had {SUNG} : thank {GYU} for {HO}lding on {SOO} tight ?
It has been the second night since I had been laying on the hospital bed. Aunt SuAh, SuJong unnie, JiA unnie, SunMin unnie and Jay oppa have been dropping by every now and then, taking turns to keep me company.
"Annyeong!!!" a girl dressed a cow pyjamas came bouncing into my ward.
"Hehehe.. SuJong unnie, I know it is you." I giggled.
"Mwohya~~" she pouted. "Am I really that short?"
"Aniya.." I trailed off, turned my head back towards the window.
"Lynnie, gwenchana?" SuJong unnie put down the things in her hands, placing her hand on my forehead.
"Aniya. Na gwenchana." I forced a smile.
"Lynnie, what is wrong?" a frown formed on her face. SuJong unnie says that calling me Angeline is so difficult, so she took my last syllabus and gave me a nickname, Lynnie.
"Nothing is wrong. Really. I guess I am just tired from all those test the doctor ran through me in the afternoon." I assured her.
"Really? If you are not feeling well, please tell me. I will go get the doctor ok?" she patted my head. I nodded.
Actually, I was nowhere near ok. My heart hurts. The person I want to see most at this time, has not appeared. Is he banned from visiting me? Had I caused too much trouble? I had an urge to ask where INFINITE sunbaes are. Or more like, where SungGyu sunbae is. I want to be in his warm embrace badly. I want to see his small eyes slit when he smile. I want to hear his nagging. Tears started whelming in my eyes. Why am I feeling like this? My heart.....my heart hurts.
"SuJong unnie.." I called out, staring at the window, not wanting to face her.
"Waeyo?" she stood up. Her eyes were filled with shock. "Yah yah. Waegeureh? I will go get the doctor now." She was about to run out when I grabbed hold of her wrist tightly.
"Don't ... don't leave me." I pleaded, clutching on tightly to my chest.
"A..aa..arasso." she sat back down, her hands wrapping around mine.
"SuJong unnie..."
"Neh? What is it?"
"My..my heart hurts." I whimpered.
"I don't care.. I am getting the doctor now." she ran out even before I can grab hold of her. Curling up, I clutched onto my chest, as I let tears flow down my cheeks, onto the bed.
"Angeline, are you hurting badly?" the doctor ran in, placing her hands on my shoulder, trying to straighten me. "Sorry, please contact her guardian, I will just do some small checks on her first." she informed SuJong unnie as she draws up the curtain.
"I am just going to check your heart rate and breathing ok?" she said softly, placing the stethoscope onto my bare chest and then on my back. I in air every time the cold surface came in contact with my skin.
"What is wrong?" I heard Aunt SuAh's worried voice before SuJong unnie even called her.
"I am not sure. She said her heart is hurting." SuJong's unnie voice quivered.
"Shh, shh, we must be strong for her. You must not cry ok." I heard Aunt SuAh comforting her. Is there something terribly wrong with me? After buttoning up my hospital wear, the doctor withdraw the curtains.
"Because she just had quite a number of tests this afternoon, I can't run any more test on her until tomorrow. But she seems fine. Maybe just too tired from the tests." the doctor informed them. "Can I speak to her guardian?"
"Ah neh. I am." Aunt SuAh followed her out.
"SuJong unnie, is there something wrong with me?" I asked, reaching out for her tear-stained face.
"NONO!! Nothing is wrong with you. Nothing will be wrong with you." she cried. "We have to debut together. We have to stand on stage together."
"But why will I faint suddenly when I am perfectly fine?" I zoned out.
"ANGELINE!!" she snapped. I flinched. "YOU.WILL.BE.PERFECTLY.FINE.OK?!"
"You are Miss SuAh, her guardian right?" the doctor asked.
"Neh. May I know what is wrong with her?" SuAh was very worried.
"It is a little strange. I did a small check up on her just now, but she seems perfectly fine. Yet, she claims her heart is hurting." the doctor look at the diagnosis she wrote.
"I can't do any test on her at this moment, or it will drain her badly. I suggest you talk to her first. Try to find out more from her."
"Ok, I will. I guess like what you said, she is too tired from the test. I will make sure she rest well too." SuAh replied, taking mental notes.
"Another thing. One of the test result is out." the doctor said, pulling out a file.
"How..how is it?" SuAh's face was plagued with worry when she saw that the doctor's face didn't look good.
"I am very worried about her. She is only 14, and from the test, it shows that she has depression." the doctor handed the results to her. SuAh's mouth agape, not sure how to react.
"That...that can't be. She has been smiling and laughing a lot lately. So much more as compared to the straight face she had when she just came Korea." SuAh refused to accept the fact her 14 year old niece has depression.
"Miss SuAh, the last thing I want is you to break down. This will hurt her more." the doctor warned her. "A sign of depression is that, when she is around people, she will do her best to smile and laugh along to cover up her pain. She won't want people to worry about her. But once she is alone, she will just break down." the doctor explained.
"Is this why her eyes are red and puffy every time I see her in the morning?" SuAh inquired. "My poor niece. Is there anything I can do for her?"
"She can take anti-depressant, but I strongly do not recommend it especially to a child. She might become overly reliant on it and it will not do her health good." the doctor suggested something really stupid. If you strongly do not recommend, why bother suggesting it?
"Another thing is, make sure she is around people. Treat her like normal, don't let her sense anything different. Make her smile and laugh to lift those depressing thoughts off her. This will be the best cure."
"That. I will try my best to figure a way out for that."
"And the last suggestion will be for her to go for counseling."
"Ok. Anyways, her sunbaes, DongWoo and HoYa suggested that she could use writing music to convey her feelings. Will this work?" SuAh recalled.
"This is actually one good method. Also, you can use the music that she writes to depict what she is feeling inside, without having to ask her directly." the doctor acknowledged. "But, never force her to write. Let her take her time. It will be better."
"Neh. Thank you very much." SuAh bowed and took her leave.
"Aunt SuAh. Is there anything wrong with me?" Angeline asked.
"Nope. The doctor says you are perfectly fine. It is because you are too stress and tired, that's why you fainted." SuAh lied.
"SuJong ah, it is getting late. I think you should leave soon or it will be dangerous for a young girl like you going back alone." SuAh said.
"Neh. I will get going. Lynnie, I will come visit you tomorrow ok."
Angeline nodded in silence, forcing a smile on her face so that SuJong would leave the ward happily.
"Angeline, I will be back soon. I will just go and make sure that SuJong gets into the taxi safely." SuAh informed.
As they headed out, SuAh informed SuJong of the doctor's diagnosis. Angeline was getting bored in the ward, she decided to head out towards the roof.
"Ahjussi, I have written down your license number. Make sure you send this girl safely back home." SuAh warned.
"Aigoo, Miss SuAh, I am already a big girl." SuJong sighed before closing the door.
"Angeline? ANGELINE?!" SuAh panicked when she did not see her niece in the ward. Neither was she in the toilet.
"Nurse nurse!! Please help me find my niece!! She is missing!!" SuAh said, pointing towards her ward.
"Hold on a moment." the nurse said, using the computer to track the whereabouts of Angeline. There is a tag on every patient. So if they happened to wander out of their wards without informing anyone, they can track where the patient went to.
"Don't worry, she is at the roof." the nurse smiled, not knowing the situation.
"ROOF?! " SuAh immediately took to her heels.
'Angeline, please be safe. Please don't do anything wrong. Please.' SuAh kept praying and praying.
I walked up towards the edge.
Admiring the night scenery.
Admiring the night sky.
How good would it be if there is a shooting star.
"Ah, I can use this for the song DongWoo sunbae asked me to write." I snapped my finger. Taking out my phone, I started to type it in, in case my memory fails me.
Omma, bogoshippoyo.' I started to cry. 'Omma, appa, I really really miss you. Can you tell me why my heart is hurting?'
"YAH!!! Angeline!!" a lady came from behind me and yanked me away from the railing. Hugging on to me really tight.
"Are you crazy? Are you trying to commit suicide? If you do, how do you expect me to tell you mum? You have contract with Woollim too. You can't just leave like this." the lady cried, not wanting to let go of me.
"Aunt SuAh?" I tilt my head slightly to get a glimpse. "Why does everyone think that I am trying to commit suicide? I wasn't even thinking of that." I replied her endless questions.
"Really? You must never never think of that ok. No matter how down and lonely you are, committing suicide must never never ever get into your brain ok?" she held out her pinky.
"Araso." I made a pinky promise with her.
"So, what are you doing up here? And crying? You scared me." Aunt SuAh ushered me towards the bench.
"I was bored in the ward, so I came up. Then, I suddenly thought of lyrics for the homework DongWoo sunbae gave me. Then, I started thinking of appa and omma, that's why I was crying." I explained.
"Ah, no wonder." she nodded. "Shall we go down? You must be cold."
"Ani. I want to stay up here longer. The ward is so boring. I am dying in there." I said.
"Arasso." after that we sat there in silence.
"The stars are so pretty." I said, chin on my palms, breaking the silence.
"Eu. But in front of me, is going to be the prettiest and brightest star." Aunt SuAh joked.
"Aniya. I still have long to go." I brushed it off.
"Aunt SuAh, can I ask you something?" I asked.
"Of course." she beamed. "What is it?"
"Well, I don't know why recently here seems to be hurting a little." I said, patting on my left chest.
"What do you mean?" she looked at me worriedly.
"I am not sure too. But there were a few incidents. Like when HoYa sunbae came to check on me, and that incident when L sunbae..." I gulped at the incident. But I kept reminding myself that he was just trying to protect me. "My heart seems to be doing flips. Why am I feeling this way? Am I sick? Am I having heart disease?"
"Hahaha. Aigoo, my big baby." Aunt SuAh started laughing. I stared at her confused.
"I think someone's youth is blossoming?" she wrapped her hands around my waist and pull me closer.
"Huh?"
"Big baby. YOU ARE IN LOVE!!!" she exclaimed. Luckily there was no one else at the roof.
"In...in love?" I gulped. "That can't be." I denied.
"You are. You heart will start beating very fast right?" I nodded. "Your cheeks will suddenly burn up?" I nodded too. "When HoYa and L fought, it hurts you?" I nodded too.
"You are well in love." she patted.
"But in love with 2...." I trailed off. I had this feeling whenever I am with SungGyu sunbae too. Don't tell me.
"Ah, this is a problem. We will have to find out then. All I know is, L is in love with you too." Aunt SuAh pinched on my nose.
"L sunbae?" I gasped.
"Neh. That's why he was stalking you and all sorts. He wanted to make sure you are safe." Aunt SuAh told me.
"What happens if I am yearning badly for someone to appear?" I asked.
"L?" she asked. I nodded. I lied. I was actually yearning for SungGyu sunbae, but I can't make matters any more complicated.
"Oh gosh. My girl is really fallen deep in love. I guess L's cold heart has gotten you?" she laughed.
That can't be. I can't be in love with 3 guys!!
"But this is indeed quite worrying. Trainees and idols are not suppose to date. This will create very bad impact on both parties." Aunt SuAh sighed.
Is it that bad? I am in love? I guess I have to distant myself from the sunbaes then. I can't be a burden to them. I can't destroy their image. Maybe should I leave? At least HoYa sunbae and L sunbae won't fight. Maybe if I leave, INFINITE sunbae would be better off. Maybe I should really leave. I should go back to Singapore and find omma. Go back to being the normal girl I was. Return everything back in place.
Comments