I was half awake when I felt the world was shaking in the middle of the night. I totally ignored it because it seemed like a minor earthquake and just went back to sleep. However, the shaking was gradually increasing and that completely brought me back to consciousness. I stirred on the bed, never opening my eyes, and tried to get a more comfortable position to get back to sleep.

A few more seconds then, I heard grunting on the side of the bed followed by some sniffing. I slowly opened my eyes and tried to make sense of everything around me. I was a little bit disoriented that I was not able to figure things out until I heard a pained scream beside me.

“No! Yong! No!”

I instantly sat up on bed and turned around when I heard Wheein’s voice.

She was gripping the sheets so hard that all her bruised knuckles stretched from the force she exerted on her action. She was constantly shifting, turning and shaking her head on the bed. Beads of sweat covered her forehead and face, and her face made me hold onto my breath. Her face was an epitome of painful torture; her eyes were tightly closed, her forehead wrinkled because of how furrowed her eyebrows were, tears were slowly falling down from here closed eyes and she was breathing heavily.

“Wheein” I called out to her, wiping her tears and sweat before shaking her shoulders.

Her shifting, twisting and shaking became more frantic than earlier. She agitatedly kicked on the bed, making the bed rocked harder than earlier.  Her grunts turned to desperate shouts. She was repeatedly calling my name as if I am somewhere far away from her when I’m just right beside her.

When her twisting increased, I straddled her on the bed to keep her steady while I constantly shook her shoulders. “Wheein!” I called out to her, getting more nervous and worried while I gently pat her cheeks and shook her shoulders. “I’m right here! Wake up! Wake up!” I desperately called out to her.

Her head was vigorously turning sideways and her tears started flowing faster down to her pillow as her nightmare seemed to get worse in her head. She started punching and slapping on either side of her on the bed while my attempts of trying to wake her up all failed.

“Wheein! I’m right here!” I shouted to her, shaking her shoulders harder as I felt my own tears streamed down my face. “Whee! Wake up! Please!” I said to her, desperately calling her name again.

“YONG!” she painfully shouted so loud and had probably woken up the whole street by her scream.

Suddenly, the bedroom door opened. I looked up and saw Wheein’s Mom rushing in. I instantly climbed out of the bed as I told her in between my cries, “She wouldn’t wake up. I tried to but she wouldn’t wake up”

I stood on the side of the bed, wiping my tears, as I watched Ma pull Wheein up in a sitting position on the bed. “Wheein! Wake up or else I’ll slap you really hard” she warned Wheein while Wheein remained trapped in her nightmares, her head hanging in front of her body while she continued to thrash on the bed.

“I’m sorry” Ma whispered before slapping Wheein hard.

Wheein sat frozen on her bed, my ears ringing from the slap that her mother gave to her. Then slowly, she shifted and lifted her head to look at her mother. The silence was slowly filled with Wheein’s sob as she moved to hug her mother.

“Mom…” she cried to her mother, burying her head on her mother’s abdomen. “Yong… She’s gone. I lost her, Mom. I lost her” she wailed like a baby in her mother’s arms.

“What happened?” her mother asked softly, calming her down as she rubbed a hand on Wheein’s back and kissing the top of her head.

“I lost her this time, Mom” she said while she continued to cry. “She didn’t wake up. She flatlined and she never woke up, Mom. What am I supposed to do now? I don’t know what I’m going to do anymore” she wailed harder in her mother’s arms.

I stayed standing on the side of the bed, covering my mouth as my sobs became worse than earlier. She looked so hurt. She sounded so hurt. And she felt excruciatingly pained by her nightmares that seemed like a reality to her.

All I suffered from the accident were some headaches that did not occur frequently, and the selective amnesia that made me forget the most important moments and people in my life. But Wheein. I could not fathom how she was terribly suffering from the accident that happened to both of us.

Her fear of riding cars. The guilt that she constantly reminded herself of. How she patiently and helplessly waited for me to wake up from being in a coma. Taking care of me but could not express how much she loved me. Having me so near to her but willingly pushed herself away because she blamed herself for causing the accident. For taking care of our daughter by herself.

And now, this. Her nightmares. The nightmares that trapped her from the idea of completely losing me, which made her so vulnerable and raw. And after all this time, she faced all of it head on, faced them all by herself, and endured all of those things just for me.

She was carrying a huge burden while I just moved on with my life as if our years of being in a relationship was nothing. Nothing at all. I do not have the right to blame her for what happened. I certainly do not have the right to hate her or to get mad at her when she suffered the greatest.

“Shh” her mother said to her, calming her down. “Yong’s alive, sweetie. It was just a nightmare” she whispered softly to Wheein.

“Why did it feel so real, Mom? It felt so real to me” she told her mother, her voice muffled on hugging her mother so tight.

“Yong’s right here with you, Wheein. She’s just right behind you” her mother informed her.

This made me unfroze myself from standing on the side of the bed. I gulped, breathed out heavily, and wiped my tears as I slowly moved towards the bed. Wheein slowly turned around and saw me while I sat on the edge of the bed.

“Yong!” she cried harder as she threw herself at me. She was still a little groggy and swaying from her hangover that she almost landed on the bed in front of me. I hastily moved forward and caught her in my arms.

“Yong, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry” she apologized to me and cried harder in my arms.

I looked at her mother, nodded at her and mouthed my thanks, reassuring her that I could handle things from here. She nodded her head back before going out of the room and closing the door.

I repositioned us on the bed while Wheein continued to cry and apologize to me. I leaned on the headboard and moved my legs on either side of her. I hugged her closer to me while she laid sideways on my chest, hugging me around the waist. I held her tightly in my arms, constantly rubbing my hand on her arms and back and kissing the top of her head.

“I’m sorry” she whispered, her sobs receding over time.

“It’s okay, Whee. Nothing happened to me, okay?” I whispered back to her while I showered the top of her head with kisses. “I’m alive. I’m right here with you”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you” she whispered, apologizing for a different reason this time.

I kissed her forehead and propped my chin on top of her head. “Let’s not talk about it now, okay? Try to go back to sleep, Whee” I whispered right into her ear.

I felt her nod on my chest so I asked her, “Should we lie back down again? It’ll make you comfortable”

“Okay” she whispered softly.

We shifted and laid back down on the bed again, but unlike earlier where we slept apart, I pulled Wheein closer to me. She snuggled her face below my chin and wrapped her arms around my waist while I held her around her shoulder before kissing the top of her head.

When I felt Wheein relaxed in my arms and her steady breathing, I whispered to her, “I’m sorry.” I kissed the top of her head before I added, “I love you”

I woke up the next day with Wheein groaning beside me. I slowly sat up on the bed and looked at her with her eyes shut close while she held her head.

I sighed and slowly climbed out of bed to grab her painkillers and water. When I was at the kitchen, I saw Ma preparing breakfast. She told me that Nabi would wake up anytime soon. I nodded my head at her and asked where the painkillers were.

I grabbed a glass and filled it with lukewarm water before grabbing the painkillers from the cabinet that she pointed earlier. I went back to the bedroom with Wheein still groaning about her head. I placed the things I brought on the bedside table before sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Wheein” I called to her, reaching out to hold her hand and rubbed my thumb on her bruised knuckles that resulted from punching Byul days ago. “Let me help you sit up. You need to drink painkillers for your hangover”

She suddenly opened her eyes when she heard my voice and stared at me. When she made no move to answer me, I stood up and leaned closer to her while her eyes steadily planted on mine. I inserted an arm behind her shoulders and pulled her up. I chuckled softly when I heard her gulp before rearranging the pillows behind her.

I leaned her back on the pillows before sitting back on the edge of the bed. I grabbed the glass and the medicine before handing it to her as I said, “Drink this”

She did what I told her and emptied the glass of water. I grabbed the glass and placed it back on the bedside table before I looked at her. We continued to silently stare at each other.

I raised my eyebrow