New year comes and goes. How is it already 2021? His mother reminds him for the umpteenth time that she isn’t growing any younger, but Jongkook has other things to things about. His mind has been too preoccupied lately to be thinking of marriage and babies, that’s for sure. 

Other than his poor mother, he shouldn’t be lying to the other members either. It pleases him like no other to see her get along so well with Somin and Sechan, he badly wants to confess to the rest. When Jihyo gets better, he promises to tell them. Bit by bit, she’s coming to terms with her life and past and that’s all he can ask for now. 

His relationship with Ha Ha has soured over the weeks ever since his dongsaeng walked into his apartment and saw Jihyo. Sechan’s different; he wasn’t there when they were 7012 — some bull that turned out to be. It doesn’t show on screen because after working for ten years, they know how to be professional. Whatever the case, Jongkook doesn’t know how to approach Donghoon anymore.

So it’s a surprise when the father of three turns up unannounced at his door a few days after New Year’s. It’s still the holidays and they don’t film together until the week after, so he’s very much confused at why on earth he would make the trip down. 

“Donghoon.” Jongkook can’t say he’s not startled. “What are you doing here? Did we plan to meet or something?”

“No.” Ha Ha shakes his head, looking down sheepishly. “Um... Is she here?”

“Jihyo? No, she’s out for dinner with Somin.” That was the truth; the women seemed to be getting along even more so after he left them to watch the show together. “What’s going on?”

“I have to talk to you.” Ha Ha says vaguely, his eyes shifting awkwardly as he peers over his shoulder at the hallways. “Maybe inside?”

“Of course.” Jongkook lets him in. “You want anything? Beer?”

“No, I drove here.” Ha Ha frowns. “Also, since when do you have beer in your apartment?”

“Since always. I just didn’t want you to get drunk at my place.” 

“Hyung! That’s not even—“ Ha Ha halts mid sentence, catching sight of the laptop connected to the television screen, Running Man on pause. “Wait, why are you watching old episodes? You know it’s dangerous when she—“

“She found out.” Jongkook interrupts softly, watching his dongsaeng’s face change in disbelief. “I... You were right. I wasn’t careful, and she found a picture.”

“You what?” Ha Ha looks up in shock. “She knows? You told her everything?”

“It wasn’t easy.” Jongkook admits. “It’s a long story, but if you have time...”

“Yes, I definitely do.” Ha Ha nods, already plopping himself on the couch. “And... on second thoughts, I think I’d like my beer now.” 

So Jongkook tells his dongsaeng everything, about the photo and the reveal, how they stayed up through the night after the SBS entertainment awards and how he told her about her life before. He feels the tension between them dissipate as he does, a huge weight lifted off his shoulders. He doesn’t want to disappoint Donghoon, much like how he wouldn’t want to do the same to him. It was the same for all of them, and that’s what kept them going all these years as one show.

“You were right, Donghoon ah. I shouldn’t have kept this from her if I wanted her to get better.” Jongkook sighs, wondering he should take a swig of the beer in front of him. No; one of them had to stay sober to drive and perhaps Ha Ha deserved his share of alcohol. “I can only watch the episodes with her and tell her all the inside jokes we had. Honestly? I feel like I’m going crazy myself whenever she laughs like it’s the first time she’s seen it.” 

“Hyung...” Donghoon softens. “Don’t beat yourself up over this. I wasn’t very understanding to you either. It was all very childish, and Byul says I’m just acting out like Soul when Dream doesn’t tell him things.” 

“Did you just compare us to your kids?”

“... Yeah.”

Jongkook shakes his head, smiling. “So are we good again, Donghoon? I’d hate it if we ever fought like your children.”  

“Me too, hyung. Although we do that a lot on the show anyway.” His dongsaeng seems to be a lot chirpier now, and it’s not solely because of the alcohol. “We’re cool.”

He’s glad he took the trip down, although he hadn’t planned on drinking to be honest. He’ll have to call his manager to pick him up otherwise Byul would get mad. 

“What are you going to do with Jihyo?” 

That’s the million dollar question, isn’t it? Jongkook wonders if he should tell his hyungs, and maybe Kwangsoo. Too many people know now, even if Donghoon is the latest to be okay with it. But he knows there’s no explanation for this and they’ll only make him inform Seongmoon. 

“I can only hope she remembers.” Jongkook answers honestly. “It might never happen. She might remember bits and pieces but never the full story.”

“Has she remembered anything?”

“If she has, she hasn’t told me.”

It surprises Ha Ha that his hyung is this devastated over their friend. They were all friends, no doubt, but Jongkook never showed any lingering attachment to Jihyo like Kwangsoo did. The younger man was close, if not the closest, to Jihyo, and he took her disappearance as a personal fault. 

Perhaps Jongkook felt like it was his responsibility to take care of Jihyo, considering he was the one who found her. That was probably it. 

“Hyung, if you don’t mind, I’d like to come over more often too.” Ha Ha shares, breaking the silence. “I know Sechan’s been making an effort to and obviously Somin’s found her new favourite person. But maybe... I could help?”

Jongkook is a little shocked about this. Ha Ha did not hold back before about the other members not knowing. “You sure?”

“Definitely.” Ha Ha nods. “Actually... I was hoping you and Jihyo would like to come to my house for dinner tomorrow.”

“Does Goeun know?”

“She’s the one who suggested it. That’s why I’m here, right?” Ha Ha laughs lightly. “She said I needed to stop sulking and do something meaningful.”

Bless Goeun for whipping her husband into shape. “Jihyo’s not the same.” Jongkook warns, lowering his expectations. He knows Byul might miss her unnie, understandably so, but Jihyo does not remember much. “She’d be awkward around you.”

“Don’t worry, we won’t bite.” Ha Ha promises. This hyung was starting to become weirdly very overprotective.

“Okay. Tell Byul we’ll be there.” He won’t be able to stop her if he tried.

“She doesn’t have to keep it a secret anymore, right? You’re telling the rest soon? 

“No.”

“Hyung?”

“Hear me out, Donghoon. What would Jaesuk and Sukjin hyung do? They’d call Seongmoon immediately and he’ll have her taken back. And you know Kwangsoo won’t be able to react rationally. He’d be devastated.” Jongkook explains calmly, like he rehearsed this answer multiple times. Too many people knowing could be detrimental. “Besides, Jihyo agrees. She’s worried that Seongmoon will make her go back.”

“I’m still not sure about that, but if she’s okay with it...” Donghoon shakes his head. “We can’t keep secrets for too long. Jaesuk hyung will find out eventually; he’s like a detective, really!”

“I know.” Jongkook smiles, relieved. Ha Ha must be trying his best not to question him too much. “So... Are you free tonight?”

Ha Ha checks his phone; it’s not late, but it’s not early either. Goeun would kill him if he stayed too long; the kids have been restless lately without school. “Maybe not today... I should take a cab home or something.”

“No, I think I better send you home before Goeun yells at me for letting you drink. I’ll send someone to collect your car tomorrow.” Jongkook stands, already getting up to get his keys.

“But—“

“Don’t worry, Donghoon.” Jongkook shakes his head. “It’s no bother.”

“I feel bad, though.” Ha Ha frowns. “You don’t have to do all this for us. Jihyo’s staying here and you’re already helping her so much. Who’s going to care for you?”

“Myself.” Jongkook shrugs. “Come on, Donghoon. Why are you suddenly laying all this on me?”

“I don’t want you to overwork yourself, that’s all.” Ha Ha sighs, reluctantly getting up from the couch. “Hyung, you can’t control everything.”

“Yah, what’s wrong?”

“You have a complex! Stop meddling with other people’s lives and bother about your own instead. You should go out and date, not stay in the gym and home with Jihyo.” 

“You sound like my mother.” Jongkook scoffs at the absurdness of it all. Why were all of them coming for his dating life? “I’m perfectly fine where I am.”

He walks out of the door, and Donghoon follows from behind. “That’s not what you said at the start of the year. Whatever happened to wanting to get married?”

I found Song Jihyo and now I’m back in again, that’s what happened. “I got busy. Besides, there’s always next year.”

The lift finally arrives, but Ha Ha is too stunned to enter first as Jongkook heads in. “Next year again? What would eomeonim think?”

“She’d understand.”

“Sure she would.” Ha Ha says, sarcastic. “Don’t just talk to Jihyo and forget about your own marriage, hyung. What will your future wife say if she knew you have a woman in your house?”

It’s a joke, but Jongkook hopes he’s not too obvious when he doesn’t react to it well. Why can’t he just brush it off and move on? Instead, there’s a longing in his heart like he wishes he could just talk to Jihyo and forget about the rest of his worries. 

Better yet, if he could just marry Ji—

What the is he saying? Shut up, brain. You know nothing, don’t get ahead of yourself. 

“I’m serious.” Donghoon says again when Jongkook doesn’t answer, his tone grave. “Even if Jihyo knows the truth now, there will be a day when she’ll remember everything. And when she does, do you think she’ll continue staying with you?”

For a moment, Jongkook wonders if Ha Ha knows. Like he told Jihyo, there was a time when the eligible men were attracted to the only Ace of the show. While most of them grew past that stage, there’s Han Namja (one man) still lingering around. 

If Jihyo remembers, then his job here as her friend is done. He cannot force her to stay with him. Life will move on like it always has and he will learn to live with it. 

“Of course not.” Jongkook forces a laugh, willing himself to meet Ha Ha’s eyes. “Don’t worry, Donghoon. You would have done the same if you were in my shoes. And Goeun would understand, I’m sure of it.”

“Probably.” Ha Ha lightens up, nodding. His wife was his rock and she would probably berate him if he didn’t at least help one of his favourite people in the world. He must have been reading into things too deeply — Jongkook’s just a great friend and brother. 

To crack a joke and show that it’s all good, he adds cheekily, “It’s not like you are fond of her or anything.”

Jongkook nearly freezes. Ha Ha is right — he is not habouring any long forgotten feelings. . What was it that he promised himself after he agreed to bring her to his apartment? That he shouldn’t get attached, remember? 

Day by day, his resolve is crumbling apart. 

What do you wear when a friend (you can’t remember because of your amnesia) invites you to his house? Jihyo doesn’t really know. She’s been living off most of Somin’s old clothes and some neutral ones that Jongkook lent her, but she doesn’t have anything fancy to wear. 

On top of that, she’s nervous because it’s been a few days since she found the letter. The love letter, in case anyone forgot. She’s lucky she was an actress in the past because so far she’s been doing a great job of acting like everything is okay. 

But every small action he does goes unnoticed by her. Is he being kind and caring because he still has feelings for her? Or he’s just genuinely nice? What the hell is he thinking? 

It’s too frustrating to even try to decode his thoughts. She’s better off pretending like she’s not bothered one bit. If you ignore the problem, it will eventually go away...

After much deliberation, Jihyo pairs some simple jeans with a few layers and Somin’s wool jumper that she loaned, finishing up the look with her coat. It’s very casual, but decent enough for a good first impression, even though Ha Ha and his wife, Byul, are old friends of hers. 

She stumbles out into the living room where Jongkook’s waiting. “Do I look okay?” 

“Of course.” Jongkook’s biased, but she always looks good no matter the clothes. Perhaps he has to bring her out shopping. Never mind the money, he’d pay for it even if she insists otherwise.

“I don’t have a lot to wear and I don’t know what Ha Ha ssi will be doing...” Jihyo trails off nervously. She doesn’t know Byul all that well either and maybe she’s into dressing up.

“We’ll go out shopping next time so you’ll have more options.” Jongkook promises. “It’s a very casual dinner, Donghoon and Goeun won’t mind. Besides, they have three kids. You are bette