Chaeyoung POV

It was probably better this way, wasn't it. It was probably for the best that she cut off every connection she had with Jungkook. But even the thought made her want to yell at the world for being so unfair. 

She laid in bed, unable to fall asleep though it was well past her usual bedtime. The more she wanted to respite that would come, however, the less likely it seemed it would happen.

Suddenly, she felt tears slowly trickling down her face, though she'd been successfully holding them back for the past few hours. 

Everything was so perfect about Jungkook, and that was what was hurting her the most. From his face, to his voice, to his manners, no faults could be found. And he could've been hers.

She wanted so badly to reverse time, to reverse her decision of going to the library. At least then, she could've stalled the event that was obstructing any possibility of her happiness.

Jisoo's threat rang out in her mind for the millionth time that day. "Say goodbye to Jungkook," she'd said. "Or I'll make you." And that was what had terrified her into running away. She didn't know what Jisoo was capable of. She didn't know what Jisoo would do or not do. She just didn't know, and she couldn't take the risk. She couldn't be selfish and put Jungkook in harm's way just for her personal desires.

But then again, Jisoo had given her a chance. Jisoo had told her that she had a free pass today, that she wouldn't prosecute her for anything done in the library. Yet Chaeyoung had run away from her problems, and from a man who'd confessed his feelings to her: just an ordinary girl who had no outstanding talents or beauty. And that was what was eating her up.

She could've said yes. She could've said yes and nothing would have happened... but only for today. But what was inevitably going to happen was that they wouldn't be able to be together, because Jisoo had threatened- no, promised it. 

So she had to made the heartbreaking decision of saying no. Because it was better to have nothing than to have something and lose it.

She closed her eyes, telling her mind to shut down. But every time she came close, the image of Jungkook's face came into her mind. Jungkook had so many feelings that he wore on his face after her rejection. Out out of all of them, the one that affected her the most was his look of betrayal. And just through that one look, she could feel everything he was. He was angry at himself for confessing, he was embarassed, he was hurt, but those emotions were overshadowed by the look of betrayal painted on his face.

Chaeyoung could see herself from his point of view. She'd led him on; not just today, but last night, too. She'd gotten his hopes up by letting him be intimate with her. She'd assured him that he would easily be able to get any girl he wanted, only to hand him rejection. But only she knew that this was the opposite of what she wanted to do.

If she were him, she'd hate her.

And that was what had to happen. Wasn't it?

For one fleeting moment, she'd had everything she wanted. I guess one moment will have to last me a lifetime, she thought, before succumbing to sleep with that melancholy notion.

*

When she woke up to her alarm, Chaeyoung felt, to say the least, unmotivated. Her legs didn't feel like moving, her eyes refused to open more than tiny slits, her head ached like hell. And her heart still felt as broken as ever.

She thoroughly considered just staying at home, eating ice cream, and watching dramas. But that thought was also unappealing; she wasn't just some stereotypical girl in a romance movie suffering from a heartbreak. She was stronger than them. She knew it.

So she sat up, throwing on normal work attire, doing her makeup regularly. One thing that she wanted to prevent was Jisoo knowing how much she affected Chaeyoung. If that was the only thing she could do to fight back against her threats, then that was what she would do.

She took a good look at herself in the mirror. Despite feeling like complete trash, she still looked normal. Good.

*

She got to work early, even before her boss. For about fifteen minutes, she was forced to sit outside in the cold before Bang Shihyuk arrived.

"Good to see you eager to work, Chaeyoung," he said, apparently impressed.

"Thank you, sir."

The older man unlocked the building's main entrance, holding the door for Chaeyoung so she could enter as well. "Since you're here, Chaeyoung. I have to tell you something about that party on Thursday. Unfortunately, contrary to what I said, neither you or Jungkook will be receiving a raise."

Chaeyoung stayed silent, incapable of words after hearing Jungkook's name.

"I was convinced by one of your coworkers to host the karaoke event, and he told me to only put your names in the bowls. Sorry if I got your hopes up."

"I understand, sir," replied Chaeyoung blankly. Other earlycomers started to enter the building, bowing formally to Shihyuk, receiving genial smiles in response. "Is that all?"

"Yes. Oh wait, on second thought, can you pass that message on to Jungkook? I have a lot of work on my plate today."

Again, that name. Why did the two syllables hurt her so much? Chaeyoung nodded, turning sharply on her heels to leave.

Shihyuk unexpectedly put a hand on her shoulder in a fatherly way before she could take a step away. "By the way," he said, "you two would make a good couple."

Chaeyoung walked away before he could say anything else.

*

Why did it hurt so much to see that Jungkook was handling rejection so much worse than she'd anticipated? Did it hurt because she was empathizing with another human being? Was it because she knew it was her fault for his pain? Or was it because of the fact that the only reason he could look so dejected was because she actually meant something to him, and she felt just equally as bad, and she couldn't show it because Jisoo was around?

Chaeyoung didn't know it was possible to ramble in her thoughts, but apparently it was.

She wasn't exaggerating, however, in her thought that Jungkook was handling rejection badly. He was staring blankly at his computer screen, unmoving despite constant reprimands from Namjoon. Occasionally, he would tap a few keys on his keyboard, but she couldn't be sure that it wasn't just random letters. He was clenching his teeth so hard that she could see the muscles of his jaw.

Most of all, though, he looked weak. It wasn't that he was slumped- he was sitting straighter than ever. It wasn't that his body shrunk overnight- he was still as buff as ever. It wasn't like he looked disheveled, emotional, or even just sad-looking. He just looked fragile. Hollow. Like any one wrong word or move could break him.

How much could she have meant to him that his once powerful aura turned frail? The more she dwelled on it, the more guilty she felt. 

"Are you going to tell me what's bothering you?" Lisa asked from beside her, being her usual mind-reading self.

That was right.Chaeyoung hadn't told her anything about yesterday. All Lisa knew was that Chaeyoung went to talk to him, then left without a word. It felt weird not having Lisa caught up about every single aspect of her life.

Lisa, in response to her friend's silence, tried filling in the blanks. "Did you ask him out and he rejected you?" Lisa read Chaeyoung's continued silence as confirmation. "Boys are idiots. He's stupid if he can't see what he's missing out on."

"He's not the problem, Lisa," Chaeyoung said finally, sighing and pushing her rolly-chair away from her desk, giving up on even pretending to be productive anymore. "I am."

"That's bull, Chae. You're perfect."

"You can't excuse me this time, Lisa. Because there's no one else to blame."

Unexpectedly, Lisa suddenly rose up out of her seat, and pulled up Chaeyoung with her. She was dragged into the womens' bathroom, and after Lisa peeked around the room, Lisa took both of Chaeyoung's hands in hers.

"Tell me what happened, Chaeyoung." Her use of her full name told Chaeyoung that Lisa was very serious, and so she relayed the entire experience of what happened in the library.

"Jisoo threatened me," she started. "She said if I don't stop talking to Jungkook, she'll make me." She let out a shaky sigh, more out of relief of telling her friend what happened than emotion. "And then Jungkook came. He asked me out and I... I just bailed." She ended the story there, opting to leave the emotional side out of it. What she didn't need right now was to pour her heart out in the middle of work.

"Oh my God, Chae." Lisa chuckled, leaving Chaeyoung confused. "You're so dumb."

"What do you mean?"

"Did you say a definite 'no'?"

"No. I mean, I didn't say 'no', exactly. But it probably would've been better if I had."

Lisa put one hand on Chaeyoung's cheek. "For my unnie, you can be pretty clueless sometimes. Just apologize for running away yesterday, and then take up his offer."

"But-"

"But what? Are you really scared of Jisoo? What is she going to do? Harass you? Bully you? Jungkook can take care of her with his eyes closed, Chae. Jungkook is a grown man, even if he is younger than you." Lisa laughed again, starting to leave. "And I thought you had some semblance of a brain."

Lisa exited the bathroom, and Chaeyoung followed. She glanced at the clock in the hallway, and the time read 11:59 AM. Was it really already lunchtime? Sbe felt as if she hadn't done anything today. 

She headed to the cafeteria's refrigerator, scurrying like a schoolgirl to get her food out of it first. If she was going to talk to Jungkook like Lisa said, she was going to need all the energy she could get.

*

Jungkook POV

Jungkook was never the jealous type. When