The sound of rain pelting against JaeJoong’s bedroom windows was the perfect soundtrack for his current state of emotions. Since getting home a little over an hour ago, he had done absolutely nothing except lay in bed, stock still while he stared unseeingly at the ceiling. He wasn’t entirely sure if his melancholy was entirely linked to the day’s events or to the fact that the dumplings Yunho bought him for lunch hadn’t tasted as good as they had when he had eaten them with Yunho all those months ago. He sighed and turned over in bed making his doctors coat rustle loudly. He pushed himself up in bed and took the coat off and then did the same thing with his t-shirt before getting out of bed and leaving his room to head to the bathroom he shared with Ji-Yoo.

Her side of the sink was a mess as usual, but JaeJoong smiled at the disaster instead of getting angry. His best friend was a scattered brained dreamer and he wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world. He actually felt bad for turning down her offer to go out for drinks with her and some of her co-workers at the restaurant when he got off work. But he truly hadn’t felt like socializing tonight. The rain and impending thunderstorm didn’t help either.

Stripping out of the rest of his clothes, he the shower water and waited for it to get hot. After about 3 minutes, the large bathroom was filled with steam. He got in and relished the feel of the hot water washing down over the top of his head. He let out a contented moan as he felt the tension slowly seep from his shoulders. It felt as if the last 3 days were being washed right down the drain. God, how he wished that was actually true.

Behind his tightly shut eyes, he could see Yunho’s warm smile and ridiculously handsome face. He was staring at JaeJoong like he was looking at something he loved more than life. JaeJoong bit his lip when the scar on his forehead tinged with pain. But instead of opening his eyes, he kept them closed and kept thinking of Yunho. The handsome doctor who had lied and made JaeJoong so angry. The man who he had been drawn to almost instantly. The man he had foolishly started to let himself love.

Love.

His eyes snapped open as soon the realization hit him. . He quickly grabbed for his body wash and began to scrub his body before starting in on his hair. He didn’t love Yunho. Like him? Sure. In lust with? Absolutely! But love? Nope, not at all.

“Why not?” The voice in his head asked, sounding exasperated. JaeJoong paused his furious scrubbing to think about it. Despite not knowing anything about who they were to each other in the past, JaeJoong was still clearly had an interest in Yunho that went way beyond friendship. Given everything that had happened, he shouldn’t even be thinking of Yunho in anyway other than disgust. But here he was saying that he was in love with the man.

“!” He cursed as shampoo slid into his open eyes. He groaned and quickly rinsed his eyes and then finished his shower before he could hurt himself any more. When he got out, he quickly dried off and went back to his room to get a pair of sweatpants. The rain outside had picked up and now there were deep rumbles of thunder rattling the windows. He shivered and went to the kitchen in search of something to drink. After a brief search, he came up with his oldest bottle of red wine. He grabbed it and left the kitchen without bothering to get a glass.

Back in his room, he took his cellphone out of the pocket of the pants he was wearing earlier and tossed it on the bed. He paced back and forth in front of the bed as he opened bottle of wine.

“I could call Yunho.” He said out loud to himself, but quickly shook his head no. What the hell would he say? Hey, I still think you’re an for not telling me you were engaged before shoving your tongue down my throat. But that’s okay cause I love you. Busy? Come over and me if you’re not. It’s okay because you’re single now, right?”

Now that he had gotten the bottle of wine open, he took a long drink. He felt like a lunatic. There was a distinct lack of logic that he was missing when it came to Yunho and it was maddening. Sighing, he took the bottle and walked over to the double doors that led out to the balcony from his bedroom. The rain had slowed down to a drizzle, but the thunder and lightning were still going strong.

He pushed the doors open and sat down in a chair near the far back corner. The chair next to him was empty like it always was, but in this moment, it really bothered him. Once again, he closed his eyes and thought of Yunho and all the time they had spent together as friends these last few months. Even though he had Ji-Yoo, JaeJoong still felt lonely sometimes. And Yunho had unknowingly inched his way so close to JaeJoong that now the idea that they wouldn’t be as close as they were before made him ache. He was in love and lonely.

“Pathetic.” He mumbled before taking another pull from the wine bottle. This was a bad idea, he knew it, but it was the only one that he had right then, so it was going to have to do. He curled his legs up into the chair and wrapped his arms around them. Resting his head on his knees, he closed his eyes and let the warm heat of the wine fill him.

~~~

JaeJoong frowned when he felt the unfamiliar press of cold metal against his cheek. Groggily, he opened his eyes and found himself leaning against the metal leg of a desk. He looked down and saw that he was dressed in the same sweatpants he had put on after his shower, but that’s where the recognition stopped. He was on the floor in a room that definitely wasn’t his. He began to stand but stopped when he noticed that he wasn’t alone. In the corner of room was a little boy, curled up between the far wall and small bookshelf. He was shivering like he was cold, and his tiny bare toes were clenching and unclenching the carpet beneath them.

JaeJoong opened his mouth to say something to the little boy, but before he could, the door to the room came open and hit the wall behind it with so much force it nearly bounced back. There was another boy there now who looked slightly older than the boy who was hiding. He looked like a tiny terror, his eyes wide and way too menacing for someone so young.

 “JaeJoongie, come out and play!” The boy shouted and hustled into the room right past JaeJoong who still sat on the floor next to the desk. The bigger boy grabbed the smaller boy from the spot on the floor. His grip looked punishing, forcing the smaller boy to crumble to his knees.

“P-please Hyung, no more!” The small cried out, but the taller boy ignored him and dragged him out of the room. JaeJoong chased after them with no hesitation. His legs felt funny, but he knew it was because he had drunk too much, so he pushed himself to keep up.

“Let go of him!” JaeJoong shouted as he ran, but then he realized that he wasn’t actually moving. It was like he was running on a treadmill. Helplessly, he watched as the crying little boy was dragged away down the hall and behind the door of another room.

JaeJoong kept yelling, but then the sensation of falling came over him. The sensation became real and suddenly he was falling black hole. When he landed, seemingly seconds later, he was on a bed in the same room. Instead of looking like a child’s room, it was more mature; books lined the wall and the walls were painted dark gray.

He sat up and watched as a teenager looked at himself in the mirror, fixing his hair. He gasped realizing that it was 17-year-old him. The younger version of himself sat down on the bed, scrolling through his phone, when he heard a loud knocking at his bedroom door.

“Jae, open this door.” His younger self looked up at the door and didn’t move. JaeJoong didn’t recognize the voice, but it sounded angry. It made his head hurt. The knocking continued, getting louder every minute it went unanswered. His younger self finally got up and pulled a mouth guard out of his desk drawer and slipped it into his jean pocket before opening the door.

The angry voice matched the face of the man on the other side of the door. JaeJoong stared at him, his stomach flipped. He knew that face. Hong Do shoved his way in, looking incredibly angry.

“I thought I told you to leave before dad gets here.” He snarled, invading the younger version of JaeJoong’s space. The teen version of JaeJoong didn’t back down.

“I just want to have dinner with him. I promise to leave after then.” From the bed, JaeJoong watched as Hong Do crossed his arms over his chest, looking down his nose at 17-year-old JaeJoong.

“And what makes you think he wants to have dinner with you?” JaeJoong sat up the bed recognizing the look on face of the younger version of himself. That face meant he was about to say something he shouldn’t.

“Because I’m the son of the woman he loved.” Present day JaeJoong winced. Before the first blow landed on his mouth, he pushed the mouth guard in and fell to the ground. He rolled over to escape Hong Do’s next punch. JaeJoong started to get off the bed but remembered that he wouldn’t be able to do anything. So, he settled back on the bed and closed his eyes, willing himself to wake up.

When he opened them again, he was in a kitchen, of what he assumed to still be his house with Yunho. They were wrapped around each other, lost in a deep kiss. JaeJoong walked around the dream version of himself and Yunho to get a look at Yunho’s face. He put his hand on his chest over his heart. Yunho was handsome even when he was young. He reached out to touch him, but before he could, the younger version of themselves broke down like shattering glass in front of him. The pieces crumbled down and turned into a cloud of smoke that made JaeJoong cough. The force of his coughs sent him reeling backward and when he fell, he landed on a carpeted floor.

He was in another room this time, but it wasn’t his. On the bed across the room from where the present-day version of himself stood, was him and Yunho again. They were laying side by side, their fingers locked tightly together. The 17-yea