*Yawn*

I stretched my limbs as far as it would go. Why do I feel so sore?

I felt something heavy on my right arm. What was it? I scanned the right area of my body and I saw some blonde hair sprawled on my chest. In a much closer inspection, I found that they belonged to Taeyeon.

My eyes widened in the realization. She’s sleeping soundly in my arms, making it her own pillow. We slept in the same bed together?!

I looked down and I’m still fully clothed. Phew. What exactly happened last night? Did I pass out or something? I racked my brain for the lost memory that I’m trying to retrieve. I also tried ignoring the numbing feeling of my arm with Taeyeon’s head resting there comfortably. I can hear her breathing slowly, together with the rise and fall of her chest, which was distracting me from the mission at hand.

I remember we were working on our project and I think we finished it. What happened after that? And how did we end up like this?

I stiffened when I felt Taeyeon’s hands roam unconsciously on my stomach and was dangerously getting higher and higher by the second. My breath went heavy and I’m torn if I should wake her up on let her do what she was doing. But if she wakes up and finds out that she was feeling me up then that would be another awkward thing for us. As if our current situation wasn’t awkward enough.

So I shook her gently so that we could get this thing over with. Besides, I am so late for school. “Hey… Wake up.” Her once peaceful face scrunched up and she still hasn’t opened her eyes. She let out a moan which made me feel something unusual that I shunned inside me. She yawned like I did, and I don’t think she realizes what position we are in.

I find her cute and I thought that this was a pretty nice sight to wake up to every morning. I smiled despite of myself. I was about to greet her a good morning until she mumbled, “Tiffany…?” Her hands were still roaming in my belly and I felt her pull me closer to her. “Why are you so thin?”

It felt like my world fell apart, although I’m not supposed to feel these things. I can't breathe well like someone punched me in the stomach or someone was piercing needles in my heart like a voodoo doll. I wanted to cry but the shock was still able to suppress my feelings.

She finally opened her eyes and I saw it widened as it met mine, like she was a deer caught in the headlights. She jumped off me as soon as she realized what was happening. I sat on the bed like she did and we didn’t take our eyes off each other. Hers was confused and mine was I’m guessing a combination of hurt, confusion, and disbelief.

She was the first to speak. “W-what…” She looked around, like me checking if we still have our clothes on. Of course we do. “What happened?” She said breathlessly, voice still hoarse from sleep.

As much as I want answers myself, I wasn’t able to bring myself to respond. I still couldn’t get over the first words she said. She thought I was Tiffany…

She stood up hurriedly and tried fixing herself in front of the mirror while I was still on the same spot, unmoving. She stopped her ministrations and sat in front of me when she realized I was spaced out.

“Syoung…” There it was again… My nickname… It sounded so sweet coming from her lips and hearing it in person but…

The bedroom door suddenly opened and I heard someone say, “Taeng? Why aren’t you up yet? We’re going to be late for—“. Mine and Taeyeon’s head whipped in the direction of the person speaking and we were met with the same expression both of us had a while ago. But nothing compared to the horror in Tiffany’s face.

“What’s going on here?” She asked, her tone getting scarier by the minute. “Did you sleep here?!”

“Fany~ah I can explain…” Taeyeon interjected before I was able to reply. Tiffany just stared at Taeyeon disbelievingly, like she was very disappointed. She’s unconsciously shaking her head.

And at that moment I realized something.

“It’s not what you think.” I said out of the blue, their attention solely on me. “But I do admit it was my fault.” I can’t even believe I’m saying this. I finally remembered what happened. I kept yawning last night. I was so sleepy I can’t even think straight. Taeyeon suggested that it was dangerous for me to go home since it was already past ten. So she gave me permission to sleep on her bed. I actually agreed but I slept without her beside me. I didn’t know how she ended up by my side.

If I tell the truth to Tiffany, Taeyeon would get into trouble. So instead I said, “She didn’t do anything wrong. She fell asleep and I took advantage of it. It’s our last day so… I don’t know what came over me. I’m really sorry.” I looked into Taeyeon’s eyes and she was staring back, her eyebrows scrunched up and confused, but there was a hint of relief in it.

“You have to get out now.” Our staring contest was broken when we heard Tiffany’s low and dangerous voice. I immediately stood up, grabbed our project, and mumbled, “I’m sorry.” before I went out the door.

“Syoung~” I heard Taeyeon say but I didn’t look back. I hurried my way out of their apartment before something worse happen. I didn’t even have the chance to fix myself. I looked like when I hit the streets, replaying what took place earlier.

I knew it. They were together after all. Why didn’t I see it before?

Taeyeon and Tiffany.

I shook my head, trying to get rid of the memories in my head. Of course it didn’t work but at least I tried. Meeting Taeyeon was the best and worse feeling in my life. But I don’t have to worry about it anymore since I don’t have the reason to see her again.

After I submitted the project that we did, I felt relieved but there was a heavy feeling in my heart that doesn’t seem to go away. However, despite how I felt about her, I knew I had to forget her. We will never happen. Even in my dreams, it was impossible.

One afternoon, I was walking around mindlessly inside the campus. It was almost deserted. The students were going home one by one but I didn’t want to leave just yet. There was a place here where I hang out alone whenever I feel lonely or depressed. And right now, both words don’t seem to sum up how I feel.

I sat below a huge tree behind the library. It was quiet and still since no one ever comes to the back of the said building. They thought it was haunted but I say otherwise.

The grass was welcoming and I immediately felt at peace. I leaned on the trunk of the tree, I took a deep breath and I closed my eyes. After a few minutes, I felt someone approaching me but I didn’t bother to open my eyes to look. Then I sensed that someone sat beside me but still I didn’t care. Not until they opened their mouth to speak.

“I’m so sorry.” I knew immediately who the person was. I opened my eyes but I didn’t acknowledge her presence. “Everything was my fault. I’m so ashamed of myself.”

I looked down in response. I’m lost for words.

“Syoung~ please look at me.” I heard a begging tone in her voice but it wasn’t enough for me to do what wanted. Instead, I looked in the other direction, trying to ignore her. She sighed aloud which made me feel guilty for some reason.

“What are you doing here?” I asked tonelessly.

“I came to apologize.” She said quietly.

“You already did, right?” I tried to hide the anger in my voice. “Now go, before someone else sees you with me.”

“Please just listen okay?” She asked desperately. “Let me explain, please?”

“If I let you explain, would you answer my questions?” I saw her nod at my peripheral vision so I stayed quiet so she would continue.

She took a deep breath and said, “First of all, I would like to apologize for what happened last week. I didn’t know what I was thinking. I saw you sleeping so peacefully and I…” She stopped. This time I looked at her. She looked at me too and there was a meaningful expression in her face. But I didn’t assume anything just yet.

When she didn’t continue I said, “Can you explain what happened that day at the party?”

She didn’t reply straight away, maybe she’s trying to figure out the right words to say. But I just want her to answer the question. She exhaled deeply again. “I guess I’ll just have to come clean.” She said. “I understand if you will hate me for this.”

“I wasn’t supposed to ask you. You might think that since I’m a celebrity, I have a lot of friends that I can go with. But actually, I don’t trust any of them. The people I trust could just be counted on my fingers. And believe it or not, you’re one of them.” She paused, maybe trying to get a response out of me but I didn’t give her that satisfaction.

“That day before the party, I had a fight with Tiffany.” I closed my eyes in anticipation. I knew what was coming. I didn’t want to hear it but I don’t have much of a choice. “She was supposed to be the one to accompany me that day. But like I said, we had a fight and I had no one else to turn to. Sunny was busy, as well as everybody else. And I suddenly thought of you.”

“So I was your last choice?” It hurt more than I expected. It’s like my heart was ripped into pieces. The greatest night in my life so far, was ruined just like that. I seriously wanted to cry right in front of her but I stopped myself. I don’t want her to think that I am weak.

“No…” She quickly said.

“Then what?” I challenged her.

When she didn’t respond, I knew I was right. It was my turn to exhale loudly, because of frustration and also to not let my tears fall from my eyes. “Why did you kiss me?” I mentally slapped myself for saying those words in a broken voice. But I think she didn’t notice.

“I… I don’t know.” Taeyeon replied meekly.

“What do you mean you don’t know? I thought you said you’re going to answer my questions?” I almost yelled. She can’t blame me. I’m hurt, annoyed, frustrated, and did I mention hurt?

“It just felt right~! I’m sorry I did that!” She retaliated.

My mouth was hung open in shock. “It just felt right? What kind of answer is that?”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t feel it too!”

We suddenly went quiet. I didn’t know what to say since I felt it too.

“I did.”

We had another staring contest. But I didn’t let myself feel hopeful for I’ve learned my lesson.

“But you’re with Tiffany.” I said.

“Yeah. I know.” She almost sobbed. “I feel so guilty for cheating on her… but every time you’re around, I couldn’t stop myself.”

“What do you mean?”

“I always think about you. Since the first time I saw you that day during the autograph signing…”

“Wait what?”

“Yeah…” She chuckled nervously. “I couldn’t believe that I will ever see you again. You can’t imagine the surprise I felt when I saw you at our doorstep, saying that you’ll be my partner in a school project. I couldn’t help but think this is meant to be.”

“This…?”

“I mean us.”

“There is no us.” I said too quickly.

“I know.” She muttered sadly.

She stood up and ridded herself with some stray grasses that got stuck on her jeans. I also did the same, not knowing what else to do.

“D-do you want something to happen between us…?” I asked carefully. Taeyeon stared right at me, tears threatening to pour down her face.

She looked down and shook her head. “I don’t know.”

I sighed loudly once again, disappointed at her answer. “Right. That’s all you say. But you know what? You don’t have to worry or think about anything. I’m out of your life. We don’t have any reason to see each other anymore.”

I searched for something in my bag, it was the project we did. I handed it over to her.

“Full marks. Congratulations.”

Those were my last words before I walked out on her as I felt hot tears on my cheeks.

Sigh.. i'm really sad.. you'll know if you read my post.. 

i'm so sorry for this chapter.. i haven't edited it so pardon the mistakes..

thanks for the awesome comments.. 

*hug*

#creys