a beg from a beating heart

Seolhee is running as fast as she can, not minding all the people she's bumping into.

     "Dr. Shin, she coded two times today," one of the nurses says, and then he gives way for Seolhee to check up on Tahee.

     The little girl's face is pale as she sleeps. "Let's get her into the ICU. I'll monitor her for the rest of the day," Seolhee orders the team. 

     She sits on one of the chairs and watched as the nurses take Tahee away. She removes the cap that she used as she had just gotten out of a surgery. On her way to follow Tahee to the ICU, she throws her cap on one of the bins.

     "Dr. Seol?" Tahee calls a few minutes later. "Can I have a glass of water, please?" her voice small and fragile.

     Seolhee stands up without a word, she goes straight to the water dispenser, grabs a paper cup, fills it, and goes back to Tahee.

     "What happened, Doc Seol?" she asks.

     Seolhee holds Tahee's little hands. "Your heart just got tired for a little. But it's okay now, we woke it up," she smiles at the chubby girl and pats her hair.

     "Where are mom and dad? Do they know?"

     "Yes, they know. They're on their way, just finishing some things for work." 

     Upon saying that, Tahee leans back and lets out a heavy sigh. "I wish they were more present here, Doc Seol." she sadly says. "They're always working, they don't have time for me anymore. My heart is giving out and I can't even make the best of it,"

     Seolhee's heart broke at the young girl's statement. "You know that they're not often around because they are working hard to help you live a longer life, right?" Tahee nods. "Plus, you're going to get a brand new heart soon, I'll do my best to give you a new heart soon, Tahee,"

     "But..." Tahee pouts.

     "But what?"

     "But I don't want a new heart. Can't you just repair it, Doc Seol?"

     "I tried that, didn't I?" Seolhee replies, softly pointing to Tahee's chest. "But when I saw your heart, it said to me 'Doc Seol, can you just replace me instead? I'm kinda tired and Tahee's a very energetic girl, I can't take it anymore'," finally, Tahee laughs.

     "Can I tell you something else, Doc Seol?"

     "Sure,"

     Tahee takes a deep breath, as if she's about to reveal a mindblowing fact to the doctor. "I searched how I can get a new heart, Doc," the girl says, her gloomy mood is back again. "For me to get a new heart, someone has to die, right?"

     Seolhee was taken aback. She merely stares at the girl whose eyes are on the verge of tears. "But I don't want anyone to die just for me to live, Doc Seol," she says, quickly bursting into sobs. "I don't ever want that. But did you know that every night, my parents are praying to God to give me a new heart? But God has to kill someone else for me to have that, right?"

     Seolhee bites her lips, unable to find the right words to say to the little girl. She's been in this profession for years, and in those years she managed to master the human anatomy except the human emotions. She doesn't know how to tell a dying little girl that everything will be alright. She can't tell a little girl that she would do anything to save her life, even if it meant taking someone else's heart.

     "Doc Seol, can't you just give me a pig's heart instead? Every night, when mom and dad are praying for my new heart, it also means they're praying for someone else to die,"

     "No, honey, of course not," Seolhee extends her hand to wipe Tahee's tears. "Death is a natural part of life, Tahee. No matter how sad and hurtful it is, people are gonna die, and we can't do anything about it unless it's treatable. If we can treat it, then we will, that's my job and that's what I'm doing with you. Do you understand?" Seolhee sits beside the girl's bed and pulls her into a hug. The girl sobs even more loudly. Seolhee soothes her back and kisses the top of her head. "We're not wishing for anyone's death here, okay? We're just giving you a chance for a longer, happier, and healthier life. Do you understand me, Tahee-ah?" she says, very gently, like a mother's touch to her newborn.

     "Yes Doc Seol," she feels Tahee nodding.