Mark

We were back to reality now. Just me and Jackson, awkwardly sitting next to each other on the couch, two bowls of cold ramen on the coffee table in front of us. It suddenly felt different than before, as if it had all been just a dream and now I was just left with my feelings. It was a pretty good dream though, so I wasn’t complaining.

Maybe it was the fact that everyone was back home now, and Jackson and I were no longer alone in our little bubble. Okay, pretty sure it’s that. But still, I had no idea what to do now. Like, were we just going to pretend like nothing had happened between us? Or would I have to come out to all my members and perhaps our manager and oh god, to the public? Or would we keep it a secret between the two of us and just make out when we were alone? That last thought made me blush a little.

“What are you thinking about?” Jackson asked, resting his head on my shoulder. “I don’t even know” I sighed in reply. I could feel myself tensing up at the thought of having to come out to my group members eventually, with or without Jackson. Although my preference was definitely with. I just had no idea how they would react. I was so afraid that they would hate me, or even treat me differently, like I was some sort of freak. 

Jackson seemed to sense the fact that I was stressing out about something and said “Mark, talk to me”. I shook my head slightly “Not here” I replied. I didn’t feel comfortable to just talk freely in the living room, anyone could just walk in at any moment. “Hungry?” He changed the subject. I nodded. He stood up from the couch and took the two bowls to the kitchen, quickly warming them up again in the microwave.

When he returned with the food, we just sat quietly, eating our ramen. I finished eating first, and told Jackson it was good. He smiled happily at me in reply. Once he finished eating too, I put the bowls in the sink and let them fill with water. While I was standing there, Jackson came to stand behind me and grabbed my wrist. “Done?” he asked. I hummed in reply and turned off the tap. 

Jackson pulled me towards our room and made sure to close the door behind us. I felt my face getting warmer again. Why was he being so quiet? While keeping a tight grip on my wrist, he pulled back the blanket of his bed, carefully positioned me with my back towards the mattress, and pressed down on my shoulder with his free hand, so I sat down. He then let go of my wrist and gently pushed on my shoulders again for me to lay down. I did as he non-verbally told me to, and he lay down as well, facing me. He wrapped his arms and legs around me and pulled me close to him in a tight hug.

“Now, talk to me” he said. I couldn’t help but let out a sigh and smiled at him. I seriously loved this boy. I just had no idea where to start. The whole having to come out thing… It was just terrifying and I didn’t want to think about it. “Mark?” Jackson said softly, breaking the silence. I buried my face in his shirt and mumbled “I don’t know what to do Jackson… I’m scared”.

Jackson

I felt him tighten his grip on my shirt, and I carefully asked “What is it Markipooh, what are you scared of?”. “Do you think we should tell them?” he said with a muffled voice. It tickled a little when he spoke against the fabric of my shirt. “I think… It’s best to tell them no matter what… They’re like our family, you know?” I said, and placed a kiss on his forehead. I knew we were talking about our fellow group members, and honestly, I was terrified too.

“I know..” he started “But what if they treat us differently if we do? What if they’ll hate me? I care too much about them, I don’t want to lose them..” he said. Mark was right to be scared, I honestly knew how he felt, but at the same time I didn’t want to hide this, I wanted to yell from the rooftops how much I loved him.  “They won’t hate you, after all we’ve been through together, they could never hate you Mark, I’m pretty sure if even you committed a crime they would still support you… And being gay, being in love with someone, is not even close to a crime.” I said, knowing it was true. The seven of us.. we had a bond stronger than friends, stronger than family.

“I would never commit a crime though?” Mark looked up and gave me an innocent smile. “You already have though?” I replied, trying my best to look serious. “What?” He looked confused “What are you talking about?”. “Don’t you remember?” I said, still keeping up my acting. Mark confusedly shook his head, waiting for me to explain. “Markipooh, you stole my heart, that’s a serious crime!” I said, not able to keep in my laughter anymore. Mark let out the cutest giggle and hid his face in my shirt again. “You’re terrible” he said.

“But.. back to what we were talking about, we’re not gonna pretend like nothing happened right?” I said, almost regretting making the mood so serious again “We need to tell them Mark, and better sooner than later”. Mark was silent for a bit before he spoke. “Do we really have to tell them? What if we’re just really careful so they don’t find out? Then we could just be together without anyone bothering us or treating us weirdly” he said, not sounding very convinced.

“I understand if you’re not ready just yet, but I don’t think hiding is the answer. I mean, they could’ve seen us today.” I said, remembering how my heart had dropped when I heard the front door while I was making out with the cutest, hottest, most amazing and kind person alive, on the couch in our ing living room. It would’ve been bad if the others had seen us like that. 

I mean, they would’ve been shocked to suddenly see two group members making out, especially out of ing nowhere. Honestly, I was scared it would change our amazing group dynamics if there would suddenly be a couple among us. But then again, things were already different. We couldn’t just go back to how things were before between the two of us. I didn’t want to do that either. 

Mark

“You’re right” I finally said. Hiding forever was not an option. Even if they didn’t find out today, they could find out tomorrow, if not the day after, or the day after that. I just… wasn’t ready for it just yet. Coming out to Jackson and everything that had happened after was already too much to wrap my head around, and I didn’t know if I could do something so terrifying again. 

As if reading my mind, Jackson said “We don’t have to yet if you’re not ready of course, you’ve been through a lot already” he quickly gave me a soft kiss on my forehead before saying “I won’t force you to do anything, okay? Whenever you feel ready we can tell them” I smiled and looked up at him. He tilted his head down a bit to look back at me and give me the sweetest smile. I noticed he had a bit of a double chin, if only so slightly. 

“Alright” I replied to him. I shifted myself even closer to him and shyly pressed my lips onto his. I could never get used to this. He tasted more like ramen this time. My favourite kind. He kissed me back tenderly and tightened his arms around me. My heart was beating fast and I felt myself turning into a strawberry. I broke apart from the kiss and smiled at him. “I like you a lot” I told him. 

Jackson let out an adorable squeal and hid his face in my sweater, while he kept giggling like a little kid. “What?” I chuckled, feeling a bit embarrassed and shy. He looked up at me with his puppy eyes and said “Me too” before squealing again. He then shifted his position and leaned over me, looking over my face with a mischievous smirk. “You’re so cute” he said, before planting small kisses all over my face while I couldn’t contain my laughter. No, I thought, you’re cute.

[A/N; hey everyone, how are you doing? ^^ I want to apologise for not uploading in forever, I’m so sorry to have made you guys wait so long ;-; There has been a lot of personal going on which stopped me from writing for a while, and I took a break from uni, however there is still a group project that I need to work on and ugh it’s just really stressful ;-; I thought to myself that I would put that project first and above anything else to just get it done with, and I would ‘reward myself’ by uploading again and doing what I love once that would be finished. Honestly it made me ing miserable and even more stressed out because whenever I felt like writing I would think to myself “don’t be a selfish piece of and just finish this group project first”. 

Today my very good and amazing and adorable and sweet friend told me to just write and take a break if I was feeling creative, because my team members are being s anyways (I literally need to give them phone calls to ask what is happening with the group work) and she reminded me that one of the reasons I took a break from uni was to work on myself and that feeling creative and doing what I love is important too (if not more) and yeah I love her for that and I just decided to it and upload today ^^ (if ur reading this I love u bish, I ain’t never gonna stop loving you bish lmao) so for any of you who are still reading this long- rant (soz lmao) please keep doing what you love, even if it’s just during a few small moments, because I didn’t for a while, and yeah it just :’) EVERYONE JUST DO WHAT U LOVE AND LIVE YOUR DREAM OKAY ILY <3]