Yunho pressed his fingers into the temples of his forehead on a desperate search for relief. Today's presentations for the conference had finally come to an end and he couldn’t have been more thankful. Since Hyun Gi’s arrival earlier that afternoon, Yunho hadn’t been able to focus on anything related to the conference. His thoughts were a swirling mess of confusion, panic, and anxiety. What he really wanted to do was get outrageously drunk in the hotel bar and forget this whole day ever happened. Better yet, forget the last 4 months had happened. But avoidance was what got him into this mess in the first place, so he couldn’t keep putting it off. 

As the auditorium cleared, Yunho stood and made his way towards the exit. As he got closer to the doors, he could see JaeJoong walking with the man he had been hanging out with all day. They were talking about something pretty intensely before the long-haired man ruffled JaeJoong’s hair and left to talk to someone else on the other side of the room. Yunho watched as JaeJoong left the auditorium and disappeared into the crowd. Sighing, Yunho shoved his hands in his pockets and continued towards the double doors. He wanted to follow JaeJoong and talk to him. At the very least apologize for being such a coward. But now probably wasn’t the time. 

He found his way to the lobby and sent Hyun Gi a text to ask where he was. The man texted back seconds later to say he was in the hotel bar. Yunho groaned and ran his free hand over his face. So much for not drinking tonight. 

The hotel bar was dimly lit with soft jazz music playing over the speakers. All the shiny surfaces and romantically decorated tables made Yunho wish he was meeting Hyun Gi there for very different reasons than the one he was tonight. When he walked in, he spotted Hyun Gi at one of the booths near the back. He was swirling a glass of brown liquid, probably bourbon, and staring down into it with a dazed expression. Yunho walked over and slid into the booth across from Hyun Gi. His fiancé looked up at him before looking down in his glass again. Yunho grabbed one of the menus and flipped it open.

“Did you eat before you started drinking?” He asked Hyun Gi without looking up from the menu. Hyun Gi huffed out a laugh.

“Of course, mother. I wouldn’t want to make you angry.” Hyun Gi retorted sarcastically. Yunho rolled his eyes. Drunk Hyun Gi was right up there with snarky Hyun Gi as the biggest pain in the . Yunho closed the menu, deciding that he wasn’t hungry after all.

“Hyun, I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.” Yunho said as he tried to blink away the pain of a rising headache. He hadn’t slept enough the night before and the stress was starting to make things harder than usual. Hyun Gi put the glass down with so much force that Yunho was surprised it didn’t shatter.

“What do you need to talk to me about, Yun? What could be so damn dire that I can’t drink while you say it?” He asked as he straightened himself up. Yunho clenched his jaw. 

“It’s not dire, just long over do in being said. I just want to make sure you understand.” Yunho explained, gathering patience he didn’t know he had. Holding eye contact, Hyun Gi raised his hand to get the attention of the drink server. When the young woman came over, Hyun Gi smiled at her. 

“I’d like another whisky sour. He’ll have a rum and coke. Light on the coke.” He added the last part with a wink that made the woman giggle. Yunho sighed. 

“Are you for real right now?” He asked with an exasperated tone. Hyun Gi laughed.

“As a ing heart attack,” Hyun Gi replied and leaned forward. “Now are you going to talk or are we going to get drunk?” The server returned with their drinks and asked if there was anything else that she could do for them before Hyun Gi dismissed her. Yunho eyed the glass of rum but didn’t touch it. Hyun Gi immediately started sipping his whisky. Yunho took a deep breath and began.

“JaeJoong and I have been best friends since we were children. When we were kids, he was being abused at home and my mom intervened which ended up getting him moved away. I didn’t see him again until 10 years later when we were in high school. We started dating but it was short lived because we ended up getting into a car accident and when I woke up, he was gone again.” Yunho took another deep breath and eyed his drink again before continuing. “I looked for JaeJoong for 6 years almost nonstop. When I couldn’t find him, I came to the conclusion that he was dead. It hurt, but when I met you, I honestly felt like I had a chance at starting over again.” He paused to look at Hyun Gi who was staring at him blankly. Yunho looked down at his folded hands on the table. 

“But clearly he isn’t dead and knowing that has made the last few months very difficult for me emotionally. I avoided telling you because I didn’t want you to hurt or worry.” He said and Hyun Gi’s expression changed slightly.

“And you’re telling me now because I need to be worried?” Hyun Gi asked, his voice deep and rusted. Yunho flexed his fingers nervously. 

“I haven’t been honest with you. I haven’t been honest with myself either. I still have feelings for JaeJoong, and I’ve acted on them. I’m sorry for not telling you everything when he showed up 4 months ago.” When he was finished, the weight on his chest only felt marginally smaller. Hyun Gi finished off the rest of his drink and pushed the glass aside.

“Did you him?” He asked bluntly. Yunho winced and shook his head no.

“We kissed and have flittered a lot, but we didn’t have .” He said, not bothering to mention that he had wanted to. Hyun Gi reached across the table and took Yunho’s drink. He gulped down a third of it before setting it down. 

“Okay, is that all?” Hyun Gi asked making Yunho frown.

“Uh, yes.” He answered hesitantly. Hyun Gi clapped his hands and laughed.

“Great! Is your conscience clear now? Can we move on?” Hyun Gi asked as he began to drink again. Yunho watched the contents in the glass disappear down his throat at the speed someone would drink water when they were thirsty. 

“Did you not hear what I said? I just admitted to being unfaithful. Aren’t you upset?” Yunho asked feeling very confused. Out of all Hyun Gi’s reactions Yunho had imagined, this hadn’t made the list. 

“About what? Your first indiscretion in the 5, almost 6, years of us being together?" Hyun Gi smiled and leaned across the table to put his hand on top of Yunho’s clasped ones. "We're imperfect creatures, Yunho. But I love you and I forgive you." He said as he patted Yunho’s hands. Yunho frowned, a knot forming in the pit of his stomach.

“Hyun, I didn’t tell you this so that you could dismiss that it happened. I…I think we need to take a break. It wouldn’t be right to get married when I’m feeling like this.” He said as he tried to get Hyun Gi to meet his eyes. The other man stared pass Yunho like he wasn’t there.

“If you need to have with him to get it out of your system before we get married, then I’m fine with it. I’ll look the other way. him 10, 20, 300 times for all I care! Just do it so that we can get back to where we were before that little showed up.” Hyun Gi said as he finally met Yunho’s eyes. Yunho could feel the tips of his ears start to get warm. 

“Do you even hear yourself right now? I’m not asking your permission to have with JaeJoong. I’m telling you that I think we need to pause this wedding stuff and take a break. I think it’ll be good for both of us at this point because I don’t even know who the hell you are anymore.” Yunho said and Hyun Gi snorted derisively.

“You sure think a lot these days. Good thing I can think just fine for myself.” Hyun Gi leaned in, closing the space between them the best he could with the table separating them. “And I think that you’re just going through a phase. You’re stuck on the “first love” TV drama arc. I don’t buy it for a second. You don’t just stop wanting to be with someone for 5 years because someone you barely spent time with shows up again after you thought they were dead. You were kids. That wasn’t love. It was , teenage infatuation.” Hyun Gi finished and leaned back again away from Yunho. Yunho stared at him completely numb. 

“I’m in love with him, Hyun Gi. I won’t let you reduce my feelings for him because you don’t believe that it’s possible to young and in love.” Yunho said when he was finally able to find words again. Hyun Gi shook his head no back and forth quickly. 

“No! You love me. You’re not in love with him! You love me!” He said loudly and slammed his hands on the table drawing the attention of the few patrons sitting in the bar. Yunho reached out and grabbed his wrist. 

“Stop it, Hyun Gi.” He hissed. Hyun Gi shook his hand and freed his wrist.

“Why should I? You’re making a fool out of me and for what? He’s never going to want you now so why even bother? He’ll throw you away. I’d never throw you away, Yunho. We have to get married. You said yes! I got on one knee for you and you said yes!” Hyun Gi’s voice was getting more hysterical. Yunho closed