Big Suho

“Kiss me, Junmyeon.”

The moonlight gave Yixing’s dark eyes glow, a spark, that Junmyeon knew was desire. How had they gotten there? Alone in this secluded garden, where nothing else but them, the moon, the bushes, and the water surrounded them. Right now, Junmyeon’s eyes must be reflecting the same as Yixing’s. He raised his hand to caress Yixing’s left cheek, and just as he had thought, it was soft, smooth to the touch. Was this wise? Junmyeon’s gaze shifted to see Yixing’s lips; he wondered how it would taste when he fully ravished Yixing’s mouth when he bit his thick, plump lower lip. With only one kiss he wanted to claim him his, his heart, his whole being. It didn’t make sense.

Junmyeon closed his eyes to lean in, feeling how Yixing’s rapid, warm breath hit his face. Anticipation, he could feel it clawing at his skin, in the fireworks exploding in his stomach, and in that desperate hammering in his chest. Then, he sensed it no more. His lips touched Yixing’s lips. As he expected, the taste was-

A bang. He heard a loud bang and opened his eyes. Blinking, he tried to adapt his vision to the blinding light. His study room. The bookshelves, the desktop with his laptop and papers scattered around and the lamp sitting on the corner, the picture that hung on the wall. He was back in his study room.

“What the hell?” he groggily said.

He leaned back in his desk chair. His breathing was uneven. It had been a dream. Junmyeon had dreamed about kissing the gardener. “Ugh,” he said, closing his eyes. What the hell had that been? he thought. Why had he dreamed of something so… Unacceptable? And the worst part, why had it been the fourth time it happened now?

Ever since the night of their engagement party, this dream threatened to become a recurrent one. Why? Junmyeon didn’t like him, he couldn’t like him, he shouldn’t like him. He didn’t want to fall in love; he could never fall in love; he had never fallen in love. This couldn’t happen. Maybe it was just his brain fooling his subconscious. Yes, he admitted that Yixing had looked nothing like a gardener that night. The suit, the hair, his face, he looked… Acceptable, yes, that was the word. The loss of words and inability to keep his eyes from Yixing was due to the surprise of seeing him like that. Right? It didn’t mean anything.

And the annoyance he had felt when he saw Kim Jongin and Yixing together wasn’t jealousy or anything like that. No, no, no, it had only been because of that Kim Jongin, his old high-school nemesis, who consistently sought to own everything Junmyeon had. It was Jongin who was envious of him, not the other way around.

So, it couldn’t be that Junmyeon was starting to fall for the gardener. That would be utterly stupid. He must be misunderstanding everything. Besides, Yixing was still that scruffy gardener who wore flower crowns at work, who always had some teasing comment against him and then laughed about it, who prepared his own meals, he was still Yixing, the gardener. Nothing made Yixing different. And Junmyeon didn’t know him well, even if they had lived together for a month now.

Junmyeon put aside his laptop and leaned on the desktop to lay his head on the side while closing his eyes. He sighed again. As stupid as this sounded, maybe he should contact a hypnotizer or something ridiculous like that, who could help him stop having that nightmare.

How ridiculous. What was he thinking? He didn’t speak while dreaming, so there wasn’t anything to worry about. Hopefully.

“Damn it!”

“Stop saying bad words!” a soft, high-pitched voice said, startling him.

Rapidly, Junmyeon opened his eyes and saw a little girl standing next to him. She was staring at him sternly, frowning. He sat up straight and took a closer look at the little girl. She was wearing a yellow dress with floral patterns, her long hair was styled in two ponytails, and under her arm, she was holding a white stuffed toy, a bunny.

“Who are you?” Junmyeon asked, still confused as to why this child was standing in his office room at home.

She smiled and bowed a little. “I’m Do Sohee.” She raised her toy towards Junmyeon. “And this is Suho.”

“Okay, Sohee and Suho, what do you think you’re doing here?”

Sohee frowned again. “Rude! You’re supposed to say your name too. Suho, Uncle Xing’s husband doesn’t have manners,” she whispered to her bunny.

Uncle Xing? Well, of course, Yixing was somehow involved in this. Junmyeon rolled his eyes. “I’m Kim Junmyeon, and I’m not your uncle’s husband.”

“But you’re going to be soon, right? That’s what Daddy Chan said, but Dongwon got sick, and he and Papa Soo couldn’t come to your and Uncle Xing’s party.”

Yes, definitely Yixing. But at least that explained why Yixing’s other two guests hadn’t come. Junmyeon nodded to her earlier question.

“So, I guess you’re his boyfriend then?”

“No, I’m-” Junmyeon said but then stopped himself. What was he about to do? This kid could have a big mouth. He nodded again. “Well, now that we cleared that up, Sohee, what are you doing here? And who gave you permission to interrupt my work?”

Sohee laughed. “You weren’t working. You were sleeping!”

Junmyeon frowned, okay he had been found out. But he had been working before, it was just that this week he hadn’t slept well. “Fine. But you are still not answering why you’re here. It is forbidden to anyone else besides me to be in here.”

Sohee started to play with her hair. “Suho was curious. He said he wanted to explore this big castle. I showed him around. And then I opened this door, and we saw you sleeping… You looked like a prince, Suho said. But I think you looked more like Suho! I wanted to see you closer, and I let go of the door but it made a loud noise, and so, we hid under your desk.”

That explained why Junmyeon had been woken up by a loud bang.

“I peeked up, and we thought you were sleeping on the table again. We saw you closer, and yes, you look like Suho! But then you said those bad words. Twice! And that’s not what Suho would say, so you need to stop saying bad words, Junmyeon!”

Was Junmyeon just getting scold by a child? Would he tolerate this insult? He wanted to teach this kid a great lesson in what respect and boundaries was, but she spoke again.

“Can I call you, Suho? I asked the real Suho, and he doesn’t mind. Junmyeon is too long. Suho’s happy to have a brother, just like I’m happy to have Dongwon, even if he’s a baby and just cries, eats and sleeps.”

“Why do you keep saying I look like that thing?”

Sohee beamed. “Because look! You have round puffy cheeks. Big brown eyes. Long ears. White skin. And you’re little!”

Now, Junmyeon frowned. “I don’t have big ears! And I’m not small, you’re little! I’m average. Besides, I’m a human being, it’s genetically impossible I can resemble a rabbit.”

Sohee tilted her head and looked confused. She probably didn’t understand what Junmyeon had said. “You say funny things, Suho.”

Junmyeon was just about to say something when he got interrupted again. The door flew opened, and Yixing stood there, almost breathless. He was carrying a child in a baby carrier. And he looked so… Acceptable, or maybe the correct word was strange. Junmyeon shook the thought away. Sohee walked toward them.

“Sohee, I told you not to play around the house!” Yixing scolded her. “I was so worried, I looked everywhere. You cannot run away like that anymore, okay? Do you understand?!”

Sohee nodded, looking sad, almost as if she wanted to cry. Maybe she wasn’t used to Yixing’s stern voice.

Yixing looked up. “Junmyeon, I’m so sorry.” He bowed, holding the baby in place. “I didn’t know she would get this far. I’m really sorry if this bothered you. I couldn’t say this earlier because I knew you were working, but their nanny couldn’t watch them today, and well, I was free, so I said yes. But maybe you don’t like kids, you didn’t have any rules about it. I should have asked-”

“It’s fine, Yixing. I don’t mind, just make sure she doesn’t come around here anymore.”

Yixing nodded, she grabbed Sohee’s hand and told her to apologize for coming in without permission.

“I’m sorry, Suho.”

“Suho? His name is Junmyeon, Sohee. Don’t-”

“No, it’s all right. It’s a thing between us,” Junmyeon said, trying to avoid Sohee getting scolded again. She stared at him and smiled.

The three left the room while Yixing apologized one last time, and Junmyeon was back into the silence that reigned there. He sighed.

The rest of the day Junmyeon finished the work he had left. He also ate the lunch his assistant had brought for him. As Junmyeon sat in the dining room, he observed how Yixing and the kids played in the living room. He saw how Sohee tried to tickle Yixing, how Dongwon crawled around trying to touch Yixing too (Could Dongwon understand what Sohee was doing?), he heard them laugh and smile. Oddly, he didn’t find Yixing’s laugh annoying instead it was a soothing timbre. When had that changed? And Junmyeon just stayed there, eating in silence, watching the family scene take place. ‘I guess the fake kids we have will at least have one good father,’ Junmyeon thought. Maybe that was a good thing. He exhaled.

Later in the afternoon, Junmyeon was getting ready to go to the gym. He hadn’t gone early that morning, he had been too tired, and honestly, Junmyeon hadn’t known if he could see Yixing in the eyes. Last night he had had a dream like earlier, only it reached a little further than a kiss. This morning he had been too embarrassed to face him, now he didn’t mind much. Yixing couldn’t know what he dreamt, could he?

Junmyeon had just put on his sweatband when he heard a knock at his door. He opened the door, and an anxious Yixing stood in front him.

“Yes?” Junmyeon asked.

“Junmyeon, I’m really sorry to bother you again. But there is a problem with an order at the flower shop. I’ve tried solving the matter from here, but then it turns out I have the documents and stuff. The point is, I need to go there.”

Oh no, Junmyeon could see where this was going.

“Dongwon doesn’t have his car seat, so I cannot take them with me. If it’s not too much, could you please, please, watch them for a while? Dongwon is asleep, and this won’t take more than an hour.”

There was a worry in Yixing’s eyes, pleading in his voice. But could Junmyeon really take care of those kids, even if it was for a while? He wasn’t apt to take care of anyone else but himself.

“No. I don’t take care of children.”

“I know it might be frightening. But they have already eaten lunch. Dongwon won’t wake up from his nap, and Sohee is old enough to not bother you so much. Please?”

“I said, I don’t want to Yixing.”

“Oh.” Yixing’s eyes stared at him. Did he look disappointed? Surprised? Either way, he laughed awkwardly. “I see… It’s okay. I’ll ask somebody else to do it.” He smiled, but it wasn’t genuine. “Maybe I can drop them with Jongin,” Yixing tried mumble to himself as he turned around.

Junmyeon had heard that, though. Kim Jongin. Why was Yixing seeking his help?

“What?” Junmyeon asked, “Kim Jongin? Why him?”

Yixing turned to face him again. “Didn’t you know? Last week, he moved to the apartment two floors downstairs.”

No, Junmyeon had no idea. Did that annoying brat just become his neighbor? ‘Damn it, Kim Jongin,’ Junmyeon thought. He enclosed his hand into a fist. “How come you know that?”

“I saw him moving in… And he might have swung by the flower shop a couple times, he always buys lilies for his mother. We talked a bit. This neighborhood is close to the Security Department.”

Had that brat been serious? Had he really meant he would steal Yixing away from him? Not that Junmyeon cared, or maybe he did, but they had a deal! And Yixing better kept his word. He had to keep his word. And maybe Yixing wouldn’t be a good fake-dad if he wanted to leave those kids with Kim Jongin.

“He’s a nice guy, and he seems trustworthy. But God, Kyungsoo might kill me if he finds out I left them alone with a stranger…So, please don’t tell.”

Yixing was ready to leave again. And Junmyeon felt the old rivalry he always felt whenever Kim Jongin was involved. He couldn’t lose to him, not to that annoying brat. Slowly, his reluctance was breaking down, and something else within him wanted to help Yixing. To prove him, he was- Wait, why did he have to prove Yixing something? Even if that was what his life had been about this whole time, Yixing was still nobody.

Yes, troublesome, that was how everything had become since the engagement party. Because Junmyeon found himself uttering words despite knowing how freaking afraid he was about doing this. “I’ll do it. It’s better if they stay here with me.”

Yixing widened his eyes and gasped. Then, a dimpled smile formed on his lips, his eyes turned into a crescent. “Really? Thank you so much, Junmyeon! Thank you! I know you’ll do great!”

You don’t know that, Junmyeon thought, you don’t know. But Yixing was smiling at him like Junmyeon had just done the most fantastic thing. And his fear didn’t go away, but the knowledge that Yixing believed in him gave Junmyeon some strength to do this. He could do this without screwing up.

They walked together to the living room, where Dongwon was asleep on one of the sofas, and Sohee was watching television, a movie about princesses. Yixing explained to him what to do in case Dongwon woke up crying, but he doubted that because the baby had just gone to sleep. He also told him everything the kids needed was in that duffel bag near one of the couches. Junmyeon nodded but kept wondering why he had accepted this.

Then, Yixing left, saying he’ll be back in no more than an hour, thanking him again, and Junmyeon stayed alone with the two children. Sohee told him to join her on the couch to watch the movie together.

Time passed, Dongwon was still asleep, the movie ended, Yixing would be back in twenty minutes, and Junmyeon had survived without disasters so far. A new record, he thought. But his Emotion Watch was yellow, he was still nervous.

“When is your birthday, Big Suho?” Sohee asked him. Junmyeon supposed she added the ‘big’ to distinguish him from the bunny. Funny, because she had said he was little. He almost laughed.

“May twenty-two. When’s yours?”

“Daddy Chan said it’s May now. Your birthday is soon, right? Mine is on February fifth, I’ll turn nine.”

Junmyeon nodded. “Wow, you’ll be a big girl, Sohee. And yes, my birthday is in two weeks.”

She smiled proudly. “Will you have a birthday party, Big Suho?”

He would often have some celebration with his family and friends, and now with the other two elected too. This year will probably be the same. “Yes, I will.”

“How much will you turn?”

“Twenty-seven.”

“My Papa Soo is that age too! Will you get presents?”

“Yes.”

“Will there be cake?”

“I think so.”

“Will you invite me?”

And that was where Junmyeon laughed. Really, how shameless could this child be? Barking into his study-room, not calling him by his name, telling him he looks like a rabbit, and now asking if he would invite her, a complete stranger, to his birthday party.

“You want to come to a party with adults?”

Sohee caressed her chin, she looked pensive, and exchanged glances with the stuffed toy, “If there is a cake, I do. I like eating cake.”

Junmyeon laughed again. But, could he really say no to this kid? Plus, if she’d come, then her parents would too, and Yixing wouldn’t have to spend another evening alone and bored like during the engagement party. They might be as common as the gardener, but it might be okay.

He nodded, “Okay, Sohee, you’re invited.” She was his first guest.

A broad beam adorned Sohee’s face, and she mumbled something else with the bunny. “But you have to promise it. And if you break that promise, we will hunt you down.” She raised her hand, pointing her little finger at him.

And for the third time, Junmyeon chuckled yet again. What were her parents teaching this kid? “Okay, I promise.” He sealed their deal in a pinky promise. Sohee smiled.

A scream interrupted their moment. Dongwon had woken up, and Junmyeon freaked out. He stood up and watched the crying child. His cries were scrutinizing. And Junmyeon checked what Yixing had said he should. No, it wasn’t the case of a new diaper, thank heavens. He tried to feed Dongwon his bottle, but he didn’t want it. Not hungry nor unclean, what did this goddamn screaming kid want? He tried to rock Dongwon carefully on the couch, saying to him ‘Calm down, Dongwon. Calm down.’ But it didn’t work. He needed to call someone, Tao, Yifan Yixing, or his assistant! Anyone who could shut him down. The cries got worse and Junmyeon desperate. His Emotion Watch was shining yellow. What if there was something wrong with Dongwon? What if he needed medical help immediately and Junmyeon was losing time? What if he-?

“Hold him, Big Suho,” Sohee said, bringing Junmyeon back from his realm of worries. “He likes to be lulled to sleep in Daddy’s or Papa’s arms.”

Junmyeon couldn’t remember the last time he had held a baby in his arms. He felt unsure, but Dongwon kept crying and Sohee saying he should do it so he could make it stop. Carefully, Junmyeon grabbed the child. Dongwon was as heavy as a seven kilograms dumbbell, probably. Slowly, he tried to position him in his arms and rocked him back and forth. It felt strange to hold a child like that, Junmyeon couldn’t even sing; he didn’t know what to sing. But he still solely focused on calming Dongwon. He saw how the baby stopped crying in his arms, how Dongwon began closing his eyes again and drifting back to dreamland. Junmyeon’s arms hurt from the way he was holding the baby, but he still did the task. And then Dongwon was sound asleep again. He put the baby on the sofa and tuck him with his blanket. Breathe, Junmyeon could finally breathe.

“We did it Sohee,” Junmyeon whispered.

Nobody answered. Junmyeon looked around and didn’t see Sohee anywhere. Suho was on the floor. He whispered her name loudly until he saw it. Sohee had gotten out to the terrace, she stood on the border of the pool. Suddenly, she fell.

Sprinting as if his life depended on it, Junmyeon got out to the terrace, and he jumped in, not caring that his workout gear would get wet. He swam desperately until he caught Sohee. He brought them back up. Sohee took a deep breath once outside the water. Junmyeon took them to the border. He raised Sohee up first. She crawled and stood up, away from the edge of the pool. Junmyeon also got out and went to stand on his knees to be the same height as her. He raised his arms and hugged her.

“I-I saved you,” Junmyeon said, “I saved you, Jaemin.” He held Sohee tighter.

In silence, Junmyeon kept hugging Sohee. Until she raised his arm and tapped his head.

“I’m Sohee, Big Suho.”

The words took Junmyeon back from the memories he had been trapped at. He let her go and stared at her, confused. “What?”

“You said, Jaemin, but my name is Sohee.”

Junmyeon gasped but didn’t answer. Had he really said that?

“Who’s Jaemin?”

“What the hell were you thinking?! Why did you jump into the pool?! You could have died!” Junmyeon shouted.

Sohee got scared. “I-I’m taking swimming lessons. I wanted to feel if it was wa-warm… But I-I tripped,” she answered and then broke down crying.

Junmyeon didn’t hug her this time but caressed her head as Sohee let out her tears. “Don’t ever do that. Ever… Now come on, you have to dry yourself, or you’ll get sick.” He grabbed her hand and took her inside.

By the time Yixing had returned, Dongwon was still sleeping, and Junmyeon had to explain why Sohee had to change her clothes and why he was soaking wet. Junmyeon hadn’t wanted to leave the kids alone for a minute after what happened, so he kept wearing his damp outfit. He omitted the part of her falling in the pool and instead said he had shown Sohee he could dive in the pool. The splash soaked her dress. And why he didn’t do it wearing a swimsuit, he couldn’t answer.

Either way, Yixing had thanked him again. He praised him for taking care of them, saying that he knew Junmyeon had been nervous, but this showed he had nothing to worry about. He would be a great father. Again, Junmyeon felt something weird within him, something that made him a bit elated, something that wasn’t acceptable. He wanted to believe Yixing's words, but he couldn't. Today had been pure luck.

In the late afternoon, Junmyeon had finally managed to work out without interruptions. The work out had been so intense, he had even forgotten about today’s events. But when he walked into the penthouse, he encountered a tall man and a considerably smaller one, standing in his hall, one of them holding Dongwon and the other one, Sohee. They introduce themselves as Do Kyungsoo and Park Chanyeol, the former being Yixing’s old friend since middle school apparently. They apologized for not attending the engagement party, but as Sohee had said before, Dongwon had been sick. And they even congratulated them for the engagement and commented he was their favorite candidate so far. Junmyeon well-mannered thanked them. At least Junmyeon hoped Yixing had kept the one thing he had asked him that afternoon in the yacht: to not tell anyone about their agreement. If they had lied about liking him as a candidate, Junmyeon didn’t care much.

As everyone was saying their goodbyes, Sohee grabbed Junmyeon’s hand and took him back to the living room. This was something between her and ‘Big Suho’ she told her parents. Sohee asked him to get on his knees.

“Suho and I want to thank you for saving me, Big Suho,” she said and leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek. She raised her stuffed toy and put its snout against Junmyeon’s other cheek.

Junmyeon chuckled. “Just don’t go around making your parents worried, Sohee.”

She smiled. “I promise you I won’t! And, Big Suho?”

“Yes?”

“Promise you’ll take care of Uncle Xing. He was always alone before, but now he’s not lonely. And I like you. You’re his Big Suho, his guardian, you’re going to guard him just like Suho guards me during my sleep, so I don’t have nightmares.”

Could Junmyeon promise that? Could he guarantee that he could take care of somebody else besides him? This was a fake marriage, an agreement done so both sides could benefit (or mostly Junmyeon). No feelings should be involved, no feelings had to ever be involved. He couldn’t, he knew he couldn’t. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to. But this child could never know the doubts that were hidden when he nodded.

Sohee beamed again. “See you on your birthday, Big Suho!” she said before bolting out of the room, back to her parents.