see you around
INEVITABLE (KRYBER)"i see you are packing now."
amber turns to the voice and sees the same bald woman from before, still in a red and yellow robe.
"guru jae, good morning." amber bows.
guru jae did the same. "time flies when you're learning, hmm?"
"i know." amber glances at what she's packing, which is essentially just her wallet, her robes, and her red rope bracelet. "i'm thinking of extending my stay." she turns to the guru. "do you think i can extend my stay?"
guru jae raises her brows. "but you've already spent three full weeks here. what is it in the outside world that prevents you from going back there?"
amber looks at her ring finger and touches it with her thumb. "people that i hurt. people that i betrayed."
"and you think extending your stay would change the situation between you and those people?"
"no. but i don't know how to face them yet. i'm scared of facing them."
"i see." guru jae places her hands behind her back. "it seems you are still living in the past, amber."
amber follows with her eyes as the guru walks around the room.
"have you forgotten? it's not about what you've done. it's about what remains to be done," guru jae says. "we shouldn't judge anyone--even ourselves--based on past actions. what we should look for is what we are doing about it. are you doing anything about it?"
"i... i haven't." amber shakes her head. "i have yet to apologize to them."
"hmm. good start."
"but what if they won't accept my apology, guru jae? what if three weeks isn't enough to heal the pain i've caused them?"
the woman smirks. "now you're living in the future."
amber brings a hand to her nape. "oh. i'm sorry."
"the past is already gone. the future is yet to happen. there's nothing you can do about the past. the future is something you are molding today," guru jae says. "stop wasting your time worrying about the things you can't control--either the past or the future. focus your efforts on what you can control--and that is today, the here and now."
"the here and now..." amber repeats.
"it doesn't matter if you committed a crime yesterday. that was yesterday. you are a different person today." guru jae points at amber. "the questions is, are you still going to commit the same mistake in the present time? because if you do, then you're future will depend on that."
"i understand. it's just that i think i need more time to get more courage to face them."
"that's where the problem is coming from." guru jae stops on her tracks. "the majority of the people in this world think they have time." she looks at amber. "always, always remember how our life is so fragile, amber. we could be here today, talking this minute, and then we might be gone the next second. so, stop procrastinating. don't make your past as an excuse for your inaction. don't delay because you think you know the future either. do. it. now."
do it now.
the words reverberate in amber's mind.
"and keep in mind the separation of tasks," the guru reminds. "it is your task to ask for forgiveness for those whom you've wronged. but forgiving you is their tasks, not yours. you should not worry about that. what's important is you've done your part."
amber nods, feeling a new hope building inside her. she bows. "thank you so much for letting me stay here and for teaching me all those things. it has helped me a lot mentally in the past three weeks."
"that's good to hear. and thank you for helping us out here." guru jae taps amber's shoulder. "let me at least walk you outside?"
as they step out of the monastery descending the steep stairs, amber recalls the first time she went there and her first encounter with guru jae. it feels like a long time ago. a lot has changed in her situation--including her mindset.
"there's your cab," guru jae says. "you know where you're heading now?"
amber looks up at the sky and sees an airplane flying over them. she smiles.
"i know now, guru. thank you for everything." amber opens the door to the cab. "i'll try to visit here as often as i can."
"by all means." guru jae smiles. "would love that."
they say their final goodbyes and bow at each other.
"where to ma'am?" the driver asks when amber steps inside the cab.
amber looks up one more time, appreciating the monastery's beauty from where she's at. she notices how the sky seems bluer today than the usual.
she looks at the driver. "to the airport, please."
---
"are you saying you waited here for two and a half hours just to see me?" suzy asks, incredulous. they are sitting inside the cafe they usually frequent whenever amber drives her there for work.
"i did. you can ask the woman over there." amber points at the concierge area just outside the cafe. "i asked if there's any chance you're departing or arriving anytime soon."
"and she gave you the details?"
"she did. she knows i am your wife." amber smirks.
"clever." suzy scoffs. "yeah, you still are, i guess--at least legally."
the mood suddenly changes after that.
"how are you?" amber asks.
"not good," suzy says. "why did you come here to see me?"
"i wanted to check on you."
"why?"
"can i not do that? the last talk we had was a mess. i want to have a proper conversation with you."
suzy looks down at her cup and sighs. "look, amber. this is already hard as it is. i haven't been well these past few weeks. it's always hard for me to be alone. everywhere i go, i see you, i see us. and you showing up here to talk to me..." she shakes her head. "amber, what are you trying to do?"
"i'm sorry." amber hesitantly reaches out to hold suzy's hand. she's glad suzy didn't pull back. "i just want to say i'm sorry for everything, for ruining what we had."
suzy stares at her.
"i'm sorry, for lying to you, for cheating on you," amber adds. "i'm really, really, really sorry. it doesn't matter if it was with my soulmate or not, but it was wrong of me to do that to you. i can't even sleep properly at night knowing i've caused you so much pain."
suzy looks away, trying not to cry.
"i wish i could take all the pain away from you. i wish you could just pour it all out by hitting me over and over." amber squeezes suzy's hand. "i'm sorry, suzy. i'm sorry. you were one of the best things that happened in my life, and i... wronged you just like that."
"i cheated on you once before too, remember? but you accepted me, wholeheartedly." suzy holds amber's hand back. "i hope you don't blame yourself too much. yes, it was wrong. but you didn't cheat on me with just anyone. it was with your soulmate, the one you're supposed to be with--the one the forces above destined for you. it's not like you can say no to them, can you?"
amber presses her lips together, running her thumb over suzy's hand. "still, i am sorry. i wish i could help you get over that pain. i even wish you'd find your soulmate too because i know he or she would erase all that pain immediately."
that made suzy smile a little. "and i might be thanking you someday, hmm?"
"i hope so. i really hope so."
they stay like that for a little while, holding each other's hands.
"you might not believe me now, but i will always love you, suzy," amber says. "you'll always have this special mark in my life."
a tear finally rolls down suzy's cheek. she pulls her hand away to wipe it with a tissue.
"likewise, amber. likewise." she sniffs. "things may be chaotic right now between us--my family--but you'll always be my boo."
amber grabs suzy's hands again and kisses them.
they shared the moment in silence, savoring it like it will be their last.
a sign that it's about to end comes when suzy's phone rings.
"oppa? yes, i'm here now." suzy looks outside. "no. don't go inside. wait right there in the parking area."
"your brother's picking you up now?" amber asks after suzy hangs up.
"yeah. they don't want me to drive, saying i'm a bit unstable."
amber frowns, feeling bad for it.
"hey. don't worry. i'll be fine." suzy stands up, hooking her bag over her shoulder. "don't walk me out. it won't be good if my brother sees you."
amber nods, understanding the situation. she stands up. "take care, suzy."
suzy looks at amber intently. "i... i want you to know that despite what happened to us, i don't regret meeting you. i don't think i ever will. i don't know what the spirits have in store for me, but i'm sure there is a reason they brought us together."
amber nods. "i hope you find your happiness soon, suz--" she shakes her head. "i hope you find your happiness soon, boo."
suzy smiles. "have a safe journey, boo. i'll see you around."
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