One month later

Healing.

Weeks past, and Jihyo takes the time to rebuild her life together again.

Seongmoon is her brother. He’s not harmful on purpose, no. It’s just his mind having a hard time differentiating his thoughts from reality. The maniac episodes and delusions were well hidden under his desire to act in character, pretending to be the perfect, ideal son and brother to the world. It kept him detached from himself, uncontrolled and unaided by therapy or help. Sometimes, it took over his entire mind like a cage and he’d act out in the worst of mood swings, casting far fetched thoughts that did more harm than good.

It’s not her fault, the doctors say. It’s not her parents either. They’ve all gone through this a thousand times but bipolar disorder isn’t anyone’s fault. Sometimes it’s the stress, but they shouldn’t blame themselves. He didn’t tell any of them about his diagnosis five years ago and refused to accept it, ignoring the doctor’s advice to seek treatment. She wishes she had talked to him, told him that she’d support him no matter what... Anything to get rid of his worries.

Jihyo spends the weeks educating herself about the mental barriers and learning how to cope with maniac episodes, removing the stigma she didn’t know she possessed. It’s understanding and acknowledging that their lives will never be the same, and from there they can move forward.

But she should have known better. There were days when he’d disappear entirely, other times he’d be aloof and distant. You think you know someone well until their demons come out and haunt you too.

So how can they say that it’s not her fault? The guilt will always be there, no matter what they tell her. Her brother is no assaulter; he’s just wrecked with emotions he can’t handle. The burning hate was just an outlet for his mind.

She’s in Pohang, with her parents. It’s been years since she came back and Jongkook was right — the sea is as beautiful as ever. She misses this, misses him, but this distance between them is intentional on her part. Seongmoon and her roles are reversed now and while he seeks the help he needs, she will stay far away from Seoul and the media.

How did he find her? After the visit, Kwangsoo left and decided to go against her words, calling Jongkook, who already found out about Seongmoon’s Bipolar disorder. Then, they tried to call him, but his phone was off. Her parents were waiting in a restaurant with no clue what was going on and the house was empty, leaving them to rush to the only place possible...

Where they found her. Kwangsoo called the hospital for backup while Jongkook took care of her, and in minutes Seongmoon was calmed down by the professionals, who were trained to deal with such incidents.

Not a crime. She refuses to criminalize her brother. Again, it’s not his fault. The diagnosis was hard to come to terms with, but she can’t blame it either. Life is unpredictable, she thinks, and sometimes she just has to accept whatever it throws in her way.

And now she gets to stay home and hide from any lurking reporters who picked up on the breaking story the moment the authorities solved the case of her disappearance. Fun.

“Seong Im.” Her father calls, knocking on the door. It’s not loud, but she still flinches, eyes unfocused as he enters. “You have a visitor.”

“Did you—“

“Yes, I told him you were sleeping but I asked him to stay for awhile.” Mr Cheon sighs. He’s more hardened than his wife, but they’ve certainly had better days. “You can’t avoid him forever, kitten. The young man is very persistent.”

Jihyo glances up from her desk, softening. Her father rarely revives that childhood name of hers, except when he’s worried. And after all that’s happened to her family, god knows how much he’s been through, trying to be the strong rock for her mother who’s struggling to come to terms.

“If I may...” Mr Cheon adds, looking at his eldest daughter.

Even a fool could tell her relationship with the tiger outside was not platonic. She was nursing more heartache over the weeks and so was he, stopping by every few days. It must be tiring on him too, flying between Pohang and Seoul.

“I think you should give him a chance. At least hear him out.” He sighs; she’s as stubborn as the lot of them. "I enjoy talking to him, you know I do, but he definitely does not fly here every week to see me.”

“Where is he?”

“Living room. I’ll leave you two. Your mother should have some company at the hospital.”

Jihyo waits until he leaves, listening to the steps of her frail old father fade away. He shouldn’t be doing that, censoring himself in front of her. If he’s visiting Seongmoon, then he can go ahead and say it. It's not exactly a normal hospital, but a rehabilitation centre where he'll only be until they feel like he's ready to return home. She hasn't been to see him, figuring she should give him space even though he's been asking for her.

So that's two people she's avoiding. She really can't hide forever. 

Still she waits, wondering if she could stay in the safety of this room until the visitor leaves. She’s getting tired of fending him off, but she’s embarrassed herself enough in front of him. He let her sob into his chest while the trained officers caught up to Seongmoon and talked him out of his episode, snort and all. He held her hand all throughout the ride to the hospital to get her neck checked, let her sleep on his shoulder until the police came to take her statement, then waited again as her parents arrived.

She owes Jongkook her life. Again. He couldn’t stop the press from finding out, but what he did was enough.

Eventually, Jihyo walks out, shuffling her feet along and ignoring the puffy bags under her eyes. As her father said, he’s sitting on the couch in the living room, playing with the bulldog that her parents adopted literally a week ago.

“Hotteok.” She calls, waiting as the puppy abandons the man in front of him in favor of his owner. “Is he bothering you, baby?”

“Jihyo.” Jongkook rises, slightly jealous that the dog received better treatment than him. “You got a pug.”

“I know.” Jihyo replies simply, patting the said pet. “We’re trying to train him, but he’s still young. Brightens up the house, though.”

“You like pugs. I remember that.”

He’s referring to the time when they treated her like a queen on Running Man and they had to choose a dog she liked. Every single member got it wrong, except Jongkook.

It’s hard to think about her old colleagues when she’s trying to forget now, not remember.

She pets her puppy, feeling it relax under her touch and saying nothing while he scrutinizes her. One month changes a lot. She got her hair cut and now it brushes past her shoulders, not her chest. The bruises on her neck turned yellow as it healed, the swelling down to nothing, and it doesn’t even hurt anymore when she turns her head or swallows.

“The members send their love.” Jongkook continues, reaching over for some bags and handling them to her. “Somin, especially. She’s very sentimental, so she gave you a copy of some poems she’s written. The early drafts for her next book, I think.”

Jihyo reaches in, pulling out a frog plushie and a notebook, flipping through the thin pages gently, silently reading poems about life and love. Somin is very talented in her work and they sound like things she'd talk about, back when they were hanging out while Jongkook pretended to work at his imaginary gym. And the frog! Her love for the animal was beyond her, but she still gives the toy a little squeeze.

Hotteok nudges the frog in her hands, as if upset that he had a competitor. Instead, she feels her eyes go wet as she clutches the tiny toy. Somin, despite knowing her only for a few months, could be the sweetest one out of the bunch.

“Tell her I love it.” Jihyo whispers, emotional. “I can’t wait to read her next book.”

“She’ll like that.” Jongkook replies quietly. Somin’s not Shakespeare, but the actress loved to write and that was enough. “She really misses you.” And so do I.

He clears his throat, pondering on how he should start. “Your neck looks better.”

“It does. Your brother gave me some wonderful advice.” His brother is a plastic surgeon, and occasionally he specialized in bruising accidents.

“My mother will be glad to know that.” Jongkook wishes he could make it all go away. Her distancing from him, the bruises, and the lingering tension. “How are your parents?”

“They have had better days, but it’s going well now.”

Okay, the small talk was getting ridiculous.  She was clearly still trying to stay indifferent, pretending like the last four years, let alone the last four weeks never happened.

“Jihyo.” He whispers, finally having enough. It’s the first time he’s spoken to her since she flew back to Pohang, unwilling to meet him. “Jihyo, you don’t have to blame yourself.”

“I don’t. The police says I’m cleared, so I don’t have to go back to give anymore dumb testimonies. His doctors say they won’t even have a trial for him. And I’m not heartless enough to send my own brother to jail.” Jihyo rambles on, listing everything in her head. “The stupid media’s stopped writing nosy articles about me and the phone’s stopped ringing. I don’t know what netizens are saying because Naver is blocked in this house. Naver. The firewall should have laughed when my father blocked the most used website in Korea.”

She takes a deep breathe, tired. “But I don’t blame myself. How can I? Spiral into depression and my mother is going to lose her own mind. No, blaming is for cowards.”

“So is hiding.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re avoiding me.” Jongkook accuses. “You say you shouldn’t blame yourself but you don’t want to talk to me because you’re still scared. The truth is out, Jihyo. Everyone knows what happened; we had to stop broadcasting because filming was impossible. So why are you still avoiding me?”

“Because!” She snaps back, frustrated. Can’t he understand? If anything, this only proved that she is not someone worth the struggle. “You can do better.”

“I thought I was a good sister. Get the money in, pay for tuition, learn the hard way so I can come back and give good advice.” Jihyo closes her eyes, because avoiding him is hard when he’s right in front of her. “But I wasn’t. He’s right, if I only opened my eyes more, noticed his changes and talked to him, I could have helped him.”

“It was never your fault.” He mumbles softly, repeating the same few words all the doctors have said.

“I know. But we pretended like nothing was wrong when the pressure was too much for him to bear. None of us had a clue on how to deal with his maniac episodes, what they even were.” She fights back tears, blinking them away. “Yet now I do, and my family needs me. You need a good, stable wife, oppa. Someone who loves you.”

Jongkook shakes his head, unwilling to listen. “Look me into my eyes and tell me you don’t love me.”

She keeps her eyelids shut. Damnit, Kim Jongkook. He got her. “... I can’t.”

“I know.” He sighs, sinking back. They are both stubborn like that. She’d stay away but her heart will never let go. “I love you, Jihyo. I miss you and I can’t promise I can make everything better right now, but I just need you to let me into your life again. Please.”

Jihyo grows quiet, glancing down at her puppy sleeping through the serious conversation. “How can you still love someone who is so ed up?”

“I already lost you twice. If I lose you again, I’ll never recover.” Jongkook replies, cutting in to grab her hands and waking an annoyed Hotteok, who pounces away for a better spot. “I don’t blame you for disappearing or losing your memories. My only regret was letting you go the second time.”

She looks down at their entwined hands, her vision blurry. “You haven’t answered my question.”

“Because you’re my everything.” He says simply, taking her right hand and kissing it softly. “I love you, Jihyo. And I have something to show you that will remi