16 Inside the car (WangXian)

How did you get into my life?
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Wei WuXian complied to his  freshly gained boyfriend's request to take their relationship slower as too many steps were skipped directly to the level.
That's why the handsome accountant invited his flat mate to have their first date, after his working hours.
He knew that Wang Ji would be busy looking for a job like he's usually every day, therefore they established to wait for each other at the BJYXSZD Cafe starting with 6PM, regardless who would be the first one to arrive and for how long he would have to wait for the other one.

WuXian wanted to impress his lover with a completely different image from the ones he saw him until now, so he took a rapid shower before getting dressed into a black glittering silk shirt, black  branded trousers and the fancy black fedora he bought one day  out of a momentary impulse and never got the chance to wear.
He gelled his hair with fringes in a messy, but still a studied messy style, and emphasized his big eyes with a bit of black eyeliner and a soft gray eyeshadow.

"Yeah, babe, you smell like !", he grinned in satisfaction, high fiving his reflection from the lobby big mirror, before grabbing his car key and exiting the apartment.



He was the first to arrive at the cafe, but he barely ordered a coffee, and the bell from the front door had already announced the customer he was waiting for.
Even though his boyfriend was happily waving to him, with a wide smile stretched from one ear to another, WuXian still got worried at his abnormal way of walking.

"Why do you walk so weirdly, are you injured, is your leg still aching?",  he asked,  hurrying tio stand up to hold the chair for the limping boy.




Wang Ji pecked his cheeks  and  showed his gums in a wide smile he knew that his boyfriend loves it so much:
"Nothing as such, I just dislike when...come closer to whisper to your ear, ha, ha!",  he laughed at the other's still worried face, and continued: "I really dislike when I don't wear  underwear and my...you know... are sticking to my leg like that. That's why I was walking funny, I was just trying to unstick my balls from my leg. 
Sorry for getting you worried and I apologize for embarrassing you with my confession, but you asked and I had no better idea but telling you the truth."

"Why don't you wear underwear?", WuXian whispered back.

"After showering, I  checked out the time and I was afraid that I'd be too late, and I was also afraid to let such a gorgeous man sitting here alone and available.
You look stunning,  baobei!
I don't deserve you..."

"Agree, you don't! 
Because you would deserve better than me."

"So, you are not only gorgeous, but cheesy, too, I love this combination. 
Thank you  babe for dating me.", Wang Ji smiled, his eyes  searching for the bartender to order a coffee for himself, too.

"Speaking of cheesy, I am really hungry.
Don't drink coffee, we need to eat something before, I only ordered one for me, just to have something on the table while waiting for you.
I thought that you would take longer , it never crossed my mind that you would be in such a big hurry that you would forget to put your underwear on, ha, ha.
Sounds funny, but y, at the same time!", WuXian wiggled  his brows, the other's thigh underneath the table.

"Where should we eat? Would you like something in particular to eat?", he asked, paying for his coffee at the bar before leading his date to the exit door.

"To be honest I'd like to try the new coriander ice cream I  kept hearing about, but only after eating some real food. I always was curious about that famous Taco thingy, but never got to try it."

"Okay, so taco will be, then we could serve the ice cream while watching a nice movie at a drive-in cinema I know, which I haven't visited since my teenage age.
I hope it's still there."

"Did you watch a movie with your first lover, back then?", JiJi asked, curious to know more about his boyfriend.

"You really amaze me, sometimes even scare me, ha, ha. How did you know?
Now, I really hope the cinema is still there, because it would be a great time loop, from my first love to my last love.", Wei WuXian smiled, stealing a quick kiss from his lover, before opening the car door and holding it for him  like a real gentleman treating his lady.



"I hope it will not be a too boring movie. There are only a few cars, but it looks almost the same as 10 years ago.
Now I realize how much of an old I am, maybe it's about time to settle down, he, he!", WuXian chuckled, stuffing his mouth with a full bite of ice cream, while peeking at his seatmate who was sensually the outer part of his ice cream cone.

"I am so stuffed!
I shouldn't have  eaten so much burrito and all that stuff.
Even though coriander is my favorite, I thought that an ice cream with that flavor would be weird. But it's delicious,  I love it!
Tomorrow I have that important audition and I will not be able to dance properly with all these calories inside of me!
But I still can't stop from eating this ice cream, dammit!", JiJi shouted, before  wrapping again his wide open mouth around  the ice cream cone.

"Damn baby take it easy, you look like you are about to that cone, ha, ha!
You have a cute ice cream mustache that  screams at me to be away.",  WuXian spoke, in a suddenly whispered voice, taking the  cone from the other's hands and placing it next to his on the plastic plate from the dashboard.

The ice cream from JiJi's mouth slid down his throat in a high speed when WuXian's face came increasingly closer 



They have already kissed and even had countless times, but this would practically be their first kiss, considering it was occurring during their first date.
No wonder  that Wang Ji got very emotional, his hands shaking when trusting in WuXian's styled hair. No wonder that his heart was pounding like a drum in his chest.


Oh, their first kiss! So, so romantic!
The moment their lips met in a soft touch like a butterfly wing puff, it felt amazing, it felt heavenly, it felt...
A sharp, shooting pain, feeling a lot like dying right there and right then!
It was a gas striking in his stomach, fighting to find its way outside.
No way to let it happen!
Especially not now at his first date with the man of his dreams, especially not now when this gorgeous man he's being in love with, was trying to kiss him!
God damned his brilliant idea to eat at Taco Bells! And eating ice cream after that  was even more brilliant!
While fighting with the farting demons to not take over his body, his mind was recalling what he read somewhere and sometime: milk, ice cream, too,  contain a big amount of lactose!
If LACTOSE would be forced to go to Fart Court, it'd be guilty on all counts!
At least he, Wang Ji, is not like other  individuals who can't even tolerate lactose, so his intestines will not explode like theirs!
But he remembered what that article said about the  individuals who can tolerate it: their farts could burn holes in thin cloth. Thank God, he forgot to put his underwear on and thank God jeans are made from a very resistant denim!

Not to make a scene, he backed away from the kiss and told WuXian that he was suddenly feeling not too well, and wanted to go home.

On the way home, WuXian held his cold hand, worriedly wiped the beads of cold sweat from his forehead, and asked him a lot of questions, but JiJi wasn't having any of it.

The pain was so bad that it felt like he was being stabbed with a bunch  of tiny forks.

Oh, God, help him!
He realized that he had a horrendous fart on deck.
Wang Ji was in trouble!
Big trouble!
The more he held it, the more pain would shoot through his stomach and down his trembling legs.

"Seriously, you need to hurry, I am in a lot of pain!", he managed to say through gritted teeth while raising himself off from the seat and gripping onto his door and dashboard.

"Woah, baobei, it's that bad? Should I take you to a hospital?"




How to tell  a man you had just started dating that the reason you are writhing in pain is because you have to fart?
Well, you have two options: 1) tell him, or like JiJi did, 2) let the fart speak by itself.

There was nothing he could do!
As impressive as he considered himself with a great sphincter control, this issue got out of his hands!
Slowly, it eked out...the more he tried to stop it, the more it forced its way through the door.

However, to JiJi's pleasant surprise, there was no sound.
He sat there silently with sweat accumulating on his upper lip.

Okay, maybe he got away with it!

Then it hit him!
Not an idea, but a cloud.
A horrific fart cloud!
Not in a "am I smelling something?", sort of way.
More like a "is someone dead and rotting in your trunk and I'm in hell?", sort of way.

Panicked Wang Ji screamed like in a horror movie scene:
"Roll down the windows!

Why?!", WuXian freaked out.

"I can't roll down the window!
It's locked!

"What's going on?", WuXian yelled  back.
"Why are you..."

Then it hit him!

JiJi could see it in his eyes.
Was it surprise?

Water started to accumulate at the base of his eyelids... 

"Oh my God, I CAN TASTE IT!", XianXian screamed.

"Roll down the windows!", as JiJi was screaming, the toots started to flood out uncontrollably.

He scratched and clawed at the windows like he was being kidnapped.

WuXian, unable to see either by fart cloud or panic,  kept turning on the windshield's wipers instead of unlocking the windows.

It was chaos.
They were acting like they were under siege by gun fire.


Finally he was able to hit the right control, and he rolled down their windows.
Both of them gulped eagerly at the fresh air.

Wang Ji was horrified, yet happy he was alive.
Then he remembered he just farted on the man of his dreams on the

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