Yena and the rest of her members were on the backstage listening to the crew and staff for the next performance. It was just a run-through of their performance plan. Yena was staring out to the stage while listening and watching Yuri’s performance. It’s fascinating to her. She never paid that much attention before to other group’s performance. She would watch if she happened to be around but that’s it. However now, she definitely would be around to watch every single of Yuri’s performance when she’s around the younger. 

Yena couldn’t see Yuri’s face, that’s definite. She could only see the younger’s movement and she could see how much hard work the younger put in it. It made her proud. When she saw Yuri slightly wobbled on stage, it directly made her frown. She wondered what’s going on to the younger when Yuri danced so perfectly earlier. Then she saw the struggle Yuri was having and she ended up focusing on what the cause of it. That moment, she got a bad feeling.

When she saw Yuri started to lose her balance, she no longer cared of the talk of their performance as her feet started to move without she realised, bringing her towards Yuri. What happened was waking her instinct up. She made a run of her life towards Yuri to catch the younger. It’s the scariest moment of her life when she saw the younger fell down like in a slow motion. The idea of Yuri got hurt scared her even more than jumping down the stage to catch the younger or what would happen after that. 

When her arms managed to have a hold on Yuri, that’s when she could feel a tiny sense of relief. It’s a proof that she successfully caught Yuri. She managed to manoeuvre her body under the younger, becoming Yuri’s mattress for the impact and that movement caused their body slightly rolled to the side. She protect the younger’s head with her right arm, palm covering Yuri’s head and her right arm shielding Yuri’s face and her left arm hugging the younger as their body fell down. She had her eyes closed, getting ready for the impact. As long as Yuri was fine, whatever happened to her, it didn’t matter. She promised to protect and keep the younger safe anyway. 

Loud clang and the sound of body hit the ground resonating in the huge concert hall. Yena hit her body on the barricade that usually separated the audience from the stage before falling down to the ground close to it.  The next thing that Yena could feel was extreme pain running down her entire body. It’s like there wasn’t any part of her body that didn’t feel pain at that moment. She groaned at the pain she was feeling before she kept it in, remembering the person in her arms.  The pain didn’t stop Yena to try to check on Yuri as she was doing her best to open her eyes, trying to focus on Yuri, seeing the younger dark locks of hair. Everything was so hazy to Yena. It’s bright, it’s noisy when all she wanted to see and hear was Yuri. 

“Hamyul…” She whispered, blinking a few times to keep herself awake as she felt her body shutting down from the overwhelming pain she was feeling.

“A-are you o-okay?” She managed to force it out before she lost her consciousness, not even knowing what happened to herself or heard Yuri’s answer. The last thing she remembered was Yuri moved in her embrace, didn’t know if someone tried to pry the younger away from her or the movement came from Yuri.

***

Safe. That’s the first word that came to Yuri’s mind when she felt someone’s arms wrapped around her body. She knew it wasn’t a guy from the figure of the person hugging her. She probably had known who was the one behind her. It’s that moment, denial, when ones knew what’s going on, but refused to believe on it because their instinct told them that a bad thing had happened and in this case, to the person who caught her. The idea of that person getting hurt more than her, when it’s supposed to be just her really terrified her.

But there’s nothing that she could do. In a split second, she felt the bump and heard the loud clang of metal. Her stomach churned in fear of the person that had become her mattress. She wasn’t hurt much except for her sprained ankle and a sting on her wrist, alarming her of the cut.

Then she heard the whisper of her nickname and the fear kicked in as she could no longer deny the fact that Yena was the one catching her. Why did Yena do that? She wanted to scold the older for it. But she understood, because she would do the same thing if she saw that happening to the older. 

Yuri wanted to get out of Yena’s hold. She needed to check on the older. She heard footsteps coming closer to them from various directions. Her members were shouting. Yena’s members were shouting. However, she didn’t want to hear all of that. She just wanted to hear Yena’s voice, so she knew the older was fine.

“Yes.” Yuri quickly answered as she heard the question coming from Yena in a stutter. It made her panic and she moved the older’s arms from her and she could feel the lack of strength in it. 

She frantically got up when she successfully removed Yena’s arms off her. The moment she turned around to look at Yena, her heart sunk. Tears started to well up in her eyes and she couldn’t stop herself from crying. 

“No.. no.. no.. no..” Fear and panic clearly laced in her voice from finding unconscious Yena.

Yuri could see blood staining Yena’s blonde hair in a red patch. She could see small cuts on Yena’s skin from the abrasion with the ground and the barricade. Bruise also started to form on Yena’s fair skin. Yuri heard people shouting to call for an ambulance but the clearest one among all was Eunbi’s voice among all of those. 

“Wake up please.” Yuri’s voice was broken. It would be the most heartbreaking scene that everyone was ever saw Yuri was in.

“You promised not to leave me.” Yuri told the older. 

Clearly no one understood what was being said. From the way it sounded, it made them believe that the two were a couple when in fact, they were not. They were just struggling mending their friendship until now that made Yuri thought of why she didn’t just confidently approach Yena the moment she knew about the older’s identity. Why should they waste so much time being away after they found one another?

Now, all Yuri could do was holding Yena’s hand, didn’t dare to move the older, afraid to inflict more damage instead of helping. Rose and Violet’s members gather around with the managers, staffs and guards. Other idols tried to go and see what’s going on but was quickly ushered away except for those already on scene.

“Yena unnie…” Yuri couldn’t stop her tears by now, crying her heart out. 

The younger didn’t even bother to move from her spot, still holding on Yena’s hands tightly even when her manager and members tried to pry her away. In the end, the tug on her body and the try of coaxing her away stopped. All she could hear was Chaeyeon told their managers to just leave her alone with Yena. 

Yuri was too focus on Yena that she didn’t realise that she broke her bracelet into two. Hyewon noticed it. The pieces of the bracelet were laying on the floor. Hyewon knelt down to pick it up for Yuri. All Hyewon could do was staring at Yuri, knowing whatever she did would just be useless, no point in trying to cheer the younger up at this moment. The only thing that could make Yuri feel better would be seeing Yena awake and well. 

“It’s my fault.” Yuri started to blame herself at Yena’s condition. 

A squeeze on Yuri’s shoulder made Yuri turned to face the person who did that. Chaewon shook her head, telling the younger not to do that at all.

“Don’t. Yena wouldn’t like to see you blame yourself.” Another squeeze of reassurance could be felt by Yuri as she looked at Chaewon with tears running down her cheeks. It’s a really heartbreaking scene to those who saw how Yuri was that day. 

“Just stay right next to her until the ambulance comes. Knowing Yena, she probably would just need that, after everything.” Chaewon sounded earnest at that time. Yuri could only nod and looked back at Yena. 

Minju was hugging Yujin as the two cried looking at Yena’s condition. Chaewon wanted to cry but she held it back, Nako too. Meanwhile, their leader was too busy to do so. If Eunbi cried, it felt like the end and she got a lot to do like making sure the ambulance reached them fast.

“Where’s the ambulance?” Eunbi literally shouted, in frustration of course. She was panicking although trying hard not to.

“It’s on its way here.” The staff told them. 

“You better hang in there, Choi Yena.” Eunbi muttered under her breath, holding Yena’s other hand.

Chaeyeon knelt down next to Yuri, taking the hand where Yuri got cut on. She looked at it, seeing that it wasn’t a deep cut and the blood had stopped. Chaeyeon brushed Yuri’s hair while the younger only stared at Yena, only the sound of Yuri’s sobbing could be heard from time to time. Chaeyeon saw that Yuri’s ankle wasn’t in the best condition too as the leader could see that it was swollen by now but Yuri didn’t seem to feel it by now, completely unaware by her own condition as Yuri was worrying over Yena right now. 

 People around them were whispering but it’s none of their concern right now. They just wanted to ambulance to come and brought Yena to the hospital to get proper treatment. 

Finally, the paramedics came and Yuri needed to let Yena go as they were separated into two different ambulance. Yena was brought to one ambulance with Eunbi following in it while for Yuri with Chaeyeon following in it. The rest of the members joined in with their respective managers to go to the hospital after each of the group managers told the staff of the high possibility of the two groups not performing for KCON.

***

The two ended up hospitalised. Yuri insisted not to because all she had was a sprained ankle and a 5-cm cut on the side of her arm near her wrist. However, her members and manager were panicking over it which eventually made her agree to it. She just wanted to go find Yena as fast as she possibly could. Maybe she should do what Yena did all the time which was making an escape to the older’s room. 

“What do you want or need, Yuri-ah?” Chaeyeon asked. The ones in her room were only her members since their manager was busy dealing with cancelling their performance and made a call to the company regarding the situation they were in. 

Yuri knew that most probably her name was already trending in all news sites and social medias, along with Yena’s. Honestly, she didn’t care much about it. They could make all the news they wanted by now as long as Yena was fine. All she needed was to see the older.

“Yena. I need to see Yena.” Yuri replied simply because everyone was literally stopped her from doing so the moment they stepped into the hospital, somehow separating the two of them from being together.

“Yuri-ah. You still need to rest.” Chaeyeon assured. 

“Why do I feel that you’re stopping me from looking for Yena?” Yuri asked their leader, directly to the point. There’s no point in beating around the bush in this kind of situation.

“We’re not, okay? It’s just that Yena still needed her rest.” Chaeyeon tried to explain. 

It’s not that Chaeyeon didn’t want to let Yuri go see Yena. It’s just that Chaeyeon didn’t want Yuri to see how bad Yena’s condition was and she didn’t want Yuri to blame herself for it. Yena had dislocated shoulder on her right side from taking the impact of the fall on it, two cracked ribs on the right side, her entire back was bruised up, not to mention some cuts on Yena’s arms and legs and the wound the side of Yena’s head. Luckily that the injury on the head wasn’t that serious.

“I promise that when Yena wake up. I’ll bring you there.” Chaeyeon told Yuri, knowing Yuri would definitely be stubborn at that moment. 

Yuri had already started sulking. Her head started to plan on way to escape this room and went to look for Yena. She knew though, that in her condition, her members would easily catch her back into the bed. Come on, Yuri. Think.

“You better don’t try anything, Yuri.” Chaeyeon warned Yuri first, knowing that Yuri had started to plan something from the look of their main vocal. 

“Unnie… can’t you just let me see Yena unnie for a while?” Yuri muttered weakly, knowing she had lost the fight before even starting. 

“You can’t, Yuri-ah.” It broke Chaeyeon’s heart to see Yuri like this but she needed to be strict in this. Their manager was pretty lenient but Chaeyeon didn’t think that she would be when Yuri’s in this kind of condition and Yena too. Things wouldn’t be that huge if Yena didn’t get involved. Since Yena got involved, everything went literally crazy. It’s just that all of them kept it hidden from Yuri. 

How they would approach this whole news, they still didn’t know it. However, Chaeyeon knew that their manager had let out a news on how Yuri wasn’t in serious condition and wished Yuri for quick recovery and also Yena. They couldn’t say that it’s a separate incident because they owed Yena for saving Yuri. At least, they wouldn’t do something like that. Although it did result in a bigger news of it, like speculation of Yena and Yuri were dating, some hate thrown to Yuri making Yena got hurt, things of the sort. Not all negatives coming from the news though, all of their fans thanking Yena for saving Yuri and some praised Yena’s act and more rational fans of Violet didn’t blame Yuri for Yena’s action, trusting Yena’s action that it must be for the good.

Chaeyeon saw the news from Yena’s side. The statement was simple, pretty much like them. They didn’t need to worry public way too much about it. The two side decided to do so. Yeah, she had a discussion with Eunbi and their managers about it. That’s also the reason why she knew Yena’s condition. 

“Listen to Chaeyeon this time, okay?” Hyewon finally spoke, advising the younger but she already knew that Yuri was sulking because of it. 

“Why… why not?” Yuri stubbornly asked. 

She had been in the hospital for hours but she still didn’t get to see Yena. The first reason was to let the doctor check on her. Then the reason was Yena was still under treatment. Now, they said Yena needed rest. It made Yuri frustrated for not being able to do anything. 

Everyone in the room knew Yuri’s frustration and they felt the same too. They wanted the best for Yuri while Yuri felt guilty and worry of Yena. They also knew if Yuri’s ankle wasn’t swollen right now, she would already be running out of the room the moment the doctor finished checking on her. Not being able to see Yena made Yuri felt like she was abandoning Yena when Yena had risked her life to safe her. 

“Can’t you just trust me for it?” Chaeyeon told the younger.

“Unnie…” Yuri directly whined. “You’re not making sense. It won’t do any harm to anyone for me to see Yena.” 

It would do harm to you though.

The members looked at one another wondering if they should let Yuri go see Yena when all of them agreed not to let Yuri do so after they discussed about it earlier after they checked on Yena secretly by leaving on groups so that Yuri wasn’t suspicious of it. 

“Just imagine if one of you don’t get to see me after that news. Would you guys be happy with it? No matter how bad it is, at least, let me see her.” Yuri tried to persuade her members, trying to talk some sense to them.

“I’ll call and ask Eunbi unnie about it.” Chaeyeon walked out of the room with a phone on her hand to contact Violet’s leader.

In the end, Yuri got to see Yena. Chaeyeon got Yuri on a wheelchair to go visit Yena. Everyone followed Yuri though, being concern of Yena as well, especially when Violet’s main rapper got hurt because of saving Yuri. 

The moment Yuri saw Eunbi and the rest of Violet’s members, Yuri directly bowed to apologise to them. 

“I’m really sorry. It’s my fault.” 

“Trust me. You don’t need to.” Eunbi assured Yuri about it and Yuri could see all the members nodded in agreement.

“Yena unnie would blame herself if she didn’t do that. We sort of knew and accepted that fact the moment we saw it happened.” Yujin told Yuri about it. 

Violet was literally so understanding about it. Yuri expected them to blame her, scold her or anything. It made Yuri felt even more guilty for it. Yuri rolled the wheelchair closer to the bed and held Yena’s hand once again, looking at the older sleeping.

“And you should know that accident could happen anytime and we never could predict it. So, you shouldn’t blame yourself over what happened. Okay?” Chaewon told Yuri, understanding how Yuri must have feel. She also understood what she said would mean nothing to Yuri. Until Yena woke up, Yuri would keep blaming herself and maybe would continue to do so until Yena completely recovered.

All of them did approach this matter as rational as they possibly could. Because they knew if they let emotion get in the way, it would definitely end up in argument, a fight of throwing blame and it wouldn’t profit anyone. It would just end a friendship that they had built with one another. And all of them knew that Yena definitely wouldn’t want that to happen. 

Yuri was silent for her entire time there. All she did was looking at Yena while holding at the older’s hand. She wished that Yena could feel her presence and that she was there to give the older’s strength, just like how they would when they were kids. 

In the end, the two groups spent time together until it’s time for Yuri to go back to her room because it’s getting late and Yuri listened to Chaeyeon’s words this time and not being stubborn because the leader did agree to let her see Yena, even for much longer than she asked for. 

***

It had been a day, Yena lay down unconscious. It’s about time for Yena to wake up, that’s what the doctor told her members. 

Small twitch of fingers and eyelids followed the process of Yena waking up. She squinted her eyes, still not getting used to the brightness of the room. Yena could feel how heavy her body was as she still tried to register what was going on. For sure, she knew she was in the hospital. She spent years of her childhood smelling this sterile antiseptic smell of the place. 

She blinked her exhaustion away and thought of what was going on for her to be there. Closing her eyes momentarily, she let out a sigh before opening it again to stare at the white ceiling. Okay. She remembered. She jumped to catch Yuri. 

Yuri…

That’s when she forced herself to get up which directly made her groaned in pain. Her members directly stood up from sitting on the couch towards the bed, seeing what she was doing. 

“Yah… are you crazy?” The first one to scold Yena was Chaewon.

“Lay down, unnie.” Minju quickly went to Yena’s side to help the older to lean back down.

“No. I need to see Yuri.” Yena pushed Minju’s hand away gently with her left arm that’s not bandaged. 

Every single movement she did made her body scream in pain. She hissed slightly from it but it didn’t stop her. She had pulled the blanket off her and she slid her feet down as she slightly shivered when her bare feet touched the cold floor. 

“Get back to your bed.” Eunbi stood in front of Yena and placed her arms on Yena’s shoulders to stop Yena from getting up. 

“We could just call Yuri here.” Yujin told Yena. “So, please just rest, unnie.” 

“No. I need to go and see her with my own eyes.” Yena stubbornly said. She didn’t know why but the moment she woke up, her mind told her to look for Yuri. Yena pushed Eunbi gently away, not wanting to fight but she definitely would do that if they still tried to keep her in the room.

Everyone tried to stop her. Her members and manager came to stand in front of Yena. Yena sat down on the bed, glaring at each one of them. 

“Just go away.” Yena told them, standing up and held in the pain she was feeling. Although she did let out sigh to keep up with her facade.

She pushed everyone away. She wouldn’t let them know that she was in pain or the chance to see Yuri would directly be gone. Even right now, she was still struggling to get to go see Yuri. She also knew that they wouldn’t touch her, that’s why she was using it to her advantage as well. She looked around and stood in front of Yujin. 

“Tell me where Yuri’s room is.” Yena asked. 

 There’s only one destination in mind for her. She needed a conclusion. She had this urge to go and see Yuri. If she didn’t do that, she would be worried sick. Besides, she needed to show Yuri that she was fine. 

Yujin took her phone out and Yena placed her hand over Yujin’s phone. She looked into Yujin’s eyes. She was serious, eyes filled with her resolution to just go look for Yuri instead of asking the younger to come to her. She had her own reason and she didn’t need to explain it to others about it. 

“Just tell me where her room is.” Yena repeated and there’s this tone in Yena’s voice that told them that she wasn’t joking at all. The tone that one knew that they couldn’t and shouldn’t lie or hold back any information. 

Yujin kept quiet, everyone was. Their manager was standing next to Yujin and all of them tempted to just call Yuri to come but they also knew that Yena wouldn’t let them do so. Eunbi silently tried to signal Nako to do so for being the furthest away from Yena. 

“Won’t tell me? I’ll go ask the nurse.” Yena held Yujin’s shoulder and pushed the younger away. She held the IV pole and brought it with her as she slowly walked. 

“Come back here. Don’t make me ask the doctor and nurse to knock you out just so that you wouldn’t hurt yourself further.” The manager was the one being strict this time.

Yena stopped on her track. She looked at her manager in the eyes, literally with eyebrows creased, wanting to debate this whole thing. In the end, she tore her gaze away and looked at Yujin. The only person she believed would trust her. Chaewon would too but her roommate highly would ask her to rest than agreeing to her idea.

“I have my own reason, Yujin-ah. So, tell me where Yuri room is. It’s something that couldn’t be settled with asking Yuri to come here.” Yena told Yujin and Yena could see that Yujin was already contemplating to help her but still got pressured by her other members and their manager. 

“Room 312.” Yujin told Yena while ignoring the stare coming from everyone. Clearly everyone scolded her silently. Still, she would always believe in Yena. Like she had always promised Yena, she would always help the older in every way she could.

“Thank you.” Yena told Yujin sincerely, thanking the younger’s trust on her. 

Yena embarked on her journey to look for Yuri and Yujin stopped the members and their manager to follow her while reasoned to them to trust her judgement. Yena could hear them arguing however when silence came and she could hear footsteps behind her, it seemed that they agreed to let her do what she wanted.

 Pain was clear as day painted on her face and worries was reflected in her eyes. The reason behind her worries were a lot. She was worried of Yuri’s condition. Hearing from her members’ way of speaking, she got the gist that Yuri was in a good condition. Still, if she didn’t see it by her own eyes, she wouldn’t feel relieved. The other reason would be she needed to assure Yuri of her condition. She wouldn’t want Yuri to blame herself. There’s also other reasons that she couldn’t exactly describe with words. It was just there inside of her lurking, making her nervous. 

Pushing herself to get through the pain in every step she took while pushing the IV pole, she headed to Yuri’s room. She could see the nurses tried to stop her but cancelled it even before she could tell them. She believed that the people behind her were the one signalling them not to. So, she silently thanked her members and her manager. It’s something that she wouldn’t ever tell them but she did feel grateful with it.

When she reached in front of the door to Yuri’s room, she knocked on it a few times, her members were behind her. She could hear people mumbling in the room but turned silent upon her knocking. Soon enough, she heard ‘come in’ from behind the door, she pushed the door open. The look of surprise came from the people inside. However, none of that mattered, only one coming from the person in bed was the most important one. She could see Yuri almost jumped out of the bed from seeing her and she definitely noticed the bandage around the younger’s ankle. Still holding in her pain, she definitely didn’t show it in her face. She wouldn’t let the younger worried.

“Stupid duck.” She slightly chuckled at the scolding and glare given by Yuri before that glare turned into a look of concern.

“That’s right.” She definitely also heard what her members and manager said, even if it’s a small whisper.

“You could just call me and tell me that you’re awake, unnie.” Another scolding came from Yuri and Yena just shrugged as the answer. Seemingly the only scolding that came from the younger was what Yena accepted without any argument. In fact, Yena couldn’t stop smiling at all. These scoldings weren’t new at all. She had experienced it so many times in the past. Her parents, the nurses and doctor that handled her also knew that only Yuri that could give Yena warning or scolding and Yena would just listen. It was amusing as always when that happened. Yuri who was younger than Yena could be more mature than Yena, not to mention Yuri was still very young back then.

She staggered into the room, making her way towards Yuri. Yuri was already out of the bed and stood on her spot. Yuri slightly limped towards Yena and met Yena a few steps away from the bed. At first their respective members wanted to help the two but the two had shut them out of their world. Yena’s hand stretched out with a smile that only grew wider on her face. Those around them could only watch the interaction while the two were already in their own world. 

Yena could see the tears in Yuri’s eyes from being up close to the younger but Yuri held it in, making Yuri’s eyes were even more beautiful at how her tears made her eyes sparkle. Yuri was feeling guilty that Yena got hurt because of her and Yena knew that. This was the reason for her visit. The only person who could make Yuri didn’t feel so was only her. She was the reason behind the guilt and self blaming that Yuri was having and she was the only person that could erase it. 

 This incident wasn’t totally bad news, to Yena. This whole incident made her realise something. The moment her feet made a run towards the younger and how she felt at that moment, how every second was so important and that she needed to be brave like how she jumped off that stage just to make sure that Yuri was safe. It’s supposed to be just like that. Simple. No need to think too much and let it go like how it always was. In order to do that, they needed to go back to the past, to the time when everything began.

Basically, the two of them were wrong for thinking that they were running to the future them. The truth was they were running to the past. Everything that happened was trying to lead them back to that moment when everything began. Her self searching, earning Yuri’s trust, Yuri trying to trust Yena again and opening herself up, all led up to this moment when the two of them breaking the wall that separating them to close the gap in between them. 

“Hello, I’m Yena.”

This moment they had right now, made Yuri realised the same thing. It replayed perfectly for the two of them, their first meeting. Yena was in her hospital pyjamas just like how she was when she’s a kid while Yuri was in the same hospital pyjamas instead of pink teddy bear pyjamas. Holding Yena’s hand, Yuri’s lips also broke into a smile, the smile that Yena had been missing to be directed just for her.

“I’m Yuri.” 

This time, it’s Yuri that close the gap between the two and the younger engulfed Yena in a hug which making Yena let go of her composure and just trusted Yuri to hold her. Yena rested herself in Yuri’s embrace although she didn’t put her weight on it because she knew Yuri was hurt as well. The younger’s touch was still warm, comforting, as how she could remember. The most important thing from it was whatever pain she was feeling right now slowly subsided, just like how she remembered whenever the younger gave her a hug when she was in pain after all the therapies she did. It’s as if Yuri was telling her that it was alright, that her source of strength was there, her Hamyul. 

Like how it was in the past, Yena wouldn’t admit anything that she was in pain. She would keep it in for the sake of not making Yuri worried, especially right now it happened because of her trying to protect Yuri. So, not a chance she would say that it hurt even though her entire body was literally in pain right now. If she was going to break every bones she had or even risking her life in order to protect Yuri, she wouldn’t hesitate even a little bit. It’s a promise that she would keep for as long as she’s breathing.

“Finally…” Yena whispered. You acknowledge me.

You found me.

Along the way, we lost ourselves and seeing you again, making me realise that I needed to find that me again, the me before I change. 

The one when everything was simple, just you and me, talking, walking or be in one another’s presence. 

During these months, I can now proudly say that I’ve found that part of myself, the part of myself that I’ve forgotten and the part of myself that you love, the real me. 

During these months, I try to learn to trust you again and to let go of my insecurities so that I could have the courage to make the first step in loving you.

Now, I could face you to tell you 

that this is me 

that I acknowledge you.