JISOO's POV

 

When was it?

 

I couldn’t remember how it started.           

 

Used on how still it was. Motionless.  

 

You were disguised with that halo, as if entreating at the entrance. 

 

And I didn’t notice it at first.

 

I was completely clueless.

 

I closed my eyes, but still, I see you.

 

I only see you.

 

Park Chaeyoung

 

I want to ask you.

 

When did you start living in my heart?

 

I could only recall the past.

 

Memories that I seem to know by heart, carved within.

 

A sentient that I wouldn’t forget.

 

 

 

“Aniyo~! Yah! Stop it Chichu!” You threatened with a pointed finger, steps slowly retreating, but still facing me with narrowed eyes.

 

I only moved closer, coming unto you in a chaff, and raised the insect right in front of your face despite your squeals.

 

“It’s just a bug, Chaeng!” I grinned.

 

“I SWEAR –” You couldn’t continue as you fell backwards, tripping into a rock, then snapping back by looking up to me, angrily meeting me with ablaze eyes.

 

“Hey? You – ”

 

You held out both of your hands, stopping me from my tracks, and exclaims while eyeing the insect that I still held.

 

“YAH! YAH! YAH! DON’T LET IT COME NEAR ME!”

 

I held my laugh and nods, finding it funny how you didn’t care about tripping and easily forget that bruise that scrapes your right knee.

 

“There.” I released the bug meters away from you, but you still eyed me with a careful look, as if afraid that I’ll suddenly flung it to your direction.

 

You sniffled, teary eyed now.

 

I kneeled in front you, but you just turned your face sideways. You bit your lower lip, and I didn’t know if it’s from the pain from your injury or if it’s a refusal to have a talk with me.

 

I sat beside you, settling on staring at the leaves that’s lazily falling around us, bidding that it was the peak season of autumn as it tints the forest with leaves with varying colors of crimson to a deeper shade gold. 

 

I could feel my smile broaden.

 

Spotting the hefty pile of leaves, I stood and ran towards it, plopping into it in a cannonball.

 

“GERONIMOOOO~!”

 

I could hear you snort but you bit your lip once more, only this time, you’re trying hard not to laugh.

 

I approached you again, hair disheveled and clothes murked with dirt, and held out a maple leaf.

 

“This is uh…”

 

You looked up, and I could see how your eyes slightly widen in surprise.

 

 I held the nape of my neck with a hand and turned my head sideways, averting from your gaze as I could feel my cheeks coloring into that same shade of red that the leaf has. Embarrassed at the thought of apologizing. 

 

“Apology leaf?” I finished in a mumble.

 

I could feel your hands brushed up against mine. You took the leaf, and nods, smiling now. “Crazy Chichu.”

 

I held both of your hands, gently hoisting you up, before securing a hand into your waist. “I’m sorry.”

 

“You do know that it’s supposed to be an apology cookie.” You remarked and then wonders in amusement. “Who gives a leaf as an apology?”

 

I beamed back a smile, hoping that it would pass as a pardon.

 

“Me?”

 

You could only shake your head, lips gracing a small smile.

 

***

 

I was oblivious at first, but little by little, I could feel how my perception of you changed.

 

That somehow, the little girl who’s always been afraid of bugs, the little girl who would always cry when her doll is missing, and the little girl who would always be teased by bullies.

 

Wasn’t a little girl anymore.

 

You turned to someone, who I could always rely on.

 

 

 

“Unnie?”

 

“Yeah?” I turned, flipping over to the other side of your bed as to face you, gaming console still in hand – too distracted to even notice that my turquoise dress was now wrinkled and on how I’ll be soon nagged by mother for not being ‘lady’ enough. I glanced up for a second and looked at you. You were wearing that same old pajamas, printed brightly with your favorite fish character, paired up with your rounded glasses as your hair was tied up into a bun.

 

You were reading, of course, snuggly sitting in a reclining chair with your legs crossed.

 

And like Jennie, I could only wonder why the two of you are even ‘addicted’ to books. That the mere thought of reading ‘words’ without even a single picture was enough to knock me into sleep in a matter of seconds.   

 

“Can I ask a question.”

 

“Hmmm?” I hummed as a response. Clearly distracted. I couldn’t let the kill slide off, mere seconds away from beating that smug ‘Queen’  a.k.a. “Kim Jennie”

 

 I smashed the buttons with unnecessary force, yet still trying my best to listen to you.

 

“Why are you in the same grade with Jennie-unnie?”

 

I felt how my hands stop in an instant at the question.

 

“DEFEAT!” A robotic voiced filled the silence as it announced the death of my character.

 

I stared at the screen for almost a minute, bridling to give a reply and pretends not to hear your question. I blinked, recognizing the red print exhibited at the screen of my console.

 

‘YOU LOSE’

 

You must’ve felt awkward.

 

I guess it’s the longest time for me to give a reply, with you knowing how talkative I’ve always been.

 

So you stood, coughing, and smiles in effort.

 

“I’ll go get some – ”

 

I got up from the bed and held your hand, impeding your retreating figure.

 

“It’s uh…” I fumbled with my words. I closed my eyes for a second as I try to figure out the words to say. You withdrew from my hold and utters in a prompt.

 

“No. You don’t need to answer it.” I could feel your guilt with the way you’re looking away from me, embarrassed on bringing out the topic but I only chuckled at your actions.

 

“Geez. Park Chaeyoung.”

 

I playfully shake my head in disapproval. I plopped back to your bed, falling backwards, and sighs. Hampering the seconds before answering.

 

“My parents would always get mad at me. I guess…hmmm…you could call me the troublemaker of the school? I would always skip in attending my classes. Cut class and all. And…It’s gotten to the point that my parents couldn’t convince the school head on letting me graduate in elementary.”

 

I sat up, grinning.

 

“Heh. So yeah. I repeated another grade.”

 

You silently nodded.

 

“I have my entrance exams, tomorrow? or next week?” I shrugged.

 

“It’s tomorrow.” You replied.

 

I laughed. “Yeah. I forgot?”

 

You didn’t give me that same pointed look, as you simply reply.

 

“Liar.” You held out a tongue, and sat back at your chair, reading your book once more.

 

You were right of course.

 

You always are.

 

As words…weren’t necessary anymore.

 

“You’re nervous.” You simply uttered.

 

I was already deaf from hearing it. From my parents, my siblings, and even from my grandparents.

 

‘Work harder’

 

‘Study’

 

‘Be one of the top students’

 

I challenged you with a stare.

 

Smirking, insisting you to tell me those words.

 

As if to seized me in place.

 

But you should have known better.

 

That no shackles…could ever detain me.

 

Free spirited.

 

Maybe they’re right.

 

Because admittedly, I guess I’m really am…

 

A troublemaker.

 

“Do you know the language of flowers?” You asked.

 

I blinked back.

 

“What?”

 

“Language of flowers.” You repeated, blinking just the same.

 

“I…” I coughed hard, somewhat caught off guarded.

 

I was right.

 

You could easily read me.

 

You…didn’t push through about it. You wouldn’t tell it to me, of course, instead you’ll always look at me.

 

And I could always feel it.

 

How your eyes would always soften at mine, that says…

 

‘I trust you.’

 

Despite how troublesome I always am, hardheaded.

 

You’d still…believe in me.

 

“I don’t.” I replied.

 

Hating how I couldn’t put up with your gaze as I turned away.

 

“I don’t know…the language of flowers.”

 

You smiled and tilts your head to the side. “Can you guess?”

 

I closed my eyes, trying to answer your sudden question. Because really, I wasn’t even interested on flowers at all, because I should…really really…study that Math problem that I’ve been skipping on answering. Not that it would help, with the examinations being tomorrow and all but it’s better than procrastinating?

 

I turned to you and answered the obvious, grinning.

 

To hell with studying.

 

“Red means love?”

 

“Correct.” You nodded.

 

I only winked back.

 

“Have you gotten one?” You asked.

 

“Hmmm?” I hummed, curious.

 

“A red rose. Your admirers must’ve given you a lot.” You answered, ambling your look at the distance, before adding in a mumble. “You’re…really pretty.”

 

I stared at you, waiting for you to take back your words. I’d find it rare, of course, that ‘Park Chaeyoung’ who would always grunt in disapproval with almost all of my actions, was now complimenting me?

 

I cheered with a smile and stood, trapping you in the chair as I sat in your lap, arms locked into your neck. You held my waist with your hands, securing me in place, seemingly more afraid of me falling off than being straddled.  

 

“Then…won’t you…give me one?” I requested despite the heat that sets my cheeks like a wildfire, embarrassed but at the same time conceited.  

 

You finally roved your look into me. But unlike my totally-not-embarassed-and-totally-not-blushing face, you wore that confident look all with oh-so-angelic smile of yours.

 

“I will. But it won’t be red.”

 

I raised a brow, slightly irritated, but at the same time amused.

 

“You really don’t love me, huh? Park Chaeyoung?”

 

You laughed just then, and raises both of your hands to utter your explanation.

 

“Let me – ”

 

“No explanation needed.” I stuck my tongue childishly and stood, pivoting away from you, whirling in a full circle as I bend my knees with one foot in front of the other.

 

A curtsey of goodbye.

 

“I’ll give you a white one.” You stated with a small smile, entertained at my recent act.

 

“Why wh – ”

 

“Miss Jisoo?” Asked by a voice from the other side of the door.

 

“Yes? Come in.” I answered.

 

The maid walked in and bows. “Your parents said that they’ll be going now. Something about going to your grandparents house?”

 

“Oh damn.” I cursed silently.

 

A scatterbrain. I really am a scatterbrain. I looked at the clock before grabbing my purse.

 

An hour. I still got an hour to buy presents for my grandma’s birthday.

 

“Heels?” You said, raising a brow while staring at my bare feet.

 

“Right. Heels.” I wheeled back, and strapped it as fast as I could.

 

I was already at the door when I turned back to you.

 

“Forgot something?” You asked.

 

I smiled at you then. “Thank you.”

 

“For?”

 

I winked, and veers to the exit. “I’ll see you.”

 

I couldn’t say it to you.

 

The words that lingers to me, still.

 

‘Thank you for trusting...this slow pace of mine.’  

 

***

 

I tried to always held it in, but the way you looked back at me, I couldn’t help but let out a simper. You were always that witty assistant who would, accede to my tricks. And I was always that con artist, I should say?

 

A knowing look and a held-out giggle would all it takes, for us to even know what the other was thinking. And it made me believe that I knew all you. About us.

 

But only to be tricked by that same connection.

 

I was too slow for realizing it just now, recurring those same lingering stares waded towards you.

 

Too slow to realize, on how beautiful…you really are.

 

 

 

“Good evening, ladies and gentleman, on behalf of the management. I apologize for the delay. But now, I’d like to welcome you all, for our 50th founding anniversary.” Your father announces and bows before continuing his speech.

 

It was that same party that you would often invite-slash-begged us to come over. And now, I’ve understood your aversion towards it. A cocktail party full of the most influential persons in the country, clothed with expensive suits and tuxedoes, and dresses that was tailored by famous designers. And with a look, I could tell that they are your parents’ colleagues, business partners and acquaintances.

 

No wonder you would always feel left out.        

 

I steered clear away from them, of course, settling on leisurely sitting at a stool of the bar, distance away from the party itself. The crowd applauded as your father now introduces your mother.

 

I couldn’t focus on the stage and paces my look to the crowd with the hope of finding you, drawing my undivided attention.   

 

Where are you, Park Chaeyoung?

 

I traipsed my look outside as the heavy downpour of rain prances its presence through its loud rumble, darkening the skies as it flitted by a cackle of thunderstorms. It only posed on hiking up my anxiety all the more as it also constitutes the number of glasses of wine that I’ve drank.

 

Was it 4? Or maybe six? I don’t know. All I know is that it helped me on calming my nerves, because seriously, where the heck are you?

 

“Unnie? Where’s Chaeng?” Jennie questioned me, taking the seat beside me and, at the same time, seized the glass of wine I was holding. She’s wearing that red dress we’ve bought yesterday. Its bodice fitted her curves perfectly as it dips down to reveal her . She had her hair tied up into a bun, styled the same back in the era of 80’s, giving her that stylish and a more sophisticated look.

 

“I don’t know.” I sluggishly replied. “Can I have my drink back?”

 

She stared at me for a solid minute, and only moved the glass away from me.

 

Great.

 

I was nervous, of course, and the alcohol somewhat stops my mind on dwelling on those thoughts.

 

‘Is she alright? Where is she?’

 

‘What happened?’

 

‘She’s never late.’

 

I closed my eyes and placed my head on my arms, now splayed across the countertop of the bar. I could faintly hear that dial tone as Jennie tries to reach you through a call. And like my numerous attempts, it still ended up with that now-annoying-scripted-speech, that the number couldn’t be reached.

 

The even though the party was already delayed for two hours, you're still nowhere to be found.

 

“You’re underage. Stop drinking that.” Jennie successfully grabbed my glass once more. She pointedly looked at the bartender, who I directed by giving me another, before saying. “And no. She’s not drinking anymore.” She helped me stand, and led me to the nearest sofa.

 

I couldn’t care less at how I just flung right into it, making Jennie to huff in frustration as she tries to save my image by making me sit upright, we were still at a party afterall. “Geez! Your dress will be ruined.”

 

She was right, though. It was one of the dresses that I actually like. A more conservative dress than her as it only shows my bare shoulders and runs across mid-thigh. Its pitch-dark color accentuating my pale skin, giving it a more glowing look.

 

“Yaaah! You’re not even concerned about me! Then marry this dress then.” I jokingly slurred.

 

“Wait here. I’ll go get you some water.” Jennie utters in command. I mockingly saluted to which she shuts off with a roll of her eyes.

 

I sluggishly looked at the door. And finds myself blinking for the next seconds. 

 

It must’ve been the alcohol, buzzed that somehow, I was looking at an afterimage. I settled my gaze again, but your figure now become more evident, shifting that I wasn’t daydreaming.

 

Or maybe I was really, really, drunk.

 

Inebriated by the wine.

 

Because since when did your smile…become so dazzling?

 

“Unnie?”

 

I could only stare at you.

 

An angel.

 

You must be angel.

 

And you…must be hiding your wings.

 

Dressed in a strapless ivory gown with embroidery in its bodice, rhinestones and pearl beads sewn across it, as the fabric highlights your thin waist.

 

“I’m sorry. We were caught up in the traffic! And geez the car has a flat tire too!” You explained with an apologetic smile.

 

A smile that could end wars.

 

A blinding flare that I didn’t notice how you looked up close, until now. 

 

I didn’t notice that your hair was damp from the rain, that your dress was stained by mud as it imprints across it, and that your cheeks were stained by lipstick. 

 

I must’ve been the alcohol.

 

Because I didn’t know.

 

I didn’t know, how you’re able to pulled it off.  

 

I didn’t know that despite how messy you looked right now, how can you be so attractive?

 

Park Chaeyoung?

 

Why are you so, damn, beautiful?

 

“Am I late?”

 

I should’ve replied immediately. Because if I did, I wouldn’t have to deal with having that damn-attractive-face inching closer to me.

 

I wouldn’t have to dealt with this awfully-sickening-beating heart of mine.

 

I wouldn’t have to deal with how I stupidly gave you a response.

 

Breathless.

 

Completely enraptured by you.

 

“You’re…just in time.”

 

***

 

I want to blame you.

 

It’s all your fault, because now, I don’t know what to do with these feelings. A growing uneasiness that I don’t even know if I could handle any more of it.

 

I don’t want to be selfish.

 

Because some part of me seeks it. Some part of me covets to always feel your presence. That all your attention should always be directed to me.

 

I’m afraid that I’ll grew accustomed to it.

 

And I didn’t want that.

 

I didn’t want to be someone who would cut your wings off. Secluded. Detained from your own freedom.

 

Will you…forgive me?

 

 

 

“Hey guys! See you around!” My classmates exclaimed with a wave of their hands, ambling towards the exit.

 

I glanced and shouted back, also done with mopping the floor. “See ya! Thanks for helping out!”

 

It was dismissal time already, but we were stuck with cleaning duties. I opened the cabinets at back of the classroom and neatly placed the mop back. I looked around and just in time, Jennie was already packing up.

 

“Yah. Tell me. Why am I assigned in cleaning again?” Jennie uttered in distaste as she straps her bag. I smiled teasingly, awfully reminding her of the punishment she’d always seem to forget.

 

“Hmmmm. I guess, it’s because some student name ‘Kim Jennie’ was seen loitering around during school hours? And some saint called ‘Kim Jisoo’ was soooo kind to even help her out.”

 

She blankly stared at me and merely huffs. “You lost our bet. That’s why you are ‘obliged’ to help me. I swear I’m always in a lose streak whenever I teamed up with you.”

 

I could only laugh at how unforgiving she is, that my ‘lack of practice’ in our games was slowly dragging our ranks down.

 

“I got a lot in mind, okay?”

 

“Uh-huh. Care to explain?” She crossed her arms, unentertained, her competitive streak showing, letting me explain my not-so-skilled performance which also includes feeding my hero to the opponent.

 

It was unintentional? Because I’ve thought playing online games would distract me over the thoughts which involves you. But it simply didn’t help. It only made me lose focus on the game, inciting profanities and pillows being thrown at me by a certain brunette.

 

I chuckled as a reply, and in turn, lilted a request.

 

“Can I hug you?”

 

She was unabashed by the request. Seemingly used at my antics.

 

At the trouble I was about to show.

 

She first gave me a speculative look before nodding.

 

I endearingly hugged her, chuckling all the more, as I could feel her wrap her arms at my back. I held her for almost a minute.

 

And just as I’ve thought.

 

Nothing.

 

I feel nothing.

 

It wasn’t the same…with you.

 

I released my hold. And Jennie was now looking at me, waiting for my response. I drew a playful mask again as an idea pops into my mind, gleeful that she’ll be caught off guard.

 

“Can I kiss you? On the lips?”

 

It took seconds for Jennie to finally understood what I’ve said.

 

It worked like magic.

 

Because now she hollers at me at the top of her lungs.

 

“Are you insane?!!” she growled with such vexation that it drives me into mad laughter.

 

She caught up with my teasing, and soon after, took off from our room and without even bidding a goodbye.

 

I wasn’t even done yet.

 

“Cmon! It’s just a kiss!”

 

I ran past against her before holding her still, trapping her at the nearby wall, just like how actors do in a cheesy romcom movie. But a little different perhaps? Because somehow the lead actress was staring at me oh-so-piercingly that I almost want to chuckle in place. But I held it in. Actress. I am an actress.

 

“I’ll seriously punch you.” She calmly stated, but it was a threat full of menace that made me withdraw in an instant.  

 

“Geez. Someone’s on a period.” I raised both of my hands and sets her free. She spared me a look that’s silenced in a death threat before slamming the door shut.

 

I opened the door and shouted back at her.

 

“Hey! See ya tommorrow! Tak