Sungmin’s POV

I held my breath not being able to digest how one person could face and endure so much sorrow. I studied his tear stained face. I wanted reach out and brush of those tears and pull him into my arms despite knowing that it’ll not ease the pain he’s been through.

“Kyuhyun-ah...” i called softly, afraid to speak.

He sniffed while a streak of tear rolled down his cheek. I couldn’t stand watching him so broken, inside and out. I leaned forward and pulled into an embrace.

“It’s alright. I am here.” I said, trying to control the quiver in my voice. I needed to be strong for him. He’s been strong for too long, he deserves a break down.

“He was the only person who understood me, who never judged me.” Kyuhyun said, sobbing. “I miss him so much. I miss him so much to the point i rather die than living everyday thinking how different things would have been if he was still around.”

I had no words to comfort him. No words can take away his pain, i was aware of that. No kind gesture can take Donghae out of his mind and memory. I was lost.

“That is why i tried to take my life away. The pain was unbearable.” He confessed.

My eyes begin to sting. Tears threatened to spill.

“Kyuhyun-ah, look at me.” i said, breaking the hug. “You are not alone. Not anymore. I am here for.” I said cupping his cheeks. “I am right here.”

He pressed his lips together, shutting his eyes close tight. It appeared as though he wants to get something out of his mind.

“What’s wrong?” i asked, slightly shaking his shoulder.

He looked up at me for a moment before holding out the letter he received earlier. I was hesitant to accept it.

“It’s okay, hyung. Read it.” he said, wiping his tears off.

I unfolded the piece of paper, it was blotched with ink here and there, indicating that the person who wrote it, was hesitating to continue writing the next word.

Dear Kyuhyun,

I am writing this letter as i am aware that death is catching up with me. I have no much time left. I know you despise me Kyuhyun-ah, for who I am, a weak woman who never stood up anything all my life. I became your father’s puppet and passively accepted his mistreatments not daring to say one word against him. I was engulfed by fear, the fear of losing Jessica. It’s true when people say fear can make us submissive and attempt unimaginable things, i wasn’t an exception. Kyuhyun-ah, i have something to tell you, something i should have confessed a very long time ago and i know you can never forgive me. You will most definitely loathe me even more but i have to do it. Your friend, Lee Donghae, he didn’t die because of complications from the smoke he inhaled from the fire. I killed him. I pulled out the oxygen tube. I killed him. Why? One day, 6 years ago, the day our faithful cook got fired, i am sure you remember that day; i witnessed something that overpowered rationality. I saw him in Jessica’s room, comforting her and the next thing she was kissing him. I was terrified by what your father would do if he finds out. That man threw an employee out for being nice, if he found out that Jessica had feeling for Donghae, he would have killed her. I couldn’t let that happen. She meant the world to me and i couldn’t let him hurt her. It was extremely selfish and cunning of me to do what i did but love and fear blurred my judgment, my humanity. I know i have absolutely no rights to ask for forgiveness but i beg you, please don’t abandon Jessica. She’s innocent, i’m the sinner and i’m being punished for my misdeeds. I am sorry for not

The letter was unfinished. She didn't get a chance to finish it.

Kyuhyun’s POV

He shivered a little as he turned to face me after reading the letter. “This...i...” he said, choking on his words.

“She killed him.” I said, in a hoarse whisper. My energy was drained out from all the crying and aggravation. How could she do that to him? How can someone be so self-centred?

I didn’t know what am i feeling right now? Angry? Disappointed? Regret?

I felt numb. Then why won’t these tears stop streaming?

“Why didn't he tell me about Jessica?What do i do now, Sungmin? How am i going to live with this?” i asked, waving the letter.

He kept quiet, still astounded by the content of the letter, not having an answer for my question. I have no idea if i’ll ever find answers to my question.

****

I slipped into my black suit and stared at my reflection in the mirror. I hardly got any sleep for the past one week. Nightmares continuously haunted me. Donghae voice kept ringing in my ears. And that letter, that letter, served as a constant reminder of why my life has turned out the way it has. I took in a deep breath.

“You are going to the funeral?” Sungmin asked, his eyes filled with care. I took a glimpse at him and nodded. I wanted him to come with me. Him being around me at most times have developed into a habit. However, I’ve troubled him enough with my predicaments and i didn’t want him to think that i’m leaning on him too much.

He walked into my room and picked my tie up from the table. Casually, he slid it over my neck and started knotting it.

“You don’t have to do this you know.” He said, glancing up to me. “You don’t have to go if it makes you uncomfortable.”

I heaved a sigh. “I have to. Jessica needs me. It’s not her fault. I can’t blame her for what...” i broke off, as the memories came flooding back.

He studied my face carefully, his marble like eyes scanning every inch of my expression.

“Sungmin-ah.” I said. “I am fine. Really.”

“You sure you don’t want me to come with you?” he asked, adjusting my hair. His little gestures gave a tiny tingle in my stomach. He was so close to me, i could smell his cologne.

“Kyuhyun?” he called, when he didn’t get an answer.

“Yeah, i’ll be fine alone. Don’t worry about me. It’s your day off, go do something fun, will you?” i answered in convincing tone, pinching his cheek. “I’m running late. I’ll see you later alright.”

****

Sungmin’s POV

I sat in the cafe beside the huge glass window, watching the pedestrian walking pass while sipping my black coffee. And moments later my mind wandered to Kyuhyun. Actually he’s the only thing on my mind nowadays. I still can’t grasp onto the fact that his life was and still is full of catastrophe. If it was me, i would have lost my sanity. Not having a mother to nurture and a father that is worst than a monster. Then life had to mercilessly trash him more and take away the only ray of hope he had in the most brutal manner.

I wonder if he’s doing okay. I hope he doesn’t break down and say something he’ll regret to Jessica. Ho if he faints or something? No, i don’t think he will. He’s a strong guy. He’ll be able to handle it. I thought, persuading myself not to worry. It didn’t last one minute.

“Oh, screw it!” i said cursed, pushing back the chair i was sitting on.

****

And much later, i was stepping into the cemetery where the ceremony was taking place. There were a lot of people who were present. I searched for Kyuhyun but couldn’t spot him anywhere.

“Sungmin-sshi?” a male voice called. I turned around and staggered when i came nose to nose with Mr. Cho.

Kyuhyun’s appa. What is he doing here? Where is Kyuhyun? I thought, panicking.

“That’s your name. Isn’t it? Kyuhyun’s friend?” he asked.

I was rendered speechless by his sudden appearance, so i just blankly stared at him without moving a muscle.

“Are you seeing a ghost?” he asked in an annoyed tone.

I realized i was irritating him. “No.”

“Then why aren’t you answering my question?” he ordered.

He can scare others with his high and mighty attitude but it isn’t going to work with me! But i had to keep Kyuhyun in mind, if i say something bold and it gets Kyuhyun or Jessica into trouble, then it’s not worth it. i decided to play calm.

“I am sorry sir. I was just taken aback by surprise. I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“You ordinary people always have an excuse for everything, don’t you.” He snickered insultingly.

I clenched my fist, trying to control my anger.

“I wonder why that boy has such a low taste. Befriending a pre-school teacher, sharing an apartment, taking up writing as a career. He such a disgrace.” He said, smirking at his words.

At least he behaves like a human unlike you! I was so tempted to pin him on the ground and pummel the life out of him. Another offensive remark and i swear this old man is going to get a piece of...no,no. I can’t trouble Kyuhyun.

“Sungmin hyung?” Kyuhyun called.

Thank God.

“Oh,Kyuhyun-ah.”

“What are you doing here?” he asked walking over quickly.

“I...i just came to see you.” I stuttered.

“It was nice talking to you. Sungmin.” Mr.Cho said before walking away.

We watched him get out of sight before moving closer.

“What are you doing here?” Kyuhyun asked again.

“I told you i came to see you.” I replied. “I got worried and had to see if you’re okay. I am sorry; i didn’t mean to cause trouble.”

“No. It’s okay. I get it.” he said, tucking his hands in his pocket.

“Why is he here? I thought he wasn’t going to come. I wouldn’t have let you attend the service alone if i knew he’d be here.” I said, glancing over to his father.

He heaved a sigh. “Jessica begged him to come. He came late anyways; he only arrived after the burial. So typical of him to be so insensitive and egoistical.”

“So you talked to him?” i asked, hoping a ‘no’ for an answer. Talking to his father only burdens him more.

And disappointingly his answer was, “Yes.”

“Oh...did he say something hurtful again?”

“Hyung, he wants me to come back home.” Kyuhyun said.

“What? For what? For how long?” i asked, agitated at the thought of Kyuhyun having to put up with his father again.

He looked at me apologetically.

Uh-oh, this is not going to be good.

“Hyung, he wants me to move in back to the mansion.” He finally admitted.

No.

“Wha...why?” i asked after a while.

“He wants me to learn doing bussiness stuff.” He answered, staring at his feet.

“But Kyuhyun, you hate those things. You’re a writer." i argued. "Please tell me you’re still going to write.”

His face dropped and i knew the answer to my question.

“Are you out of your mind? Why are you letting him do this to you? Why can’t you say no?” i fired.

“Hyung, it’s not that simple...” he said, wanting to explain.

“It is Kyuhyun! It is that simple. All you have to do is walk up to him and say no. How difficult is that?”

“It is difficult if your sister’s future is at stake.” He said, moving his gaze to Jessica, who was standing with her group of friends.

“Did he threaten you?” i asked, narrowing my eyes in disbelief.

“He said if i don’t obey his demands, Jessica’s going to pay the price for it. She is still young and she just lost her mother. Knowing my father, he wouldn’t think twice to disown her and throw her out. Come on, hyung, i think you know how he is by now.”

I gave up arguing. What can i say? He’s got a point. But bowing to each demand of his father just didn’t seem like a wise solution. That is how he keeps his ego well fed!

“So, what are you going to do?” i asked, hugging myself at the sudden gush of chill wind.

The sky started to darken and black clouds rolled in, huddling together and within seconds fat drops of water splat onto the grass. Thunder and lightning begin to strike as people scurried for shade while both of us didn’t move an inch.

“Hyung, we should go.” Kyuhyun said, reaching for my hand.

“Not until you tell me what you are planning on doing.” i said stubbornly, refusing to budge.

“Hyung, please don’t be stubborn. You’ll fall sick.” Kyuhyun said, trying to drag me. I stiffened myself making it impossible for him to move me.

And after a few in vain tries, he gave up. “Fine.” He said, throwing his hands up,giving in. “I think i am going to have to move out.” He said in a low voice.

I bit my lip. That is exactly what i was hoping not to hear. Why is this so heart wrenching? Why do i care if he leaves or not? Let him be and do whatever hell he wants to!

“Alright. If that’s what you want.” I said. “Good luck.” I responded before turning around and leaving him, drenched in the cold rain.

Another update coming up soon!

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