Maybe it was because I am the leader, maybe because I'm the member with the most scandals or maybe because people simply love to hate me, but I always feel so tired.

So tired to try to pretend I'm happy, to smile and to act like I'm not dying inside.

I must act strong because this is what a leader does. A leader must always supports her members, represent them and make them feel safe.

I lack in that. I'm not a good leader. My members often suffered because of me. I had put the group in a bad light.

This is why I started to hide my feelings from everyone, including my members. I didn't want to burden them with my problems so I just kept them for myself. 

There was just a member who actually knew when I was feeling down or I just wasn't in the mood: Yoona.

Maybe it was because we were roommates so she really knows me, or maybe it was because she is really attentive, but she always knew what I was feeling or thinking.

She was always there with me. She didn't need to speak, she just stood there by my side, waiting for the moment I was ready to talk.

She sat next to me and let me rest my head on her shoulder, letting me know she was there to support me.

"You are the best leader of the world, unnie."

There it was. Like I said she always knew what I was thinking about.
 
"You are the best in everything and you don't even have to try, you're voice is amazing, you are the most