11 days should be enough to prepare oneself for anything, right? Sehun used to think so too, until he was thrown into a situation like that. And considering the thing he was supposed to brace himself for, he wouldn’t have been able to prepare himself even if he had been given a lifetime, let alone 11 days.

Sehun had spent those 11 days either being lost in a daze or trying to make himself believe that whatever Yun Hee had mentioned that night was just something that had happened at the heat of the moment. It was only the delusion that kept him from losing his sanity completely. His emotions had become a total mess. One minute, he would feel like destroying everything around himself and revel at the feeling of it; while the next minute, he would feel like just hiding himself in somewhere dark so that nobody could find him. His mind had become so distracted that it had even started affecting his work, making his father suggest him to take a few days off.

Being around Yun Hee had never felt harder before. Every time he would find her in front of him, his pulse would quicken and his palms would start sweating at the thought of her mentioning that ‘divorce’ thing again. So the only solution would be staying away from her, right? Except staying away from her seemed to make him even more paranoid. The thought of Yun Hee leaving in his absence bugged him constantly until he gave in to the temptation of being in her presence again. Sehun had never felt that conflicted in his whole life.

Yun Hee was pretty much the same as before. It was as if their conversation that night on the rooftop had never happened. She would still calmly eat her meals with him, avoid him like a plague for the rest of the day and pretend to be asleep when Sehun would talk to their unborn child every night. Those little talks at night, those would be the only times they would actually have some interactions, even though one-sided.

Still no matter how hard those 11 days had proven to be for Sehun, he had never thought he would actually see Yun Hee standing beside their bed after a long day of work, holding out a document towards him that had the two words ‘Divorce Agreement’ written in bold letters at the very front page. He had just gotten on the bed after changing into pyjamas when she, also clad in her pyjamas just like him, came towards the bed holding those papers in her hand.

When Yun Hee had brought up the matter of divorce all those nights ago, Sehun had actually examined her face for any hint of a joke; even though both of them had been crying and stuff. Sure, the past few months had been very painful for her and it had been all because of him. But he could have never imagined that Yun Hee would want to end everything between them for real. Hadn’t she promised to stay with him forever? Then why was she thinking about ending their marriage once and for all? Why was she holding out those papers towards him with that blank expression on her face?

“Sign them”, Yun Hee said as she held out the paper towards him. Simple and sharp, without any further ado, as if she didn’t want any kind of discussion from him.

Sehun gawked at her for a while, trying to find any hint of mischief on her face out of reflex. She could not be serious, could she? But when even after searching for about 2 minutes, he found her nothing but dead serious, panic washed over him like a flood. His palms started sweating while his head started spinning madly with scary thoughts.

“Is it some kind of a joke?” Sehun still tried his luck, not being able to take the seriousness on her face anymore. He looked down at the papers she wanted him to sign and then looked up again to see her face. “If it is, then it’s not funny.”

Yun Hee dropped the papers on the bed right beside him before moving away towards the dresser and sitting down with her back facing him. It was as if his words didn’t quite reach her ears, or maybe she didn’t let them, she continued while combing her hair. “I have claimed no alimony from you, so that should not be an issue…”

“Yun Hee, don’t say anymore.”

“…I will move out of this house, so you can keep it…”

“Hee, what are you saying?”

“…About our shared properties, you can consult a lawyer and he or she can discuss with mine on how to divide them equally…”

“Hee, please.”

“…And about our baby, both of us can have full custody over…”

“Oh Yun Hee, I said, stop this nonsense RIGHT NOW OR…”

“Or what, Sehun?”, she said, her voice lower than earlier. Her calm façade was slowly dissolving by the heat of her bubbling anger that was being evident on her face by every minute they stayed quiet. Her eyes became fiery as they seemed to be challenging him, challenging him to lose his cool just like her.

And Sehun did lose his cool. How could he even control himself? There she was, talking about their divorce like it was an everyday matter for her, like ending their marriage was nothing but a chore for her, like splitting their responsibilities towards their baby was nothing more a formality only. And the way she was speaking indicated that she had given the matter quiet a big portion of her time and mind. Why was she taking such a cruel measure to punish him?

“Or what?”, she repeated her question when he seemed to be having trouble in speaking up because of not being able to handle all those thoughts, anger, fear and pain. When he finally regained his mind, the thoughts seemed to have left, leaving him with the anger that being fuelled by the fear and the pain.

“Are you paying even the slightest bit of attention to whatever bull you are saying? You are talking about ending things between us”, Sehun said, as his anger overpowered his rationality.

“You don’t get to speak to me like that, Oh Sehun. You have no right.” Her tone was sharp, probably telling him that he was making the situation worse. But how worse could things even from what it was already? She was determined to leave, determined to leave him forever, determined to leave everything they had built bit by bit. And all of that was just because of…

“A kiss? Is that what all this drama about?” Clutching his hair tightly, he breathed out constantly to get rid of the huge pile of frustration that he was feeling at that moment. Then he went towards where Yun Hee was sitting before crouching down on his knees to get to her level. Boring his burning eyes to her equally fiery ones, he held her by her forearms before speaking up. “Damn, Hee! How many times do I have to tell you that…”

Even before he could finish, Yun Hee slapped away his hands harshly and cut him off with her voice that was laced with venom.

“How dare you think of me as someone who would break her marriage just because a kiss was forced upon her husband by some other woman? That too when I am carrying our child?” Then she scooted the chair a little further to make some distance between them and shied away from his gaze again. “I know you and trust you enough to believe that you never intended for the kiss to happen”, she whispered.

Suddenly, there was a shift in the atmosphere as anger subsided in both of them. The initial shock and irrationality was gone as Sehun realized there was a lot more to Yun Hee’s decision than what he had thought earlier. Fear took over his mind as he realized what was coming next. It was confrontation, something that could really break things if he didn’t have anything better to retaliate.

Sehun followed Yun Hee with his eyes as she got up from the chair and walked away a little before looking sideways. He followed her gaze to where she was looking and realized that she was staring at the papers lying on the bed. If it was up to him, then Sehun would have set them on fire and burn them to ashes already. The mere sight of that white thing was a constant reminder of what he was going to lose – his wife, his marriage, his very cause of happiness.

“Sehun, I am slowly losing myself in this marriage. My life has become all about constantly trying to figure out where I stand in your life. I wake up thinking of one possibility only to end my day with another. I know that you need time to completely move on and the last thing you need is me weighing you down with my expectations.”

“Hee, we can fix this. We can try…”

“Oh my god, Sehun! Why don’t you get my point?” Yun Hee shouted, rendering Sehun speechless. “I was 9 weeks pregnant, yet I didn’t have a single clue about it.”

Sehun gawked at her as she covered her face with her palms before inhaling deeply to calm herself down.

“My body was going through all kinds of changes and all I could think about was why you were hiding your meeting with Jieun from me. I am a doctor, Hun. I am supposed to take notice of these stuffs more. And even though, I was already suffering a loss of appetite, I decided to push myself even more just to distract myself from you. I even pushed our baby to the brink of death. I failed at my very first task as a mother.”

The last sentence hit Sehun like a bullet. He glided over to Yun Hee and slowly took her hands in his own. He could see the fatigue in her face, a fatigue that was caused by keeping her thoughts and insecurities to herself. All those times when Sehun had been fighting to figure out whether or not he was worthy of her, she had been fighting her own battles. But he thought she knew what she was to him, how much her presence was needed by him, how one glimpse of her was enough to calm him down to his every core.

He saw Yun Hee looking at him so expectantly that he was afraid his words were going to fail him. But still, he spoke up. Because it was only his words that still had the power to change things. “You mean a lot to me, Hee. A lot more than you can imagine, a lot more that I could have ever imagined. You are my safe place.”

Disappointment washed over her face as a bitter smile graced her lips. “I thought it was enough, but it’s not. It only hurts more. I don’t want to be just your safe place, I want to be your only place. I want you to feel for me just the way I do.”

“Damn, Hee! I do feel the same way as you. I love…” It was as if cat caught his tongue, since Sehun could not find himself to finish what he was about to say. “I… I…” He still tried a few times but it was no good.

The smile on Yun Hee’s face faded. “It’s okay, Sehun. You don’t need to push yourself to say what you don't feel. You don't have to be so hard on yourself anymore. Just sign the papers and you will be free, free from all the burdens of my emotions and expectations.”

Saying this, Yun Hee was about to walk away when Sehun did the only thing he could think of at that time. He pulled her in his arms and kissed her. He kissed her like never before, kissed her like there was no tomorrow. And ironically, there really wasn’t a tomorrow. So he made sure his kiss carried all his feelings and longing for her. He kissed her like, if he couldn’t kiss her then, he would die.

It was after a while when he realized that Yun Hee was limp in his arms. There was no response from her, no reciprocation of the kiss. Hesitantly he pulled away from the kiss and looked at her face that was filled with pain. Damn! He had hurt her even more. Why couldn't he do anything right?

Then something happened. Sehun was about to get away from her when she pulled him back in another kiss, her actions reflecting the same kind of desperation as his. Except everything was double, now that the kiss wasn’t one-sided anymore.

That night, they made love for the first time in a long while and like the last time Sehun feared it would be. Nothing was held back by them as they gave and took everything they could afford from each other.

But when the morning came, Sehun found himself lying on an empty bed and a note that accompanied the divorce papers that were now neatly placed on the bedside table. He read the note over and over again until his eyes couldn’t make out anything because of getting blurred by salty tears.

Bring the papers to me during lunch, SIGNED.

If Yun Hee had to note down one bad thing about being pregnant, it would be forcing herself to cut down caffeine. Now that she was sitting in the hospital cafeteria after finishing her only shift for the day, waiting for her OB-GYN to finish her other schedules before herself, she couldn’t help but crave a cup of strong coffee. When you are both an intern and a patient in the same hospital, it should make things easier, right? Except in her case, it didn’t. Because if it had, then she wouldn’t be waiting for almost an hour for her OB-GYN, just because she had to be there for an early morning shift.

Yun Hee could have easily gone home for the meantime instead of waiting there anxiously. But since her husband hadn’t been home the last night, she didn’t exactly feel like going home. So she found herself regretting working crazily just to have a light workload for that day. At least she could have been working more instead of sitting alone. But she had no choice though. After all, she was supposed to be having her second prenatal visit and then going to the courthouse for her divorce with Sehun right after that. It was going to be one hell of a crazy day and she needed enough relaxation time.

Yun Hee looked around the almost empty cafeteria of the hospital and found herself suffering from her thoughts alone. At least if she had been accompanied by Min Ah or any other colleague of hers, she wouldn’t have to deal with that nagging voice in her mind. She fondled her now-showing baby bump and wondered if Sehun would be there for her OB-GYN visit. She had left some voice and text messages on his phone, so that he would find them no matter where he had spent the night. But she wasn’t sure if he would be there, given the cold war that had been going on between them.

Yun Hee admitted that she shouldn’t have left him a note asking him to sign the divorce papers when they had made love the previous night. But that , she had never intended for it to happen. All she wanted was Sehun signing the papers without asking her any question. But she loved the guy too damn much. And that kiss of his, it was so overwhelming that she couldn’t stop herself from wanting more. Since her decision meant that she would never get to feel any of that again, she took it, even at the cost of breaking his heart.

But one good thing came out from her insensitive action though. Sehun had finally signed the papers. Then he had brought them to her in the hospital, just like her instruction and had left without wasting a minute. From that day, Sehun had stopped interacting with her altogether. He didn’t sit with her for the meals, didn’t pester her for taking her pills and certainly didn’t oppose her decision of divorce anymore. The only thing that remained the same was him talking to his ‘tadpole’ every night. Even last night, he had left the house only after finishing that routine of his.

Yun Hee knew that Sehun didn’t want the divorce. Hell, if the situation had been any different, she herself wouldn’t have thought about that. But she couldn’t help it. She couldn’t live like that anymore, a place where he could hide himself from the reality. She now had better things to worry about than what she possibly meant to him – her baby.

Yun Hee remembered giving no reaction when Sehun had told her about her pregnancy in the hospital. But the moment they had gotten home, she had locked herself in a room and directly called the hospital to know what had happened to her. And what they had told literally broke her heart. She had endangered her baby with her carelessness. Even the fact that she hadn’t known anything couldn’t lessen her guilt and remorse. That day, she realized that chasing someone who could never be hers was of no use. What she could do was cherishing the gift given by that person with all her might and set him free from her.

But Sehun never let go of a single chance to make her decision falter. Him with his fussing over her meals and medicines, reading pregnancy-related books and trying to hide from her, talking to her stomach when he thought she was asleep, she couldn’t find it in herself to bring up the end of their marriage in front of him.

Yun Hee was brought out of her thoughts when she heard someone snapping fingers. Looking up, she found the one person, or two people she had least expected to see. There stood Chanyeol on the opposite side of the table she was using, carrying a very chubby Ye Joon who was in no mood of acknowledging his aunt. The almost 9 months old baby was busy playing with his father’s hair while the said father was looking at Yun Hee with that ever so annoying goofy smile of his.

Ignoring Chanyeol who was surely expecting a greeting from her, Yun Hee made her way to the Ye Joon and snatched him away from his hold.

“Hey, baby! How are you doing?”, Yun hee said, as she placed a kiss atop the forehead of the baby boy.

“Well, hello to you too, my one and only sister-in-law.”

Feigning a look of innocence, she looked over to where Chanyeol stood before saying, “Oh! You were there too? I didn’t quite notice.”

“Haha! Funny!”, he said as they both took seats with Ye Joon now on Yun Hee’s lap.

Yun Hee saw Chanyeol leaning against his chair while looking at Ye Joon who blabbering incoherently, occasionally saying ‘bye’, the only word he could say.

“So what made you come to the hospital? I thought even the word ‘hospital’ scared you.” She smirked.

“I see, your sense of humour is over the top today. We are here for our…”, he reached out to wipe the drool from the corner of Ye Joon’s lips, “…regular checkup, right buddy?”

Ye Joon didn’t feel the need to reply to his father as he kept on playing with the mickey mouse keychain of Yun Hee’s purse. Realizing that his son had forgotten about him, Chanyeol spoke up again. “So, how is the pregnancy going for you?”

Yun Hee diverted her attention from the baby on her lap and faced the father of two. “Well, so far it has been nice. The morning sickness can be quite a pain though. Thank god it lessened as soon I was done with my first trimester.”

“Yeah, I know. Yeong used to be in her foulest mood around that period too. She says that for her, vomiting now and then is harder than giving birth.”

“Yeah, easy for her to say. After all, she had c-section both the times.”

“Lucky me. Otherwise I would have died while accompanying her there.”

“And you claim to not being afraid of hospitals. Wow!”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“So don’t you have to go for the checkup?”, Yun Hee said while playing with Ye Joon’s hair.

“We are waiting for our turn. ”

“The only heir of the Park industries, waiting for his turn when he could have made a VIP visit? I am impressed”, Yun Hee said as she let out a smirk.

“Well, unlike your husband, some of us like to lead a commoner’s life”, Chanyeol retaliated.

“Well, after today, whatever he does is not going to be business anymore.” Yun Hee shrugged and casted her eyes downwards to focus on stopping Ye Joon from chewing the tablecloth. No matter, how strong she was trying to pretend, it was still something that made her feel like someone was rubbing a hot metal on her chest right where her heart was.

She heard Chanyeol coughing slightly from the other side of the table before speaking up in a voice that was filled with pity. “And does it really have to be like this, honey?”

“What do you mean?” Yun Hee looked up to face her brother-in-law. Even his eyes were filled with sadness. What the hell!

“Look, when you two were getting married, all the people had assumed that you two would make a great couple. You could heal his broken heart, while he could get rid of the emptiness you had always felt. I was probably the only one who didn’t quite like the idea.”

“You didn’t?”, Yun Hee asked as that information seemed like a news to her.

“No, I didn’t. Knowing Sehun since when we were in diapers, I knew that he would never accept you as his wife. Hell, it took him about 10 years to even accept Jieun’s feelings for him. The guy is that much afraid of changes.”

“You mean, like you?”, Yun Hee said, trying to light up the mood before it could kill her. The flow of their conversation was getting out of her comfort zone. Here was another person, pointing out how she was right about ending her marriage with Sehun when all she wanted was someone to say that this divorce was wrong. Even one person would have been enough.

“Actually, he is worse than me, or at least he used to be.”

“What?” Yun Hee didn’t get what Chanyeol was meaning, or she had a vague idea but she didn’t know whether to trust that or not. Expecting things from earlier has never got her anything good.

“Hee, do you want this divorce?”, Chanyeol said as he looked into her eyes, probably searching for answers.

Afraid of giving away her feelings, she tore her gaze away from him and said, “Yes, I do.”

“I need you to be truthful with me, sweetheart. I am older and more experienced than you. Give me some credit.”

“What do you think?”, Yun Hee said as she felt tired in all her bones, tired of explaining her reasons, tired of doing of she didn’t want to, tired of lying every single time. Of course she didn’t want the divorce. How could she? After all, it was Sehun. How could she ever want to leave him?

“I think you don’t want this. Actually, I know that you don’t want this. And as for Sehun, well, that guy is far from wanting this. So don't go through this divorce, Hee.”

“But if I don’t go through this, I will come to regret even more. Sehun…” A bitter smile graced Yun Hee's face. “…that guy only thinks he wants me in his life because I just happened to be there when he was at his low. Our marriage has everything except love, you know? It has mutual respect, sense of safety, dependence on your partner and all other sweet craps. But when it comes to love, it’s only one-sided and that’s where I find myself lost.”

It was as if Yun Hee had said something funny, since Chanyeol looked at her like he was going to burst into a laughter any time. His reaction was so offensive that Yun Hee would have actually punched his face if only his son hadn’t been looking at her with those wide brown eyes of his, probably asking for an explanation of what was happening there.

“Please tell me you are joking, Hee or I would have to conclude that you are this big idiot”, Chanyeol said as he finally ended up laughing. Seeing his father might have been very amusing as baby Ye Joon also started clapping his hands in glee.

Yun Hee felt like killing her brother-in-law, but it was the overjoyed face of Ye Joon that might have stopped her. How dare he make fun of her when she was going through such a hard time?

“I am sorry but don’t you have to visit a doctor? If I see you here even for a minute, I am going to hang myself.”

Maybe he still had a sense of decency left in him as Chanyeol stowly stopped laughing and put on a serious face, at least tried to do so.

“I don’t see what is so funny.” Yun Hee glared at the man sitting in front of her. “I don’t think I told you any joke.”

“No, it’s not you. I just remembered something from last night and it doesn’t seem to match much with what you said. Why do you think I am in the hospital, sweetheart?”

Typical Chanyeol, always bringing up random things to save his . Yun Hee scoffed at the thought. “For a regular checkup?"

"Well, that's a good errand Yun Yeong brought up for me, but no. That's not the reason."

"Then I don’t know. You tell me.”

“It’s actually some sort of a punishment from my dearest wife, for letting your drunk husband stay the ni…”

“What?”, Yun Hee interrupted because a sudden excitement she was feeling. “Sehun was in your place?”

Her husband was in Yun Yeong’s, not somewhere else, not someplace that had a certain woman. And she had spent the whole night thinking all sorts of stuffs. It’s not like Yun Hee didn’t trust Sehun. Even after all the things they had been going through, she still trusted him. But something inside her failed to prevent that nagging feeling from growing.

“Wait, did you say he was drunk?”, she said, suddenly remembering that one word. So he had spent their last night together drinking away? And she was getting excited for that man?

“Yes.” Chanyeol nodded. “To the point of calling himself Shawn the Sheep. But that’s not the point. The point is he kept going on and on about how you were leaving him and begged me and Yun Yeong to stop you. The man couldn’t remember his own name but he cried the whole time, even in his sleep because his wife didn’t want to stay with him.”

Damn her heart, so weak for everything related to one Oh Sehun! It was beating so fast that Yun Hee could swear at least half of the cafeteria could hear those beats. She felt like asking so many things, the words would vanish even before they could get out of . The irony was, she didn’t even know what she wanted to ask. So she stayed mum as Chanyeol blabbered on.

“Look, Hee, I may not know much about his feelings like Jongin does, but one thing is for sure. The face I had seen last night, it was the face of a man in an unimaginable pain, a pain that only love can cause.”

“Chanyeol, Sehun doesn’t love me. Because if he did, he would have known, right?” Yun Hee scoffed in disbelief. Her eyes stung and would have let out tears if Ye Joon had not squirmed in her arms that moment. The baby was getting restless in her arms, so she handed him to Chanyeol.

Adjusting his son in his arms, Chanyeol said, “You are asking the person whose feelings were once obvious to the whole world except himself. Hee, I had denied my feelings to the point of hurting my love and almost losing her. At least, Sehun is better than me. He is not a child, you know? Do you think he was trying to stop this divorce because he was afraid of being of being alone? He doesn't want any other company, he just wants you. Do you have any idea how lost he might be feeling right now? Aren't you supposed to be there for him instead of leaving him?”

Then he turned to her one last time before saying, "And if you are worried about Sehun's past, then I think you are more hung up on it than Sehun himself is. Because even in his subconscious mind, it's only you and your baby who matters. The rest don't even exist in it. I can tell after seeing him drunk last night. It's just that he never got the chance to actually put an end to his past. Because even before he could do so, he was already in love with you and was afraid of hurting you. I am sure you felt that too at some point. Don't try to tell me otherwise."

“So, are we ready, mama?’, the doctor said as she approached Yun Hee.

“Yes, we are.”

“Isn’t the papa coming this time?”

Yun Hee didn’t know. Sehun probably hated her and he should. After all, she did everything to hurt him and for some reason, she had that very agenda in her mind while doing all those things – hurting him. Her only excuse was that he had hurt a lot, so it was only fair if she also got to hurt him a little.

Now that she thought about it, how would she have reacted if Sehun had told her about Jieun beforehand? She would have done the exact thing Sehun feared. The problem was never with him. Because even though Yun Hee always claimed to have no trouble with his past, every time his past resurfaced, she always retracted herself from him. She always retracted herself when Sehun needed her to pull him out of the quicksand of his past.

Like the time of Jieun's engagement, she hadn't talked to him for weeks, so he was forced to appease her instead of dealing with his pain. What was his fault anyway? Or the time he had been meeting with Jieun. She had sensed his fear even before he had told her so. And when one evening when he had asked stuff like if she would ever stop loving him and stuff, he had brushed it off later saying It was work stress and she had let him do that, even though she had a feeling that something was wrong. It was always her who urged him to bury his past instead of facing that together, hand in hand.

Even now Yun Hee was the one, who was ending things because of her selfishness, while Sehun was the one opposing the idea. And despite realizing everything, she didn’t have the courage to go back on her decision. She had insulted everything he had done for her, she had pushed him away to the point of no return.

Yun Hee knew he wasn't coming, but still looked towards the closed door one last time. Of course, nothing happened. Sehun wasn’t coming. Yun Hee felt as if she didn’t even have the right to feel disappointed. Still she felt so lonely.

“The father isn’t comi…”

Yun Hee didn’t get to finish her sentence before someone spoke up from the door.

“Sorry for being late. I didn’t miss anything, did I?”

The person immediately went to Yun Hee's side and took her hands in his own. He was panting hard, probably because of running. His eyes were bloodshot, but otherwise he looked quite presentable for someone who must have gone through a rough hangover that morning. His hands were having a hard time to grasp on to hers because of shaking too much. Yet, Yun Hee couldn’t remember a time her hands had been held this tightly, like the person was afraid that she would slip away. A nervous toothy smile graced his sweaty but beautiful familiar face and she realized once again why she loved this man so much.

It was because of this man Yun Hee realized why she had been able to hold on to their marriage for so long. Because every time she got tired, Sehun was always there, to hold her hand just like that moment and make her feel like she was not alone, that he would be there for her no matter what.

Hey, this is Anikasen.

Another long wait. I am so sorry, once again.

Recently, I have been getting this really strong urge to quit. I have always said that I am not a creative person. Putting my thoughts in words is not my cup of tea . Then some people who really mean to me a lot, are leaving this site. I love all my readers equally, silent or expressive. But it's only the comments that give me the determination to continue whatever crap I am trying to pull off (I am not exactly confident of my own writing). So, your comments are really appreciated. I may be the least interactive author out there, but I read all the comments. And trust me, they do really great in cheering me up.

Love you all. See you in the next update (which will be here sooner than your expectations). Bye~