Attempt 

How could he make Yixing fall in love with him?

What Tao and Yifan had said sounded far simpler than what it was. And having absolutely no experience in this field, Junmyeon didn’t precisely know the safest way to guarantee success.

He couldn’t just go and tell Yixing: ‘Hey, I’m in love with you. From now on, we’re in a relationship that satiates my new craving for your affection, both in a mental and physical aspect,’ and assume that everything would turn out great. Sure, anyone else might have said yes to Junmyeon’s suggestion for ‘love reciprocation,’ but Yixing… He was almost sure Yixing would first look at him with a gaping mouth and furrowed eyebrows. Then, when the words would have been processed, Yixing would burst out laughing in his face. And it would have been a reasonable response. The idea was comical. Yixing didn’t seem to feel anything for him either, of course, he would say no.

Junmyeon had another option, though, a quick and direct option. But no, he didn’t want to order Yixing to agree to that new ‘relationship’ as an addition to their deal. Again, he thought if he demanded that, it would be like being together with a statue since there won’t be any feelings from Yixing’s part. That idea had been thrown away swiftly.

These kinds of matters were frustrating. In the past, Junmyeon had often thought that having money, being part of society’s elite and, maybe having the most intelligence too, could guarantee anything he wanted from anyone. It had worked for the most part of his life. Until he had met Yixing. Yixing, who had stirred up his world like a whirlwind. Yixing who had ignited feelings Junmyeon didn’t even know he could feel. Yixing, who had also taught him that materialism could mean nothing to some. Therefore, trying to pay, negotiate or demand Yixing’s love and affection back would only result in failure, like how his proposals had gone before. However, Junmyeon couldn’t ignore the matter. His feelings were still there, sickening him in the most impertinent moments of his daily life. For the sakes of his own sanity, getting rid of what he carried in his chest would, hopefully, calm him, and the lovesickness would end. He needed, really needed to be in control again.

Consequently, the other answer could be earnestly working to gain Yixing’s heart and affection. Ugh, he thought. It was going to take his time and resources. But he remembered what Yixing had once said in the past: ‘I want to spend the rest of my life with someone who makes me happy, someone I love.’ Maybe if he could make him happy, Yixing would end up loving him? Well, it sounded more realistic, when it comes to Yixing at least, than his previous ideas.

So, what made Yixing happy?

A lot of things. His friends, his family, the music he listened to, the flowers he held and then arranged into beautiful bouquets, the food he cooked and shared with Junmyeon, going to the beach, watching some old and sappy movie, teasing him (apparently) and so much else.

After much sifting, analyzing and consideration, during office hours in which he should have been working, Junmyeon had found a perfect first attempt. He sure hoped that his assistants, nothing, would mess up his plan. This had to be perfect.

The first step of his idea was nerve-wracking, and it was stupid because how many times hadn’t he invited someone to eat dinner before? Nevertheless, right now, as he stared at Yixing, who was running on the treadmill, well, he got distracted by Yixing, and he wondered how he could find someone covered in sweat that attractive. Junmyeon felt he understood now what people had meant when they said being ‘helplessly in love.’ But he also couldn’t find the exact moment of when to drop his idea: ‘Let’s have dinner together.’ That was it. Whenever he tried to bring it up, though, he found himself stuttering and pausing and breathing loudly. Why couldn’t he just say it? “Ugh,” he muttered under his breath, going back to lifting the weights.

After their work out session, as they rode in the elevator, Junmyeon took in a deep breath. This had to be it. “Yixing,” he said.

“Yeah?”

“Le-let’s have dinner.”

“Isn’t it better to have breakfast? It’s the morning,” Yixing said, laughing.

Junmyeon rolled his eyes. “No, I meant tonight.”

“But we will… Won’t we? I cook for us, remember? And we’re not going anywhere tonight; think. So… We will have dinner?” Yixing said unsure, his face turning confused.

Junmyeon took in a deep breath. “Yes, but what I want to say is… We should eat out tonight.” There it was. Junmyeon breathed out.

“Oh, so the rumors are back on? Do we have to make even more public appearances?”

That’s not what I mean! Junmyeon inwardly screamed. Why was this so hard? He was twenty-seven for god’s sake. “No. We’re doing well there. I mean,” he sighed, “I can fix dinner for us tonight.”

Before Yixing could answer, the elevator doors opened. They both got off the elevator and began walking their way to their rooms.

“No way? You’re going to cook for us tonight?” Yixing said enthusiastically.

There were those sweet dimples on Yixing cheeks. But no, he couldn’t get distracted! Not right now. Had Yixing been serious? That was not what he meant. “Would you… Prefer that over dinner in a restaurant?” Please say no, Junmyeon hoped.

Yixing grinned. “Hell yeah. But wait, do you even know how to cook?” he questioned, caressing his chin and squinting his eyes.

Junmyeon huffed. Okay, he hadn’t cooked at all in his life before. But he actually did sort of know how to use the stove and do other basic cooking stuff. That was all thanks to home economics back in school. He had never needed to use that knowledge, though, and he had always paid other people to do it for him. “Of course, I do! As much as I wanted, I couldn’t skip home economics.”

“Well, it would be the most interesting thing to observe. You wearing my unicorn apron, trying to cook. You can count me in tonight.” Yixing chuckled.

How great. Junmyeon who was planning on taking Yixing out to eat dinner at a five-star restaurant’s private lounge, but what did Yixing prefer? Either way, it seemed that made Yixing the happiest. Yixing was a simple man after all. Now he had to postpone his earlier plan and replace it with this. “Fine. I’ll see you around six?”

“But don’t you finish work at eight or later?”

“If I can leave earlier for all those events we attend, I can do the same here.” Junmyeon shrugged his shoulders.

Yixing smiled. “I’ll see you around half past six, then.”

Junmyeon nodded, smiling and feeling relieved.

Hours later, Junmyeon ended up leaving work much earlier than planned, by noon actually. He had felt anxious the whole morning, now that his original plan had been canceled, he needed to make things perfect. This night had to be perfect.

Back at home, in a rush, he and his assistants had to take care of everything. For starters, this dinner couldn’t take place in the dining room. No, from the perspective of a gooey romantic, eating on the terrace, where the city’s skyline and the moon could be seen, was the right spot to have a candlelight dinner. By the time Yixing arrived, it would be the sunset so that would be a better view.

Another thing Junmyeon had fix was his cooking skills. He couldn’t just wait until the evening and see how he prepared a disastrous meal that no one could probably eat. He didn’t even know what to cook. He had to practice beforehand, and well, maybe that way he’ll impress Yixing.

While Taeyong and the others prepared the terrace, Junmyeon was in the kitchen, clad in a chef’s uniforms, talking to the person who had made his food for the past year, until Yixing had taken over.

“So, if I got this right, Mr. Kim, you’ve never cooked before?” the chef asked, doubtfully

“Not really. Not since middle school.”

“But you want me to teach you how to cook something in just three hours?”.

Junmyeon nodded. “Yes, something basic and easy. And please be critical. Just because I’m paying you doesn’t mean you have to treat me like porcelain. When my fiancé arrives, I want to surprise him and show him I can cook something edible.”

The chef chuckled. “You know, you could have avoided all the trouble. I could have cooked everything, and you could have ‘surprised’ your fiancé with the food ready, but I guess you love him too much to even lie to him.”

Something stung Junmyeon’s chest. Was it because of what that man had just said wasn’t entirely accurate? At some point, the lies would come but for now… He smiled awkwardly and nodded. “Let’s go. We don’t have much time.”

“Well, start by washing those vegetables, Mr. Kim.”

Yixing stared at the clock on the wall. Only thirty minutes left until he could go home. He had to admit, he was looking forward to tonight. He had been smiling more than usual. He had felt a fluttering feeling in his stomach whenever he thought of tonight’s date? Could it be a date? Junmyeon hadn’t said it explicitly in words, but… Maybe. It had been far too long he had had one.

And where had Junmyeon gotten the idea of having dinner from? But it felt just like any other random idea Junmyeon had had, like telling him out of nowhere they should kiss or taking him to a luxury resort. Perhaps they were going to a cooking show? So, Junmyeon had to test his cooking skills with someone, without really saying it out loud. Yixing knew Junmyeon could be quite prideful when it came to things he didn’t know. That could explain why Junmyeon had behaved a little strange since they came back from their holiday, but, oh no, now Yixing felt himself blushing, thinking back about that not-so-proper dream he had had about them. He shook his head and continued carrying the flower pots inside. Whatever the reasons were behind Junmyeon’s request tonight, Yixing didn’t mind helping him… Or thinking of it as a date, even if it was one-sided.

“Xing.”

Jongin’s voice took Yixing by surprise. He put down the pot in its place inside the shop and turned around. “Hey, Jongin!”

Jongin smiled. “I hope I’m not too late, aren’t I? I was hoping to get flowers for my mother.”

Yixing shook his head. “You’re not. We’re still open. Is it the usual ones?”

“Yes. She loves them.”

“They sold out earlier, but if you don’t mind waiting, I can quickly arrange one for you.”

“That’d be great.”

Instantly, Yixing began arranging the bouquet while he spoke with Jongin. This flower arrangement was a combination of bold colors with a white background. The traditional white daisies contrasted beautifully with the orange spray roses, the yellow and pink mini carnations. As Yixing gathered each flower species on his craft table, he inhaled their heady scents, enjoying the smell like he always did. That was one of the reasons he loved working with flowers. Carefully, he grabbed his tools and began t the leaves from the stem, getting the flowers ready to go in the transparent vase.

They were in the middle of talking about the latest episode of some show when Jongin’s phone rang. It was a conversation that left Jongin shaken, more so because, for the first time, Yixing saw Jongin’s Emotion Watch emanating a yellow light. He had never seen that happening before. But Jongin’s reaction could be understandable because from what Yixing had heard something must have happened, and Jongin had said he’ll go somewhere right away.

“Is everything okay, Jongin?” Yixing worriedly asked.

Jongin shook his head. “No,” he muttered with a brittle voice, “My-my mom is in the hospital. They think she had a heart attack.”

Yixing swallowed. He put away the carnation he was holding. He took off his apron. He walked from the behind the craft table and went to stand in front of Jongin. He raised a hand and put it on Jongin’s shoulder. “It’s okay, Jongin. You’re not alone. Do you have your car? I’ll take you to the hospital. We’ll go see your mom together. I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

Jongin nodded, his eyes already looking watery, prepared to cry at any minute perhaps. He took out his car keys and handed them to Yixing.

Yixing called after a worker at the shop and told her to close the store instead. Then, he and Jongin made their way out to the car. Yixing quickly sent Junmyeon a text message.

Yixing 🌿: Sorry, but I’ll be late ☹️ You can start without me!

Junmyeon read the message Yixing had sent him. He sighed, feeling disappointed and annoyed that Yixing was going to miss seeing his efforts. He couldn’t help feeling slightly silly. Come on, he had spent the whole afternoon learning this for Yixing. Now what? And, why did Yixing have to say it fifteen minutes before they agreed to meet? It left him with a sour feeling.

However, when he thought better of it, perhaps it was for the best. He would have gotten too nervous and self-conscious having Yixing around, teasing him and whatnot so the food would have burnt or something else could have happened that would have spoiled things. So, instead, Junmyeon would make sure to wait for Yixing with the food already at the table.

He rolled up his shirt and put on the black apron, no, he wasn’t going to use Yixing’s. Then, just like he had been taught, he washed the vegetables, and with a sharp knife, he cut each ingredient to make the salad. And at last, he heated a pan to cook the chicken s. It was going to be a simple meal, but it had been one of the only things Junmyeon hadn’t failed at earlier in the afternoon during his cooking lesson. Junmyeon was quite confident this meal would turn out alright. And it almost did. The dish presentation wasn’t the brightest, but it was okay. He smiled somewhat proudly at what he had cooked. Okay, it had been a little fun, but he won’t say that to Yixing. He wasn’t ready to stop eating Yixing’s meals yet.

Junmyeon took the finished plates out to the terrace and put them on the table. He looked around the dining area his assistants had prepared. There was the table already set up and with two candles on its center and a vase of vibrant red roses. But even on the floor, there were more vases of roses here and there. Their view was perfectly on the city’s skyline. Junmyeon smirked. This was the perfect ‘romantic’ setting, this would be the ideal dinner. Yixing would surely like this, Yixing would surely smile at him brightly, and hopefully, Junmyeon would be one step closer to his goal. He felt all those gushy sensations once again.

He sat down waiting for Yixing’s return.

Yixing stared at the white wall in front of him. Right now, he was just talking nonsense, doing his best to distract Jongin, just like his friend had asked him to.

When they had arrived at the hospital, Jongin had been a mess. He had been scared, nervous and angry, asking for someone to tell him what had happened to his mother. Apparently, she had suffered a heart attack, and the doctors decided to perform something called a coronary angioplasty as soon as possible to open the blood vessels that supply blood to the heart. It was a minimally invasive procedure, nothing too dangerous, nonetheless worrisome. It had made things worse that Jongin hadn’t even seen her because they were already prepping her for surgery. And while all that chaos had been going on, Yixing couldn’t help thinking of his own mother. Despite the issues, they might have had, what if this had been her, but Yixing wouldn’t be there to see her? He started to feel guilty. It had already been two years since he had last seen her. What kind of son was he?

Once the surgery began, he and Jongin sat in a waiting room. He had thought of only dropping Jongin at the hospital and then go home. But when he had asked Jongin if there was someone to call, Jongin had said they weren’t originally from that city, so no relatives were near. And Jongin’s father had died years ago. Jongin would be all alone. Yixing couldn’t leave him.

The waiting was agonizing, awful and anxious for Jongin, who couldn’t keep calm. That was the reason why he had asked Yixing to please talk him about something, anything, as long as it kept his mind distracted from coming up with the most terrifying scenarios. And that Yixing had tried to do. But right now, he was running out of topics. So, Yixing finally asked the question that had been bugging him to know for a long time.

“Jongin… How come you and Junmyeon don’t get along? Why do you dislike each other so much?”

Jongin huffed. “I have to admit I did really dislike Junmyeon a lot back in high school. I guess now, not so much, but it’s still fun to mess with him.” He let out a nervous laugh.

Yixing could relate to that last part a bit. “Then, why did you dislike him?”

“For starters, you know what kind of person he is, not exactly my cup of tea. We were in the same class, and while most people tried to get near Mr. Perfect Kim Junmyeon, I was indifferent towards him.”

Yixing should know that. But after getting to know the real Junmyeon, that perception changed. Junmyeon just tried hard to be ‘perfect.’ Who knew why.

“But what really got me hating his guts… Oh, this is so childish,” Jongin said, shaking his head. “It really is childish because in this place and time any infatuation you feel before meeting ‘your perfect’ match it’s ‘stupid’ or ‘incorrect.’ But we can’t help it, can we? So, I started liking this classmate of ours but he…”

“Only had eyes for Junmyeon?” Yixing took a shot in the dark.

“Totally. It was as if I was invisible and Junmyeon was the center of the world. But Junmyeon never cared about anyone’s feelings towards him, he just ignored it. And I was so jealous of him, and I began disliking Junmyeon so much. Stupidly, I thought if I was more like him, if I won over him, that way my crush would only look at me.”

And that cleared things up, the origin of the rivalry between them. But Yixing was sure Junmyeon didn’t even know that was the reason why. In Junmyeon’s world, Jongin just wanted to be like him. “And so, you started competing against Junmyeon and tried to outshine him in everything.”

“Yes,” Jongin said, chuckling. “But it was all in vain, that guy was, is, some kind of machine. He tries really hard to stay on top, to be in control. I could only get close, but never ahead.”

Yes, that was precisely what Yixing also thought of Junmyeon. Too bad he would probably never get an answer to that inquiry. Junmyeon would never say anything, Yixing somehow knew that. “So, what happened with your crush?”

“I heard he got married last year.”

“With his perfect match?”

“Yes.”

Well, that was expected. “What about you? Do you think you’ll ever find the one person of your choice?”

Jongin laughed. “Oh, Yixing, even the one I’ve picked an interest upon now seems to have only eyes for Junmyeon.”

Oh. Yixing swallowed. Was he talking about him? No, that couldn’t be it. Maybe it was somebody else who was infatuated with Junmyeon out there. Well, there was that impolite and rude Haewon girl. But boy, Yixing hoped Jongin wouldn’t end up with someone like her. Jongin was too sweet, and he deserved way better than that.

Yixing jumped in his seat when he felt Jongin grabbing his hand. But that didn’t make him feel anything other than weirded out a little.

“Xing, thank you for staying with me and comforting me from this… Terrible nightmare, when it’s not even your responsibility. Thank you.”

 “That’s what friends are for. You would have done the same for me,” Yixing said.

Jongin half-smiled, nodding. He let go of Yixing’s hand. “Can I ask you something else?” he wondered.

“Sure, go ahead.”

“Do you mind staying with me a little longer? They said the procedure takes around one hour, well, soon it’ll be the time. But you heard we can’t see her until three hours later. And I don’t think I can bear seeing my mom there by myself… It’s just too much. I feel I could use some more moral support. But please, feel free to go if you can’t. I understand.”

How could Yixing say no? Had it been the other way around, Jongin would probably have done the same, he knew that. Leaving a friend alone in a time of need was not something he approved of. “Of course, I’ll stay.”

“Thank you,” Jongin said, this time smiling fully. “Perhaps you should get something to eat, it feels we have been here for hours.”

Eat. Food. Hours. Damn it. Junmyeon! Yixing’s eyes widened. He took out his phone and noticed one, Junmyeon’s missed calls and text, two, his phone had been silent, and three, he was two hours late. Being worried about Jongin and his mother, Yixing had forgotten entirely about Junmyeon tonight. He instantly stood up. “I’ll get us something from the cafeteria, I’ll be right back.”

Junmyeon finished his third glass of wine that night. He hadn’t been counting, but he knew that must be his third cup. He sighed, instead of how much he wanted to scream.

The food was already cold. The candles had burnt halfway. The night felt chillier every minute that passed. And Junmyeon was still there, sitting, waiting like an idiot.

Where the hell was Yixing? He constantly asked himself.

At first, he had been worried sick. He thought something terrible had happened to Yixing, but then Tao should have called him. The same applied if Yixing had gotten ill, somebody would have called him. Besides, Yixing had said he’ll be late. But it was already more than two hours past their meeting time. This could no longer pass as an ‘I’ll be late, start without me’ situation. This was more of an ‘I’m not coming. You’re stood up.’

What exactly was Yixing doing? And why couldn’t Yixing answer his calls and tell him what he was doing?

Junmyeon was midway pouring down his fourth glass of wine when his phone rang. Quickly, he put the bottle away and grabbed the phone. Thank god, he thought when he read Yixing’s name on the screen.

“Yixing! Where are you? Did something happen to you?”

“Oh, hi Junmyeon. I’m at the hospital.”

“The hospital?! Are you sick? Why didn’t you tell me? I’ll be right there, give me the name of the hospital.” Junmyeon stood up.

“No! No, it’s not me. I’m fine.”

He sighed in relief. But then he got worried again. “Oh no, it’s it someone else? Is it one of the kids?”

“No, they’re doing fine, I guess. I haven’t talked to Kyungsoo today, but they must be fine. I’m here with…” Yixing said on the other end with an awkward tone. “I’m with Jongin.”

Junmyeon huffed. Did he hear correct? You’re with Jongin?”

“Yes. Jongin was at the flower shop earlier when he found out his mother had a heart attack.”

“Oh,” Junmyeon said, dropping his defensive tone. “Is she okay?”

“I hope so. They’re doing some minor procedure thing that’ll help her.”

“That’s good.”

“Yes.”

There was brief silent. And Junmyeon couldn’t stand it anymore, he had to ask. “So, you’re on your way back now?” Perhaps, he could heat up the food, making it somewhat enjoyable again.

Yixing sighed. “Actually… I’m truly sorry for being late, but I’m gonna stay here a while longer.”

“Huh?”

“Jongin could use some company right now. He’s been going through a hard time. And he won’t be able to see his mother until three hours after she comes out from the surgery.”

“But didn’t you just say she’ll be fine? Isn’t it a minor surgery?”

“Well, yes, and we hope so. It’s still painful, scary. That’s his mother in there.”

“But why do you have to stay? Can’t he bring a relative or someone else? You’re not even related. He’s nothing to you!” Junmyeon couldn’t understand. He just wanted Yixing to come back so they could eat together already, so he could look proudly at him and say he was happy about tonight.

“He doesn’t have anyone else here. And he’s my friend.”

“And? Just because you’re friends, you’re staying the night with him?”

“That’s what friends are for.”

“No! We agreed to eat together! You said you’ll come!”

“Junmyeon, I’m so sorry, but his mother is in the hospital. She had a heart attack. How can I abandon a friend at a time like this?”

“Well, I don’t know?! How can you abandon me?”

Yixing sighed again. “It was just dinner Junmyeon. We can reschedule, I promise.”

Junmyeon huffed. “So, you rather be with Jongin the whole night than with me?” He begged Yixing wouldn’t answer that. He wouldn’t be able to take it. But…

“He needs me. He needs a friend. I’m his friend. Please understand.”

And I need you! He thought. But instead, Junmyeon said, “You know what Yixing, just… Screw you.” He hung up the phone, not bothering to hear what Yixing had to say next.

He dropped his phone on the floor. He closed his hands into fists, squeezing them so hard his nails stung his skin. He wanted to shout, to scream, to hit something that took away the ranging feelings within, the jealousy, the sadness, everything. Yixing had chosen to be with Jongin over him tonight. That ing brat Kim Jongin had won over him. What a humiliation.

Why did it feel he had lost something important? Why did his chest hurt? Why?

Junmyeon looked at his wrist and saw that hideous yellow color shining. With one hand, he threw away the cold plate of food in front of him, the porcelain hitting the floor and breaking into pieces.

Everything he had prepared tonight had been hopeless, stupid, silly and weak. He laughed bitterly, his fist smashing against the table, making everything jump a little. How stupid, how idiotic, how dumb was he? It was starting to repulse him seeing all that stuff on the terrace, reminding him of an evening that would never take place. He bent down and pick up his phone, calling his assistant right away, ignoring the message Yixing had sent him.

“Taeyong, I want the terrace to be cleaned immediately. I don’t care if you must bring your here and do it with your bare hands, but I better not see any of this once I get out of the shower. Otherwise, consider yourself fired,” Junmyeon said sternly before yet again hanging up the phone.

He threw his phone on the floor again, this time, something cracked. He covered his Emotion Watch with one hand. He walked back inside the penthouse, boiling with a bunch of unpleasant emotions.

Nothing had been perfect tonight.