Jackson

Mark was holding me tightly, his hot, unsteady breath against my neck. His tears were making the collar of my shirt wet, but at some point I couldn’t tell which tears were his or mine. I couldn’t stand this. I just wanted Mark to be okay, to be happy, to be able to enjoy fun things. I was curious about why Mark had ran out so suddenly, but I decided against asking, as I didn’t want to pressure him.

Mark noticed me crying and leaned back to look at me. Surprisingly, he smiled. He brought his hands up to cup my face and wiped my tears away with his thumbs. “Why the are you even crying Jackson?” He chuckled, half crying half laughing. I couldn’t help but let out an awkward chuckle as well, our laughs echoing off the bathroom walls. “Because you’re crying Mark, it makes me sad to see you sad” I replied to him. 

He let out something between a sob and a laugh, and pulled me back against him. “I seriously love you” he whispered softly against my ear. My heart did a somersault and my lips formed a smile before finding his to kiss. He kissed me back sweetly and I carefully held his face between my hands. When we broke our lips apart I smiled at him and said “I love you too, Markipooh”, earning a big, genuine, adorable smile from Mark.

Mark

“Oh my god, that totally rhymed!” Jackson suddenly exclaimed excitedly, only realising it then. I chuckled and said “I can’t believe you invented poetry”, making him smile widely at me. “Right?” He said proudly. His hands had found mine and entwined our fingers. We just stood there, looking at each other, still half crying half laughing awkwardly. 

It somehow didn’t feel scary at all, telling him I loved him. I genuinely meant it, and somehow I felt that even if he didn’t feel the same way, it would be okay, he wouldn’t just leave me. But he did love me, and it made me feel so happy I could burst.

Jackson

“I love you, Mark” I told him again, wanting to tell him every second of every day, wanting to let him know he was loved. “I love you” I said again, and kissed his cheek. He looked at me a little surprised, but still gave me a small smile. “I love you, , I ain’t never gonna stop loving you, ” I said, wanting that smile to become bigger. Mark let out an adorable laugh and quickly kissed my lips. 

His eyes looked teary, and he suddenly started crying again. I pulled him against me in a tight hug and brought my hand up to his hair. “Sssh it’s okay, I’m here” I tried to comfort him, but honestly I was taken aback a little. “What’s wrong Mark?” I asked carefully. He looked up at me with big eyes and let out another sob before replying “I’m just- I haven’t cried happy tears for a long time.. It’s- I’m happy”. His voice was shaky, but his lips and eyes were smiling at me lovingly. 

My eyes started tearing up again as well, but I quickly managed to hold it back. “I feel so happy to love you” I said, smiling widely back at him. I kissed him on the lips, or he kissed me, I couldn’t quite tell. I then proceeded to place small kisses all over his face, making him giggle in the cutest way possible. “I love you, I love you, I love you” I kept saying over and over again in between kisses. 

Mark

I had stopped crying, and told Jackson I was okay to go back. The looks on our member’s faces were of relief, combined with a little confusion, when we walked back into the practise room. Jackson suddenly seemed to realise we were still holding hands, and quickly let go. The members hadn’t seemed to notice though, which was a good thing.

Jinyoung stood up and walked over to us. He gave me a tight hug and asked me why I’d ran out so suddenly. I quickly looked at Jackson, who looked back at me with curious while concerned eyes. I decided to just be honest. “It was a letter from one of our fans.. I just found it very moving, I couldn’t help it” I said, forcing myself to smile a little. 

Remembering what had happened in the bathroom afterwards, my smile became bigger and genuine. “I’m okay now though, so don’t worry” I added. Jinyoung looked at me, his expression changing from worried to a smiling one. “Alright, good” he said while lightly rubbing down my arms with his hands before letting go of me. “I’m glad Jackson could comfort you” He said, putting one of his hands on Jackson’s shoulder and squeezing it. 

Seeing the confused, slightly shocked expressions on our faces, he chuckled and explained “I saw you guys hugging in the bathroom, so I figured I’d give you some privacy and told the other members that Jackson had found you already”. I felt a slight blush developing on my cheeks and had to use all my strength to not let my heart sink to my stomach. 

Jackson

. I wondered how much he had seen exactly, and felt myself starting to panic. I knew Mark wasn’t ready to come out yet, and I knew how important it was for him to come out on his own terms. Failing to keep in an awkward chuckle, I asked Jinyoung “Oh, I suppose you saw us then?” knowing very well how awkward I sounded, but I needed to know how much he saw. Just the hugging and the crying? Or did he also see us making out and proclaiming our gay love for each other?

“Yeah, I had gone after Mark as well, you know, since our odds of finding him would increase with more people looking for him,” he started explaining “and then I found you both in the bathroom and I saw that Mark was crying and you were hugging him, and I figured he wouldn’t want everyone to try and comfort him all at once, as I know that can create a suffocating feeling rather than a comforting one.” He said with a kind and understanding smile. Thank god.

Mark

I wondered wether Jinyoung was being truthful in what he’d said about just seeing us hugging, but I couldn’t exactly ask him “So uhm, did you see us kissing too, or?” without revealing how gay I was for Jackson. And vice versa, I guess. In any case, if he did see, it seemed like he accepted it and didn’t tell the other members about us. The thought of Jinyoung coming to our room later and asking what the hell we were doing pressing our mouths together made me feel uneasy. I just really hoped Jinyoung hadn’t seen anything else besides us hugging, but I couldn’t help feel paranoid about the whole thing.

Despite me being paranoid I still sat next to Jackson to finish reading our fan letters, and when no one was looking he placed his hand on mind and gave it a comforting squeeze. I looked up at him and he mouthed the words It’s okay, I love you to me with a sweet smile and I smiled back at him and mouthed shut up, you’re being too adorable.