Mark

After a long and difficult practise session I walked out of the studio alone, which was just the way I wanted it. I closed my eyes for a second and breathed in the fresh air, which smelled like parking lot, but it was still better than the smell of sweat from seven different guys. It had also been really stuffy in there, and I was honestly so glad it was over.

I couldn't tell exactly why, but my need to get out of there was quite desperate, as if I would just collapse if I stayed there too long. What I did know was that it was not because of the difficult choreography. I swallowed hard and fought back my tears. I hated crying in public.

I decided to walk in direction of the apartment, since the way was more than familiar to me. The surroundings had become a background scenery for my inner monologues while I walked alone. Sometimes it would seem bright and friendly, the buildings looking pretty, the trees looking healthy and full of life, and the pigeons greeting me while I passed them. But lately it had become a grim and dark background.

The buildings looked grey and dull, the trees looked tall, scary and intimidating, and the pigeons would just ignore me, as if I was too to even look at. But despite the fact that I had seen this scenery a million times already, I still took everything in. Every building, every tree, and every damned pigeon. It seemed like an important thing to do.

When crossing the road, I had already seen the car coming. It wasn't slowing down, and neither was I. It was timed perfectly. In a matter of seconds, I would be on the ground, severely injured, or even better, dead. I just couldn't handle it anymore. Any of it.

I didn't dare to look the driver in the eye, so I pretended not to see him. Since he wasn't slowing down, I was sure he hadn't seen me. I was low-key proud of myself for choosing a spot where I would basically be invisible until it was too late. I stopped in the middle of the road and closed my eyes in anticipation of the crash. My heart was beating really fast, reminding me that this could be the last time it would ever beat.

Suddenly I felt a strong arm around my waist pulling me back, and I fell onto the pavement next to the road. The car passed by, honking loudly. "MARK!! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?!" Jackson screamed at me, even though he was right beside me on the pavement. My heart was beating like crazy and I felt like I could pass out any moment.

I looked up at Jackson, the one who had just saved me, and I started crying. Jackson was sitting up now, and he pulled me up and took me in his arms. He held onto me tightly, whispering, "It's okay, you're okay" over and over. Hot tears were falling down my cheeks and I couldn't stop shaking. Out of everyone in the world, Jackson was the last person I wanted to see me like this.

Jackson

What the just happened. Out of all the people in the world, Mark was the last person I wanted getting hurt. I just couldn't believe he would try and do something like this. Not Mark. I wanted to cry so badly, but I had to be strong for him right now. He was shaking and crying, and it ing broke my heart. I tried to calm him down by hugging him and whispering to him, but I was well aware that I was also trying to calm myself down.

When I had seen him standing there, not moving while a car was approaching fast, I felt my heart drop. While I ran towards him I felt like I was running in slow-motion, as if my legs and my body were suddenly a lot heavier, and I was so scared that I wouldn't be able to save him. But thank god I was just in time. The thought of losing him made me want to jump in front of that car myself. What in the world was he thinking?

After a while, Mark seemed to have calmed down a bit, although he was still crying. I let go of him so I could face him. The hurt in his eyes broke my heart all over again. I looked at him expectantly, hoping he would give me some answers. But he didn't. He just looked at the ground, as if he was a little kid who had just broken an expensive vase and was about to be scolded by his mother.

"Are you okay?" I asked him carefully. He looked at me, as if he desperately wanted to say yes, but he quietly shook his head and then leaned his head against my chest. I put one hand on the back of his head, letting my fingers run through his fluffy hair, and pressed him closer to me. I put my other arm around him again and rubbed his back with my thumb.

People were looking at us weirdly, but luckily didn't seem to recognise us, so I couldn't care less. I just wanted Mark to be okay. Mark, who had the brightest smile in the world. Mark, who had just tried to kill himself.

Mark

I couldn't stop crying. I somehow couldn't process what had just happened. When I was walking towards the apartment I was so sure that it would all soon be over, that even if I would survive, I would at least get to rest in a hospital for a while. But Jackson saved me, and I was terrified, ashamed, disappointed and relieved, all at the same time. I was both glad it was him, and wanting to die because it was him.

His embrace felt warm and comforting, but at the same time I didn't want him to see me like this. I hid my face in this shirt, making it all wet with my tears, but I didn't care, I just didn't want him to see me. I felt him tightening his grip on me, and I noticed his heart was beating fast as well, even though he was the one who was calm. To be fair, it must have been a shock for him to see one of his group members try to jump in front of a car.

I suddenly realised how mad the other members would be if they found out I tried something like this. I swallowed down the lump in my throat, and gathered my strength to talk to Jackson. "P-please... d-don't tell the o-others..." I said quietly and in between sobs, still not facing him. He didn't respond right away, so I thought he hadn't heard me. I was about to repeat myself, when he said "I promise".