---

And then came the time

---

His eyes trailed on the beeping monitor at the side, to the little girl's small frame that was rising and falling as she breathed through the oxygen mask that covered her tiny pale lips.

Jongin couldn't help but stifle a sob as he watched his youngest cousin struggle to breathe. But what poked his heart even more was the fact that underneath the hospital gown the girl was wearing, was his birthday gift for her. The Frozen dress's pink frills were poking out from the pale blue hospital gown's edges.

"O-oh... m-my God," he uttered, his voice almost a whisper, tears already falling from his eyes.

He scooted his legs to get closer to the bed and roamed his hands on the girl's frail arms. His breath hitched as he felt her pulse pumping in her wrists.

He felt a hand on his back.

"Oh, hyung!" he couldn't help but to cry out loud, biting a hand to keep himself from making embarrassing noises.

But his sobbing paused when he felt arms wrap around him from behind. All he could hear was his heart beating thumping fast.

This was Kyungsoo, his cousin.

His hyung had hugged him from the back.

Kyungsoo was hugging him!

And, boy, that made him continue to cry a bit more.

"S-shh... it's okay," he heard Kyungsoo whisper, breath tickling his ears.

He didn't know why, but being surrounded by the elder's arms made him feel safe.

And he didn't want this moment to stop.

He thought that this maybe was the closest moment he could ever have with Kyungsoo so he might as well savor it while it lasted.

For what seemed like hours, the elder hugged him silently.

No words.

No sobbing sounds.

But it was enough to shut him up and make him feel that he was not alone in what he was feeling.

The opening of the door was the only thing that stopped them, Kyungsoo quickly letting him go as a nurse came into view.

"I'm sorry. I have to check her for a bit. If you'll excuse me," she said with a polite bow, clutching a tablet between an arm to her side.

His hyung immediately grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the room.

--

It was 11:30 p.m. and Jongin found them back at the garden where it was just the two of them there.

He sat on a nearby bench that was almost covered by the protruding bushes from the side.

The place was dark, considering it was late now, but it was moonlit nonetheless which had him able to see his hyung's frowning face.

"Hyung, why are we here?" he asked him, hunching his back on the backrest.

"You have to know something like what I've told you earlier," the elder mumbled while sighing.

"Oh, that. What is it, hyung?"

Somehow, he hoped that it was good news his hyung was gonna tell him. But from the look on Kyungsoo's face, it was not.

"Seulgi..."

He just stared at Kyungsoo, the moonlight reflecting on his hyung's eyes.

"She's dying, Jongin."

A cry from him broke the stillness of the dead night.

"W-what?"

A tap on his shoulder was what he got.

"She only has a few more days left here."

A sob erupted from his lips, his shoulders shaking.

"B-but... she's t-too y-young!"

A hug from his hyung was what he earned.

"I know. I know."

He hugged his hyung back, it was tight; the one that said, "I need this. Please don't let go."

He felt Kyungsoo's hand draw circles on his back as he continued to sob his heart out.

"What are we gonna do if she... left?" the young boy croaked, face already wet with tears, sweat, snot, and whatnot.

"I... I don't know for now."

He backed a little to look at his hyung in the eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

Truly, he didn't know why he had blurted it out.

He just felt like he had to say it.

He didn't even know what he was sorry for. But he knew that he had said it because of what he felt for Seulgi's fate.

And he also knew that that really wasn't the reason; there was another.

But for now, he convinced himself to believe that that was it.

And so he did.

--

He was dragging his feet to go to his next class, shoelaces were a messy knot, hair already wet with sweat from too much running. He was always running, he knew that. But that was for him to get to all his classes real quick. He was in so many classes, being so intelligent and all that. There was even one subject for the Seniors that had him as the only Freshman in it.

Well, he had to maintain a good image and be perfect. He wanted to impress his parents and make them proud of him. He also had another reason which he didn't wanna reveal just yet.

But as he was just turning his body to the right wing of the hallway, his eyes immediately caught sight of a group of students who were crowding themselves and making a circle at someone.

They're probably bullying a Freshman. What's new in this school, though? he thought.

He was supposed to ignore the commotion, but he suddenly heard a loud grunt from a certain someone way too familiar.

He didn't hesitate to march his way towards the crowd as he saw the familiar orange hair of his hyung who was currently being shouted of profanities from someone.

"Well, you for being so ing dumb that I had to ing slip because of you being a ing clumsy who couldn't even move away from the ing door!" another student he hadn't seen earlier yelled at his hyung inside the circle.

He was already in the crowd of students when he saw that the student punched Kyungsoo square in the jaw which had the orange-haired staggering backwards.

His heart stopping at the sight, fists clenching themselves, Jongin stormed his way inside. And without a warning, kicked the student in his stomach. The student yelped in pain and clutched his hurt stomach. Jongin then immediately grabbed his hyung's hand and they ran past the fellow students who were too shocked to even move a muscle.

He kept on pulling Kyungsoo till they reached the back of a building which was secluded and empty. He dropped his hand and faced his cousin who had a shocked face.

"Why did you do that?" his hyung questioned, arching an eyebrow at him.

He just shrugged at Kyungsoo.

"He was hurting you, hyung," he simply said, staring straight at his cousin's eyes that made his heart skip a beat, eyeing Kyungsoo's bruise on his jaw from the punch. "I don't want you to get hurt."

He kept his gaze on the soft brown orbs of his cousin; his cousin who had him feeling something he never had felt to anyone before; his cousin who had him thinking of things before he slept every night; his cousin who always made his lips form a smile whenever the elder did cute and stupid things.

And he didn't know why. All he knew was that, right now, Kyungsoo's lips looked so shiny and appealing as the elder formed words with them.

"Why would you... do such a thing?"

Jongin didn't answer and just stared at his hyung's reddish lips instead, unconsciously darting his tongue out to wet his parched ones that were so thirsty; thirsty of Kyungsoo.

The elder was about to continue when Jongin suddenly pushed him to the wall, pinning him by the shoulders.

"J-jongin, w-what are you—" he cut Kyungsoo off with his wet lips in a sloppy kiss, the elder's eyes flying open in shock.

He didn't know what he was doing as he was kissing his cousin. He knew that he was kissing Kyungsoo, but he didn't know if he was doing it right, it being his first and all that. He just continued to press his lips to his hyung's soft and plump ones, the elder's lower lip multiple times and tasting his drool. Jongin could feel every muscle in his body tingle with so much excitement and satisfaction.

The kiss went on for seconds without Kyungsoo doing anything to him or even reacting. But it only ended when the younger felt a hesitant push to his chest, him instantly pulling back and looking at his hyung as he panted short breaths.

Kyungsoo stared at him, teary-eyed.

"W-why... are you doing this?" the elder muttered so low he almost couldn't hear him, lips swollen from the previous act.

He didn't answer, he didn't know.

But the pained look on Kyungsoo's face was enough for him to feel his heart shattering to pieces.

He lifted his hand to wipe the tears that were already falling from the elder's eyes, but a hard and loud slap on his face stopped him from doing so. He just stayed still, his head facing his side.

"Stop ing up my feelings, Jongin! I'm your ing cousin!" Kyungsoo shouted at him with so much rage in his voice. "Stay away from me!"

Then he heard footsteps fading away.

Jongin let himself fall to the ground as he let the elder's words sink in.

Kyungsoo was mad at him for what he had done. But he wasn't even a bit sorry that he had kissed the elder.

He had kissed Kyungsoo... which was so, so wrong of him.

They were cousins. It was wrong. It wasn't supposed to happen, but he had let it happen anyway.

He touched his lips, smiling to himself as he pictured Kyungsoo's soft ones colliding with them earlier.

He was such a bad boy for doing that, yet he didn't mind.

He loved his hyung – his cousin.

Did he really?

He didn't know.

All he knew was that he didn't regret any second of the kiss.

Boy, was he even overjoyed and pumped up for another one.

---

that you shattered to pieces