temple visit
INEVITABLE (KRYBER)amber steps out of the temple, not sure if she got something out of her visit.
for starters, she feels lighter. yeah. voicing out her thoughts to the spirits and the universe made her feel just a little better. although she was expecting to feel something grandiose--a spark, a clue, an enlightenment of some sort--but there was nothing like that.
she's sure she did things right tho; knelt on the floor, barefoot, palms together. she lit incense during prayer and chanted along with the other worshippers inside--something she has never done before in her lifetime.
for someone who grew up irreligious, amber's willing to do this regularly if it entails a closer bond with the spirits and getting clues on how she should handle her situation.
because seriously she's starting to get tired of tight spot she's facing--the spot that the spirits had put her into in the first place.
more reasons for them to help her out, right?
she told the spirits how she's been cheating on her wife with her soulmate--the one they destined to be her other half--for three months now. whilst the best approach is to spill the truth and set her wife free, amber doesn't have the heart to do it.
how can she hurt the only person who stood by her side all these years? how can she break the woman whom she vowed to take care for the rest of her life?
breaking suzy's heart would mean breaking amber's too.
and what would their families say?
she can already imagine facing the rage of suzy's parents. they'd probably say how they were so right to push the prenuptial agreement before the marriage.
and her own parents, would they understand? they love suzy like their own. bringing krystal into the picture might cause resentment towards her soulmate.
what is amber supposed to do in that situation?
as she walks down the steep stairs with those thoughts running through her head, amber noticed a wooden placard on the side with interesting texts painted on it.
'detoxify your mind. reset your life. we accept volunteers in the monastery.'
"volunteers?" amber looks back up and sees the complex of buildings behind the temple.
"interested in volunteering, child?"
amber jumps at the voice, stepping back only to see a bald woman in a red and yellow robe standing near her.
was she there all this time?
"uh... i was just looking at..." amber points at the wooden placard.
the woman hums, her hands on her back. "free food and lodging. all vegan. you share a room with three people. no belongings permitted; phones, money, clothing. but you'll be required to buy at least three robes before you enter the monastery. don't worry. they are very cheap."
"uh--"
"we sleep at nine in the evening and wake up at four in the morning," the woman continues. "you will help with cleaning, cooking, and overall maintenance of the monastery. you can also join our activities like praying, meditating, and hiking. lastly, the volunteer period is for three weeks."
"three weeks? that's quite long."
"it won't be long once you immersed yourself in the culture. we will install new habits in you--new thinking. you will change the way you perceive yourself and the world. more importantly, you'll be closer to the spirits."
amber finds it quite interesting now. "do... do i have to shave my head like yours?"
the woman chuckles. "shaving is only required for monks. to be one requires great commitment. you would have to detach yourself from your worldly possessions, give up your desires, and relinquish your household ties--including that ring on your finger."
amber looks at her hand and touches her ring, remembering why she went there in the first place.
"i can sense the disturbance in you, child. what is wrong?"
"i..." amber smiles sadly. "can i say the spirits have been playing on me?"
the woman smiles and turns to walk away. "the spirits don't play, child. they are all about making things happen to put everything in order."
"put everything in order?" amber follows the woman with her eyes. "then why am i in this difficult situation?"
the woman shrugs before she looks up at the skies. "don't blame the spirits for the rabbit hole you put yourself into. you and only you are accountable for that."
"i-i am accountable? how?"
"you paid no heed to the spirits' will and went on with your desires. if only you had listened carefully, you wouldn't be where are you are now. the spirits are merely trying to nudge you back where you are supposed to be. you should be thanking them instead."
that confuses amber even more. "but how can i listen to them? how would i know they are already giving me signs?"
"develop your relationships with the spirits, child. go to temples and pray, like what you did today. meditate. feel the energy. the spirits always use entities around us to give clues."
nothing makes sense. but amber looks around to absorb her surroundings, hoping to find a clue.
has she really ignored the signs before?
"you will learn more of that if you volunteer here." the woman makes her way up the steps. "i look forward to seeing you in the monastery."
amber watch the woman walk towards the temple, inwardly asking if that's one of the signs she's been waiting for.
---
"what? jeoche island?" amber asks, shocked. she's cuddling with suzy on the bed, talking about their day, when her wife tells her about her folks' plans.
"yeah. my parents want the entire family to move there. my siblings all agreed too," suzy says.
"do we have to move with them?"
"yeah. they want me to be there with them."
"but that's too far, boo." amber looks down at her wife. "i'm used to living here in the city. i have my work here."
"you only need internet for your work, don't you?" suzy looks up at her. "besides, there's a lot of sights there. it would help you with your creative thinking."
amber takes a deep breath in. "is that something you want yourself, or are you just agreeing to whatever your parents are saying again?"
"well, they convinced me into it." suzy leans her head on amber's chest. "but it's a great place, boo; lots of scenery, low crime rate, friendly people. it's a nice place to start a family, don't you think so?"
amber feels something stuck in . "s-start a family?"
"it's been three years now. don't you think it's about time we talk about adding a member to our little family?"
amber's mouth hangs open.
of all the times they would have a conversation about this, why now?
amber can't move out of the city. no. she can't be far away from krystal again.
"well, yeah, maybe it's about time. but we may not be fitted to raise a child with our current career choices. especially you, you always travel out of the country," amber reasons. "and transferring to another place would mean starting from scratch; buying a new house, appliances, everything. don't you think we should plan this together first and take things one at a time?"
"i am willing to quit my job in that case. also, dad says we shouldn't worry with the place to stay because he can give us one--"
"ugh. not that again," amber groans. "can you please tell your parents to stop giving us grand presents like that?"
suzy raises her head. "why? what's wrong with what they're giving?"
"everything is wrong because they are making me feel like i cannot afford those for you. this luxury condominium, that car they gave us, and those random appliances that get delivered here every anniversary. i just think it's too much, boo."
"why is it too much? they just want us to live comfortably. what's wrong with that?
"we?" amber scoffs. "they just want to make sure their youngest is still living comfortably even after she married some low-time cartoonist."
suzy's face hardens. "amber."
hearing the seriousness in her wife's voice, amber sighs. "look. i'm sorry. i just feel like sometimes they are mocking me with those presents."
"why would you think like that? you're my wife. of course, they want what's best for us."
"but we don't need help with anything, boo. we can live off from our monthly incomes if only they'd just let us stand on our own. but we can't do that because they keep spoiling us."
she said 'us' but she actually means they are spoiling suzy.
"again, they just want to help. i don't see anything wrong with that," suzy says, somewhat irritated now.
amber stares at her wife and realizes there's no way suzy would understand how exactly she feels whenever those presents come. suzy would never know because she sees these things as an act of kindness from her parents.
for amber, it makes her reflect her status in life, of how little she can offer her wife compared to what her family can provide for her.
but it's too late in the evening to talk about it. amber's not in the mood to sleep with a heavy heart. so, to fix everything, she kisses suzy on the cheek.
"you're right. they just want what's best for us," she says. "i'm sorry for saying those words. i felt pressured with transferring there and then having a kid right after. you didn't even consult with me about those first."
"i know. you looked like you were about to divorce me, you know." suzy chuckles.
amber lets out a dry laugh.
damn.
"i know it's not something we should do immediately," suzy says. "i'm sorry for surprising you with those ideas. i promise i will make sure we plan everything together moving forward."
"thank you." amber kisses the top of suzy's head.
"don't worry. i'll talk to my parents about it. i'm sure we can find a way around this, or maybe meet them halfway if they insist."
amber hums, knowing that after talking to her parents, suzy will change her mind again. they always have this power over their daughter and suzy seems oblivious to it.
it's another thing that adds up to her pile of problems. amber's not sure which to prioritize anymore.
she wishes someone or something could give her a clue on what to do.
then she remembers the bald woman from the temple. she smiles.
maybe she'll pay the temple another visit tomorrow.
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