"Loving someone means giving everything you have until you become ."

That was what I initially thought. When in reality, you're not suppose to.

"What do you mean?" you ask.

Well, let me tell you.

The first time I heard this was from my dad. 
I was so curious of love because of how much he loved my mom even when she left us the day I was born.
My father gave her every little thing that he could give but at the end, he couldn't be with her.
I asked him why continue if it's just going to end up with mom leaving him.
And that was when he told me the same exact quote.
He said, "Loving your mother to the point of me getting is something that I will never regret because she has given a reason to continue giving my all."
I never understood the true meaning of it. I just thought that maybe if I give my everything to the person that I will love then they will give me a reason to continue.
But that was not it. It never was.

"Jeong-ie." Someone called my name. "Yah, Yoo Jeongyeon!"

I snapped out of trance and looked at who called me. 

"Are you alright? You've been spacing out for the past minute or so."

I chuckled, "Yes, I'm fine, Nabongs, Just spacing out."

Nayeon rolled her eyes, "No , Sherlock."

"Let's go!" Nayeon pulled me out of the classroom. 

We went to our lockers to put our things back. 

While I was putting my books back, I saw Mina in front of her locker. I secretly watched as she took out a rose and a letter.

Mina read the letter before smelling the rose, smiling after.

I smiled to myself before closing my locker.

When Nayeon was done, we walked towards the exit of the university.

Nayeon must've noticed me staring at Mina earlier. "You're still giving her gifts?"

I didn't say anything. "When are you going to confess? It's been months, Jeong-ie."

"I have no intentions-"

"-of courting her. I know." Nayeon cut me off. "But don't you see her in your future?"

I looked at her before stopping. "I do."

"Then what's stopping you from confessing? Giving gifts without even letting her know who you are is not going to work like you think it will." Nayeon walked backwards with her hands behind her. "Every relationship starts with a confession. Doing nothing as it is will not do anything good for you in the future." She said before smiling and turning around. 

I scoffed, "How do you know? Are you with someone now?" I asked before catching up to her.

Nayeon shook her head, "No, but isn't that something that is natural? Don't relationships start like that?"

That made me think, "What did dad do?"

"Dad, does a relationship start with a confession?" I asked him as he cooked our dinner.

"Not really but, yes, it does."

I was more confused. "What do you mean? What did you do before commiting to mom?"

"It was not me. It was your mom who confessed to me." I widened my eyes at the revelation.

"She did?! Did your relationship start there?" Dad chuckled before turning the stove off.

"No, Jeong." He put the food on the table and sat down on his chair. "I was not ready for a relationship at that time."

I took a seat, "So, you rejected her?"

"Yep." Dad nodded.

"How come you ended up together?" I asked as I took my first bite.

"That's because she was persistent. She courted me even though I refused. Your mom greets me everyday at school, she gives me my favorite snacks at lunch time. She accompanies me home. She didn't stop even if people were starting to talk about her." Dad sighed before taking a bite.

"So, you ended up lovers because mom was persistent?" I pointed my fork to him.

Dad sighed, "That is such a terrible conclusion but basically yes." He took another bite. "Why are you interested anyway? Are you planning on courting someone?"

My eyes widened before stuffing my face with food. 

"Is it Nayeon?" I suddenly choked. I reached out for the water and chugged it down quickly. "Be careful." My dad chuckled.

After making sure that there's no food stuck in my throat, I answered. "No, it's not Nayeon."

Dad's mouth formed an 'O'. "So you are planning on confessing."

"I don't really want to but Nayeon told me that everthing starts on a confession."

He nodded. "So, that's why you asked me. Well, Jeong, you just have to find out for yourself."

I ended up asking Mina out. And, I got rejected. But I told her that it's fine, I'll just show her how much I like her.
Just like what my mom did. 
I greeted Mina whenever I enter our university building, I gave her snacks during lunch time. I chose to watch her during her competitions in ballet. I stayed with her when she needed someone. 
I gave my everything.
But I guess that wasn't enough.
Because one day, this is what happened.

"What do you want for lunch? I could buy it for you," I asked Mina as we go through the halls to the cafeteria. 

Mina stopped in her tracks and stared at me. I stopped a little bit in front of her.

"Is there something wrong?" Mina looked at me before shaking her head.

"Nothing. I'll have anything," She said before walking again, passing me.

I scratched my head in confusion. "What was that?" Before following her.

On my way towards the cafeteria doors, I bumped into someone. 

I was familiar with the scent the person was giving. I looked down and saw Nayeon. 

"I'm so sorry. I was in a hurry-" She stopped when she looked up at me. "Jeongyeon."

I was disappointed when she called me by my name. I looked into her eyes which were staring back at me before looking away. It looked like she was about to cry.

"I'm sorry, Jeongyeon. I wasn't looking," she apologized.

I shook my head. "It's fine. Are you okay?"

"Yes," she answered immediately. "I have to go."

With quick steps, she left. I stared at her back before realizing that Mina was waiting for me.

I jogged inside the busy cafeteria and went towards the food stands. I quickly brought the food before jogging back to Mina.

"Here's your food, ma'am." I put the tray down in front of her and sat down at the other side of the table.

We were eating our food in silence. I thought that there was something wrong and that Mina was not telling me something.

I just continued eating and thought about how Nayeon called my name. The food was getting bitter.

Until she spoke.

"Jeong." I looked up at her. Her eyes were troubled and were shaking. 

I just looked at her until she sighed. 

"I'm so sorry," she finally said.

I felt my heart beating faster. I was getting anxious on what she was going to say. It didn't feel right. "For what?"

"I know you're trying your best for me. But I don't think I can love you back."

The made my heart crack. I felt tears trying to come out. "O-oh."

Mina looked away while scratching her nape. "Y-yeah."

I cleared my throat to fight back the tears. "C-can I ask w-why?"

Mina closed her eyes for a second. She reached out for my hand, I gave it to her.

"You've been giving me everything ever since the locker thing." I snapped my head to her. "I know. Nayeon told me. To be honest, she was the reason why I, despite rejecting you, wanted to try us for a little while. But the more I got to know you, I thought that maybe I wasn't the one for you."

I was confused. Why did Nayeon tell her? Why was she helping me? 

"You've been the one who has always been with me through rough times. I always tell you anything that bothers me. Basically, I was emotionally vulnerable to you because I was comfortable." Mina squeezed my hands. "But you've never been that to me. You've never opened up to me even though you've been going through so much as well."

I was still confused on what she was saying. I thought to my self that I've been sharing things with her sometimes. What was missing?

"Everything you've done and given me throughout this courting thing, I appreciate all of that. But if you're not going to be emotionally available to me, then I think that I'm not the one for you. You don't have to open up everything that has been bothering you in terms of feelings or emotions, but pushing me away and never letting me in and breaking your walls, tells me that it's not me who you are looking for. Getting half of you is not enough."

I still didn't get it. I did understand at some point but I don't how to compromise with it. 

"Maybe, that was not it."

Mina let my hand go before standing up. "I know you don't understand yet. But there will be a time when everything's going to align and click. Goodbye and thank you, Jeongyeon."

I didn't know why that goodbye was light. It relieved the heaviness on my heart. Maybe it was for the best, this time my heart and mind understood