CHAPTER TWENTY THREE: SPECIAL CHAPTER #2

May Not Be Meant To Be

[ Seulgi’s. ]

What can I even say about Irene Joohyun Bae?

First of all siguro, she’s commonly known as the cold, stoic and unyielding Irene Bae—ang CEO ng Bae Industries, and she had to prove herself by hook or by crook to the people who coveted the spot that she inherited from her equally stoic and intimidating father, Jeonghun Bae.

She’s equally coveted as she was envied—maraming lalake ang nagtry na hulihin ang puso niya, pero iisa lang naman ang nakakuha noon. 

Secondly, she’s Irene Bae, eldest sister to the controversial at laging naiinvolve sa mga issue about the different fathers that they had—it’s the reason why she’s always been so independent, strong and steadfast in her own principles, because she was expected to do so as the eldest. 

To me, she is the sweet, kind and almost vulnerable Joohyun Bae. The girl who showed a different side of hers to me, the girl who loved me as much as I loved her—pero hindi kami pinalad ng tadhana at ng distansya dahil alam kong hinding hindi niya maibibigay ang lahat sa akin. 

Simula pa lang, sinabi ko na sa kanya na hindi namin kakayanin ang distansya ng limang oras mula sa San Lazaro hanggang dito. Hindi rin naman ako pwedeng lumipat doon kahit gusto ko—the incident with Minjeong just happened, at ako rin ang nag-aalaga kay Chaewon since inabandona na kami ng mga magulang namin dito. 

Pareho kaming may mga responsibilidad na dapat naming asikasuhin. We had no time—thinking about it, yung mga moments namin together ay ninakaw lang namin mula sa pagbabakasyon niya dito—that had to be cut short when she started to learn about her father’s business, and soon the little moments we had never occurred again.

Pero pinarating ko naman sa kanya na siya lang ang iibigin ko—she did the same, and we treated every moment and every memory like it was the last. 

Her father never knew about our relationship—he never needed to know, and I understood kung bakit kinailangang isecret ni Joohyun ang relasyon naming dalawa because she’s going to lose everything if our relationship gets exposed—kahit bare minimum, nasanay at nakuntento na lang ako sa kahit katiting na atensyon na binibigay niya sa akin through the years. 

But thank you Lord that her grandfather decided to give everything to the youngest child—somehow, nagkaroon ako ng pagkakataon na makasama si Joohyun kahit pansamantala lang ulit, even if it’s just taking advantage of Katarina Jimin Yoo. 

“How do you have the strength to wait for me kahit sobrang tagal?” 

Tinanong mo sa akin iyon one night nung nagstay ako sa San Lazaro pansamantala to talk to Ate Taeyeon—ilang beses ko nang napag-isipan kung ano bang isasagot ko kapag nagtanong ka ng ganyan, pero parang nawawala sa isip ko lahat ng premeditated answers that I’ve held onto through time. 

“Because you’re worth it,” maiksi kong sagot, and all I want is for your smile to stay that way. “Kahit maghintay pa ako ng sobrang tagal, gagawin ko.” 

Maybe it’s because she’s the one I had known the most? Because I don’t want to love someone else but her? 

Or is it because waiting for her kahit na walang kasiguraduhan had always been so constant in my life that I would feel different if I didn’t? 

“May times na parang napagod ako,” pag-explain ko sa kanya habang naupo muna siya sa kama ng ipapagamit niyang kwarto sa akin habang nag-stay ako dito. “May times na parang gusto ko nang sumuko, but then I remember…” 

“Remember what?” 

“I remember that I want to have a life that only exists to love you endlessly rather than have a life that wouldn’t.” 

It was the first night in such a long while na tinabihan mo ako matulog. Immediately my mind went back to the version of us when we were eighteen, when your mother let me sleep in your room after a storm and we hugged each other until we slept—

Now we were older—you’re already almost 32, and I’m 29—pero bakit ganun pa rin kalakas ang nararamdaman ko para sa’yo? 

It didn’t even change. Not one bit. 

I still feel my heart beating so loudly like it could burst as you hug me tight, at kahit na napupuno ang isip ko ng doubt at takot na baka hindi mo na ako ganun kamahal katulad ng dati, parang nawala lahat iyon when you hugged me tight and once again, everything is worth it.