It’s been hours since Kwangsoo left. Jihyo’s tired of pretending like she doesn’t remember, avoiding Seongmoon for all it’s worth. How could she forget that? There was no one other than the two of them, and he pushed her. What was it, head trauma that lead to amnesia? Or just simply her mind blocking out reality? 

Whatever it is, she has to face it – tomorrow she will find a way to talk to Seongmoon right by the River, hoping to seek the truth if her memories don't resurface. He might be suspicious, but it’s better than going back to Pohang without answers. She has no one to trust but herself since her younger brother has their parents wrapped around his little finger and she’s powerless in the household.
 

“Get dressed, noona.” Seongmoon calls through her door, knocking gently. “We’re going out for dinner.”

“We are?” She asks, placing her book down. “Where’s omma and appa?”

“They left earlier.” He replies, sticking his head in. “Are you reading again?”

“Yeah, found it by the shelves.” Jihyo nods, but truthfully she hasn't been paying much attention to its contents. There's no way her parents would have left her alone. She's been stuck in this house for a couple of days since she returned from LA and it's as suffocating as it sounds, but she doesn't have anywhere to go. Just the thought of stepping out of the house for a second would give her poor mother a heart attack.

“Is it any good?”

The deja vu is eerie enough for her to pull away; he asked her the same question the day before she fled the hospital. She looks back at the book, avoiding his eyes. “Not really. I’m not a fan of mystery novels.”

“Then you shouldn’t read it, noona.” Seongmoon says casually, seemingly unconcerned by the awkwardness. “I’ll give you some time to get ready.” 

Jihyo waits until her brother leaves, then heads to her old closet where her mother had given her a few items to get by before she went shopping. Or she could wear some of the sleeved clothes she got from LA... No. She does not want to be reminded of him. Something casual would be good enough. It’s still chilly in early March, so she throws on a coat and scarf to match and she's out of her room.

“How are we heading there?” She questions as they walk out of the apartment. Alone with her brother, she's feeling more anxious than she ever did before. He might have pushed her, and it's all she can think of as Seongmoon guides her to the parking lot.

“I’m driving.” 

“You have a license?” This is the first she’s heard of it. "And a car?"

“Yes. You shouldn’t worry, noona. I’m doing well these days.” Seongmoon declares, an edge to his tone. “I don’t have to depend on you for anything.”

Jihyo says nothing; four years ago, she was the one depending on him when she woke up with no memories to her name. A car ride in silence and they’ll be on their way to meet their parents. She sits in the passenger seat while he drives, watching him navigate through the evening traffic with upmost patience. The roads are not familiar to her, not after so long, but she realizes that she still doesn't know where they were headed to. 

“Where are we going?” 

“You wouldn’t know, it’s just some place.” 

“I don’t recognize the route.” She comments, eyes gazing out the window. The streaks of pink in the sky reminds her of LA, Jongkook coming to mind. Everyone deserves a happy ending, Kwangsoo had said. And how desperately she believed she did, but she is not like everyone. She will never get the years she lost like the rest of them, and neither will he if she robs him of his very public celebrity life by having to be kept hidden.

“It’s normal not to if you don’t remember anything.” Seongmoon answers vaguely.

They are on the highway, a bridge with the Han River beneath them and the sun setting against the water. It's a jarring sight as compared of the last week in paradise along the gorgeous beaches of LA. The warning bells in her head start to ring as she tries not to panic, biting on her lower lip to keep her eyes from widening. 

“Do you know when my phone will be fixed?” She tries again, even though he already explained that it was at the store for a battery malfunction.

“No.” He frowns. “If you need one that desperately, I’ll buy you a new one.”

“But my contacts—“

“Who would you be calling? Everyone you remember is here.” Seongmoon snaps back, irritated at all her questions. “Or are you telling me you’ve regained your memories?”

Jihyo flinches, and this time, she’s not successful in hiding her fear. He’s never spoken to her in that tone before. It’s dark and sends chills down her spine, and suddenly she’s very aware that he’s controlling where they are going right now. 

“No, no... I just wanted to know.” She says weakly, ignoring her palpitating heart.

“Hmm.” Seongmoon keeps his hand on the wheel, composed. “So nothing comes to mind?"

It's like he's testing her again. "No." She insists, lying openly.

She notices that he's now gripping the wheel tighter, his hands curled up like fists. "Kwangsoo hyung was so insistent on meeting you, I had to let him come... But you’re a good actress, noona. You could have had me fooled.”

“What are you saying? Seongmoon—“ Jihyo gasps, watching in horror as he steps on the pedal and accelerates so fast she has to grip the hand rest to steady herself. “Slow down!”

“Don't tell me what to do!” Her brother hisses, his temper flaring, and she feels the blood leaving her face as the cars around them start to horn. Reckless. He'll have them killed if he doesn't stop. “You’ve been dictating me for years and I’m sick of it.”

She bites back another question, too frightened to ask. Deep in her bones, she knows this is not the first time he’s been riled up. As he weaves through traffic like a mad man on a rampage, it’s clear to her that they are not going to meet her parents. They never were, and this is not a route to any destination but the one place she wishes to avoid until tomorrow. 

“I didn’t need Kwangsoo hyung’s visit to test you. You failed it the moment you told me you didn’t remember, then handled me your phone.” Seongmoon shrugs, speaking in his normal tone as if he didn’t just yell at her. “Messages from Ha Ha and Somin... And you really thought you could hide it. Ha Ha, I understand. He's like your older brother on that stupid show, right? But Jeon Somin? The little actress who replaced you?”

He scoffs, chuckling in a frighteningly dark way. “I met her first, you know. At the set when I tried to pry information from Kim Jongkook because you mentioned him before you pulled that stunt of yours and ran away. She was getting all that flack for joining the show, I almost felt sorry for her... And yet, she chose to hide you from me too.”

“Seongmoon.” Jihyo says slowly, gritting her teeth. He had no business to talk about Somin like that. “I can explain.”

“I know you can, noona.” He smiles, running a red light as she bites down hard on her lower lip to keep herself from screaming. “But I don’t want you to do it here. We should finish our conversation at the River, don’t you think? We never got to the last time.”

The last time you pushed me so hard I hit my head against the concrete and woke up unable to remember half my life. 

Jihyo shudders, but it’s not from the cold. She knows exactly where they are going: they are heading to the stupid park by the Han River, but she is one day early for her meeting time with Kwangsoo. If he’s taking them to the place where they last held their conversation, then there might be no one around. It’s a blind spot, far away from the main path at the park. 

Somehow, that terrifies her more than it should.

As predicted, the parking lot is empty. No one comes to the park after seven and all the ferries are off. Even the street lights do little to brighten up the place, making the air feel thin and eerie. Seongmoon pulls the car to a stop and she wonders if she can outrun him, but it’s too late, he’s only unlocks his side at the driver’s seat. Then he walks around to her side, opening the door with the key so he can her out of the car.  

And now she’s alone with a fuming younger brother who is inexplicably mad at her, her own mind a fuzzy mess.

“I always thought about how it would be like if I got to argue with you again, noona. Do you remember now?” Seongmoon beams brightly, walking beside her like it's a normal day. If there were anyone here now, they wouldn't sense anything amiss. “That day by the river; it was cold and you were getting ready to take a swim.”

“Yes.” Jihyo her lips, trying to think hard. “You came to tell me something”

“Not bad, noona.” He nods. “Try to remember what it was.”

December, 2016. Winter had hit and the air might have felt as chilly as it was today. She knows what happens at the end, but not what triggered it. No one knows, except her brother and herself. Today, she will find out what really went down.

If she just retraces her steps now, maybe something will spark her thoughts. Jihyo keeps her eyes on the pavement, racking her head for any signs of recollection. The path is a pale grey, but all it does is remind her of the blood seeping from her head, red and dark as she groans, her vision blurring...

Her eyes widen, the memories coming to surface.

 “Oh my god.”

4 years ago — December 2016

“Seongmoon? I’m filming, you shouldn’t be here.” 

Jihyo barely manages to escape the poor PD who was trying to round everyone up. It’s chaos on set, the crew working to get the best filming angles and safety measures checked before they could proceed with the worst mission in winter: swimming in the dreaded Han River. They won’t miss her for a few minutes. She doesn’t want to call attention to her by openly chatting with her dongsaeng who shouldn’t be on set at all. 

“Noona!” Seongmoon greets, dragged away by his flustered sister. “Can’t we talk here?”

“No; everyone is on edge today because of the mission. You’ll only bring more trouble.”

“Trouble?”

“Yes, trouble.” Jihyo confirms unhelpfully. “What is it, Seongmoon? I’m busy.”

“I need your help.” He grits his teeth, annoyed. “It was supposed to be a good news.”

“What is?”

“They are cutting me a deal.” Seongmoon beams, temporarily forgetting his frustration. “C-Jes.”

Her body freezes. “Baek Chang Ju?”

“Not him, noona. There are other managers in the company—“

“No.” Jihyo cuts in before he can explain. “Definitely not. It’s his company, you can’t avoid him so easily. Why would you go there after you know what happened?”

“That’s your business.” He shoots back, properly ticked off now. “I’m not you, noona. I wouldn