CHAPTER TWENTY: SPECIAL CHAPTER #1

Sweet Nothings or Nothing at All 

 

[ Author’s Note: A break from winrina angst fluff? Love square yarn? ]

 

[ Kazuha’s. ]

 

There is a girl I like. 

 

She’s a team leader in a department that I had been transferred to a month after landing a regular spot in a food and entertainment related business, where we were in charge of management of promotions for products and even promotion for idols under the same management. 

 

Life was good—the pay was better than the former department I was in, and the people I worked with was nice and we even had lunch together before we worked to the end of shift. 

 

But then, upon everyone else that was working there, my eyes were specifically drawn onto the black haired girl who suddenly appeared blonde after the weekend, certainly making an impression on me and the others who had always found her unique and confident enough to be team leader after just five months of working there. 

 

Huh Yunjin—she told me once that she had a Jennifer in her name—was a striking force that must have been sent by the heavens above to wreak havoc in my life. 

 

Truly, that must be the case. 

 

While I was described as a calm sea, Yunjin was a chaotic storm—though I welcomed that storm wholeheartedly in my life, and I knew that she was someone I had stronger feelings with—for a period of time, I thought that she reciprocated back because it was no secret that she favored me most out of everyone. 

 

Hindi pala. 

 

She had her eyes on someone else—a cute girl with a bobbed haircut and bangs, and when she told me that she liked that girl I realized that Yunjin’s office crush had been staring at me too long whenever we’re having lunch as a team, and she always smiled at me with those rosy cheeks that I knew was a blush. 

 

Chaewon Kim. 

 

Yunjin’s crush had a crush on me. 

 

How cruel could fate even be? 

 

It was a cruel joke. I knew that Yunjin favored me over everyone else, but it was only just as a friend—it certainly hurt hearing her rant about Chaewon’s attraction to a certain someone—she didn’t want to know who that someone was, so she didn’t know it was me—and it certainly didn’t help that Chaewon was the nicest girl I’ve ever met. 

 

There was another one in the picture—Yunjin told me this, since she somehow wanted to know every rival she had except me—Minju Kim, the silent yet mysterious and definitely intimidating worker near Chaewon’s post that we spent lunch with a couple of times, but she wasn’t really noticeable—at least by my eyes. 

 

It spent almost my entire being not to be so obvious about everything I’ve been feeling and noticing sa office—after all, alam ko kung sino ang may gusto sa isa at kung sino ang gusto ng iba—and Yunjin’s natural affection towards even her friends made it harder for me to avoid falling for her even further. 

 

Then that day came. 

 

I was actually surprised that Chaewon built up the courage to approach me and ask me to come with her in a trip to San Lorenzo's—I had come with her several times sa San Juan just so I could evaluate her personality, and for her to invite me on a trip she really must have thought we were close.

 

Nevertheless, inaccept ko yung invitation niya out of politeness as well as me needing a well deserved break—hindi ko nga lang inexpect na Yunjin and Minju would invite themselves to the already crowded party.

 

Yunjin even offered me and Minju a ride papuntang San Juan—I naturally agreed, of course, but Minju declined—understandable, since she knew that Yunjin had been staring heart eyes at the girl she liked.

 

This was the night that I had been waiting for—fate seemed to work right in my favor since Minjeong Kim, Chaewon's sweet cousin, arranged the rooms for the four of us and grouped me with Yunjin while Chaewon was with Minju.

 

I wanted to confess to her, but I was just putting it off since I was nervous and didn't want to lose the friendship I had with her. 

 

We were already best friends—would it hurt to be something a little more than that?

 

I wished fervently on the stars that night that I'd have at least a little chance with her kahit na alam kong si Chaewon talaga ang gusto niya—even if I didn't, I still wanted to confess to her since it would drive me crazy if I didn't.

 

I didn't even care if she treated me as a safe option since what matters is if she'd choose me at the end—tsaka feelings change. Her feelings might change since positive ako na hindi siya gusto ni Chaewon, and I'd be waiting for her to realize that.

 

But for that night, I needed her to know.

 

"Yunjin," I called out as she's standing on the balcony, looking at the beach from where we were staying. "Yunjin, pwede ka bang makausap?"

 

She smiles at me, and I wonder if I could back out while I still could. Never.

 

"Zuha, 'di ba sabi ko sa'yo na we shouldn't discuss work matters when we're at vacation—"

 

"That's not what I was wanting to have a conversation with you about," I said, and she tilted her head as she entered the room again, standing a few meters away. "It's… It's something else."

 

"Ano yun?" she says, laughing. "May crush ka na din ba kay Chaewon?"

 

She wasn't laughing anymore as I didn't laugh at her joke, the laugh turning into a frown.

 

"I-I mean, hindi naman kita pipigilan kung may crush ka rin sa kanya. Siguro, let's just be friendly rivals pa rin—"

 

"It's not Chaewon that I like," I said, and there is a cold sweat that appears at my nape when she sighs in relief.

 

"Jusko, buti naman. Akala ko may bago nanaman akong kalaban—"

 

"It's you." I said, as fast as I could, and I wanted to turn away so I wouldn't see her reaction but I couldn't.

 

"A-Ano?"

 

"You're the one that I like," I said, repeating it again even if there are daggers that stab my heart as I scan her face for a reaction and find nothing. "Not Chaewon, not Minju. Ikaw ang gusto ko, Yunjin."

 

There is a silence that awkwardly settles between the both of us. I finally turned away from her as I sat frozen in that spot, while I could feel her staring at me.

 

"Oh," is all she says after almost five minutes, followed by a shaky "Kazuha…" that breaks my heart in pieces.

 

Alam ko naman na ang kasunod.

 

But why does it still hurt so bad?

 

"I know you don't… like me back," I said, already speaking for her just because I know it. "You don't have to. I just have to get it out of my chest, and nothing should change—"

 

"Since when?" she asks, and there is a default answer that leaves my lips even before I think about it.

 

"I like to think that I liked you since the day I transferred to your department, Yunjin."

 

"Edi nung nagrarant ako tungkol kay Chaewon…" she trails off, and she covers in shock as I nod at that.

 

"It hurt a little…" a lot. "...but it was manageable. Huwag ka mag-alala, I wouldn't stop you naman from pursuing her kasi siya yung gusto mo—"

 

"Give me time," Yunjin says, and before I could even stop her from walking out of the door she already turned the knob and got out. 

 

"Yunjin—"

 

"You're special to me, Zuha," she says, a faint smile on her lips. 

 

"But I don't think I can reciprocate what you feel for me right now."

 

With the way her tone lingers, I feel like there's something else.

 

"Is… Is that all?"

 

Yunjin grins, though it has a mixture of her usual silliness and sadness in between.

 

"Maybe?"

 

As she shuts the door, there is nothing that comes after that—no tears, no sadness, nothing of the sort.

 

Well, maybe there is one thing. 

 

Hope.

 

Waiting, huh?

 

I don't like it…

 

But I guess it will do for now?

 

 

 

[ Yunjin's. ]

 

There is a feeling of hollowness when you see that the one you like clearly likes someone else. 

 

Magulo, 'di ba?

 

Ewan ko rin.

 

Basta ang alam ko nung una, that night, may gusto sa akin si Kazuha na hindi ko naman marereciprocate. Paano? Eh si Chaewon ang gusto ko? 

 

Kaysa naman pilitin ko na gustuhin siya pabalik kahit na ayaw ko, 'di ba? Mas masasaktan siya pag ganun. 

 

For now, I have to sort things out—that includes talking to Chaewon, para malaman ko kung gusto ko ba siya talaga or I just really like her in a superficial sense—ang ganda niya kasi eh. 

 

What's there not to like?

 

Anyways, alam kong nasa fourth floor ata yung kwarto nila (3rd floor kasi kami) kaya nagpasya akong sumakay ng elevator. Pagbukas naman nung pinto, nakita ko si Karina (?) at Minjeong (?) na naghiwalay mula sa isa't isa ng nagmamadali—kita ko na namumula sila pareho, so I kind of know what they're doing.

 

"Floor?" I ask Karina who's visibly flushed while pursing her lips. 

 

"7th, please."

 

Pinindot ko na yung 4th at 7th floor, at di nagtagal pa ay bumukas na yung pinto ng elevator for my floor. 

 

"Tip lang, ingat kayo. May CCTV sa elevators, you might want to be careful with that." I said, at kita ko na nahiya ng konti yung Minjeong (?) habang si Karina naman ay natatawa lang.

 

"Will do, Yunjin. Thank you!"

 

Naglakad na ako papunta sa room nila (413 ata yun, base sa pagkakarinig ko) at dumiretso na doon. When I got there, however, pansin ko na nakabukas yung pinto nila. Hindi nilock?

 

Curiosity got the better of me as I opened the door, at  hinding hindi ko makakalimutan yung  nakita ko nung moment na iyon—especially since alam kong parang nadudurog yung puso ko ng konti. 

 

As soon as I open the door,  I see Chaewon and Minju at the balcony—Chaewon pulls Minju close and kisses her softly, and all I could do is close the door as silent as I could and run away from that place. 

 

I ran away from there as fast as I could—hopefully, hindi sana nila napansin na nandun ako or else I would have wished that I sunk underneath the depths, but now I wish differently. 

 

Sana, maalis na ‘tong feelings ko agad. 

 

Para matapos na ‘to? 

 

Ano pa bang use na magdwell ako into this feeling when I clearly saw them kissing underneath the stars? 

 

Ako dapat yun eh… 

 

Joke. 

 

Even if it’s already so selfish of me to do this, napagpasyahan kong bumalik sa kwarto namin ni Kazuha—when I open the door I see her leaning back into the couch, sleeping soundly like she didn’t drop such a huge confession on me a few minutes earlier. 

 

I stare at her for a little longer bago ko napagpasyahan na kunin yung kumot mula sa kwarto namin at ipinatong iyon sa kanya, tapos mabilis ko siyang binuhat para dalhin na sa kama so she could sleep properly. 

 

Mukhang medyo malikot yung pagbuhat ko, since as I dropped her as gentle as I could down the bed her eyes were already half open. 

 

“...nakatulog ba ako? Sorry…” 

 

“It’s okay,” nakangiti kong sabi habang inalis ko na yung kamay ko sa likod niya, but she grabs my wrist and stubbornly holds onto it. “Matulog ka na, it looks like you got tired playing volleyball kanina.” 

 

“I’m not tired yet…” she says, and has she ever looked so cute like this?

 

Wait, scratch that. 

 

She is cute, hindi ko lang siguro napapansin. 

 

“We can talk, if you want…” she says, though I can clearly see her yawning and stretching her limbs as she hugs the covers I put on her. 

 

“What’s there to talk about?” I ask, deciding to sit down next to her. 

 

“You…? Saan ka ba kasi nagpunta?” 

 

I smiled at her. 

 

“None of your business, Zuha—”

 

“You look like you just got hurt,” she says, staring straight at me as she still did not let go of my hand. “Are you okay?” 

 

No is what I wanted to answer, but all that comes out from that is an unsure “Yes.” 

 

“Sure?”