big mistakes, hurtful lies

"This is where I saw you for the first time, did you know that?" Seolhee says and Baekhyun looks at her in confusion. "Well, I mean not here, of course. We weren't even here when we- Okay, I mean not in this rooftop but our school building's rooftop,"

     "Really? I didn't know,"

     "Yeah, you were smoking your cigarette like the bad boy that you are- I mean were. You were leaning forward exactly like you're doing now,"

     Baekhyun gives her a smug look. "Why? Are you disappointed? Do you want me to be a bad boy again?"

     Seolhee chuckles at Baekhyun's teasing. "Nah, I'm fine with whatever you are today."

     "That's nice, coming from you," Baekhyun says.

     "What do you mean by that?"

     "Back then I felt like you were always trying to change me. Although I know you were doing that for the better,"

     "Really? You never told me that,"

     "Yeah, I guess I never had the chance to,"

     As the atmosphere was getting too serious, Seolhee gives a light smile as they look at each other. Then Seolhee leans on the half wall, looking at the view of Seoul from the hospital's rooftop.

     "Well, I'm not gonna try to change you back. Plus, being a bad boy at your big age?" Seolhee shakes her head. "Honestly, it doesn't fit you anymore," and then Baekhyun laughs with her.

     "So much has changed, hasn't it?" Baekhyun says.

     "Yeah. You've changed so much, Baekhyun,"

     Hearing her say his name with that gentle voice, Baekhyun couldn't keep his heartbeat from accelerating. It's not "Dr. Byun" which sounded a little too formal for him; neither was it "Baekhyun" with a hint of grudge in it. It was just plain old Baekhyun that she used to call him.

     "Yeah, I did. You too, Seol. You look incredible,"

     Seolhee didn't reply to that. She doesn't know what else to say.

     "You can ask me questions, Seol. I know you have a lot," Baekhyun says.

     Seolhee gives herself a minute or two, sorting out her emotions, clearing her thoughts, trying not to get herself so invested with this talk. Because she knows that if she did, if she gets too involved, she will get too attached, and she's not sure if she can put herself through that same attachment with Baekhyun all over again.

     Seolhee clears . And with all the courage she can gather, she asks, "What changed, Baekhyun? What made you decide you wanted to have a kid?" And immediately, she feels like the weight of the world on her shoulders is starting to get lighter.

     It's a question that she's been holding back from asking Baekhyun. Whenever she would hear him talk about his daughter among his co-interns, or when she would hear him call her on the phone on duty, she would get the sudden urge to ask that question and it took all of her energy to hold it back.

     "I..." Baekhyun exhales. "I knew you were going to ask that question, and I've tried preparing myself to answer that but there's no concrete answer to that, Seol. At least nothing that makes sense comes up,"

     "I wanna ask who she is that made you change your mind about kids, but you know what? I feel like it's better for me to know nothing about it," Seolhee swallows the lump in . "Plus, I'm happy for you. Dahyun is so lucky to have you, Baekhyun," she says and she never realized how hard it was to say that. Was she really happy for him?

     A part of her wanted to punch him in the guts, tell her that Dahyun could have been their child, she could have been with him after all this time. A small part of her heart is still breaking while the greater half grew up and moved on, and she wants to keep it that way.

     "Seol, I'm sorry,"

     "No, you don't have to be," Seolhee replies, assuring her with a light squeeze on his arm. "It's okay. It's been a long time, really. We've both moved on. It's just so nice to talk to you again, is all,"

     Baekhyun puts his hand over her hand that's on his arm and he looks at her. Then he smiles a sad smile.

     "I just really wish I didn't let you go that easily, Seol,"

     And that's all it took for Seolhee's heart to ache for him once again. "No it's okay, I was the one who let go first," Seolhee has to clear or Baekhyun would sense the trembling of her voice. "Oh," she checks her wristwatch. "I have a really important meeting in 15 minutes. I'll see you later, Baekhyun," she says, a lie, her schedule is clear until the afternoon, like Baekhyun has said. She smiles at him, gently letting her hand slip from his grasp before walking away, not looking back, fighting with all her might not to.

Seolhee is a wreck. Baekhyun has messed her up. Everything was so hazy in her mind that she was not thinking clearly. All she knew was she needed a distraction.

     And then the next moment, she's calling Hoseok, and now they're entering an on-call room, locking the door behind them and quickly making out.

     "Are you alright?" Hoseok asks upon noticing that Seolhee isn't herself. She's not usually aggressive and she likes to take things slow, not like what she's doing right now. "Yeah, why?" she lies again.

     "Nothing. I just- I just don't think it's right for us to be doing this," when Hoseok says that, Seolhee stops kissing his neck.

     "What? Why?"

     "Well, you're clearly not okay and I feel like I'm just going to take advantage of you if I agree to do this. Or, maybe I feel like you're taking advantage of me because you're not okay and you need to be," Hoseok says, trying not to sound too serious to not upset Seolhee.

     "You're right," she replies, backing away. "I'm sorry," Seolhee takes a seat at one of the beds and puts her hands on her face. "I'm sorry,