silent treatment
INEVITABLE (KRYBER)amber picks the bag from the couch and sees her wife standing by the window, already in her flight attendant uniform.
"boo, you ready?" she calls.
suzy blinks. "yeah. i was just waiting for you. have you said goodbye to grandma?"
"yeah. i told her we'll visit again on your next off." amber approaches her wife. "what are you looking at?"
"the view."
amber looks out the window. "the view of your compound gate?"
"and the garden, of course."
amber raises an eyebrow, unsure what her wife finds beautiful to stare at. "do you miss living here? this was your room when you were a kid, right?"
suzy nods. "i'm just feeling nostalgia, i guess. do you remember the first time you went here?"
"hmm. it was on your birthday when you invited the club members, right?"
"yeah. i was standing here when you guys came."
amber thinks. "hmm. i don't remember seeing you here at that time."
"it's because i pulled the blinds down. i was taking the chance to look at you." suzy points at the gate. "i watched you walk from there, observing your every step."
"j-just me?"
"yeah. you. i've been crushing on you since then, remember?
amber chuckles. "awe. i still don't understand what your pretty young self found in my dorky high school self."
"hey. don't belittle yourself like that." suzy wraps her arms around amber's shoulders. "just so you know, while i was watching you walk that day on my birthday, there was only one thing on my mind at that time."
"and that is?"
"you. are. beautiful." suzy leans in and gives a light peck on the lips. "after that day, i always look at you from my window whenever you come in and leave."
"even after we got together?"
suzy hums. "i just love looking at you walk on your own. i don't know why. i love the look on your face whenever you come here. i also love looking at your back whenever you leave. although sometimes i wish you would wave at me."
"how was i supposed to know you're here if you're hiding behind the blinds?"
"i don't know. but you're supposed to feel i'm staring at you, you know."
amber smiles and pulls her wife for a hug. "right. right."
"i was so in love with you at that time." suzy pulls back, looking at amber. "fast forward to today, i am still in love with you."
amber feels the guilt creeping up her chest. not knowing what else to say at that moment, she resorts to kissing her wife to return the kindness. but suzy's kisses were eager. amber finds herself wanting to pull back.
krystal's thoughts starts invading her mind, preventing her from getting lost at the moment.
it just doesn't feel the same anymore if it's not with krystal.
amber's been restless since that night from the party. it's been two days. she's dying to see krystal again to ask how she is. hearing from yuri how much krystal cried that night left a big hole in amber's chest.
and she just can't focus on anything unless she's sure krystal's okay.
she let the kiss went on for a few more seconds and slowly pulls back after she feels she has given enough.
"let's go now? we don't want you to be late," she tells suzy.
"right. but let's remove this first." suzy wipes amber's mouth with the pad of her thumb. "it's always not a good idea to kiss when i have my lipsticks on. it gets smudged on your mouth."
amber chuckles. "do i look like a clown again?"
"yeah. a beautiful clown though." suzy kisses her one last time and pulls back. "shall we go?"
---
something's weird.
it's saturday afternoon. krystal has no work today. amber's sure the other woman would be staying in her apartment over the weekend.
but amber's been buzzing the door for minutes now and no one's answering. she even tried tugging, but there was no response. her messages and calls were also left unseen and unanswered.
where could krystal be right now?
her hope builds up when the elevator dings. stepping out is a blonde woman with shoulder-length hair, a paper bag on her right arm.
"seulgi..." amber exhales in relief, watching the smaller woman stride towards her. "are you with--whoah!"
instead of a warm greeting, amber finds herself getting shoved against the door.
"you!" seulgi smacks her palm on the door. "how dare you do that to her?"
startled, amber stares at seulgi, unable to react.
"if you'll hurt krystal like that again, i swear i'll be the one to tell your wife about your infidelity," seulgi snarls.
amber can see the anger and concern in seulgi's eyes. it breaks her to find out how much damage that party has done to her soulmate.
"i... i'm sorry." amber eyes the floor. "i understand where you're coming from. this is all my fault."
seulgi slowly pulls her hand away. "look. i don't care if you're married or not. i don't give a damn whatever set up works for you and krystal. just..." she clenches her fist, and exhales. "just make her happy, okay? whatever it takes. no matter what happens."
amber looks up at seulgi, then nods. "how... how is she?"
"not good." seulgi turns away. "shey's trying, you know. she seems okay if you'll just glance at her. but if you'll take a good look at her, she's broken. her eyes were swollen when she went to the office yesterday." she shakes her head. "i've never seen her like that before."
feeling sorry and guilty and ashamed of herself, amber looks at the floor again.
the elevator dings again. two females went out, both holding paper bags.
"amber unnie!" yerim excitedly runs towards her, with krystal stopping on her tracks behind her sister. "hey! are you joining us tonight?"
"uh..." amber looks at krystal, who's staring blankly at her. she looks back at yerim. "what are you guys doing tonight?"
"movies." yerim turns to seulgi. "seulgi unnie was supposed to prepare the noodles; that's why she went up first."
"ah. yeah. that!" seulgi smacks her head. "i totally forgot. i saw amber waiting here and thought i should give her a welcome hug." she drapes an arm around amber's shoulders. "don't worry. she's joining us tonight. right, amber?"
amber could only nod.
yerim jumps. "that's great!"
krystal passes through them silently, approaching seulgi. "keys."
"ah. yeah." seulgi searches her coat and hands krystal the keys. "sorry. i totally forgot about the noodles."
krystal nods and opens the door for them, not sparing amber a glance.
they all enter the apartment. krystal went straight to the kitchen to arrange the items in the bags.
"ah! i forgot something!" seulgi exclaims. "yerim, come with me. let's get some beers downstairs."
krystal turns to them. "but we still have some in the fridge--"
"you're right, seulgi unnie!" yerim dashes to the door, dragging seulgi with her. "we'll just go down quickly and will be back."
the wink yerim gives before closing the door tells amber it won't be a quick errand.
she sighs.
the sound of the paper bags made amber look at her soulmate who's busy arranging the items again.
"hey," she calls.
krystal only hums, still busy with what she's doing.
amber feels awkward. she walks to the counter, tapping her fingers on the marble. "um. i've been trying to reach you but you seem to have not read any of my messages."
"ah. that." krystal opens the cupboard and places some condiments. "i logged out of my account for the meantime."
logged out? amber raises an eyebrow. she waits for krystal to continue but there was no further explanation after that.
"weren't you planning to check if i have messages for you?" she asks.
"i don't know. i was busy."
amber nods, scratching her head. "you're really mad at me, aren't you?"
there was no response. amber just stares at krystal's back, who's busy with her groceries.
she gives it a few more moments, waiting, hoping for any sign that she's welcomed tonight.
but seconds and minutes passed, still no reaction from krystal.
"i understand." amber looks away and pinches her nose. "i came by to check how you are, and to say how much i'm sorry for what happened."
but krystal seems to not hear amber as she continues doing stuff in the kitchen.
"to clarify, suzy said that during the party only to appease her grandma," amber continues. "she doesn't want to let her down at least, knowing that any stress might be bad for her. but the truth is, we haven't started any concrete plan about having a child yet."
she's starting to think now that krystal isn't in the mood to listen to any of her explanations.
"but yeah, what's the point of still explaining that if the damage is done, right?" she continues after a few more seconds of silence. she looks around the room and huffs. "i understand if you're still mad. i'm sorry. i'm really sorry for what happened that night. i'm sorry for not being there for you. you didn't deserve to be in that situation."
krystal opens the faucet and starts washing some utensils.
amber sighs. the silent treatment is killing her. she clutches her car keys inside her coat.
"i... uh... i understand if you need space..." she points at the door even if krystal couldn't see her. "i guess i shouldn't bother you for now."
she waits for a few seconds, hoping to get some reaction. to her disappointment, all she got is silence and the sound of the running water.
amber presses her lips together, nodding. "enjoy your movie night then."
her footsteps feel heavy. but as much as she wants to spend her available time with krystal, she knows she needs to respect krystal's decision as well.
it was her fault after all, for taking her sweet time to break it off with suzy.
maybe she deserves this punishment because her lack of action brought krystal pain.
maybe krystal needs time. and if that's what she wants, amber's willing to give her that.
before amber can even reach the door, the sound of the running water stops. then she hears stifled sobs.
amber turns around and sees krystal still at the sink, looking down, shoulders shaking.
this time, she couldn't stop herself anymore. she walks over to krystal and hugs her from behind.
"hey. i'm sorry," amber whispers into krystal's ear as the latter cries louder now. "i'm sorry. i'm sorry."
krystal covers with a hand, unable to speak.
amber turns krystal to face her, wiping her soulmate's cheeks with her thumbs.
"don't... go..." krystal says in between her sobs. she looks up at amber, tears streaming down her cheeks. "please... don't go..."
seulg felt all her defenses crashing down.
"oh gosh." she pulls krystal into a hug. "i won't. i'll stay here. i won't go."
"don't leave me..."
"i won't. i promise i won't." she keeps krystal's back. "i'll stay here with you."
amber feels relieved when krystal's body finally relaxes in her embrace. she keeps kissing the side of her soulmate's head while repeatedly whispering assurances that she will stay.
"i'll be by your side, okay?" she says. krystal nods. "just hold my hand like this and i won't let go. you hear me?"
krystal nods again, intertwining their fingers.
"can we stay like this for now?" krystal whispers, burying her face into amber's shoulder.
"we can stay like this as long as you want." amber kisses the top of krystal's head.
they stood there in silence, hugging each other. amber keeps krystal's back and kissing her head until the sobs got reduced into faint sniffs.
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