Hate

Days flew by and the guilty feeling was eating him away. Part of his heart broke more and more whenever Jongdae would kiss him, smile to him or even just text him an encouraging message. He was the worst person alive, period. He didn't understand his feelings anymore. Chanyeol texted him, apologizing profusely and saying it was his fault. Baekhyun never responded to any of them. He wanted to hide from everyone. He cheated on a person who loved him dearly and he was ashamed of himself. 

Baekhyun arrived at the company later in the afternoon. They were going to reveal the plans of his upcoming solo debut soon, including the concept and song demo.

"So, this is the concept for your debut," Kyungsoo started off. "It's a song about a heartbroken man who wants to stay close and be protected by someone near him. It will be a slow-tempo ballad since that suits your voice the best," he explained further. Baekhyun bit his lower lip and nodded slowly. "Can we turn it around? That it's about me wanting to protect a heartbroken person? I feel like that would leave a bigger impression on people," Baekhyun suggested carefully. "I don't see why not," Kyungsoo said with a shrug as he looked at the producers sitting next to him who gave a similar reaction. "Loving the personal input. Moving on," Kyungsoo said and began discussing the pictorial shoot, music video shoot and his fansigns and debut stages.

Could he really handle a relationship at this point? In this important turning point of his career, should he be worrying about who he loves? Whether it was Jongdae or Chanyeol, dating just wasn't the right timing. It couldn't and it wouldn't work out. 

He drove throughout the dark streets of Seoul later that night after finishing up his schedules with that thought on his mind. No matter who he would end up, it would end up in shambles anyway. He didn't have the time to be in love anymore. He was about to debut as a singer on top of his career as a professional model, how could he worry about his emotional feelings? He cried briefly in the car but found strength when he entered his apartment. 

He stepped into the bedroom and carefully woke Jongdae up. 

"We have to talk."

While he was telling every wrongdoing he had committed, he expected Jongdae to be angry. To be fuming and to throw a fit. But he was quiet. Tears rolled down his cheeks and he sniffed every now and then, but not once did he interrupt Baekhyun. 
"I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to you. I used you as a way to move on and ended up lying to the both of us by saying I loved you. I should've realised it sooner and not after I cheated. You deserve someone better than me. Someone who appreciates and loves you for who you are and not because it benefits them. I love you, but not in the way that you have loved me for all this time and the guilt is eating me away," Baekhyun apologized. His heart hurt immensely but it felt as if a weight was lifted from his shoulders. 

"I knew it all along, if I'm honest. I saw it. But I wanted to have faith. Maybe if I had apologized for neglecting you sooner, then maybe things would have worked out. But I can see it, Baekhyun. I saw it when we met up again and I saw it last night. Your heart doesn't belong to me anymore. You are and have always been in love with Chanyeol. I have known it all along and so has everyone else. I hope that in a near future, you get to be with him," Jongdae said silently and wiped away his tears. "I guess I'll go pack my stuff for now, huh? It's better if we both have some space to think," he chuckled and stood up from the bed, surprising Baekhyun at how calm he was.

"Aren't you mad?" Baekhyun asked. Jongdae nodded with a soft smile on his face. "Absolutely livid. I want to punch Chanyeol and yell at him, but I doubt he wanted any of this to happen as well. How much control did any of us have here? You don't get to decide who you fall in love with and you don't get to decide when you move on. It all happens on its own," he said and zipped up his bag once he finished packing and made his way to the front door with Baekhyun following him.

"Don't worry about me. I'll find a way to let go of you. Just promise me that you'll take good care of yourself," Jongdae said when he had reached the door. "I will. Please don't think I have never loved you. I did, I swear I did. But it's just.." "You don't love me the same way that you love him," Jongdae finished for him and Baekhyun nodded regretfully. "I love you, always have and probably always will. Hopefully in another way in the future than now, but I'll forever care about you," Jongdae said and gave Baekhyun a soft kiss on his forehead. 

"Do what you think is right. Don't worry about me anymore."

He was free. 

He didn't have to lie anymore.

But the price of freedom was guilt and loneliness. 

===============

"What's up with Baekhyun lately? He seems upset," Jessica commented when she was having lunch with Tiffany. "Baekhyun and Jongdae broke up. He told him that he cheated and that he couldn't live with the guilt," Tiffany explained. "Oh God, that . How'd he take the news?" Jessica asked wi