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I was

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Tapping his pen on his ink-smudged notebook, grumbling lowly occasionally because of the ear-wrecking noise the students were making inside the cafeteria, Kyungsoo stared at Chanyeol's pale face three tables across from him. They were there for half an hour already yet his bestfriend hadn't even made a single eye contact with him. The elder avoiding him was making him feel restless day by day. He wasn't used to this; wasn't used to being away from his best friend, considering that they always stuck together for the past few years. But because of him being a total jerk, Chanyeol had distanced away from him. The elder hadn't even attended his little sister's funeral or the burial. That had just added the brewing guilt inside Kyungsoo.

Biting his lip and pushing his legs to the side as he thought of ways to finally approach the elder, he didn't notice the student that was passing by, thus, tripping the poor boy by his feet with Kyungsoo's extended leg. The tray of food the student was holding came flying over their heads and instantly landed on the white tiled floor with a loud clatter that had all the heads whipping towards them.

Kyungsoo just stared in shock at the fallen food that were scattered all over the floor and now damaged. He heard the other student grumble. Looking down at the boy, his eyes widened as he noticed the familiar face. It was Jackson. That one troublemaker who always had something nasty to say about Chanyeol and him.

He stood on his feet, scooting closer to the fallen boy, offering a hand. "Oh, my God. I'm so sorry, Jackson-"

But Jackson didn't accept Kyungsoo's hand and pulled it harshly instead. Kyungsoo came stumbling down onto the floor face-first. The boy laughed at him, and other students who was witnessing the show followed him.

"That's my revenge, !" Jackson sneered.

Kyungsoo shot his arms out to balance himself as he pushed his legs to the floor to stand. He finally stood and faced Jackson with a smug face.

"I said I was sorry," he muttered, lifting an eyebrow. "I'll pay the wasted food if you want."

"Save your money, . This one's I need."

Jackson suddenly kicked Kyungsoo's stomach, making him stagger back and reel and eventually fall once again into the floor. The orange-haired boy struggled to get up because of the utter pain he was feeling while the spectators just laughed mockingly at him. His stomach was in so much pain that he couldn't even move his body. He received another kick to the side of his face, instantly making his eyesight blurry and feeling his nose bleeding already.

He heard Jackson jeer at him. "You ing deserve that-"

"You ing deserve this!" a voice he could only guess was Chanyeol's came entering his ears out of nowhere. Then pained grunts followed as his bestfriend probably beat the life out of Jackson, students' alarmed and panicked shouts could be heard in the background.

And then dark spots formed right in his eyes, getting bigger and bigger till what he could only see was the color black - the too familiar color he always saw in his mind.

--

He smiled to himself as he thought of the word that suited his favorite cousin, leaning on his locker as students walked past him in the hallway.

Beautiful. This was the word.

Jongin couldn't help but giggle at the thought of Kyungsoo and his smile that had him had breathing problems.

He knew he was being cheesy, but he couldn't help it. His feelings for Kyungsoo were just too big that his body couldn't contain them all inside so they just dripped out of his mouth, ears, eyes, and flow down to his hands where they do the magic of touching Kyungsoo, pulling him close to his body, kissing the life out him and making him feel loved.

Love. Now that was a big word.

Was it really love?

For all he knew, love was what two people shared with a ring to seal the promise to live through life till death parted them. It was what his parents had. It was what made him. It was what he saw in the eyes of people. It was what he saw in Kyungsoo.

Do I really love him? Jongin thought.

Did he really love his cousin?

Yes, I do love him, he told himself. And I don't care if we're cousins. I love him so much.

And he was so sure of it.

Suddenly, Baekhyun came shrieking out of nowhere, Jongdae trailing behind him with the same horrified face. When the two stopped in front of him as they panted deep breaths, he shot them a confused look.

"What's gotten into you?" he questioned, wearing a shocked face.

Baekhyun was the one who answered, his eyes big like saucers, face grim.

"Kyungsoo was sent to the clinic. Had a fight with a guy named Jackson."

Jongin didn't even wait for a second to waste as he immediately dashed to the direction of the school clinic, his heart beating so fast that he felt it would fly out of his chest any minute now.

It was only Kyungsoo who was on his mind right now.

"Hyung!" he muttered under his breath as he ran past the white-walled classrooms.

And as he came to a stop just a few steps from the clinic door and walked inside, he stopped in his tracks as he saw a familiar face who was sitting on a chair beside the bed where Kyungsoo lay eyes shut.

Park Chanyeol.

Jongin had seen this tall and handsome boy talking and laughing with Kyungsoo once or twice as he had gone inside the library to pick up some books. He'd asked Suho if the two were a thing, but the elder had told him that Chanyeol was just Kyungsoo's bestfriend. And that had had him relieved.

He was glad that it was only the three of them there somehow. He trudged toward Chanyeol and Kyungsoo, not wanting to wake the latter up. He noticed that his cousin's right cheek was quite red. He then concluded that that must be from the fight. The tall dude whipped his head in Jongin's direction, grimacing afterwards.

"What are you doing here?" Chanyeol sneered at the younger.

"I wanted to see my..." Jongin trailed off, not liking how Chanyeol looked at him like he was a criminal or something. "cousin."

"He's still asleep."

"I can wait then."

He pulled a vacant chair and placed it on Kyungsoo's left, sitting across from Chanyeol. He noticed that Chanyeol was still staring - more like glaring - at him like he was taking note of his physical features as he trailed his eyes up and down his body. Jongin wasn't liking it even a tad bit.

"It's rude to stare," he said, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

Chanyeol just scoffed, "How can Kyungsoo feel so inferior of himself when you're just a plain, boring kid? I know that you're smart as , but Kyungsoo shouldn't let that threaten him."

Jongin's eyes grew wide. He didn't get what Chanyeol was talking about.

"E-excuse me?" he stuttered in his seat, frowning.

"See the cuts on his wrists?" the elder questioned, pushing Kyungsoo's sleeves further until they stopped at his elbows.

Jongin's eyes immediately darted at the fading lines on his cousin's arms, mentally counting how many were there and gulping that they were almost twenty. He hadn't noticed that they were that many yesterday at the river for he had been so occupied with kissing Kyungsoo.

"You're the reason why he cut. Because he thought, and still thinks, that he wasn't perfect like you. Hell, you don't look ing perfect to me like what he tells me," Chanyeol spat.

Jongin now stood, fists clenching, teeth gritting in anger; anger to himself. He couldn't believe that he was hearing this just now.

"What... are you saying?" he pushed the words even though he felt like crying then and there.

He didn't know Kyungsoo thought of him like that. He just wanted to be better so that he could make his parents proud and, yes, for his hyung to finally notice him. He didn't know Kyungsoo had taken it the wrong way. And what was even worse, Kyungsoo cut himself because of that - because of him.

Chanyeol just faced him stoic.

"You're the reason Kyungsoo is ruined."

Jongin felt his legs shake, his heart shattering at the words.

---

the one who broke you