CHAPTER FORTY 

Home is Where I Love You  

[ Minjeong’s. ] 

Truth is, I haven’t stepped foot in San Juan ever since I left that place, five years ago.  

Yes, I oversaw some of the construction and the renovation and everything there was in the grand scheme of things, but I didn’t want to step foot in that place dahil natatakot ako.  

Natatakot akong bumalik at malaman na wala nang espasyo ang lugar na iyon para sa akin. Na walang tatanggap sa akin kapag bumalik pa ako.  

Natatakot ako na baka pag bumalik ako, ikaw lang naman ang tanging hahanap-hanapin ko.  

For me, San Juan is you.  

Ikaw ang naiisip ko sa lugar na ito, Jimin. Kahit sobrang dami nang pinagbago. The only thing I could think about as we walk the familiar yet stranger paths to your farm is the way you laugh, the way you had always held my hand whenever we walked past the houses I’ve grown up to see. The way you smile as you look at me because I knew back then na ako ang dahilan ng pagngiti mo.  

You, you, you.  

You may think na San Lazaro is where you should be, but in all honesty San Juan is where you belong.  

This place lives and breathes of you. So much that I didn’t want to go back even if I had the chance because I know na all that I would think about if I had come back is you.  

It was hard enough na hindi kita mapuntahan, sa limang taon na hindi tayo nagkasama.  

May mga times na parang gusto ko na lang sumuko. Gusto ko nalang tumakbo, umalis at Iwan ang lahat ng dapat ay para sa akin para lang pumunta sa’yo. Gustong gusto ko nang sumuko, Jimin. Gustong gusto ko nang makita ka ulit. Mayakap ka ulit. Halikan ka ulit. Ang dami kong gustong gawin na kasama ka pero hindi ko magawa kasi ang dami kong kinailangan gawin.  

Ang dami kong takot, Jimin.  

Five years.  

Five long years na ang tanging nasa isip ko lang ay makita ka ulit. 

Five years, and all I regret is that I didn’t come back sooner to you, Jimin. I wish I could have gotten over myself and trusted the decision of letting myself be taken care of by you, mahal. Sana... Would everything have worked well if I didn’t come with him?  

Pero hindi ko naman na siguro malalaman yung outcome ng possibility na iyon. The only thing that I can do right now is to take care of the present—to take care of Jimin and her future, and I will do anything in my power to ensure that.  

I can’t help but stare at her in awe as she walks across the lush fields and plants and crops that are carefully planted and aligned across the fertile land. The wooden house that we’ve left behind has been renovated into a store for agricultural needs, and the pool that Tito Tobias had renovated had been turned into a proper clubhouse for the people to use.  

Even as I’ve noticed all those things, hindi ko pa rin maiwasan na titigan si Jimin ng mas matagal pa sa ilang segundo. She’s wearing my clothes, and it’s a little of a tight fit to her since she’s still taller than me ng medyo konti. It’s either hindi niya pansin na nakatitig lang ako or pansin niya at nagpapanggap lang siya, because she looks occupied with admiring the changes brought to her farm.  

Jiminjeong farm, the sign said—I still remember the look of cringe on Sinb and Yeji’s face when I suggested (forced) them to name the farm like that, and I see Jimin smile as she runs her thumb across the white paint of the sign.  

“Jiminjeong?” tanong niya, at hindi ko mapigilan na mamula dahil sa pagpuna niya dun sa sign. “Feel ko, ikaw ang may pakana nito. Right?” 

“Ano... I thought it was cute nung time na yun, pero feel ko lasing ako niyan—”  

“It’s cute,” Jimin giggles, and oh, how I miss hearing her laugh like this. “You don’t have to ramble on looking so nervous, Minjeong. Ang cute kaya.”  

“Okay,” I smile, and she moves to the crops as a girl I recognize moves to stop us from entering the fields.  

“Mga miss, bawal po kayo diyan—wait.”  

Chaewon narrows her eyes as she emerges from the agriculture shop, trying to see who we were as she walked to us. Kita ko rin si Minju na nakatao sa shop na lumabas pa rin, probably recognizing kung sino ba kami na bigla nalang nagtrespass dito sa farm na ‘to.  

“... Minjeong? Karina? Tangina, kayo ba ‘yan? , kayo nga!”  

Tumakbo na si Chaewon sa amin at agad akong niyakap. Nginitian ko na rin si Minju na dumiretso sa amin at unang niyakap si Jimin tapos ako. Agad na nila kaming hinatak papunta sa loob nung shop, na parang naging café na rin—siguro dahil sa pagsupervise ni Chaewon sa renovation, since alam kong siya ang naiwan dito.  

“Gagi... Ang tagal niyong bumalik! Jimin, sorry pinakielaman ko yung farm mo pero nagpaalam naman ako kay Miss Irene tsaka kay Ate Seulgi bago ako nangialam sa renovations! Tsaka ang saya magmanage ng café, promise!”  

“Calm down, jagi,” Minju says with a smile, immediately serving us cups of coffee and some pastries that are probably made from the local sources here. “You’re overwhelming them with your excitedness.”  

“Hindi ah! So, kamusta naman ang buhay niyo? Wait, are you two back together na ba?” 

Nakita kong nabulunan si Jimin bigla—dahil ba sa croissant, o sa tanong?—kaya agad ko siyang inabutan ng tubig at hinimas yung likod niya para kumalma siya. Bumulong siya ng thank you sa akin at ininom yung tubig, tapos nginitian niya si Chaewon na mukhang nag-alala din sa nangyari. 

“We aren’t back together,” Jimin says, and it makes my ears throb. “Nandito lang kami, magkasama cause of… some personal matters na kailangan namin ayusin.” 

“At least nandito kayo! Tagal niyo na din hindi nakakapunta dito, diba?” agad na pagsagot ni Chaewon, probably to stop the entire moment from being awkward. “Jimin, dapat bisitahin mo yung bagong zoo—” 

“There’s a zoo?” Agad naman nagliwanag yung mukha ni Jimin dahil doon. “Are there crocodiles in the zoo? Elephants? Tigers? Omg, We should go!” 

Ang cute. “Project ni Ate Seulgi iyon, and we sponsored it. Should we go there, Ji—Karina?” 

Napakamot ako sa batok ko. Hindi ko pa alam kung pwede ko siyang tawagin na Jimin sa harap ng mga kaibigan namin, kaya buti ay napigilan ko pa yung sarili ko kahit konti. Inubos niya na yung kape na inihain sa amin nila Minju at nagpaalam na kami. Mabilis akong lumabas nung café at naglakad papunta sa exit, at naramdaman ko na tahimik na sumusunod si Jimin sa akin. 

“I thought I told you na Jimin nalang ang itawag mo sa akin?” Jimin says with a small smile, siding up to me and matching my pace as we walked to the direction of the zoo. “Are you shy in front of our friends, hm?” 

“H-Hindi naman ako nahihiya sa kanila,” God, bakit ako nagstutter? “Sadyang ano lang… Uh, I don’t think I have earned that… ayun.” 

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Jimin smiles, at naramdaman ko ang kamay niyang humawak sa akin ng mahigpit. “Is it okay if we hold hands, then? I think you’ve earned that naman, pup.” 

Pup. Ayan nanaman siya sa mga nickname niya. Can’t say na hindi ako kinikilig, though. 

“Okay,” I said, smiling at her. “Tara, para makakita ka na ng crocodiles!” 

Hindi ko maiwasang tignan siya habang nilalakad namin yung daan papunta sa zoo. I guess there’s something about her that makes me want to look at her as long as I could, as long as I want. Dahil ba iyon sa sobrang daming time na hindi ko siya nakita?  

Or am I just getting ready to leave her, again?  

Tangina, hindi ko na alam.  

Basta masaya ako na nandito siya. Masaya akong kasama siya, at nararamdaman ko yung kasiyahan na iyon kapag hawak ko yung kamay niya at kapag nakikita ko siyang masaya.  

“You look so tense,” narinig kong sabi niya, pulling me close to her nung naramdaman niyang medyo bumagal yung paglalakad ko. “Relax. Ako lang naman ‘to... Where’s the intimidating Minjeong I met a week ago?”  

“H-Hindi naman ako iyon,” I said, my breath a little shaky as she moved even closer to me. “I... I had to be tough. Para masigurado ko na alam kong hindi mo ako babalikan ng ganun kadali.”  

Jimin raised her brow at me. “What do you mean by that? Tell me, what would you have done if I told you yes when you offered me that deal, Minjeong?”  

Nag-isip ako sandali. Oo, pumasok ako sa building ng Jang Industries at nakipagmeet kay Jimin knowing na hindi siya papayag sa kahit ano mang iooffer ko sa kanya, pero paano kung pumayag siya? Would everything change, or would everything just repeat again?  

Over and over again? 

Tama... Somehow, there’s a sense na parang paulit-ulit lang din na nangyayari halos lahat ng naranasan namin.  

Kay Mama, kay Kihoon, pati na kay Tito Lito.  

Si Tita Jooyoung, si Jeonghun Bae, Younghoon Jeong tsaka si Thomas Yoo.  

Ako, si Jimin, si Jeno, si Jaemin.  

Would it all ever change, then?