It’s quite impossible to think straight. 

Kim Jongkook just kissed her in the middle of Disneyland, surrounded by strangers and shrieking children. 

After the fireworks show ended and the lights came back on, it was like a switch being flipped where the magic disappeared and they pulled apart. People were weaving their way past them, oblivious to the tension as they tried to leave. For a few blissful moments, she was speechless and so was he, the two of them standing in the middle of a crowd full of visitors heading out of the closing park. 

Oh, and his lips — she would lean back in and kiss him again if she could. He's not a bad kisser, that she knew. For someone who claimed to be single for most of his life, he could probably work her body like a charm if she let him. Flustered, Jihyo bites down on her lower lip, blushing at the indecency of her thoughts. 

“So...” Jongkook breaks the silence, the invisible wall between them breaking. “We kissed.”

“Yes.” Jihyo whispers. “I’m aware.”

He looks down at his hands, still warm from her touch. Perhaps it was a spur of the moment; he was too caught up in the magic of Disneyland. The fireworks added to the ambience and maybe it’s because everyone mistook them for a couple, or it was pretty late and he lost all control.

Whatever it is, they kissed. 

And he liked it. He really, really enjoyed it.

“I have a confession to make.” He begins gently, eyeing her carefully. He’s dreamed of this moment thousands of times, but never actually thought he could act on it. 

He takes a deep breath, and continues. “I like you. A lot.”

If Jihyo’s stunned, she doesn’t show. Instead guilt creeps into her face. She knows this because of the letter and she needs to tell him now. 

“Oppa...” She trails off, trying to find a response.

“I liked you even before I met you by the river.” Jongkook cuts in gently. “I’ve liked you for a long, long time, Jihyo. When we were colleagues and I know this sounds crazy, but I might even lov—“

“I know about the notebook.” Jihyo interrupts, panicking. Before he confesses, she needs to admit that she already knew a long time ago.

“The... the notebook?” 

“I found a notebook in the box of things you gave me and I read it. You... you wrote things inside, intimate things.” She blushes, but he’s gone redder than she is because he knows damn well what she’s referring to.

“The letter?” He asks again, flustered. He should have searched for that one first before giving her the box of memorabilia.

“I read that one first.” She confirms gently, watching his blush spread up to his ears. “I read it all, oppa. I’ve known for weeks and I didn’t want to say a word because I didn’t think that you felt the same anymore.”

It comes out in a rambling mass of words, but it’s out now. Jihyo halts, pausing to let him speak, but Jongkook’s been staring at her for a beat too long, his mouth slightly agape. 

I think I love you and I miss you, but it's all too late now.
 

“Did you mean it? What you wrote there?”

“Yes.” They were a coward’s way of confessing his feelings by writing it down, but he meant it all. 

“You loved me?” She presses. 

“I... I still love you, Jihyo.” Jongkook whispers, reaching out for her hand.“Everything inside that notebook and the letter, they are one hundred percent my thoughts. And I still feel the same way.”

Her heart races in her chest as she glances up at his sincerity. She’s broken and lost but he still loves her. This is not what she expected. 

“It’s good that you read it. I forgot where I put it, thought I placed it in the back of my cupboard and let it collect dust because I was so sure you were dead.” He closes his eyes, the memory so painful to think of. He thought he locked it up somewhere so he wouldn’t be tempted to hate himself for losing her. Good for his mental state and maybe a good way to move on too.

Except she’s here now. Alive. He didn’t know where she went for four years but he does now. When he opens his eyes again to look at her, she’s still staring at him, eyes filled with tears. 

“Is that why you kissed me? Because I said that I was getting better and you thought that it meant the old me was back?” Jihyo questions, blinking away the stubborn tears. 

“No.” Jongkook denies strongly. “I am one hundred percent sure that I love you now more than ever. 

She should be swayed by his confession. Instead, she thinks about his words. This man thought she was dead. Technically, she still is. She is not yet healed, not fully in control of her own memories locked up in her head. 

“That’s ridiculous.” Jihyo shakes her head, voice raw with emotion. “You fell in love with a dead girl. She’s gone, oppa. I’m not the person you think I am anymore.”

“I fell in love with you.” Jongkook corrects, reaching out to wipe the tear that’s escaping from her right eye. “You may not realize it, but you are still the same person you were five, no, ten years ago. You’ve never changed, not one bit — that is just who you are and even without your memories, you managed to find yourself again.”

“I don’t remember everything yet.” She murmurs sadly. “I’m not completely back. You are talking to a person who can’t even remember the day she lost her memories. I can’t burden you like this.”

“Nothing matters as long as I’m by your side.” He insists, locking eyes with her. “We’ll make new memories.”

The path they are standing on is deserted now, park visitors long gone. It’s surreal to think that they were kissing five minutes ago and now her mind is in turmoil with herself, confused about her feelings for him.

Does she like him? Yes. It’s undeniable when she kissed him back.
 

So why is it so hard to accept his confession? 

In an ideal world, she would have broken down and told him that she loved him back too. But this is not a fantasy they are living in. There are more scars to her than she even knows. Suddenly, she doesn’t know how they’ll continue this relationship. He loves her, but she’s scared to hurt him by her ed up mind. 

Where do they go from there? 

“So what happens next?” Jihyo asks, her tone soft. 

“We have seven days left in LA.” Jongkook reminds. “Seven days, and I promise after this I will help you move out.”

“What?” That was not her intention. She does not want to leave him; it's a dilemma she's having with herself.

“If things don’t work out between us after this week, I’ll help you call Seongmoon and get an apartment so you don’t have to worry about your expenses.”

She stares at him, stunned and speechless. “I can’t take your money—“

“I’m asking you to give me a chance, Jihyo.” He interrupts, knowing too well she would hate the idea of taking more from him. “There’s no way we can go back to just friends after this. Give me one week to show you that we can have this relationship even without your memories.”

He doesn’t care if he sounds like his pleading now. He wants this desperately, now that he knows that he still loves her. It was foolish of him to think otherwise, but how can he go of her a second time? 

“One week.” He repeats. “We can pretend like we’re actually on vacation together, ignore our worries, then go back to whatever we were before in Seoul.”

"I don't understand." Jihyo frowns, her heart beating wildly in her chest. “So you’re suggesting we date here in LA, then figure it out when we fly back?”

"Yes." Jongkook glances down at her, warmth in his eyes. "We can pretend, can't we? Pretend like we're two normal Koreans on holiday here."

Jihyo sees the desperation behind his eyes and knows he's dead serious about this preposition. If only they weren't celebrities. The only thing holding her back was the frustration of not being able to remember her past as that famous actress she once was. 

“Are there any ground rules?”

“No." He answers. "Do you trust me?"

“Yes.” Jihyo nods, to his relief. Then, after a beat, she finds herself agreeing. "Okay. I want to try this with you."

She gives him a tiny smile, glimmering with hope and anticipation, and he can’t help but smile back. 

Kim Jong Kook 

11:34pm: Jaesuk hyung, don’t worry about me. I’ll be back in Seoul before the next filming on Tuesday. 

11:34pm: Everything is going to be okay. 

It starts the moment they walk out of the park, hand in hand. 

They leave Disneyland right afterwards, the conversation heavy in her mind. Jihyo doesn’t want things to be awkward between them like she feared they would, but Jongkook only talks lightly to her. He may not be an actor, but he was very good in pretending like everything was okay — just two normal people having a vacation. 

Back in the hotel, she gives her space to shower and change. It’s her turn to take the bed today, so she wonders if their new relationship might come in the way of their nightly argument. 

It doesn’t. 

Because Jongkook is a gentleman, he asks her to lock the door to the bedroom so he doesn’t try any funny business with her.

“That’s absurd, oppa.” Jihyo points out. She knows he loves her, but it doesn’t mean that he would take advantage of her at any point. 

“No, Jihyo. We have one week, but I can’t do that to you. Do you understand?”

She sighs, looking back at the door separating them tonight. “This is weird.”

“Ideally, we would have had two separate rooms. But then the hotel screwed up...” Jongkook trails off, smiling. “It’s okay, Jihyo. The sofa is comfortable too.”

“The bed is really big.” Jihyo notes. “Why don’t you—“

She shuts quick, realizing her words. They weren’t platonic anymore. She just agreed to give it a try for one week, whatever that meant, how can she offer to sleep in the same bed as him?

“I don’t think that would be a good idea.” He turns her down gently, smirking at her cuteness as she flushes a bright pink. 

“We’ve slept in the same room before.” Jihyo explains, still embarrassed. “I didn’t meant it in a ual way.”

“I understood you perfectly, Jihyo.” Jongkook hides a smile, amused. “Don’t tempt me. I still have a week.”

“But—“

Without warning, Jongkook slides up to her and presses a soft kiss on the side of her cheek, just close enough to her lips to make her blush even redder. “Good night, Jihyo. Lock the door, please.”

That’s not a very satisfying kiss when he just laid a smooth one on her at Disneyland hours ago. Before he turns to leave, Jihyo cups his face with her hands and tiptoes up to reach his lips with hers, giving him a proper goodnight kiss. 

Now they are even. 

"Was that