Mark

"So.." Jackson broke the silence "Is there anything you would like to talk to me about? Like, what made you feel like this?" He asked carefully, his voice deep and serious and making me want to kiss him. "You don't have to, it's okay" he said, after I didn't say anything. "No, it's just-" I wasn't sure what to say. Part of me wanted to tell him everything, and part of me was ing scared.

I wanted to tell him about my insecurities, about the fact that I missed home, about how pressured I felt while at the same time feeling empty and like I didn't really want to do anything. I wanted to tell him I was gay, but besides telling him that I loved him, that would be the scariest thing I would have to do in my life so far. Coming from someone who left everything familiar behind to become a k-pop idol.

"It's okay, you can tell me anything," Jackson said sweetly, his lips accidentally brushing against my ear. He was so close to me, and I somehow wanted him to be even closer. I swallowed and cleared my throat. I still had no idea what to say to him, but I decided to just try. He deserved to know, especially after everything he'd done for me.

"Well uhm," I started "I'm not sure why, but lately I feel like so many people expect great things from me, but I just can't- I'm not good enough, you know? And it's like, all that pressure just takes over sometimes and I can't handle it and I just panic and I feel like and-" I stopped for a second, realising everything was just pouring out of me now and somehow it kind of felt good. "And?" Jackson said with a small voice, interrupting my thoughts.

"And sometimes I just want it all to end" I said. Jackson didn't say anything; he just wrapped his arms tighter around me and rested his chin on my shoulder, taking a deep breath. "I mean, I know I'm just being an angsty little , but it's just how I've been feeling and I don't know what to do about it and I want everything to stop" I said, the words coming out quicker than they could form in my mind.

"Don't say that" Jackson said, sounding determined. "It's okay to feel those things, Mark" he continued, "You're not "just being a little ", your feelings are valid and so are you, okay?" he placed a soft kiss on the sensitive skin just behind my ear, and I could feel my face getting red. I loved him so ing much it made me want to cry.

Jackson

Part of me was glad that he was opening up to me, but my heart was aching. The things he was saying made me hurt in a way I didn't know I was capable of. But that didn't matter right now, all that mattered was Mark, and the fact that he was vulnerable and I needed to take good care of him.

I thought back of the moment where he was about to jump in front of that car, and I was so close to losing him. The thought alone made me feel like I would go crazy. He really had no idea how much he meant to me, and I somehow wanted to tell him, without scaring him away. It was frustrating, really, because I wanted to help him, tell him how much I cared about him, but also not make him uncomfortable in any way.

I felt Mark shift around a bit, as if something made him feel uneasy. I loosened my arms that were around him a bit, but he didn't move away, so I kept them around his shoulders. "And uhm," he suddenly said, surprising me slightly. "Hmm?" I replied, trying to encourage him. I felt his shoulders tense up and his heartbeat going faster. I prayed it wasn't another panic attack; he was exhausted enough already.

Mark

. I wanted to tell him so bad, but I was ing scared and I wanted the ground to swallow me whole. But now I had already made a start and I had to finish it. I had to tell him. There was no backing out now; I just needed to ing tell him. I felt like I was going to die right then and there.

Jackson

Mark took a few deep breaths and tried to speak up again, but it seemed like he physically couldn't. I wondered what made him so nervous. "It's okay, you can tell me anything" I encouraged, "I won't go anywhere, no matter what" I added, meaning every single word. He cleared his throat and took a deep breath again.

"So uhm-" he started "I want to tell you something, but- I uhm- " he said, and I noticed he was pressing his palms together, in an attempt to calm himself down. I couldn't help but smile a little at his swearing. "It's okay, you can tell me if you want to" I reassured him. He nodded.

"So I'm- I'm gay" he said, almost like he wasn't too sure of it. A big smile was creeping its way up my face and I was glad Mark had his back turned to me so he couldn't see. I somehow found it really cute that it had made him so nervous to tell me, but I could relate, it's scary as hell to come out to someone.

"Really?" I asked, regretting it immediately. Of course, or he wouldn't have said it, idiot. "Y-yeah" he replied nervously. "Sorry" I said, letting out a chuckle. "It's okay, I'm really glad you told me" I said. He turned his head around to face me "Really?" he asked, sounding genuinely surprised. "Y-yeah" I replied, mocking his nervous tone earlier.

Pushing himself up out of my embrace, he punched me on my arm playfully and laughed. God, he was so cute when he laughed. I also noticed he was blushing slightly. I was pretty sure he was the definition of cinnamon roll. "I'm actually bi," I suddenly said, not really knowing where the hell that came from. "Don't know why I just said that" I laughed awkwardly.

"It's okay, I'm really glad you told me" Mark said cutely, smiling widely. I thought I was going to die. How could someone be this ing cute holy . The next thought that occurred to me was the fact that there was a chance that he could like me the way I liked him, and I regretted thinking it because I immediately felt my face getting warmer.

Mark

Holy . He wasn't straight. I felt like I would need a while to let it sink in. All this time my crush on him had felt so hopeless because there was no chance that he would like me back, but now? Now things were different and I suddenly felt really nervous. Not that him being attracted to guys made him attracted to me, of course. What the hell am I even thinking; there is no way in hell someone like Jackson could ever have feelings for someone like me.

Jackson

I wanted to tell him. No, ask him. I wanted to know if he had feelings for me, even though it sounded ridiculous. But we had held hands before, cuddled, slept together. But we were just friends, right? All those things had just seemed like something best friends would do together sometimes, especially if one of them was feeling down. Except I was hopelessly in love with him.

I suddenly got very nervous, only just realising how much I actually liked Mark, and a small voice at the back of my head telling me I might have a chance with him, while another argued that I wasn't good for him anyway. Mark was sitting in front of me, his body facing me but his head dipped down. "Something wrong?" I asked, trying to focus on him instead of my heart beating like crazy.

He looked up at me and gave me the cutest little smile. "I'm okay," he said, but something in his eyes made me suspicious. "You sure?" I asked him. "Not really," he said truthfully "but I feel a lot better" he added quickly, taking my hand in his and giving it a light squeeze. "Good," I smiled at him, bringing up my hand and ruffling it through his fluffy hair. It was super soft and so was I.