The rhythmic sound of shoes hitting the pavement echoed loudly in the empty park. Besides the occasional mother with her child in a stroller or an older couple taking a walk, the only other people there was Yunho and Hyun Gi. Yunho watched Hyun Gi who was leading far up ahead. He hadn’t lessened his pace since they started 30 minutes ago.

The cold morning air was enough to steal your breath, but it felt good and Yunho relished these early morning runs with Hyun Gi when no one else was up and it was quiet. It also gave him time to think which he found himself needing more and more of these days.

"Can't keep up, old man?" Hyun Gi asked, glancing back over his shoulder. Yunho responded to his fiancé’s taunt by picking up his pace. He ended up a long side Hyun Gi in just a few quick strides.

"I don't know who you're calling old, cradle robber.” Yunho retorted making Hyun Gi laugh as he finally slowed to a stop. They bent over trying to catch their breath.

“Three years older is hardly robbing the cradle.” Hyun Gi responded, rolling his eyes. Yunho shrugged.

“Whatever you say, babe.” He finished with a stretch and finally stood up straight. “Is it going to be another late night for you?” Yunho asked, trying to sound nonchalant. Hyun Gi nodded.

“I’d say so. We’re going to trial tomorrow and the judge is known for being a stickler. If you manage to get done before me, go ahead and grab dinner without me.” Hyun Gi stretched his arms over his head and shook them out. Yunho mimicked Hyun Gi's stetches as he tried to keep the conversation as normal as possible. He really needed to talk to Hyun Gi about JaeJoong as well as his own rising anxiety about getting married. He knew that if he didn't do it soon, things were bound to get more complicated before getting better

“Even if it ends up being super late, do you think we could have dinner anyway? I can wait for you.” If he put this off, he’d lose his nerve and end up in a bigger conflict with himself than he already was, and he couldn’t afford any more cluttered thoughts. Hyun Gi smiled, clearly not noticing the urgency in Yunho’s tone.

“Well in that case I’ll do my best to finish as soon as possible.” He winked at Yunho. “Can’t leave my handsome fiancé hanging, now can I?” Yunho chuckled trying his best to hush the swelling buzz of nerves.

....

Yunho closed his eyes and leaned back in his desk chair still dressed in his scrubs from surgery. His stomach flipped and causing a wave of nausea to wash over him. An emergency bypass on a woman, a mom of three, headed south when Yunho found that her heart was covered in tiny tumors. He managed to remove two of them before she began to bleed out. She went into shock and couldn’t be revived.

It wasn’t often that he lost a patient, but emergencies could be sometimes be tricky. It didn’t make him feel any less terrible though. He looked down at his watch. It was almost 9 and he hadn’t finished his charts of eaten dinner. Not that he was hungry at the moment, anyway. He leaned forward in his chair and rested his face in his hands.

The entire day had been a show and this had been an appropriate final act. The only thing that might make the day salvageable would be talking to Hyun Gi tonight. The goal was to tell him everything about JaeJoong and what he was to Yunho. He was also going to take the opportunity to propose that they slow down on planning the wedding which would probably make Hyun Gi’s head spin around Exorcist style. But Yunho knew that if he didn’t at least suggest it, he would regret it later. He couldn't, in good conscience, hurry up their wedding when his head, and his heart, were so full of thoughts of JaeJoong.

“Knock, knock.” Yunho looked up and saw JaeJoong poking his head through the crack of his open office door. Jesus! Now he was able to summon JaeJoong just by thinking of him. He bit back a groan.

“Hey, you.” Yunho finally responded. JaeJoong smiled prettily and pushed the door open a little further so that he could enter. He held up a take-out cup.

“I brought you tea.” He walked over to Yunho’s desk and set it down before plopping down in guest chair in front of it. Yunho smiled and took it, letting the heat from the cup warm his fingers. He shivered. He hadn’t even noticed how cold he was.

“Very kind of you, Dr. Kim.” He smiled at JaeJoong over the top of the cup before he took a sip. JaeJoong shrugged and looked down at his lap. Yunho studied him. His reading glasses were perched on top of his head and his lips looked red like he had been worrying them with his teeth. He was thinking about something and it was clearly bothering him.

“It was the least I could do for, you know, being a lousy drunk the other night.” JaeJoong responded as he finally looked up from his lap and into Yunho’s eyes. Yunho placed the cup down and folded his hands in front of him on top of his desk.

“You were just having fun. It just so happens that it doesn’t take you much to get there,” He laughed when JaeJoong’s eyes got wider before he continued. “But you weren’t any trouble. I had fun.” And he had. Spending time with JaeJoong on his birthday for the first time they had ever had been special. He wouldn’t have changed a thing about that night. Well, he might have changed the part where Changmin showed up.

“Still. It was your birthday and I was behaving like a nut; I know how I am when I’m drunk.” JaeJoong scratched the back of his head with a sheepish grin before continuing. “I actually stopped by to see Changmin earlier to apologize for being a handful. He bought me two more drinks and that made me ever more of a challenge to get home.” Yunho’s eye twitched at the mention of Changmin taking JaeJoong home. Had he stayed with JaeJoong? Did they kiss? Did they…. no. It wasn’t his business. But God he wanted it to be and it was driving him out of his mind!

“Oh. Well either way I’m sure you weren’t as bad you thought you were.” He cleared his throat and took another sip of the tea. He glanced up at the wall clock and then at his cellphone. No missed calls or texts from Hyun Gi. He should go home and wait. Even if it ended up being one in the morning when Hyun Gi got home, he should be there.

“Did you always think I could do no wrong?”

“Huh?” Yunho answered distractedly. Lost in his racing thoughts, he hadn’t even heard JaeJoong’s question.

“I asked if you always thought I could do no wrong. Like when were kids and stuff.” JaeJoong repeated, his face serious. Yunho opened and closed his mouth at least half a dozen times. He couldn’t figure out how to respond. It was like his brain had taken a ing vacation. An ‘Out of Office’ sign was firmly nailed to it.

“I-I’m not sure what you mean.” He stuttered and closed his eyes feeling like a dunce. He let out a deep breath and tried again. “I guess I liked you so much that I didn’t see the unflattering things about you. It was all good to me.” Liked? Loved. And was? It still is. He watched a range of emotions play across JaeJoong’s expressive face and waited with bated breath for the next thing JaeJoong would say.

“Last week when we were texting and you told me about how we used to be with other kind of left me feeling weird.” JaeJoong finally said.

“Weird how?” Yunho heard himself ask without thinking. JaeJoong met his gaze for a moment and looked away.

“Not really weird, but nostalgic. Which is ridiculous because I can’t remember anything to warrant feeling nostalgic.” He shook his head as if he was trying to clear his thoughts. “I guess I’m just having a hard time dealing with these particular gaps in my memories. The ones that involve you.” The last words were almost spoken at a whisper. If Yunho hadn’t been paying attention, he would have missed them for sure.

They sat in silence for what felt like forever, but in reality, it couldn’t have been longer than 2 minutes. Yunho finally decided to end it by speaking.

“If there’s anything you want to know, I’m here. It doesn’t matter where or what time of day it is, you can call me or come find me and we can talk.” Or do other things. He closed his eyes as if it would banish the thought that had already taken root. But the relief on JaeJoong’s face was enough to quell his concern.

“Thank you, Yunho.” JaeJoong’s smile was radiant and it made Yunho’s heart flutter. The way it always did. He wanted to make JaeJoong smile and laugh all the time and he still wanted to be the reason for his joy. 11 years had changed absolutely nothing and the truth of it was almost too painful to deal with. Yunho smiled in return even though he wasn’t really feeling it.

“No problem.” He looked down at the cup. “I need to get changed. I, uh just finished up a surgery a little while ago.” This was his escape hatch. He needed to regroup, but he couldn’t do it if JaeJoong was here. Predictably, JaeJoong nodded his understanding.

“I’m sorry. I should have just stopped in to drop off the tea.” JaeJoong started to stand. “I’ll see you later on this week. Maybe for lunch?” Yunho stood up and nodded. His hands were damp. He was so damn nervous.

“For sure. And if not, maybe you can call me?” What?! Call him? JaeJoong once again, turned a sunshine bright smile on Yunho.

“I sound silly on the phone.” Yunho walked behind JaeJoong as they crossed his office to the door. He was close enough to smell JaeJoong’s shampoo and aftershave. Despite himself, Yunho wanted to hold him close and inhale him all night.

“You do not.” Yunho finally responded. They were now at the door and JaeJoong turned to face him. His dark brown eyes sparkled and Yunho couldn’t look away.

“You really think I’m perfect, don’t you?” JaeJoong asked, his tone teasing. Yunho’s heart slammed against his rib cage. There were so many warning bells and flashing red lights in his head. No one had this much self-control.

“Yes. It’s just a fact.” JaeJoong’s half lidded gaze sent electric shocks down Yunho’s spine.

“Well I’m incredibly lucky to know you then.” And then JaeJoong's lips were on Yunho’s. But before Yunho could even process what was happening, the contact was over. The sound of the door closing broke Yunho’s frozen state. Dazed, brought his hand up to his mouth that still tingled.

His phone vibrated loudly on his desk and he slowly walked back over to check it. The screen lit up with a text from Hyun Gi.

"I managed to wrap things up and I’m home! Oh and I cooked. You still up for a late-night date?" Yunho stared down at the text, feeling guilty. He sighed and texted back.

"Always. See you in a bit." He grabbed his coat. On his way out of the door, his phone vibrated again.

"I love you." He quickly texted back.

"I love you too."

—

"This is lunch. Why do you look so serious?" Hyun Gi looked up at his friend and colleague Yoona.

"Yunho's been behaving strangely for the last couple of weeks and I can't pinpoint what is causing it." Yoona raised her eyebrows at him.

"Strange how?" Hyun Gi put down his sandwich.

"Like he's seen a ghost. It's honestly just a subtle change, but it still bothers me." It was definitely the lawyer in him, but he couldn’t shake it. The other night when they ate dinner together, Yunho had looked like he was thinking about something the entire time. He had been so distracted lately.

"Is the fine?" Hyun Gi smirked at Yoona’s question.

"Life changing every single time." Yoona groaned and rolled her eyes.

"Disgusting." She picked up a french fry and threw it at him. He laughed and shook his head.

"But really everything is the same. We still talk and spend time together whenever we can. He's even taken a renewed interest in the wedding planning." Yoona shrugged.

"Then it sounds like you're being paranoid. Both of your jobs are hard, and you said last week that he lost someone during surgery; which he very rarely does. Compounded dealing with how obsessed you are with planning your wedding, he probably is having a really difficult time." Hyun Gi considered it for a moment. Yunho had never really handled stress very well and it wasn't helping that his sleeping schedule had been worse than usual. There could be a lot of things he needs to talk about but hasn't for fear he'd bother Hyun Gi; it was something he's done many times in the past. He sighed.

"You're probably right." He checked his watch. He had a couple of hours until his next meeting. "I'm going to go pick him up some lunch and bring it to the hospital." Yoona smiled.

"Send me a fiancé like you so I don't have to date anymore losers." Hyun Gi laughed and snatched up one of Yoona's fries as he passed.

"You could stop doing that now, you know?" Yoona batted her long lashes and smirked.

"Nah! It's too addicting."

Hyun Gi left the break room and headed out to his car. Before the hospital, he swung by Yunho's favorite brunch restaurant to get him the egg and cheese sandwich he'd probably eat everyday if he didn't care about his health. He found a spot in the guest parking lot and headed in the side double doors that led to the first set of elevators. On his way up, he sent Yunho a text.

"I hope you're not too busy to eat!" When Yunho didn't reply, he cursed. He was probably either with a patient or in surgery. Looking down at the bag, he frowned. It wouldn't be quite as good re-heated, but he could leave it at the nurse’s station. When he got off the elevator, he headed to the large nurse’s station and found Yunho's nurse right away. She spotted him and waved.

"Mr. Song! I haven't seen you in so long. How are you?" Hyun Gi smiled. He had always liked Yunho's nurse.

"I've been just fine, Nurse Lee. Thank you." He held up the bag. "Do you think you could hand this to Dr. Jung whenever you next see him. I sent him a text, but he never responded." She tilted her head looking confused.

"He's definitely on break now. His schedule is clear until his next appointment at three." She clicked around on her computer for a second an