is it really your anxiety
that stops you from giving me everything?
or do you just not want to?

Baekhyun turns to the other side of the bed for the fourth time since he laid there ten minutes ago. Just two days ago, when he saw Seolhee with her most recent ex-boyfriend, he was so determined to keep going, pursue Seolhee no matter what. He was so sure he could keep going until he wasn't.

     When he saw Seolhee with Taehyun again this morning, they were in the cafeteria sitting so close together. They were leaning on Seolhee's laptop and it took everything for Baekhyun not to walk up to them and pry his shoulder that was touching hers. It was infuriating, intimidating, and at the same time, confusing. She had no problem going around the hospital with him, even hugging him, and she doesn't seem to worry about how it might spread rumors (which are already spreading like wildfire among their colleagues). But she can't even get one lunch with him.

     Baekhyun understands. Or Baekhyun tries to understand as much as he can. He knows how it would tarnish her reputation as a doctor with the higher position, but would it really?

     Now it's midnight and he still hasn't gotten any sleep. Less than an hour from now, he is sure to be paged again. He needed to rest but he couldn't. Baekhyun lays flat on his back and ruffles his already messy hair. "I can't do this anymore," he whispers and sighs.

All the while Baekhyun is thinking about her, Seolhee wonders why Baekhyun hadn't talked to her the whole day. Was he that busy? With her chin resting on her palm, Seolhee scans the most recent study about 3D-printed organs. No matter how many times she read the paragraph over and over, she can't take anything in. Her mind is fleeting to the thoughts of Byun Baekhyun and how he goes to work with his hair all gelled up, exposing his forehead. And how he would end his shift with a tousled one that covers his eyebrows. She thinks about how Baekhyun would run his hand through his hair and it would part in the middle, leaving curtain strands on each side. He looked so goddamn good.

     When she gets a grasp on reality, Seolhee shakes her head to get rid of her thoughts altogether. Realizing that she wouldn't understand any of the studies no matter how hard she tries, Seolhee grabs the paper and puts it on the pile on top of her printer. She opens her laptop to complete the presentation for her speech a few days from now. This morning, she consulted Taehyung with the outline of her presentation and they made minor changes to fit the target audience. While Seolhee is very good with kids, she's still having a hard time being relatable to young adults.

The next day, Seolhee felt Baekhyun was avoiding her. Does it have something to do with Taehyung? Probably. It was just weird to her that Baekhyun wasn't saying anything to her. He seemed fine the other day.

     Baekhyun has been spending more time with Dr. Jung in neuro and while she doesn't have anything against that, in fact, she's happy that Baekhyun is finding a field he liked, she can't help but miss his presence.

     But now's not the time to be a kid in love. Because now, more and more kids are being diagnosed with hepatitis. Yesterday, was Ryeju, a six-year-old boy who seemed like a healthy boy until one day, he started vomiting, and suffered from abdominal pain, and dehydration. When he was sent to the emergency room, Seolhee immediately spotted his yellowing eyes and ordered some tests to check his liver.

     Today, another kid came in with the same symptoms, same yellowing eyes. And that was when Seolhee knew it wasn't some coincidence that two kids came in a day apart with the same condition. She immediately requested for the kids, the nurses in contact, and the parents to be quarantined and tested; including her.

     Although they were all vaccinated against the said disease, it may still be contagious so they proceeded with the measures to ensure the safety of other people in the hospital. It wasn't that much of a big deal, the situation was handled carefully and immediately. Apparently, for Baekhyun, it was.

     He came running to the pediatrics ward once he heard the news of the possible virus going around the hospital. And that Dr. Shin was quarantined with them. His loud footsteps disturbed the quiet in the room. The huge room was shielded with huge plexiglass and a thick transparent plastic dividing Seolhee and the kid on the bed.

     Baekhyun's eyes land on the kid first and then on Seolhee who was sitting on the floor, hugging her legs. She just looked up to find Baekhyun panting. She's wearing a mask and a protective suit so he can only see her eyes. She looks like she just woke up with her red and tired eyes.

     Baekhyun breathes in and out a little and says, "Are you okay?" Seolhee nods in reply, still a little out of it. "Good," Baekhyun nods and walks backward. "Good, okay. I'm going back to work now... Unless you need something?"

     Seolhee remains still in her position, still looking up at him. "No," she shakes her head. "Thanks,"

     Baekhyun lets out a loud sigh and Seolhee thought she was just seeing things when she caught Baekhyun glaring at her. So was he mad? Was she just imagining it?

     Moments later, a doctor in infectious disease, who Seolhee had never talked to before, came into the room with her lab results. Thankfully, she wasn't infected and was let out of the room.

     The rest of the day was spent communicating with other hospitals about the possible hepatitis outbreak. Along with the infectious disease experts and pediatricians in the hospitals, the chief of the hospital also relayed the message to the government. The next morning, the news stations were reporting it. More and more children were coming to the hospital to get vaccinated.

     During the morning, Seolhee works with other healthcare professionals in the distribution of the vaccines. At 3 PM, she's back on doing rounds to her patients and performing operations. By midnight, it would be an understatement if she says she was exhausted.

     She hadn't got the chance to talk to Baekhyun at all and three days already passed. When you're on duty like that, you usually lose track of time. It's always a question of whether the sky outside is orange because it's still rising or because it's already setting.

     She goes to her office and decides to lay a blanket and sleep on the floor. When you're that exhausted, it doesn't even matter. She wants a full eight hours and undisturbed sleep and she couldn't possibly get that in the on-call rooms where everyone's going in and out from time to time. She has to get her rest. Tomorrow, she has to meet Taehyun at the said high school and encourage some girls to become doctors.

"You ready?" Taehyun looks to his side where Seolhee is wearing her white coat on top of he