When Wheein said she wanted to take things slow, it was really slow. It was slower for my liking. But as much as I wanted to just go back to how we were before, how I remembered we both were, I’d have to be really patient. We both suffered from trauma. The difference was that I didn’t remember it and I hadn’t witnessed it. I was unconscious the whole time. Wheein, on the other hand, was wide awake when everything unfolded. The severe trauma that she felt affected her physically, but most especially her mental well-being.

She was a little bit guarded towards my affections. She refused to give my engagement ring back to me. Said that it wasn’t the right time yet. I wanted to complain. But I had no right to do it. So all I’m doing now is to support her, be her strength, and take care of her.

“Yong! No!”

I woke up in the middle of the night to another one of Wheein’s nightmares. I’ve slept for four nights in their house in Jeonju and in all those four nights, I'd never missed being woken up in the middle of the night to Wheein shouting beside me. I thought that her nightmares were slowly reducing and getting better, but I thought wrong. The first night was just the worst. The second was somewhat better. But the third and tonight was just like the second night. Nothing changed. It didn't escalate but it didn't diminish as well.

The first time I witnessed her being trapped in her nightmares, I was clueless of what to do and I was panicking. The second time I witnessed it, I was not so clueless and I wasn’t panicking, but I’m still nervous. Even now, I am still nervous and I think, watching her like this, would always make me nervous.

I immediately sat up on bed, pulled Wheein up in a sitting position, and went to sit behind her. I leaned on the headboard and pulled her towards me in between my legs. I tilted her face so that I could look at her. Her face was covered with sweat and her closed eyes were slowly releasing tears.

I softly patted her cheek and whispered right into her ear, “I’m here, Wheein. Open your eyes and look at me. I’m just right here beside you”

The sitting position would make her body disoriented from her lying form when she slept and that would help wake her up. Pulling her close to me would help her know that I’m just right beside her so that she could feel my warmth. And hearing my words, would let her know that I’m still very much alive. I had developed a technique now in waking her up from her nightmares and it had never failed ever since.

She suddenly opened her eyes and frantically searched mine. “Yong?” she whispered, her voice filled with fear just like the previous nights.

“Yes, Whee” I whispered softly to her.

“You’re okay?” she asked, breathing heavily like she ran in a marathon.

I grabbed her hand and placed it on my chest where she could feel my heartbeat before leaning down to kiss her lips. “I am” I confirmed.

I smiled when I felt her relax in my arms and released a sigh of relief. She turned her body to the side to wrap her arms around me and snuggled her face to my neck. I pulled her closer to me while I kissed her cheeks.

“Are you okay now?” I whispered right into her ear.

“Yeah” she breathed, feeling her chest rise up then lower down. I heard her gulped before she whispered, “Yeah, I think so”

“Do you want to go back to sleep?” I asked her then felt her nod her head on my neck.

We lied back down on bed. I inserted an arm in between the pillow and the crook of her neck to wrap it around her shoulders, and wrapped my other arm across her waist. I closed my eyes as she snuggled closer to my chest while she hugged me around my waist.

I kissed the top of her head and whispered, “I love you, Whee”

“Yong?” she whispered right into my chest.

“Hmm…”

“Should I go to therapy? Don’t you think I should go to therapy?”

I opened my eyes and pulled back as I gently pulled her face away from my chest to look at her. I cupped her cheek and asked, “Do you want to?”

“I think I needed to” she whispered softly to me, averting her gaze downwards.

I kissed her forehead before raising her head so that she would look at me. “If you really wanted to, then you could do it. I’d support whatever you decided to do” I said, reassuring her.

She stared at me, silently studying both of my eyes, before she nodded her head. “I wanted to go”

I smiled at her and gave her a brief kiss on the lips. “Okay” I whispered once I pulled back. “Do you want me to go with you during your sessions? Want me to pick you up after you finished them?”

She gave me a small smile and shook her head. “I think I should go alone. I wanted to do it by myself”

I nodded my head and said, “Okay. But if you need someone to come with you, you could always ask me. Okay?”

She nodded her head before snuggling back to my chest. “Thank you”

I hugged her closer to me while I chuckled softly. “You don’t need to thank me. I’m always here for you, Whee”

Back when we were dating, it was always Wheein who would initiate to take care of me. It was always her who would patiently wait for me. And it was always her who would give me everything I needed and wanted. But now, I wanted to do all those things to her. I wanted to be more of the giver than the receiver now. I wanted to reassure her and let her now that I would support whatever decision she would make, for as long as I wouldn’t see anything wrong with it.

If she wanted to go to therapy, then she would go to therapy. I thought there’s nothing wrong with that. And I thought it would definitely help her too. I would go with her if that’s what she wanted and if she asked me to. If she thought that therapy , that it’s not helping her, and would decide to stop doing it, then I wouldn’t force her to finish it.

“I love you” I heard her whisper after a few moments of silence before hearing her rhythmic breaths that indicated she had fallen back to sleep.

And that’s the reason why I’m just being patient with everything. That’s why I’m doing all of these things for her. She loves me and I know she would also do anything for me as well.

Wheein has been in therapy for three weeks now. She still has nightmares but I think it’s getting better over time. She has also been slowly lowering her guards around my affections towards her. Every time she got back home from one of her sessions, she seemed lighter. Like her burdens and guilt had slowly been lifted off of her, making her more relaxed now.

When Wheein goes to her sessions, I’m left in the house with Nabi and Ma, and sometimes with just a sleeping Nabi only. Sitting across from my daughter every meal and constantly being around her had helped her slowly get closer towards me and less awkward around me. She would allow me to carry her around now and I had also discovered that she’s ticklish like me too. She loves showering her tummy with kisses and that would surely make her burst out in cute giggles. It has also become our routine in the morning, after we eat breakfast, that I would help Nabi so that we would feed the fishes in the tank together.

I did a quick travel back in the city a week ago to get my laptop and explain to my heads about my current situation and why I had to stay away from the university for a while. It takes a lot of convincing but I was able to persuade them in allowing me to just temporarily work at home for a while. After all the meetings and negotiations, I brought my laptop and car, and drove back to Jeonju.

Now, I was left once again with a sleeping Nabi while Wheein was in one of her sessions and Ma was out for work. I was sitting on the living room floor, my laptop on the coffee table in front of me, and a bowl of tteokbokki that I ordered earlier beside my laptop.

The door to Ma’s bedroom was wide open so that I could hear if Nabi called for me. The bedroom was just across from me so when I saw Nabi with adorable bed hair walking out of it, still a little bit swaying on her legs, she immediately caught my attention. She’s wearing a cute pink onesie pajama with white little bunny prints all over it.

“Hey” I cooed at her and gave her a smile while I watched her walking towards me.

She stood beside me and pointed at my glasses as she asked, “What that?”

“This one?” I asked her and pointed at my glasses, earning a nod from her. “These are glasses,” I said to her, removing it and giving it to her.

“Gases?” she said, grabbing my glasses from me before she wore it.

She squinted her eyes while she whined and gave my glasses back to me. I laughed at her softly as she pouted and whined, “Dow wike it”

“You don’t need them, Nabi” I grabbed it from her and placed it on the table.

She pointed at my laptop next and asked me what it was. She asked me a series of questions about it and I answered them all as much as I could. If it would be hard for me to explain anymore, I would raise three of my fingers and tell her to ask me again when she turned three. I know she still wouldn’t make sense of everything when she turned three but I think it would be better than telling her to ask me again when she gets old. Kids would always get irritated when adults told that to them.

She pointed at my bowl of tteokbokki next and asked, “What that?”

I smiled so wide and told her, “Tteokbokki”

“Bokki?” she asked, raising her eyebrows at me while I laughed softly at her.

“Yeah. You want to taste it?” I asked while she nodded her head at me.

I carried her and stood up while I mentally pat myself for ordering something sweet instead of the usual spicy ones that I ate. I walked to the kitchen with her in my arms to grab her small bowl and spoon while I showered her tummy with kisses, making her giggle.

I passed the utensils to her, letting her carry them, before I walked back to the living room. I sat back on the floor and placed Nabi on my lap. I spooned one piece of rice cake, placed it in her bowl, and sliced it into smaller pieces while Nabi excitedly jumped up and down on my lap as she raised her spoon. When I was done slicing, I grabbed the bowl and held it in front of her so she could start eating them. She excitedly scooped a piece and put it into .

“How was it?” I asked her when she finished chewing her food.

She looked at me and smiled so wide as she said excitedly, “Yum!”

There is no doubt that this is definitely my daughter.

She scooped another piece into while I kissed the top of her head and grabbed a piece for myself. When she finished all the pieces I placed on her bowl, I spooned another rice cake, sliced it, and placed it in her bowl before I put the bowl on her lap. I abandoned my work and just ate tteokbokki with my daughter in silence.

When we finished the bowl of tteokbokki clean, Nabi grabbed her bowl and gave it to me as she said in her cute voice, “More…”

I grabbed a tissue and wiped her face as I pouted and said sadly to her, “But we have no more bokki”

“Nabi want more bokki,” she said to me, still raising her bowl to me.

I was thinking about buying another tteokbokki for her but the door suddenly opened and I saw Wheein coming in, getting back home from her session. I looked down at my daughter who was expecting for me to give her more tteokbokki and whispered to her, “Do you want to eat more bokki?”

She nodded her head excitedly and whispered to me as well, “Bokki. More”

“Should we ask Mama to cook us bokki for dinner?” I asked, smiled so wide while I winked at her. 

“Mama cook bokki?” she asked, raising her eyebrows while her eyes slowly went wide.

I nodded excitedly while she nodded back