A/N: I thought I was done with this. Clearly I was lying to myself. 

Have this bonus exploring Jennie's POV of their high school events.

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She sees them at school together. Before Jisoo and Chaeyoung get back together after their fall out. Chaeyoung makes friends with the new girl Nayeon. She doesn't know what to think. Or how to feel. It brings back memories of the past. Memories of her and Chaeyoung getting to know each other. Her running into her at the bridge, at her dad’s auto shop. She remembers their first kiss at Kai’s party how soft her lips felt against hers. How she kissed her in the motel room when they found out her dad was going to be alright. Her body pressed into hers, her hands gentle and warm on her, her arms wrapping around her like a security blanket.

Her touch was always so tender, as if she was touching a masterpiece. She felt more like herself when she was around Chaeyoung than when she was on her own. Her voice, her words so warm and comforting not once judgemental but patient and loving. Her openness so unfamiliar yet so welcoming. It was terrifying and it exhilarating. It ended so soon.

She sees how Jisoo and Chaeyoung slowly start talking again. Right after their trip with the dance team. Notices the cautious way Chaeyoung approaches her at first. It was always Chaeyoung who made the first move, until Jisoo starts approaching her first. And then the touching starts happening, the hand holding, the hugs and just like the that their natural state of their friendship came to be.

She makes her own fair share of groveling when it came to Jisoo. Because she was the first friend she made when she moved her, because if there was anyone who deserved happiness in this world was her. And because out of this whole mess with Chaeyoung she hates the way Jisoo got hurt as if she was nothing more than a casualty.

As time goes on she sees at the development on Jisoo’s and Chaeyoung’s relationship. Sees how Chaeyoung confesses to Jisoo and how Jisoo, just like Jennie did, pushes her away yet keeps close, just enough to keep her interested. And then she looks at the mess Jisoo makes when she sleeps with someone else after stringing Chaeyoung along. She lends an ear when Jisoo blames herself, hear’s how Jisoo tells her she once thought of hurting Chae the same way she hurt her but now that it has happened it turned out to be the last thing she wanted.

Jennie tells her, she knows she didn’t sleep with Taehyung out of spite. Tells her she knows why she did it and she tells her that it’s because she can see how much Jisoo loves Chaeyoung as both a friend and something more that she knows they’ll come out of it. And that is because they both know how noble Chaeyoung can be that she will forgive her if only she was honest with her.

She hates how she wishes to have listened to her own advice before this whole mess started. And as much as she tries to deny it, which she doesn’t, Jennie knows that Chaeyoungs's heart wasn't with her. Not anymore. At least that's what she tells herself. It made it easier to be away from her then, and seeing her with Jisoo, it makes it that much easier to be away from her now.

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Jennie doesn't think about her often. She tries not to at least. In fact tries not to think about either of them at all. Thinking about her or them brings up a cascade of unwelcomed emotions, it brings waves of uncertainty. Feelings that she’s not willing to waste any time on, because what is the point. So she sticks with what she knows.

She stays in her room works on her mixes, draws on her sketchbook, redecorates her room. Talks to her dad on the phone or e-mails him. She hangs out with Irene or some of the other girls from the cheerleading team. She just tries to stay busy, because if she stays busy then she her mind has not time to think about her.

It’s not always as easy of course. They are, at the end of the day, on the same dance team. So of course she comes to mind, how could she not. It’s hard to not be pulled by her, she was pulled towards her since she helped her with her car, since she decided to be open and just ignore her sassy comments. And God how much does she hate that feeling. She hates her stupid grin, her stupid giggle, her stupid brown eyes, and most of all she hates the way she’s looking at Jisoo because it was the same way she used to look at her.

Another time it happens is whenever she works on her mixes. Because she thinks about the way Chaeyoung told her, her art matters and the way she so clearly meant it, because it was thanks to her comment that she so clearly starts seeing music as her actual future and not just a hobby. Because she hates how her last mixes are all made out of love and heartbreak songs and hates how her first thought after she’s done is what would Chaeyoung think?

And then it also happens whenever she walks down the by the river and stops on that stupid bridge. She thinks about how the brunette looked the night after her first showcase, all broody, looking thoughtful at the river below and the way she let a genuine happy smile spread over before she offered her a ride, she thinks about the talks they had here throughout their whole will they won’t they face before Jennie chickened out at the last minute. Jennie throws a rock towards the water just so the thought of her can fade out of her mind like her reflection does in the water.

Happy. The one word she couldn’t wrap her mind around. Not until her. And even then it was fast. It came and went as fast as it started. Because they were either good with each other or at odds with one another. Never together, but never completely apart. Everything about them felt like a huge mistake. The kind you just can't look away from. And she hates the way her mind and heart conclude is the one mistake she wants to rectify and can’t.

When she moved on she tried to hate her, she tried to blame her for it, tried to hate Jisoo for it. God did she try. But in the end, when she shut her eyes at night, when she looks at them during practice, she knows she was as much to blame for the chaos as Chaeyoung was. Chaeyoung was open and Jennie pushed her away. The Jennie was open and Chaeyoung pushed her away. And she knows Jisoo is not to blame in all of this. Jennie was never honest with her about her feelings and who’s Jennie to blame her best friend for going after what she wanted instead of running like a coward?

Jennie wonders if she'll always feel this way about her, or if time will erase her from her mind. She knows, eventually, she'll have to stop thinking about her at night before she goes to bed. She'll have to move on, find someone new.

Because she has.

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When Jisoo and Chaeyoung break up again. Jennie hates how she’s glad about it, because what kind of friend gets happy about her best friend’s break up? It made her look like all of this was some elaborate plan, get drunk, kiss Chaeyoung so they could break up. And it wasn’t. Nothing about it was planned.

A few days after their break up she approaches Chaeyoung, apologizes for kissing, for ruining her relationship with Jisoo again and then she ignores the sound of her heart breaking for the nth time when Chaeyoung tells her she loves Jisoo and that she’ll get her back somehow.

And then she gathers courage again and tells Chaeyoung that she although she was sorry about what happened, she didn’t regret it because she loved her. Her heart breaks again when all she hears back is an ‘Oh’. And so she takes some distance, from Chaeyoung to mend to her broken heart and from Jisoo out of her request, Jennie still feel the sting on her face from how hard Jisoo slapped her, not that she blamed her.

It's late afternoon, and Jennie sits in her designated corner at Claire’s Cafe during her break, a coffee cup on her left and her homework in front of her. She brought her sketchbook with her, but she leaves it closed away from her it has been a while since she last was able to draw anything. And so she settles for doing her english homework quietly.

Irene asks her if she wants coffee refills and keeps her entertained with stories of her relationship with Seulgi. Jennie smiles and listens and nods her head at all the appropriate times. She thinks about how happy Irene and Seulgi look together, like they are meant to be and she wonders why she can't find the same thing. Do people really always leave? Or do they just always leave her?

"I think you got question four wrong" Chaeyoung says and steps to the side of the table so that she can face her. She talks to her as if they haven’t ignored each other for weeks and so Jennie doesn’t know what to do about it.

Jennie's face stays stiff, and she looks up staring back at her brown eyes. Hating the way her heart skips a beat at her cute grin. "Usually people say 'hi' before they stare over your shoulder."

"I wasn't staring… just glancing." She replies, and Jennie rolls her eyes. “There’s a difference.” She clarifies laughing a bit. And God is it awkward and has no clue on how to work around it. Because things were not like that with them, the conversation would always flow between them. But then again a lot of things have changed.

She glances up again and sees Chaeyoung standing there looking down at her. So she gestures for her to take the chair beside her. “Since you all so knowing in Math…” Chaeyoung smiles and takes a seat surveying the table with all of her belongings spread out upon it.

"So what are you up to?" She asks as she takes the book from her.

Jennie thinks about her question, realizes there are tons of things she could tell her, things that she wants to tell her. Bigs things happening in her life other than the usual but she doesn’t want to open up like that. And so she settles for the safest option.

"Not really. You?"

"No, just the regular stuff." She replies with another shrug.

Jennie nods and they fall into an awkward silence. “How was the gala?” She asks knowing the gala Jisoo’s parents were hosting had been during the weekend. Not that she cared, but it was all Jisoo could talk about for months and because she knows the two of them well she knows they still went together at the insistence of Jisoo’s parents.

“Um, it was okay.” She stars fumbling with the corner of her book. “We talked… cleared stuff up.” She continues biting her lip. “She helped me realize somethings… about me.” And the ways she says it has Jennie wondering if that’s the reason Chaeyoung is here right now. “Have you drawn anything new?" She asks with interest and how Jennie has missed talking to someone who understands.

"I think my creativity has taken a permanent vacation. I keep trying to think of what to draw, but all I'm getting is a blank and so here I am doing homework instead."

Chaeyoung thinks over her words. "Well writer's read when they get blocked, right? Maybe you just need to go to a museum or something."

"Yeah...I don't know if that will really help."

"It couldn't hurt." She smiles at her brightly.

"Probably not," She agrees and can't but help but smile too. Because she missed this, missed her endless optimism. Chaeyoung check her watch and shift in her seat. She stares at her for a few seconds until she finds her eye line again.

"I should probably get going but… maybe we could go to the museum tomorrow? See if we can get your creativity back?” She asks her. Jennie can see the hidden question there. ‘Can we start over?’

And so she lets a small smile slip from her lips as she nods. “I’d like that, text me the details?”

Her smile is so bright yet so warm Jennie feels she could stare at it forever. "Okay, I’ll see around them.” Jennie nods as she leaves, but loves the way her words hold a promise, the way her invite holds a promise to start over. Maybe she’s wishful thinking, but if she can at least have Chaeyoung as a friend then that’s all she can really ask for.

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When they get together Jennie feels a different kind of happy. She feels complete, she wonders if this is they way Seulgi and Irene feel all the time. She admits she almost screwed it up again. She almost let her own fears win. She supposes all of the drama they have been through is to blame. When Chaeyoung was free, Jennie wasn’t and when Jennie was free, Chaeyoung wasn’t and now that they both where free Jennie was scared of what it meant.

She feels like maybe she wasn’t ready. But at the the same time she knows the fear comes from how much things have ed up everytime they are even close to be something. And then wonders about that story about the string of fate her grandmother had told her about years ago. She wonders if maybe her and Chaeyoung where tied by that string and just now was the thread starting to unravel into something clear, something sure, something safe.

It all comes crashing down soon enough, and part of her thinks ‘Of course, of course this has to happen because God forbid I can actually be happy.’ And then she reigns it all in because it wasn’t about her. It was about Chaeyoung who was fighting for her life in a hospital bed.

Jennie was never the religious type, never went to church or pray every night. But she finds herself doing so daily. Every day before she heads up to Chaeyoung’s room, every night before she goes to sleep. Her drawings are just blurs of reds and blacks of desperation at feeling so… helpless.

Jisoo comes with her everytime. She walks with her to the chapel like an unspoken agreement. And they both sit do their own thing and always wait for other so they can head up at the same time. They both sit on different sides of the bed sometimes, and the each hold one of her hands. It was as if the were both holding on to Chaeyoung and refusing to let go.

Jisoo comes back after visiting Irene and Jennie holds her tongue at asking her if she’s okay, because she sees the glassy eyes and the longing look she give to Chaeyoung. Jennie visits Irene after that.

It’s almost like some stupid drama and Jennie wants to laugh, and yell and scream at the same time, because of course her girlfriend has to wake up the moment her and Jisoo make up as if it was some twisted way of destiny to say. You want to be happy? Then get your together and fix the mess you made. And so she does, they all do, and Jennie finally feels at home.

She finally feels happy and complete.