Merry Christmas

Ashes of Dreams

"So, what do you want for Christmas?" Yun Hee asked one night, looking up at the ceiling that resembled a blank night sky, pitch black in the absence of any light. She felt Sehun shrug. She would've liked a definite answer but perhaps it will be weird to outright say what you want for Christmas so she didn't pry anymore. Christmas was near the corner, Yun Hee sometimes wondered if this house had a Christmas tree but such trivial thoughts would get lost in the other million things she had to think about and she never got to ask that question to Sehun. He seemed tired so she turned the other way, deciding she would ask him later.

In the middle of the night, when she was still staring at how the black sky so gently hugged the white moon, wondering about how they were just the ideal lovers, she felt a hand on her waist. She sighed, letting him wrap the arm around her. She didn't know if she should like the fact that she was getting used to him holding her every night. His hot breath on her skin made her think over the reasons she had fallen in love. Was it alright to even fall in love? To have your heart in someone else's hand? Yun Hee's head didn't align with her heart, that was obvious. A rational Yun Hee wouldn't fall in love. Rational Yun Hee had heard enough sappy tales of heart break and pain. But the irrational little part of her was dominating her. The irrational part pushed her towards Sehun, made her want to hold him in her arms and perhaps kiss him again. The irrational part of her was curious, the irrational part wanted to trust.

Yun Hee could never win when it came to Sehun, she would rather let her irrational part of her win. After all, one can only run for so long until realizing the truth. She let it go, the doubts and the restraints of her heart. And she hugged him back, like the sky hugged the moon every night. After holding the breath for so long, she finally let it go, hiding her face in the crook of his neck where she felt safe.

Maybe Sehun wasn't really all that excited about Christmas this year, because Jieun was ingrained in his head and this would be a Christmas without her. Perhaps that was why he wasn't enthusiastic at all. Maybe it felt weird to even breathe without Jieun beside him. Yunhee wondered if she was thinking things, maybe he truly was over Jieun. She detested the fact that these thoughts kept her up all nights. Even though so close, Sehun seemed to be far away.

When suddenly he opened his eyes, Yunhee was taken aback. Her arms immediately loosened around him but he held her in place. Wordlessly, they kept staring at each other. Yun Hee gulped, opening to speak but Sehun beat her to it. "Do you have trouble sleeping?" He asked gently.

Yun Hee shook her head, "I just suddenly woke up," she lied.

Sehun's shoulders relaxed. "Are you hungry?"

Now that Yun Hee thought about it, she realized she was. Sehun was instantly out of the bed the second she nodded. The dinner had long disappeared from her tummy. Sehun yawned, setting his gaze on her. She sat up, sighing, eyes squinting to look at her surrounding. Sehun literally dragged her out of the room. It seemed like Sehun knew what they were going to be eating. "Sehun, do we have a Christmas tree?" She found herself asking as she let him hold her hand and guide her to the kitchen in the dark.

"Oh, Christmas tree, right!" Sehun whispered, as if he was afraid he would wake somebody up. His eyes brightened up, "We need one."

"Why are we whispering?" She asked, but in a whisper.

Sehun thought for a second before clearing his throat. "I'll buy one, you wanna come with me to the store? It's just two blocks from Dad's place."

Yun Hee shook her head, smiling, "I trust you to buy something decent."

Sehun's shoulders fell. He left her by the counter, turning to the rest of the kitchen. With his back to her, he said, "We should go on another date, Hee." In such a voice like he actually didn't want her to hear that. Yun Hee smiled to herself, settling on the top of the counter, facing the fridge. "I think we should invite everyone for dinner on the 24th. Like, Jongin, Minah, Baekhyun, our parents, your sister--"

"That's a good idea," Yun Hee said, yawning. "What are we eating? There's ice cream in the fridge."

"On a second thought," Sehun added, opening the fridge door, "Ask Ara to drop by when we decorate the Christmas tree."

Yun Hee thought he wasn't interested in Christmas this year but now she had to change her assumptions. Sehun opened the lid, revealing the brown frozen treat inside the box. She reached out for two spoons when he neared her. "We should do this often," he commented, leaning against the counter, facing the fridge. "I really like waking up in the middle of the night to eat," he laughed.

Yun Hee placed a spoonful of the ice cream in , smiling along. Perhaps he had shared these little moments with Jieun some time. It was only natural. People come and people go, but there are only some who would wake up with you in the middle of the night to sneak food from the fridge for the rest of your days, only some that would stick around no matter what. Like no matter where the moon got lost, it would keep coming back to the sky.

And before she knew it, Sehun was standing so close to her. Their breaths dancing in the space between their faces. "What are you thinking about?"

Yun Hee smiled sadly, "Your ex-girlfriend."

"Knew it," Sehun whispered. But before she could stop him, Sehun was already kissing her lips. She didn't want to stop him anyway. His warm skin grazed hers as he stood between her legs. Yun Hee felt something like electricity travel down her spine. The ice cream on his lips met the ice cream on hers and even though they were eating the same ice cream, the taste was just one thousand times sweeter and yet Yun Hee thought she could get used to it. She liked this taste of his lips. Blood rushed to her skin, making it hot. But Sehun's were the same. She realized so when her fingers met his cheeks. Sehun trapped her between his arms, breaking off the kiss but still remaining as close to look into her eyes.

Yun Hee found herself smiling shyly, but she met his confident eyes with her wavering ones. "Think about me too," he said, running his nose against her cheek, "You have to think about me too."

Only if he knew that she did that all the time. She was so into thinking about him that she accidentally called her patient by his name. That happened a couple times but she wasn't going to tell him that. "Alright. Noted," she replied in the same whisper. "Anything else?"

"Do you trust me?" He asked out of nowhere.

Yun Hee chuckled, "Surprisingly, yes."

Sehun didn't say anything else. They stayed like that for a while, making Yunhee wonder what was Sehun thinking about. She pushed him away, gradually. "The ice cream, Sehun." She was pretty sure it wasn't ice anymore.

"Let's do it again," Sehun commented, moving away.

Yunhee arched her brows, "Eat ice cream?"

Sehun shook his head, "Kiss."

 


 

Sehun watched the little girl. Ara gently held the golden star in her palms, looking up at the Christmas tree and frowning at the height. He smiled, standing up from in between the pile of Christmas decoration that he had just unboxed. "Does Ara want to put the star at the top?"

Ara nodded, immediately opening her arms wide so that he could pick her up in his arms. Sehun chuckled, picking her little body up. Ara raised her hands to hang the star on a branch, smiling at the view afterwards. Sehun straightened the star, before pressing a kiss on her chubby cheek. It was like all the warm clothes wrapped around her weighed more than she did. Yun Yeong hadn't gotten her out of her heavy sweater yet. Even he hadn't noticed that. The sisters were laughing about something related to the 3 months old sibling of Ara and he didn't want to disturb them.

It was such a nice sight, Yun Hee laughing. He felt the image getting embedded in his brain. He let Ara down, "Are you feeling hot?" He asked her, crouching low.

Ara nodded, making him laugh. "Ara, can you say Sehun?" Ara didn't pay him any heed as she marvelled up at the glittering Christmas tree. "Ara," Sehun desperately tried to gain her attention and when he did, he grinned, "Say Sehun?"

"Se . . . " Ara narrowed her eyes at him. Sehun nodded, encouraging her to say the rest. "Se," Ara repeated, a little louder this time and more confident. Just like how she said Papa so confidently. Sehun unbottoned her heavy sweater, continuously repeating his name so that the little girl could pronounce it.

"Sehun," He said again.

Ara shook her head, as if she didn't like that name. Sehun frowned. But then Ara smiled and placed a kiss on his cheek, "Sese," she said.

"Sese?" Sehun repeated. If that was going to be his nickname, he would love it. Anything Ara would give him, he'll take. He had spent the whole afternoon with this little girl, putting the Christmas tree up because Yun Hee was busy with Yun Yeong and Chanyeol, playing with the baby boy. They were guests after all. Sehun had only been introduced Ara once but then they never got to interact again. This afternoon, he had really realized why Yun Hee loved her so much.

"Sese!" Ara shouted with a smile, pointing at him.

Sehun chuckled, "Alright princess."

The tree was a little overly decorated at the bottom because Ara could only reach up to that height and the decoration of the tree had been her job, which she had done fairly well Sehun had to say, just being a two year old. Ara crouched low to touch a white fairy dangling from a branch. "Pretty," she said.

"Like Ara," Sehun touched the same fairy. Ara just chuckled. After all the hard work, Sehun just felt tired. He sat down on the warm red carpet, croassing his legs. Sehun looked up at the Christmas. It took them a lot of effort but the tree was picturesque. Yun Hee will be proud of both of them.

Ara carefully settled herself on his lap. Sehun watched with a weird sensation. He felt good. He never knew he could be good with kids. He caged her in his arms, pressing his lips on her hair, "Do you like it?"

Ara nodded enthusiastically. "Sese, fairy," she pointed at the top, where a pink fairy dangled off a branch.

Sehun chuckled, "High five?" He opened up his palm for her. Ara laughed with the two teeth peeking out of her pink gum. Sehun laughed at the sight, more when Ara actually gave him the high five. 

"Sese, sing song," Ara suddenly asked him. Sehun shook his head, he really couldn't sing. He was afraid if he sang, Ara wouldn't like him anymore. "Kismas song, Sese."

"Christmas song? I really can't sing, baby," Sehun answered, showing an apologetic smile. Ara frowned, pressing her lips together in a pout. Sehun didn't want to end this newfound friendship.

And which was most probably why he was combing through his DVD collection and looking for that CD with the Christmas songs with Ara gasping at the Barbie collection in his possession. Yes, he used to watch Barbie when he was little. It had gone dark, the scenery beyond the windows was pitch black. Ara was all into the CDs but when the bells finally rang in his DVD player, she looked up with wide eyes. And the first song was Jingle Bell Rock.

Sehun watched as she stood up, her wobbly feet pacing towards the speakers before her body started swaying. Sehun chuckled, increasing the volume of the song. Ara was having fun. She laughed as she danced along with the music.

Sehun mustered his courage up, "Will you dance with me?" He asked, extending a hand towards her.

The little girl jumped at the offer, taking his hand. Such a little palm in his huge one. Sehun laughed. He picked her up in his arms, starting to sway to the beat of the music. He hadn't danced in ages. There was just this groove in the song, he couldn't help it. He had grown up listening to this song every Christmas. He moved around the space between the sofas with the little girl.

Ara slipped down to the floor, moving around on her own. She tried to sing the song but she was too little to even speak properly. Sehun helped her, dancing with her and making sure she didn't bump into the furniture. While Bobby Helms' voice boomed in the house, Sehun felt himself getting rid of the stress just dancing to this song with his little niece. They bumped their bodies together, giving each other high fives here and there, laughing whenever Sehun would do a weird move. Sehun swirled her around. That was when the song ended and something mellow came up. Something he'd rather dance to with Yun Hee.

Ara released a deep breath, along with Sehun, but then the both ended up laughing at each other. Sehun had fun, he gave her another high five. It seemed like no one had caught them dancing. Sehun proudly smiled when Ara hugged his body. "Sese," she said before resting her head on his shoulder.

Suddenly Yun Hee appeared in front of them. "That's 'uncle' for you, honey."

"That would make me sound old." He wrapped his arms around the small body of Ara. "Sese is fine. Right, Ara?"

Yun Hee rolled her eyes. "You are supposed to be old, Hun. Being 28 years old doesn’t make you young."

"Whatever."

"You're sweating," Yun Hee commented, sitting beside him on the sofa.

"Yep. The Christmas tree was troublesome," He answered. It was so close to Christmas but the two of them were sweating. 

Yun Hee chuckled, "Sure it was," she said in a mischeivous voice. Sehun arched his brows at her. Yun Hee stood up from her place. Perhaps Ara was dozing off in Sehun's arms. But he caught her arm before she could go anywhere. Yun Hee looked back at him.

"Sit with me," he said, his face resembling a kicked puppy.

Yun Hee chuckled, sitting back down, "You sure had fun with Ara, huh? Seems like you made a new friend."

"You saw us, didn't you?" Sehun asked with a knowing look.

Yun Hee laughed, "But it was only me. No worries."

"I'm not worried," he said, resting his head on her shoulder, "I'm just saying that maybe you could dance with me too after we send them off."

"No, thanks," Yun Hee smiled, "I'm too tired. I had to work in place of Min Ah today because she went for shopping. And there was a kid being so persistent saying he doesn't need an injection. And Yun Yeong is totally draining me out. So some other day."

Sehun nodded, pecking her cheek, "Some other day."

 


 

There was a loud bunch of people at the dinner table today. It was difficult keeping up with such enthusiasm beaming from the happy smiles but Yun Hee liked this crowd of people. They were her favourite people. She could hear Baekhyun's loud voice from the kitchen, accompanied by Min Ah who was rocking Yun Yeong's son in her arms. The mellow All I Want For Christmas Is You playing in the background and the clinks of wine glasses. 

Yun Hee just felt so complete, watching her loved ones enjoying the special day. She filled the glasses on the table with water, preparing the table while Yun Yeong helped her at the kitchen. In the little crowd, she couldn't find her husband. But she couldn't find Ara either. Perhaps they were into another dancing session with each other, Yun Hee smiled at the thought.

"How the hell are you so tall?"

Baekhyun frowned at the question, looking at Min Ah with jealousy in his eyes. Chanyeol chuckled at the question that was thrown at him, along with everyone at the table. "He gets this question so much," Yun Yeong agreed with Min Ah who was still very much fascinated by Chanyeol's height and took the baby from her arms, before leaving the room to feed him.

"His mother fed him Miracle Grow," Jongin commented. Everyone at the table laughed. They were finally having dinner and the table was chaotic. Yun Hee wasn't expecting anything less than that.

"So how's the weather up there, son?" Her father asked Chanyeol, making the guy look down at his food with a shy smile.

Yun Hee looked sideways, at Sehun who was barely in the conversation going about at the table. Instead, he was playing rock paper scissor with Ara under the table. She couldn't help the smile on her face. They were like best friends.

They all left at once. Their warm presence had lit up the house but they had to say their goodbyes. She stood by the door until the cars disappeared from her sight, letting the cold wind caress her cheeks. It was always in the back of her head, the thought about her parents. In the hassle of everyday, she almost forgot that she missed them. And this Christmas had just reminded her of the large tree in their house, white in colour. She wondered if anyone had set it up this year.

"We'll see them again," Sehun ruffled her hair from behind, making her smile. His brave hands wrapped around her as she leaned against the door. "You said some other day," he mumbled, placing his chin on her head.

Yunhee laughed, "You're still hung up on that."

"Why are you not?" Sehun sighed. Yunhee looked over her shoulder at him, watching him pressed his lips together. "Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth "You owe me". Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky." He told her, in that dreamy voice.

Yun Hee's eyes widened, "Did you just make that in your head?"

"I wish," Sehun laughed, "Have you ever heard of Rumi?"

"Rumi?" Yunhee repeated before shaking her head.

"Rumi said that. He was a philosopher of some sort," Sehun informed her. "I have one of his books, come I'll show you."

And off they went. 

 


 

"UNO cards?"

Yun Hee nervously smiled, "Do you now know how to play UNO?"

Sehun's confused eyes met hers before he shook his head. Yun Hee found herself laughing at his face. "That's even better. I'll teach you. And don't worry, it's very simple," she said, "Don't frown," she pinched his two cheeks, succeeding in making him smile. They were opening their presents that their guests had piled under the Christmas tree last night.

She really didn't know what to get her husband. What was it that he didn't have? He had everything that she found on the list that Google provided her with. That was why she had decided on two sets of UNO cards. The house didn't have UNO cards as far as she knew. She hadn't known that Sehun didn't know how to play UNO. But she will teach him if he was curious enough.

"You have so much on the list, Hee," He smiled, pushing the wrappers away. "You have to dance with me, you have to teach me UNO--"

"You haven't forgotten about that?" Yunhee dramatically sighed, crossing her legs on the floor. The mellow sun was still sleeping on the soft clouds it seemed. Yun Hee didn't remember waking up so late. The clock would strike ten any minute now and they hadn't had their breakfast yet. Last night was interesting, Yun Hee wouldn't have guessed Sehun was such a book person. There were authors he admired, he also told her he liked sad endings and he told her why. There were books that he liked that matched with her favorites. Yun Hee felt like now that she knew they shared something in common, she knew Sehun better. She felt closer to him. They had almost spent half the night in the library conversing about books.

Sehun chuckled, "That's mine," he pointed at the present wrapped in blue sparkly paper. Yun Hee picked it up, furrowing her brows. With excitement in the pads of her fingers, she gently removed the cover. The brown box didn't give away much. She looked up at Sehun who was curious about her reaction. "Open it," he whined.

Yun Gee smiled, curiously opening the lid of the paper box. Her eyes narrowed at the familiar design of whatever was inside. She felt the woolen texture with her fingers before looking up at Sehun. It was weird, he was wearing a sweater of the same pattern. Yun Hee chuckled, getting the concept little by little. She held the sweater up in her hands, blushing at the gesture. Yun Hee was a little taken aback. "You're so cheesy," she found herself mumbling.

Sehun made her wear it right then, pulling her arms through the sleeves, fretting over how cute she looked. The blue sweaters made them look like a couple. Were they, though? Yun Hee decided to keep her doubts away for today and pretend that he loved her too. But she absolutely loved the gift, she loved the thought behind it, she loved the enthusiasm he had in his eyes about the two of them. Like he was planning inside his head about the next sixty years he was going to spend with her. 

She watched him beam at the matching sweaters. She crawled towards him, surprising him with a peck on his cheek. Sehun blushed, looking back into her eyes. "Merry Christmas," she whispered to him.

Sehun smiled, "Merry Christmas."


 

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anikasen
The story has a new cover, yay... The credit, once again, goes to none other than, Pearllin.

Comments

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OnCloud9withEXO
#1
Chapter 40: I really hope oneday you will update. Cz this story deserves an ending ♡
real__katepark #2
Chapter 40: Update please. Omg this story is so good. I've cried so hard. I need a happy ending for them. 😭
Qexora #3
Chapter 40: oh no😭please dont fight
Ankita_123 #4
Hi Anika! Hope you're doing well. I'm really worried about you. Doesn't matter when you update the story, please just let us know that you're healthy and doing fine. Praying for your family's well being. Please notify!
OnCloud9withEXO
#5
Chapter 40: I read the full story again >< hshsgdh hELp. Oh I love this story. I was always been a er for arranged marriage AUs and this is so well written.

I wanna upvote it but it says i need 10 karma points or smtn. Anyone knows what's that and how to earn it? 😅 Idk how this aff thingy actually works.

Anyways I hope you update the nxt chap soon ^^. I can't wait to know what's the actually reason of Jieun to meet a psychiatrist 🤔

Another thing! If it's okay then may I ask which country are u from? *-*"
OnCloud9withEXO
#6
Chapter 40: Hey there! I'm not someone to put comments as I'm comfortable being a silent reader but this story is good enough to make me say that I love the way you are keeping the pace in the story and plot. It's not like the other arrange marriage AUs that I've read before. Not those typical ones where they would make the male lead look like jerk, arrogant etc.sehun is such a gentleman here with some flaws ofc,his efforts to make this marriage work. The female character too. Not like those fragile type of ones. I like OCs witha strong character which you put very smoothly in Yun Hee's character. I love the way you portray their feelings, you are making their character development go slow which I prefer.

Keep your good work♡ I really like this story^^. Hoping to get an update soon><
Ankita_123 #7
Chapter 40: Hi Anika! Hope you are doing well and everything is good on the health front, specifically. We're missing you. Be back soon. But prioritize your physical and mental health over everything, please!! Also, you can drop updates about yourself and what new is happening in life as well whenever you feel like putting it out. Take care!
ntsgstn #8
Chapter 40: i’m reading this while listening to Baekhyun’s Cry For Love. the pain!!!
Haru97
#9
Update please 🥺
Haru97
#10
Chapter 40: Ewch m'y heart is crying