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If you were a butterfly, I'd want to be the wind

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Kyungsoo combed his hair a little too harsh, hoping – wishing – that the others wouldn't notice the black roots that were starting to poke out and free themselves from his mind of the same color. He deliberately pasted extra foundation on his face, just in case his relatives went all snuggly and cuddly to him.

He wouldn't want them knowing of his embarrassing pores and ugly, scarred skin, would he?

He kicked the chair in front of him as he thought of them noticing his defects.

He let out a weary breath as he bored his eyes into the mirror, at the tiny freckles on his face comfortably lying on his cheeks and temples and were mocking him.

Uglies, why don't you ever ing go away? he thought to himself. Hitting his cheeks with hard slaps, he grinned to himself in the mirror as he saw that they became pinkish. You're okay.

Because if you were to be Do Kyungsoo, everything was just never enough or good.

He had grown up with this kind of mindset. Well, blame the society for that.

Tugging a few more orange strands at his hair, he sighed the whole way downstairs. As he was skipping the last step, his ears instantly caught the boisterous snickers from his cousins in the living room that were at their house for his little sister's 8th birthday party.

He gulped his nervousness down.

This isn't gonna be easy, he thought.

As he was just about to turn back to just hide in his room and wait for the party to finally be over, a cousin of his, Jongdae, called out his name loudly.

"Kyungsoo!"

He could hear his heart rolling inside and doing flips. His mind instantly stilled as he thought of a way on how to face Jongdae. Slowly shifting his body, he finally faced his cousin.

"Y-yes, hyung?" he mumbled, his left eye trying not to twitch.

This was Jongdae, the ever cheerful cousin he had.

Cheerful. The word just never seemed to suit him or sink in his skin.

Jongdae just smiled and asked, "Where are you going?"

"Upstairs?" Kyungsoo squeaked.

"Don't you wanna hang out? We're all here. We haven't had hung out since forever!"

And by 'we', Jongdae meant all of them, cousins.

Kyungsoo just shrugged and made his way towards the elder and the three others, them cheering and smiling at him.

Somehow, he felt quite relieved upon seeing that he was still not here.

Maybe he got caught up with time, he thought.

He found himself relaxing.

"We haven't seen you since summer! Where have you been?" Xiumin, the eldest of them, asked, slapping Kyungsoo's arm playfully.

Kyungsoo just scratched his head and smiled sheepishly, thinking of their reunion last summer which he had found quite boring, considering he had just walked around the beach all day and read his book, not really socializing with them because he had known better.

You're ugly. Nobody wants to see you, he told himself. He's lying. They always do.

"I was busy at school, hyung," he simply replied, uncomfortable of the sudden interrogation.

"I know, right?" Baekhyun, almost the same age as he, huffed and leaned himself onto the couch's backrest. "School ."

Kyungsoo could only shake his head and nod.

Truth was, he wasn't really close with his cousins or any of his relatives. He was not anti-social. (Maybe he was.) He was just shy... and insecure. He always had envied how they could be so comfortable talking with each other, or to a person at least. He couldn't do it without a stutter or nervous hands or sweaty palms.

"School does not , Baek," Suho, his cousin who wore big glasses and was too smart for his own good, finally spoke, causing Baekhyun to scrunch his face. "It's you who does."

"Why, you little grandpa—" Baekhyun was about to protest but Jongdae covered Baekhyun's mouth so the younger just huffed in his seat like a mad five-year old.

"Manners, Baek!" the older one scolded him. Baekhyun just stuck his tongue out at Jongdae and Suho.

"Well, I don't see you, Kyungsoo, at school," Jongdae said, pointing at Kyungsoo and lifting his eyebrow. "Where have you been those days?"

"He was always in the library with his buddy Park Chanyeol," Suho spoke, not lifting his head as he scrolled through his phone.

Besides Kyungsoo's cousins, Park Chanyeol was the only person he was quite close to at school so they always stuck together like pen and paper. Their favorite spot would be the library where they could always feel the comforts of the books there and talk freely about personal matters.

Jongdae's mouth formed an "O".

"Hey," Xiumin called, a forefinger on his chin. "Has anyone seen Nini?"

Upon the mention of his nickname, Kyungsoo's heart started to become dysfunctional. His sweat started to run down his forehead and he even had the urge to fix his hair again.

Why?

Well, it was only Kim Jongin.

His perfect cousin who was always good in everything he did and was very good-looking.

Younger by a year, but so much better than Kyungsoo.

The one his mom always had to bring up whenever she started discussing to him of his worth in life.

The one that he always had to become.

And that was to be perfect like the boy.

"He hasn't texted me yet," Jongdae declared. "Where could that little brat be?"

The others just shrugged. Kyungsoo just stayed quiet and started picking at the hems of his dark blue sweater. He tried to push the cloth further so it wouldn't show some of the darkening lines on his wrist that he always had to cover up as cat scratches to his mom. She would always had to look at him with pity.

And that was one of the things he never liked – pity.

Because for him, to look at someone with pity in your eyes was to silently shout at them of how weak they were.

He didn't want pity.
 

He didn't need to be reminded of how weak he was.

Because he already knew.

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So I could fly with you