Oh Sehun felt like he was in a trance until the sound of ringing the doorbell woke him up. He was standing outside the place he had sworn to never step into. The place that took more than giving, broke more than mending. If it had been any other day, he would have felt like puking his guts out right then and there. But at that moment Sehun couldn’t find anything else except bitterness and accusations in him. They were overpowering his other senses, making him feel nothing except wanting to get those out of his system.

But what welcomed his eyes was not something he could be ever be prepared for. There stood Jieun, holding the door handle, looking as miserable as ever. Her hair that would always be perfectly styled looked like a birds nest. Her face looked bloated and swollen, glistening with dried tear stains. Her red, puffy and dry eyes started b with salty water once again when she saw him. In the past, the scenery would have made him hug her tightly and comfort her until she would finally feel better. But that’s the thing about pasts. You can’t do a lot of things in the present that you could do easily in the past.

“Why did you come back?”, said Sehun. No greetings, no formality, no beating around the bushes.

The fact that Jieun might need space after the news of her break up got out didn’t faze him at all. He had gone through the same rough patch because of that very woman, so he couldn’t muster even an ounce of sympathy for her no matter how much the humane side of his mind told him to do.

“If you are only here to satisfy your curiosity, then let me tell you this - I am not interested. I am in no state or mood to discuss anything with you.” Jieun was still holding the door so it was easy for her trying to push him with it and lock it on his face. But Sehun was not here to leave with nothing either.

The push and pull between them went on for a while before Jieun spoke up loudly. “Which part of ‘I am not interested’ do you not understand, Sehun? Don’t tell me, living with your so-called- lovely wife made you this dull?”

“Don’t bring her in this.” Sehun hissed darkly. “You don’t deserve to talk about her like that.”

Jieun was about to close the door again, but this time Sehun used force. He almost knocked her down when he pushed open the door hard and went inside. She could only gape at the man who was breathing fire that moment.

“Don’t you dare play hot and cold with this, Kang Jieun. You don’t get to discard me like a ragdoll, get engaged to someone else while I was still crying over you, then come back when I was finally happy and try to turn my life upside down.” His voice was so loud that it was resonating throughout the almost empty house, but Sehun couldn’t care less. “Every day I would walk around like a zombie and every night, I would go to bed after making myself believe that you would be back the next day. Alcohol became my regular because the pain was too much to be controlled. I ignored my family to the point of worrying my mom to the brink of death. And now you come and create chaos in my life like it is just a hobby to you.”

Then his voice died down to a couple of octaves until it was nothing but a low whisper. Jieun found herself glued to her spot as he brought his face dangerously close to hers. “You owe me a closure and I will make sure to get that.”

“Why do you need it so badly, Sehun?” Jieun was smirking. Sehun couldn’t believe his eyes as he couldn’t fathom how she could still smirk at that time. “Is it possible that you are still not over me? After all, some people say that seeking for a closure is nothing more than seeking for permission to move on from the very person who hurt you. Are you asking for my permission to move on from me?”

“Who are you and where is the Jieun I used to know?” Sehun asked in disbelief as he took a step away from her. “The Jieun I used to know could not be that cruel. What has happened to you?”

“The Jieun that you used to know is no more,” Jieun said as she placed her hands on his chest and pushed him lightly. “She kept drowning in something horrible like insecurity right in front of you until nothing was left of her. And you…” She pointed her index towards him. “You were too air-headed, too lost in your happy bubble to notice that.”

“What part of our relationship do you think was okay, huh?” Jieun let out a mirthless laugh. “Of course, it was perfect for you. After all, you are the only one who felt truly loved, while I was there, constantly fretting over my actions and words so that they would be enough to keep you to myself. I kept doing that for years until the whole deal became nothing but shackles for me.”

Sehun could only look at her as she kept spitting venom about their relationship that was once sacred to him.

“You have always been too perfect for me, Sehun,” Jieun said brokenly, her smirk finally turned into a painful smile. She pressed her palm softly against his face, making him flinch at the unfamiliar touch. Suddenly he felt desperate to go home and curl up to Yun Hee.

"After chasing you for years, even the idea of you loving me seemed to good to be real. I was getting obsessed with you, wanting to keep you only to myself to the point of trying to keep you away from everyone. Even from your family. Don't tell me that you didn't notice my reluctance to be anywhere near your friends and family. I even distanced myself from Jongin in that process and he was once my best friend.”

Sehun took the hand pressed against his cheek and drooped on her side. Everything was spinning around him as he found out a large portion of his life was nothing but a fine dream. “Why didn’t you tell me anything? We could have worked on this issue together. Why did you have to leave?”

“Because I was tired, Sehun. Tired of pretending to be someone I am not, tired of trying to be your equal constantly.” Jieun bellowed like a crazy person. “But obviously, how would you understand? You were not the one who was constantly feeling less than the person she loved.”

Suddenly Sehun was reminded of the thoughts he himself had been having for the last few months. Thoughts like how Yun Hee was too good to be with someone like him. He always feared that someday Yun Hee would realize her worth and leave him for someone more deserving than him. He knew it very well how feelings like that could hollow even the happiest people.

“Then why didn’t you leave any means of contacting you? If you really loved me as much as you are claiming then why did you get yourself another boyfriend and also got engaged to him?” There he finally asked what had been eating him from inside for so long.

“I didn’t want to be contacted, Sehun. I left because I wanted some time to myself. I left because I wanted to clear my thoughts. But it seems like 8 months was more than enough for you to cast me aside since you got married to such a nice girl and all those bulls.”

“Don’t you dare talk about Yun…”

“Oops! I forgot. Sorry for insulting your dear wife.” She was definitely not sorry. Her entire being was oozing with bitterness.

Afterwards, there was a pause from her side, but Sehun still didn’t speak. He knew that she wasn’t done. And she wasn’t.

“About Jong Woon…” A sad but loving smile adorned her face as she delicately pronounced that name. “He was there when my entire world had forgotten about me. He pulled me out from that dark abyss and truly made my time with him worthwhile. He was my saviour.”

“Then what? He dumped you and you came crawling back to me? After hurting me so much, how could you bring yourself to face me?”

“He didn’t dump me.  Jieun’s expression was mysterious, making Sehun dread what was about to come next. "It was me who ended the relationship.”

His breath got stuck in his throat when she slowly inched towards him and kept doing that until there was only a couple of inches gap left between them. He was almost losing his focus at the feeling of her breath on his chin as she tiptoed to lessen their height difference. Still, he somehow managed to get out a shaky “why”, feeling weak with each second of looking at those familiar brown eyes.

Her next words came out as breathless whispers before she closed the remaining gap between them and pressed her lips to his in a searing kiss.

“Because no matter what he did, I still loved you and only you.”

Jongin stopped the car when he saw what he was looking for. There stood Sehun’s Aston Martin, just three rows away from his own position. Sighing, Jongin closed his eyes and rubbed his temple, pain and guilt creeping through him like slow poison, the silence of the air not helping at all.

He took out his phone from the right pocket of his pant and dialled the number of his best friend. The thought of going up and knocking the door of Sehun’s old penthouse and seeing him there with Jieun sickened him. He wanted to believe his best friend and the girl who used to be a really good friend. But still he couldn’t scrub off the possibility of the two doing something that could hurt the love of Jongin’s life. No, he couldn’t bear that.

All 5 calls of his went unanswered by Sehun, making Jongin let out a groan of frustration. It was 11:30 at night, 3 hours since he got that call from Yun Hee. Her pleading whispers were still haunting him like a plague. His ears were still ringing with all the breathless “please” before they stopped completely after his one confirmation - “Sehun is not with me, Hee.”

Jongin clearly remembered the day Sehun stormed inside his office about a month ago. Seeing his workaholic friend, he had assumed that Sehun was there for some important work. But when his best friend plopped down tiredly on one of the chairs placed in front of his desk, he instantly knew that something was wrong. But hearing Sehun take the name of Jieun and telling him about all the things she was doing to affect Sehun with their past, Jongin found himself troubled with all sorts of thoughts.

He knew that he should have told Yun Hee everything on the behalf of his best friend right then and there. At least telling her could have helped them to some extent. But anger and bitterness took the better of Jongin the moment his best friend admitted to be struggling with his feelings, feelings that seemed to have resurfaced at the arrival of his ex. Jongin’s mind convinced him to let his best friend suffer for even thinking about some other woman. He was supposed to feel like the luckiest person on the earth for having Yun Hee beside him. He felt furious at Sehun for having everything Jongin would exchange his life to get and taking them for granted. So he let his best friend struggle with his thoughts, with his mind rejoicing at the possibility of Yun Hee deeming Sehun unworthy of her and leaving him, the thought of all these could end up hurting his love the most never crossed his anger induced mind.

Jongin lit up the phone in his hand, but this time he dialled for Min Ah after 9 fruitless times of calling Sehun. He didn’t want to waste further time calling his best friend when everything in him wanted to reach out to Yun Hee. And the only person who could help him with that at that moment was Min Ah.

His mouth seemed to have a mind of its own as it went out Jongin’s control and started babbling the moment he heard the person on the other side picking up the phone.

“Min Ah, you are still with Hee, right? How is she?”

But Min Ah seemed to not have the same energy as him as she let out a deep sight before speaking softly, the prolonged wait was making Jongin agitated. “What do you want me to say, Jongin?” She is obviously not fine.”

“Didn’t you say that she was knocked out after throwing up when I called you earlier? She should be better then.”

“Jongin, if waking up like a zombie is what you call better, then yes, she is better.”

Jongin felt his heart clenching even at the mention of Yun Hee’s state. He knew that she was suffering, but blame his heart for not being able to take seeing her hurt, or even knowing that she was hurt. 

“Did she eat anything after throwing up her dinner?”

“She had barely eaten a bread before chocking on her tears and threw up everything she had inside. Since then, she is refusing to touch any kind of food.”

Jongin hung up the call before throwing his phone on the passenger seat and leaned his head against the headrest. He could not, not in a million years, hear about Yun Hee hurting. Letting out a scream, he bumped his forehead against the steering wheel, hoping to forget everything that was happening around him.

But fate wasn’t so interested in granting his wish. Raising his head from the wheel, his eyes directly fell on the slumped form of person a few meters ahead of him. Unlike himself, that person was not in a car and probably could not Jongin from that distance.

Looking at the person closely, Jongin could easily tell that he could not have seen him even if he looked Jongin’s way because the person seemed lost in his own world. He kept walking ahead aimlessly until he was stopped by a pillar right in front of his face. Jongin looked closely at the guy who would look miserable even to a blind guy, but his anger induced mind didn’t seem to care at all. After the person was none other than the very source of Jongin’s anger and Yun Hee’s pain.

Jongin got out of his car a few times, almost, to stop Sehun from screaming and shouting like a madman while continuously beating himself up. Instead, he sat there, watching his best friend moving until he slid down the floor and started crying pitifully. He couldn’t bring himself to get out of the car and console him. The fact that he was crying like that after coming down from Jieun’s place effortlessly let Jongin know that his friend was crying out of guilt.

He kept watching Sehun with stone eyes as he sobs died down after a while. Then he hauled himself up on his feet and made his way towards his Aston Martin before driving out of the cursed place. Knowing where Sehun was going, Jongin picked up his phone and dialled for Min Ah again.

“Min, you can go home now. Sehun is on his way to… Hee.”

Yun Hee had always known emotional pain to be excruciating. Sometimes it was like those bone-crushing aches that could make one feel like dying. Other times it was a numbing sensation, making one unable to feel anything. But it was either the former or the latter, never making one go through both the situations at the same time. Then what heinous thing she had done in her previous to deserve that bone-crushing ache and the numbing frost all at once?

She was sitting on a couch peacefully. Her chin was buried in her knees while her eyes were looking back and forth from the clock above the television to the front door on her left. Though, summer had already made its way to nature, Yun Hee couldn’t shivering from time to time. 

It had been a while since Min Ah had left from her house. She gave Yun Hee one last look of empathy before taking out her phone and informing Baekhyun about her departure while making her way out of the front door. Since then Yun Hee had been boring her eyes into that damned door every passing minute, the haunting silence of the house was not helping with the turmoil inside her brain. She didn’t know if she was waiting for a person or bad news.

She reverted her eyes from the clock that showed 12:15 and turned to face the front door at the sound of it being opened. Her feet touched the ground as she sat up on the sofa the moment she saw the tired form of Sehun entering the house. His eyes were cast downside and his shoulders were slouched as low as possible.

The moment he looked up and found Yun Hee waiting for him there, shock filled his red puffy eyes. He had been crying, his eyes said it all.

It didn’t take long for the shock and confusion in his eyes to get replaced with moist once as he gaped at the sight of her like a thirsty person trying to quench his thirst. He was about to say something Yun Hee could sense that and it was most definitely going to be what has been happening between for a month. A tremor ran through her body as she found herself wanting to get away from the one thing she had been seeking for the past 3 weeks – confrontation.

“You are back?” Yun Hee felt her defence mechanism acting up, making her plaster a fake but bright smile on her face. “You look very tired”, she said as she stood right in front of her husband and pressed her hands on the knots of his shoulder. “Had a long day at work?”

Yun Hee could feel his teary eyes going through every bit of her features, but she didn’t dare to look up. Her eyes were focusing somewhere near his neck, avoiding to look into his eyes as she fumbled with the collar of his shirt.

She gulped painfully at the familiar feathery roughness of Sehun’s palm against her cheek, urging her to look up at him and she did. She tilted her face upwards only to jump away from his hold at the sight of his eyes shimmering with all sorts of emotions and the sound of his agonizing whisper of “Hee…”. His eyes told Yun Hee everything that was yet to get out from his mouth.

“Don’t, Sehun. Just don’t”, Yun Hee hissed as she held up her hand between their faces, signalling him to stop. “Whatever you want to say, just don’t.”

“Hee, you need to know…”

“No.” This time her voice came out a little louder, days of resentment and grudges were making their way out of her. Her wounds hurt enough, she didn’t need Sehun to rub salt in them by saying the sharp knife-like truth. She didn’t know if she could handle the pain of what was about to come on top of that.

Angry tears were already pooling in the corner of the eyes as she felt her eyes burning with fury. How dare he come after 3 weeks of torturing her and want to talk about everything just to get over his guilt? Where was this honesty of his when she needed it? Where was he when she needed her?

Then she spoke up, her tone sharp like a knife as she turned away from him. “If this is about the recent changes in my behaviour and our relationship, then you don’t need to say anything. I don’t want to discuss that.” There was a slight pause before words got out of again, the sharpness in them was a little less that time. “And if it’s about a certain news that got out today, then I don’t want to know.”

The moment the words got out from , Yun Hee heard his breathing getting laboured. In fact, she could not hear anything at that time besides his irregularly fast breathing. The lack of words between them seemed more deafening than any kind of noise in the world as she could feel Sehun standing like a statue behind her.

Every cell in her body asking her to turn around, hoping to see some pain in his eyes, pain that could be similar to hers. But the fear of turning around and seeing no remorse in those beige eyes stooped her. So she stood there showing him her back, clenching her fist while trying to stop the tears in her eyes from rolling down her cheeks.

Yun Hee didn’t know how many minutes went by before she heard Sehun taking a sharp intake of breath and started speaking. His voice came out weak as it carried the truth they both feared would destroy everything. “Jieun is back. She has been back for a while.”

Her response to his confession was immediate as Yun Hee turned to face him again, her bloodshot eyes looking at him accusingly. There he was stating those facts, facts he should have told her in the very beginning, facts she was supposed to know from him, her husband instead of his ex. “I know.” Her voice, it was cold.

“You knew?”

Yun Hee let out a mirthless laugh at his dumbfound question as she looked in his eyes. Bitterness laced her tone as she spoke up. “Your ex-girlfriend is not that great in keeping secrets, you know? I suggest you to stay wary of her big mouth.”

She saw Sehun flinching at the harshness of her words and for a moment, Yun Hee found herself wanting nothing except taking him in her arms and comfort him. But then again, her own self was beyond hurt to have the capability to comfort someone else.

“My question is - why did I have to learn it from my husband’s ex that he had been meeting her behind my back?” She was done running away from the truth. Being miserable while pretending to be ignorant for a whole month had drained her and she was tired. They were both tired.

“I was afraid, okay?” There he said it. “Afraid that you would not understand, afraid that you would distance yourself from me again. I didn’t want that. I was content with the life we had been sharing for the past year and I didn’t want to see it in ruins.”

“You could have told me everything. Instead of hiding things, you could have just let me know.” Frustration was all Yun Hee could feel at that time. How could Sehun think of her as someone incompetent of understanding his turmoil?

“I couldn’t, Hee.” Sehun had his hair clutched by his hand. “And what could I have even told you, huh? That my ex is back? That she was going out of her way to remind me of our past and I was somehow getting affected by it?”

The last sentence seemed to claw at Yun Hee’s strong upfront, damaging it to quite an extent. She could not believe it. After all they had been through to be at peace with each other, he was still shaken by the mere presence of Jieun. The world around her started spinning madly as she struggled to focus on the person standing in front of her.

Yun Hee couldn’t help feeling envious of the love Sehun used to have for that woman. She felt cold sweat running down her spine. What if she had been harbouring a mistaken thought the whole time? What if what Jongin had said at the park the other day and what she had come to believe with time had been wrong? What if she was wrong to think that Sehun was in love with her but did not realize it yet when the whole he had been in love with Jieun? Yun Hee could only wish at that time that the ground would open up and swallow her inside it.

Tears started blurring her vision once again, threatening to fall anytime. Her head started spiralling with all kind of thoughts, making her hold onto the peak of the sofa beside her for support. Suddenly she remembered something that her tired brain had failed to keep with.

“Where have you been until now, Sehun? Where did you go after getting off from work?”

The pained and guilty look Sehun gave her at the mention of that evening said everything Yun Hee had wanted to know. But still, she felt the ground slipping away underneath her feet and dark spots filled her vision when Sehun started speaking himself.

“I was with Jieun, in our old penthouse.” Yun Hee saw him averting his gaze after he said the word ‘our’. “I was there seeking answers to some questions that have been haunting me all this time.”

“You mean questions like ‘why did she leave you?’, ‘Why did she leave no means to contact her?’, ‘what went wrong with that oh-so-beautiful relationship of yours?’ and stuff like that? Did you get your answers from her? ”

Yun Hee knew that her words carried no mercy for the other, but she was too broken to care about anything else. 

“Is that it? Is this why you have been hiding Jieun from me for so long? That even after everything that we have gone through, the only thing that matters to you is your past?” Yun Hee was too tired to feel anything.

Sehun opened his mouth to say something, probably to oppose her but she held up one of her hands, signalling him to stop for the second time that night. She had enough of his words.

Not being able to take it anymore, she was about to leave the room, but felt her feet stop with the rest of the things around her when Sehun spoke up again.

“She said that she loved me and...” His voice finally cracked. "...she kissed me."

Yun Hee turned around to face him and saw his mouth moving very fast. He was probably saying something but she could not register anything over the drumming sounds in her ears. Everything around her was swinging and spinning as her vision turned blurry no matter how much she tried to adjust her view. The ground underneath her seemed to vanish and her legs turned into jelly before gravity started pulling her down.

She was expecting to hit the hard furnished floor of their house but familiar sturdy arms enveloped her before she could do so. She took one last deep breath and gaped at the foggy sight of her husband before her senses gave up on her and the world turned black.

Hello, fellas. This is Anikasen. Yes, I am back, after a long time with a not-so-happening chapter. I hope, you guys haven't forgotten about me or this story.

First of all, I am sorry for taking so long in updating. Online classes are going at full swing and let me tell you this. They are worse than regular classes. My life has become all about classes, assignments, extra-curricular courses that my dad thinks would be good for my future and being a part-time maid of my mom. So I finally find some time to write after a long day, my mind goes all blank and sleepy. So even after taking a month long break, I couldn't come up with anything more than just one crappy chapter. Again sorry for that.

And secondly, if you are thinking now that I am back, I can start updating frequently then sorry to burst your bubble but nope. I can't. I will be still taking time because my routine is all messed up at this moment. But once I get the hang of my life, I promise to update more often. For now, please excuse this not-so-dear author of yours.

I hope you guys are doing well. Lots of love for you all. Bye!!!