What Ifs

Ashes of Dreams

The third morning of Yun Hee and Sehun's married life was no different than the previous two days. They woke up almost at the same time at the farthest corners of their bed, used the bathroom and the closet separately one after another, changed their clothes for the day and then Yun Hee went to the dining table for breakfast while Sehun left without having anything. Yun Hee sighed heavily, watching Sehun leave without even acknowledging her existence. She asked butler Jun to take some food in Sehun's office to make sure he doesn't skip breakfast and told him not him not tell Sehun that she asked him to do so. If it was up to her, then she would have warned the whole world to not get involved in a loveless marriage with a heartless jerk.

After she was done having breakfast, she looked around and realized that she would have to spend another dreadful day, having nothing useful to do. It was then she cursed her hospital authorities for being so kind and considerate towards her by giving her a week long leave for the wedding.

"It's okay, Yun Hee. You will be able to join your duties from tomorrow onwards and get rid of this curse called joblessness", she mumbled to herself and patted her shoulder dramatically. "Now let's go and find something recreational stuff to do to pass the time,"

She went to her library room and took out a book she had read countless times - "The Book Thief". She took it with her to the bedroom and made herself comfortable on the bed by leaning on the bedpost and sitting in a half-lying position and covered herself with a blanket. She read the book attentively for a while, but after an hour, she could feel her eyes getting droopy and fell asleep soon after that.

She woke up to the feeling of something furry tickling her face. She squirmed, feeling weird at the unfamiliar sensation, but too sleepy to actually wake up. But suddenly her se

nses came back at the thought of a possible intruder in her room and she opened her eyes wide because of that. She looked around the room and felt her breath hitch at the sight of a giant teddy bear standing right beside her on the floor and someone holding it uptight from behind. She felt creeped out and so she gathered her composure to find something for her self-defense. Finding nothing, she held the book that was already in her hand tightly and was about to hit the person behind the teddy bear when that person spoke up.

"Before you do something reckless and regret it later, let me show you my handsome face." Then that person shifted the teddy bear slightly to reveal his face.

"Jongin!", Yun Hee squealed loudly, threw her book aside, jumped down on the floor and the intruder tightly, screaming in his ears, not being able to contain her excitement. Jongin just chuckled, seeing the girl in his arms so happy at the mere sight of himself, feeling his heart flutter at the gesture and embraced the girl back. They basked in each other's warmth for a while, feeling happy at the reunion before Yun Hee retracted from the hug and smacked him hard on the head.

"Ouch! What was that for?", Jongin whined, rubbing his head at the sore feeling.

"You have the audacity to ask me that question? Like WOW! How dare you show your face after missing such a big occasion of my life, you idiotic baboon? You were not there in my wedding, Jo", Yun Hee deadpanned in serious tone.

"I am sorry, Hee. I really am", saying this he was about to hug Yun Hee to pacify her, but she elbowed him on his side before he could do so, showing him her face that was fuming with anger.

"Sorry, my foot. Let's not talk about me, but dude, you missed your childhood buddy's wedding. You knew how much we both needed you. Sehun needed you beside him when he was getting married to someone he did not love and I needed you beside me when I was getting stuck in a unwanted life I could not get out from. You knew our situations, yet you decided to show your back when the time came. What kind of a friend are you?", Yun Hee said, disappointment clear in her voice.

"Don't say it like that. I know that my action cannot be justified with just words, but I am sorry. I really needed this getaway because without it, I would have gone insane. I cannot tell you the reason of my desperation but I can surely tell you that I am sorry for my action. I never wanted to do something that would hurt the both of you. Please forgive me", Jongin pleaded with his head hung low.

Yun Hee was about to scold him more, but when she looked at him, she saw his head hung low with his fringes covering his face, holding the human-sized teddy bear tightly, his face was sporting a crestfallen look. The sight was too adorable to let her stay mad at her for any longer, so burst into a laugh. Jongin felt confused for a while, before a small smile appeared on his face. Then they laughed together.

Once they got over their laughing fit, Jongin went towards her  and hugged her before mumbling in her ears, "I will be there in every stage of your life from now on, even if it kills me to do so, I promise you." Then he retracted a bit to place a gentle kiss on her forehead then hugged her again and inhaled her scent, relishing the moment he thought he would never be able to experience again.

sleptYun Hee retracted from the hug and said, "You better. And stop clinging on me, you giant koala. Now tell me, did you meet with Sehun? I hope you know that you are also his culprit."

"I met him yesterday at the office and went to meet him there today also, though he was not there today. His assistant informed me that he left after lunch."

"What? It's already lunchtime?", Yun Hee exclaimed with shock and looked at the wall clock to see that it was actually past lunchtime. "No wonder I was feeling so hungry. I can't believe that I slept for so long. Did you have your lunch?"

"Yes, I did. Is Your Highness having a hard time sleeping in the last few nights? Was His Majesty that rough....

"I dare you to finish that sentence and watch me do something horrifying to you after that. Besides, His Majesty doesn't even spare me glance, let alone actually touch me. Now let's go downstairs. You prepare a movie so that we can watch something while I have my late lunch. Let's go." Then she left, without giving him the chance to say anything else, already making her way towards the kitchen downstairs.

Jongin smiled happily at the information Yun Hee gave him, but soon composed himself, scolding his heart for feeling happy at his friends' failing marriage. But who could blame him? After all, he was a man in love. He shrugged away his thoughts before following her downstairs, skipping a few times on his way.

 


 

Sehun left from office after lunch and drove towards an address that was etched in his mind like a permanent tattoo. He parked his car in an underground garage and made his way to the penthouse that used to be his home even a few months ago. He unlocked the main door and stepped inside a house filled with dust and the furnitures of it were covered with white sheets.

After he got over the initial coughing fit, he got inside and started walking around the house. He the flashlight of his phone and looked at the surroundings. The whole living room was filled with stuffs Jieun had bought with much dedication, wanting to decorate the house she would call her home before moving in. He could still hear her cheerful voice echoing in his ears, showing him excitedly all the things she had bought while he hummed without paying attention.

He looked at the furnitures that they had bought together. He remembered them fighting over the couch before ending up buying it and chuckled at the memory. He went to the kitchen  and could imagine Jieun, wearing her pink apron, cooking meals for themselves and him hugging her from behind and kissing her neck to distract her. He felt a sting in his eyes and immediately blinked back the tears that were forming.

He went to the bedroom that they shared, their safe haven, their sanctuary. He looked at the walls and saw them filled with their endless memories. All the pictures on the walls had their smiling faces captured. He was kissing her cheeks in some of them, while hugging her tightly in some others. The pictures had captured moments from their childhood, their school days, their graduation, their confession, their anniversaries, their birthdays, their dates and lastly, his wedding proposal. The pictures were all looking at him, haunting his memories. He looked at the bed where they slept, cuddled, made love and could still hear the laughters, the hushed whispers, the moans and the 'I love you's. Not being able to take it anymore,he ;eft the room and wherever his feet took him, stopping in front of a room that made his heart stop beating.

He opened the door of the room with shaky hands and looked at the completely empty room. His knees buckled underneath him and he collapsed on the ground. Uncontrollable tears sprung out of his eyes and the air of the room got filled with the resonating sound of his sobs. His mind took him to the past.

 


 

"Babe, I don't understand. Why did you suddenly cleared out our study? Are you planning to move out without telling me? Didn't you say that you would marry me? We will get married in a few months, then why are you leaving me, your fiance?", Sehun hugged Jieun tightly, pouting slightly at the insecure feeling.

"I am not planning to move out, you big baby. I am just clearing out the room for our future babies. You yourself told me that we are going to get married in a few months, so shouldn't we start planning for our future? Unless you don't want to have kids", she nudged him playfully, knowing his answer all too well.

Feeling relief wash over him, he immediately said, "Of course, I do. I got so scared thinking that you will leave me. Oh my god! I love you so much. Let's have tons of kids in the future", he said, grinning from ear to ear before kissing her hard.

 Not being able to breath at the sudden kiss, Jieun smacked him on his head, which made him pull away from the kiss.

"By saying I want to have kids, I certainly did not mean having it right now. Now come on and help me cleaning the room."

"Your wish is my command, my queen."

 


 

It was a quarter past eleven and Sehun was still not home. Jongin had left two hours ago. They had spent the whole day watching movies, eating snacks, chatting, bickering and fighting with pillows. Yun Hee could still feel her cheeks hurting from laughing too hard the whole day. She went to the kitchen and told one of the maids to have Sehun's breakfast prepared before he left and have it packed if he wanted to leave without having breakfast and give it to him through butler Jun. Then she bid them farewell and went to her bedroom.

Yun Hee was preparing to retire for the day when she heard a thud downstairs. She ran to the staircase and looked down to see what was happening. What appeared before her sight made her sigh and she went down to her drunk husband who was lying on the floor, muttering incoherent words. She still tried her best and managed to hold him up and called Mr. Jun for help. Mr. Jun came immediately and carried him to the bedroom while Yun Hee followed him. Mr. Jun laid him on the bed and left the room, giving her a sympathetic look.

Yun Hee went towards Sehun, removed his shoes and socks, untied his necktie and unclasped the top three buttons of his shirt. She was about to leave him and go to the washroom when she felt her wrist being tugged and got pulled towards him. She was about to remove herself from his hold when he hugged her tight and whispered in her ears.

"Why did you leave me, Ji? I love you" Then his arms fell limp and he fell into a soundless slumber.

Yun Hee chuckled mirthlessly at her pathetic state when her heartbeat quickened at his sincere 'I love you', something that is not for her. She remembered her day and wondered, what if Sehun's girlfriend had never left him, what if Sehun's mom never approached her , what if she had gotten married to someone like Jongin, then all of them could be living happily now.

"Fate, you are such a cruel little thing", she said before making her way towards the bathroom to freshen up for ending the day.

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anikasen
The story has a new cover, yay... The credit, once again, goes to none other than, Pearllin.

Comments

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OnCloud9withEXO
#1
Chapter 40: I really hope oneday you will update. Cz this story deserves an ending ♡
real__katepark #2
Chapter 40: Update please. Omg this story is so good. I've cried so hard. I need a happy ending for them. 😭
Qexora #3
Chapter 40: oh no😭please dont fight
Ankita_123 #4
Hi Anika! Hope you're doing well. I'm really worried about you. Doesn't matter when you update the story, please just let us know that you're healthy and doing fine. Praying for your family's well being. Please notify!
OnCloud9withEXO
#5
Chapter 40: I read the full story again >< hshsgdh hELp. Oh I love this story. I was always been a er for arranged marriage AUs and this is so well written.

I wanna upvote it but it says i need 10 karma points or smtn. Anyone knows what's that and how to earn it? 😅 Idk how this aff thingy actually works.

Anyways I hope you update the nxt chap soon ^^. I can't wait to know what's the actually reason of Jieun to meet a psychiatrist 🤔

Another thing! If it's okay then may I ask which country are u from? *-*"
OnCloud9withEXO
#6
Chapter 40: Hey there! I'm not someone to put comments as I'm comfortable being a silent reader but this story is good enough to make me say that I love the way you are keeping the pace in the story and plot. It's not like the other arrange marriage AUs that I've read before. Not those typical ones where they would make the male lead look like jerk, arrogant etc.sehun is such a gentleman here with some flaws ofc,his efforts to make this marriage work. The female character too. Not like those fragile type of ones. I like OCs witha strong character which you put very smoothly in Yun Hee's character. I love the way you portray their feelings, you are making their character development go slow which I prefer.

Keep your good work♡ I really like this story^^. Hoping to get an update soon><
Ankita_123 #7
Chapter 40: Hi Anika! Hope you are doing well and everything is good on the health front, specifically. We're missing you. Be back soon. But prioritize your physical and mental health over everything, please!! Also, you can drop updates about yourself and what new is happening in life as well whenever you feel like putting it out. Take care!
ntsgstn #8
Chapter 40: i’m reading this while listening to Baekhyun’s Cry For Love. the pain!!!
Haru97
#9
Update please 🥺
Haru97
#10
Chapter 40: Ewch m'y heart is crying