It must’ve been a minute or an hour that has passed since I stayed standing, staring at the distance in front of me, at the now empty hall where Wheein’s retreating figure once was in front of me. I stayed standing and staring, not knowing what to do, not having the strength to move, and not having the same strength to face whatever was ahead of me. I blinked, and blinked some more, releasing the tears that had pooled on the corner of my eyes. I sighed and breathed heavy breaths and let them all out, allowing air to come in and out of my lungs as I tried to contain my fast-beating heart, as I tried to contain myself.

I wanted to take a step forward to stop Wheein from walking away, but my feet seemed to be planted and rooted on the tiled floor that I have been standing for what feels like hours. I wanted to reach a hand out to her, to grab her hand, and to wrap and hold her in my arms, but I couldn’t. My body wouldn’t move. My body wouldn’t cooperate with what my heart was shouting at me to do. My body strongly negated the pressure of my heart as it followed like a slave to the commands of my mind.

A part of me wanted to go and run to her, my heart. But there’s this strong force that’s been stopping me and telling me that I should let her go, my mind. So I stayed standing, conflicted by two strong pools of emotions inside me that wouldn’t come to a single and common understanding.

I closed my eyes, held all the things in my hands tightly, and concentrated on breathing until I could finally breathe normally. I gulped and opened my eyes. I used the back of my hand to wipe the tears off my face, and slowly turn around to face my parents.

I placed the two small bouquets of flowers I bought earlier to either side of the big bouquet that Wheein must’ve brought earlier. I stepped back and slumped my body on the bench before carefully laying down the box beside me. I brought my knees up, leaned my head on top of them and hugged myself tightly.

“Mom…” I whispered. “I badly need your advice now. And Dad, I think I might’ve drank with you this time around” I mumbled as I closed my eyes and imagined my parents in front of me. “What am I supposed to do?” I whispered to them, bending my head low. “I really badly wish you’re here with me now. Just for this day. Can’t you do that? Mom? Dad?” I pleaded softly, my voice muffled by the legs in front of me.

I turned my head to the side and saw the box I brought here with me, remembering that I haven’t opened it up yet. “What do you have for me, Wheein?” I whispered, eyeing the box as I slid down to the bench. I sat on the floor and leaned my back on the bench, bringing the wooden box with me.

I sat it on my lap and inspected the exterior first. I turned it around in front of me before raising it on my eye level, staring at its lock. I placed it down on my lap and pressed a button on the lock, releasing the top lid from it. I opened the lid and found papers inside of it. I grabbed the handful of folded papers to see if there were other contents in the box but these papers are the only ones inside it.

I placed the papers back inside the box, grabbed one and unfolded it.

My Sun

I held my breath when I read the topmost part of what’s in the paper. I grabbed the other papers inside the box and inspected all of it. All were letters and were addressed to me in Wheein’s handwriting. There were no dates indicating when she wrote it. I placed them all outside the box. One paper was crumpled so much but was straightened and folded like the others. It caught my eye first but I wanted to read it last. Something in me told me that I should read it last. So I grabbed a random paper on the pile instead.

My Sun,

I read the first line as I leaned back on the bench and pulled my legs up in front of me.

You still haven’t woken up yet.
I’ve been eating tteokbokki for days in a row now. I tried to hold your hand and kissed your cheeks and forehead but you still wouldn’t wake up so I needed to recruit someone, or something in this case, to help me. I know your sense of smell is very sensitive whenever there’s tteokbokki, so I’ve been bringing and eating them, hoping that will attract your attention.
I honestly don’t understand what you love about this one though. The more I ate it, the more it tasted bland in my mouth. No offense. I think my tongue has turned into rice cakes and changed into the color of tteokbokki sauce at this point. And I think I’m far better at distinguishing tteokbokki brands than you already. I’m far more superior than you now. Want to challenge me? Why don’t you open your eyes and challenge me now. I bet you all the fishes in my tank that I would definitely win against you.

“I bet you won’t” I whispered in the middle of reading her letter while I chuckled, remembering Wheein’s disgusted face whenever I told her that I wanted to eat tteokbokki again. “You're all talk, Whee” I whispered again before I went back to reading her letter.

Will you wake up now, Yong? I won’t ever complain again if you wanted to eat tteokbokki for breakfasts, lunches and dinner. We’ll eat tteokbokki til we die. I know you’d love that.
Please…

I’m sorry. I love you.
Your Butterfly

I stared at the letter and ran my fingers on her signature, thinking how she must’ve written these letters when I was still in a coma. I folded the paper once again and released a huge breath when my chest started to compress as breathing started to get difficult. I released another breath to ease my chest before placing the paper inside the box. I grabbed another paper and unfolded it.

My Sun,

You still haven’t woken up yet.
Pa suggested that I should write you letters, that it’s not important whether you’ll read this or not. So I guess I’m doing that now. I honestly don’t know what to say here. I haven’t written you letters before. We texted but we haven’t written letters to each other. Would you want that? Receiving letters from me? I think I’m just rambling now… 
All I want you to know is that I’m here, waiting. I will wait for you. I will always wait for you, Yong.

I’m sorry. I love you.
Your Butterfly

I folded the paper back and raised it close to me. I closed my eyes, smelled the paper if it had any scent of her, and kissed it as I felt another rush of emotions within. “Are you still waiting until now?” I whispered, asking the paper on my lips.

I gulped to stop myself from crying before I placed it inside the box. I released another shaky breath before reaching another paper from the pile beside me, and unfolded another letter.

My Sun,

You still haven’t woken up yet.
I haven’t left your room for almost two weeks now. Hyejin and Dr. Song had been complaining that I stink and that I needed to go home and wash up. I don’t want to leave you though. You might wake up any minute or any second and I don’t want to miss that. I feel sticky and hot and my hair is so oily already but I still don’t want to leave you. This made me think of something.
How did you survive not washing your hair for ten days in a row two years ago? It wasn’t even cold outside at that time, Yong. Why?

I stopped reading for a moment to laugh softly. “I thought it was okay with you” I whispered. “I remember you said to me that it doesn’t bother you!” I whisper-shouted into the letter.

I was just happy that you didn’t notice how I’ll just snuggle on your chest when we go to sleep. Or when I hadn’t kissed the top of your head and just kissed your forehead instead.

“What!” I shouted softly, stopping reading again. “You never said anything about it though. How would I know about it?” I pouted at the letter in front of me.

But of course, I love you so I never complained. I’ll probably wash myself tomorrow. Maybe my smell is discouraging you to wake up.
Will you wake up once I’m back? I don’t care if you won’t ever wash your hair again. You know what? Let’s not wash our hair together. Let’s be smelly together. I just needed you to wake up now, Yong.
Please…

I’m sorry. I love you.
Your Butterfly

Unlike the first two letters, I folded the letter on my hand with a small smile on my lips. “Don’t you want to be smelly with me anymore? Is that the reason why you never told me anything?” I playfully asked as I placed it back inside the box. I grabbed another letter from the pile beside me and unfolded it, spreading my legs in front of me as I made myself more comfortable on the floor.

My Sun,

You still haven’t woken up yet.
It’s been more than a month now. It’s been more than a month since I stopped working too. The president of the hospital knocked on your room and demanded that I should start working again. I mean, what the ! He wants me to work because there are lots of patients who've been asking for me, and saying that I should give them my service. But what the ! All he wants are pennies in his pocket and digits on his bank account.
Can’t he understand that I'm in no condition to work?! Can’t he understand that my fiancée is in a coma?! All he ever thinks is himself, Yong! And I hate him. I hate him so much for barging in your room and threatening me that I’ll lose my job if I won’t work again. But it! I don’t care. I don’t care if I lo