Jinhwan sat by himself in the stands, his bag at his feet, just breathing in deep and trying to get his bearings. He was by himself at the moment, waiting for Youngbae to show up. After debating back and forth for a few days, he’d texted Hanbin on Friday and asked him if he was busy and wanted to come and watch him compete. Just as Bobby had predicted, Hanbin said that he had boxing lessons in the morning, but that he’d come by after that, so he’d only miss Jinhwan’s first match. Maybe that was good. Jinhwan was still feeling out of sorts, so he wasn’t sure how well his first match would even go.

His phone buzzed in his hands and he looked down, seeing his mother’s request for a video chat. He accepted it and she popped up in his screen, smiling face beaming back at him. It calmed his nerves.

“Hey, mom,” he greeted, taking comfort in her call.

“Ah, isn’t this weird, Jinan-ie? Your mother calling you to wish you luck before a fight! I’m sad I wasn’t able to come up for it, sweetheart.”

Jinhwan smiled back at her. “It’s okay, I’m happy you called me.” It was good that she wasn’t here, he didn’t want her to see him fighting today, because he doubted he’d do well.

“How are you feeling? Are you nervous? This is your first time competing since you have your new belt, right?”

Jinhwan nodded, pleased that she remembered what he’d told her. “Yeah, I’m starting over again at the bottom, so I’m a little nervous.” At least he could tell her that part.

“Ah, you’ll do well, though! This is your passion, you’re doing what you love. That’s the most important thing, isn’t it? As long as you have a good match and try your best, that’s the important thing. You were used to fighting with expectations, weren’t you? You would go into matches and expect to win, because that’s the level you were at. You don’t have to carry those expectations now. You’re at a new level, give yourself time to grow into it.”

Jinhwan felt a calmness spread over him at her words. She was right, of course. He’d always approached every fight with the expectation of winning, even back when he had no business thinking that way. He was still struggling with it now, but he didn’t have to. If he lost, well, he was fighting at a higher level now. It was only to be expected that his track record wouldn’t be as impressive as it had been the past few years.

“Thanks, mom. That helps.”

She smiled at his response. “Ah, does it really? I worried about what I should say to you, but I guess a mom always knows, doesn’t she?”

Jinhwan grinned and wished she was there with him just so he could hug her. And then send her away in case he tanked in his first fight. “I’ll text you when I finish my first match, okay?”

“Okay, sweetheart. I love you, Jinhwan-ie, I’m very proud of you.”

It felt so nice to hear her say it in relation to jiu jitsu, and he hoped it wouldn’t make him cry. “Thanks, mom. I love you too.”

“You go get warmed up, and don’t stress yourself out over how you do, okay? Winning or losing doesn’t always reflect how well you perform, does it? So don’t worry about winning, just think about fighting well.” He waved goodbye to her before ending the call.

It was funny how things worked out, sometimes. He finally had his mother’s support, but life was messed up and confusing in a multitude of other ways, like the universe had to balance his happiness with negativity. But that was all mental, and he would have to fight to overcome it.

He put his phone away with a slightly more positive outlook. Whatever happened today, he was here, and that was already something to be proud of. He could have wallowed in his confusion and hurt feelings, but he was trying to live around them instead.

When Youngbae arrived a few minutes later, Jinhwan met him with a hug instead of a bow, surprising him.

“I just wanted to say thank you for talking me into coming.” He grinned at the confused expression that Youngbae was still wearing. “I know it must be weird for you, since you’re used to always seeing me excited for competitions.”

Youngbae sat down and patted Jinhwan’s knee. “I know you must be going through something difficult right now, so I understand the shift in your attitude. It happens, we go through things and they disrupt our lives. But if we’re lucky, we have people around us who are willing to remind us of the people we are, underneath it all.”

“So you’re saying I should be thanking you for needling me into coming?” Jinhwan replied teasingly, and Youngbae grinned back at him.

“Absolutely.” 
 

“Why did I ask you to come? Was I feeling alright? Had I just hit my head?”

“I don’t know but you did, so you can’t take it back now, hyung.” Junhoe grinned at Seungri, who dramatically sighed out loud.

“I should have known better. You’d better be nice to me today, June-ya! Support your hyung in peace.”

Junhoe followed him into the venue, tempted to start singing again the way he’d been doing in the car. It was fun to annoy Seungri, they had a good relationship that way. He wasn’t sure why he was in such a good mood. Was he actually happy, or was he just trying to cover up his nerves about seeing Jinhwan face to face again? He still hadn’t decided how to address him. He was thinking of just ignoring him and refusing to greet him.

But that was all supposing that Jinhwan would try to greet him. What if he didn’t? What if he just ignored him? Junhoe wasn’t sure what would be worse. The more he thought about it, the more he wondered if he should be here. What if it somehow ended up hurting Seungri’s performance?

He didn’t know for sure if Seungri would face Jinhwan, but if he did, what if being here would only make Jinhwan fight better? At first he’d been convinced that seeing him would make Jinhwan falter and slip up. But what if the opposite happened?

He was just about to start singing again too mask his nerves when Seungri stopped to read the competitor bracket.

“Oh hey, my first opponent is Jinhwan! What are the chances of that, huh? Got any tips to give me on him?”

Junhoe was shocked into silence for a second, because Jinhwan really was here, and he really would be fighting Seungri, and Junhoe would have to watch them. His eyes traced over Jinhwan’s name on the board. Now was the moment of truth. He was going to see him again. What to do?

He looked at Seungri and started spilling every single tell of Jinhwan’s he’d picked up during their time practicing together. He didn’t think he’d be able to watch Jinhwan beating Seungri, not today, not on the first time that he was seeing him again.

Jinhwan didn’t deserve the victory. Junhoe wanted him to lose.

When he was done talking he followed Seungri into the hall and immediately scanned the small crowd for Jinhwan, stopping in his tracks when he spotted him. Jinhwan was sitting in the stands with his trainer, already dressed in his gi.

It just made Junhoe angry again. Seeing him reminded him of the last time he’d seen Jinhwan, reminded him all over again of the way Jinhwan had lied to him. It also reminded him of the very first time he’d ever met Jinhwan, on the mats. Jinhwan had been arrogant, condescending, and a complete .

How had he ever fallen for him? What kind of magic had Jinhwan cast over him to make him forget everything? Jinhwan was a complete piece of , and Junhoe couldn’t wait to watch him lose.

By the time he woke himself out of his stupor and joined Seungri, his teammate noticed the complete change in his demeanour.

“June-ya, what are you grumpy about? I noticed you glaring at Jinhwan over there. I thought you guys were friends? Didn’t you train together with him at his gym?”

Junhoe could feel his face flush at Seungri’s question. “Yeah, well, we were friends. We’re not anymore.”

Seungri frowned and looked across the hall at Jinhwan, before looking back at Junhoe. “You came here just to hopefully watch him lose, didn’t you?”

Junhoe was about to say no, he wanted to deny it all. But he shouldn’t care that much, should he? “I came to support you, hyung,” he replied, tearing his eyes off of Jinhwan, “if he happens to lose all his matches today, well, that’s just the icing on the cake.”

Seungri didn’t respond right away, just stared at him long enough to make Junhoe feel uncomfortable and look away. “Way to pile pressure on a guy, June-ya!” Seungri replied teasingly, reaching out to ruffle Junhoe’s hair. “I promise I’ll try my best to properly kick his then, and grant you some vengeance.”

Junhoe shook his head, but in reality he was grateful to Seungri. Maybe it wasn’t serious to him at all, but to Junhoe it was.
 

Jinhwan hadn’t noticed Junhoe coming in, busy discussing his upcoming move with Youngbae. He didn’t notice Junhoe until midway through a sentence about California beaches, and his thought died on his tongue. Why was Junhoe here? He wasn’t competing.

Had Hanbin told him? Jinhwan didn’t want to believe that he might be so lucky, but he wouldn’t put it past Hanbin to try and arrange a meet up for them like this. Was Junhoe close to forgiving him? Had he come just to wish him well? Jinhwan couldn’t look away, not even when Youngbae prompted him to carry on with his sentence. His brain was stuck on Junhoe.

“Jinhwan-ah? Did you just shut down completely on me?” Youngbae nudged him again, and this time Jinhwan finally tore his eyes off of Junhoe.

“Ah, I’m sorry, I just got distracted.” He shouldn’t have stared so openly like that. What was he thinking?

“What grabbed your attention so tightly?” Youngbae asked, and Jinhwan wasn’t even sure how to respond.

“Ah, I just saw a friend,” suddenly the word felt weird on his tongue, because he didn’t know if he could even call Junhoe that anymore.

“Oh, isn’t that the boy you trained with a few times? You fought him too, didn’t you? A few months ago, I remember the blonde hair.”

Jinhwan nodded, and he hoped he wasn’t blushing. “Yeah, Koo Junhoe.”

“Ah, right. Why don’t you go and say hello, then? He’s not a brown belt as well, is he? I don’t recall seeing his name.”

Jinhwan shook his head. “No, he’s still purple. I don’t really know what he’s doing here.”

“Well, go ask. Why are you so reluctant?” Youngbae , but Jinhwan was afraid of going over to him. If Junhoe was here for him, shouldn’t he have come over to him by now? Shouldn’t he have looked around for him?

Almost as though Junhoe could feel the weight of Jinhwan’s stare he finally looked up, meeting Jinhwan’s gaze from across the room.

And from the narrowed eyes and half sneering expression, Jinhwan’s heart shrivelled up in his chest.

Junhoe was clearly not here to make amends with him.

Jinhwan excused himself and fled to the hallway, holding his expression neutral until he found a bathroom. Luckily there was no one inside the room and he stood by the sink, his breath coming out in shuddering waves as he tried to fight off tears.

Junhoe’s expression had been hateful, like he wanted nothing more than to see Jinhwan ground into dust. Hadn’t Hanbin said that Junhoe was getting better? If this was better, how much worse had it been before?

Unless Hanbin was lying. Unless Hanbin secretly hated him too, and had only been playing polite for Bobby’s sake. What if Hanbin had told Junhoe about today, and had sent Junhoe himself just to throw Jinhwan off his game? What if they’d planned it? What if Hanbin did show up later, but went to sit with Junhoe so they could gloat over Jinhwan’s failing together?

Jinhwan pulled his phone out of his pocket and was halfway through typing a message to Hanbin, demanding the truth, before he made himself stop.

Hanbin wasn’t like that. No one could pull off being that two-faced.

But why hadn’t Hanbin warned him that Junhoe was coming? He must have known. Jinhwan started typing a new message, asking him exactly that, but he hesitated again before sending it.

Maybe Hanbin didn’t know that Junhoe was coming. Junhoe had been sitting with someone else, some other guy in a gi. Then Jinhwan remembered Junhoe having mentioned a guy he trained with, Seungri, wasn’t it? Had Seungri been promoted, then? Maybe he’d invited Junhoe to come watch?

Jinhwan deleted the message he’d typed and stood by the sink, trying to get his breathing under control. He needed to talk to someone, needed to calm down. He couldn’t call Hanbin, because Hanbin was already too embroiled in the situation, and it wasn’t right for Jinhwan to lean on him after what he’d done to Junhoe.

He thought about calling Bobby, even though he knew that Bobby was busy. He’d still check his phone, though, and Jinhwan knew that if he really needed to talk to Bobby, he’d answer. But Bobby already had commitments, and Jinhwan couldn’t put himself ahead of them.

He couldn’t call his own mother, because she didn’t know about his relationship woes and he didn’t want to burden her with them when she wasn’t able to be here with him. Bobby’s mom? She knew about everything, knew how much he was struggling with everything.

But he felt bad, because he knew that his actions had really hurt Bobby, and he knew that Bobby talked to his mom about it often enough. He felt bad about expecting her to help him with his own struggles too.

Eric? But that might just dredge up too many memories that neither of them would want to revisit.

He couldn’t think of anyone to help him through this particular moment in time, so instead he just stood by the sink and did his best to try and calm himself down. He splashed some cold water on his face and closed his eyes. He took slow, deep breaths in and out.

He was okay. Junhoe’s arrival had just caught him off guard, seeing him again in person had just sparked a dangerously short fuse that had gone off instantly without warning. He wasn’t this weak, he’d just been having a very tumultuous time lately. He flipped out because he’d needed to, in the moment. He’d needed to release all of that pent up emotional turmoil.

He was better now, after freaking out for a few minutes.

Junhoe clearly didn’t want to talk to him today, so Jinhwan could just go back out and ignore him, and everything would be okay. Well, maybe not okay but it would be tolerable. He’d ignore Junhoe, and he’d focus on the sport. Real life had been distracting him from jiu jitsu. Now he needed jiu jitsu to distract him from real life.
 

Jinhwan rejoined Youngbae just in time for the first match to get underway, and while Youngbae gave him a confused and questioning stare, he didn’t ask for details when Jinhwan refused to give them. Instead they watched the match together and Jinhwan clung to the conversation, trying to get himself focused on the sport. But he kept glancing in Junhoe’s direction without meaning to.

Junhoe actually seemed to be enjoying himself, laughing with Seungri and watching the fight with a gleam in his eye that Jinhwan could see from across the room.

That was the Junhoe he sorely missed, and it hurt him to see Junhoe acting so normal without him. He’d expected Junhoe to be grumpy, and angry, and someone that no one would want to be around. But there he was, being all chummy with someone else, and Jinhwan could feel the prick of jealousy as he watched them. He’d had that, once, he’d been the one sitting with Junhoe, cracking jokes and discussing fights. Now Junhoe had someone else.

Jinhwan watched them again, more closely, wondering… Seungri was actually a fairly attractive guy. Junhoe wasn’t into him, was he? What if he’d come to flaunt this relationship of his (whatever it was, friendship or more) in Jinhwan’s face, just to hopefully upset him? Because while he knew all about Junhoe’s good side, he also knew about Junhoe’s bad side, and he wouldn’t put it past Junhoe to do something like that if he was feeling vindictive.

And he would have to fight Seungri soon enough. Had Junhoe told him everything about him? Had he given him tips? Told him what to watch out for?

He probably had. They’d trained together often enough for Junhoe to have picked up on a lot of his habits. He’d probably told Seungri about them all, probably because he wanted to watch Jinhwan lose, while sitting right at ringside.

Jinhwan thought back to the first time they’d ever faced each other. He’d been a complete jerk to Junhoe, though he’d done it because he’d thought that Junhoe had deserved it. He’d thought he’d known what sort of person Junhoe was.

Things would be so different if it hadn’t been for Bobby and Hanbin. If they hadn’t met, then Junhoe would have remained just another competitor to him, he would have remained that bratty he’d initially thought he was, and Jinhwan probably would have forgotten all about him by now.

While Jinhwan moped on the other side of the gym, Junhoe was enjoying himself with Seungri. The first match was actually rather good, and he focused on it. But every now and then he looked across at Jinhwan. He couldn’t tell for sure, but he thought that Jinhwan seemed very reserved, very unlike his usual self. Jinhwan used to walk around with a cocky strut, but today there was none of that behaviour.

He almost seemed like he was afraid to be here. Or worried. Whatever it was, Junhoe hoped it was at least partly because he was here. Jinhwan had no way of knowing he’d be showing up, so it had been a huge shock for him, and Junhoe hadn’t felt so pleased with himself in a while.

Jinhwan should be feeling like crap.

They sat through another match before it was finally time for Seungri to face Jinhwan, and Junhoe felt like he was buzzing with excitement. He thought about that first time he’d faced Jinhwan, when he’d thought he’d crush him because of how short he was. Jinhwan had been such an after both of his victories. Junhoe really hoped that Seungri could take him down with all the tips he’d given him.

It wasn’t cheating, either, if you watched someone fight often enough, you’d notice their habits. It was like watching any sport, really. Statisticians existed and kept track of this type of stuff. Junhoe was just sharing his information with a teammate.

Seungri stood up to start stretching and Junhoe snuck one final glance at Jinhwan before clapping Seungri on the back.

“Kick his , hyung, remember everything I told you!”

Seungri grinned at him. “I will. If I beat him, I’ll take you out for dinner after, how does that sound?”

Junhoe grinned back. “It better be somewhere nice.”

Jinhwan was trying to psych himself up for the match, but he wasn’t having much luck. The longer he’d sat there waiting (and watching Junhoe) the worse he’d felt. He kept trying to remind himself that he had to let jiu jitsu distract him from his own thoughts, he had to clear his head and only think about the sport.

But the sport was tied to someone who absolutely loathed him right now, and that person was sitting across from him, supporting his competitor. Jinhwan wasn’t sure how he was going to get through the match.

He stood in front of Youngbae and suddenly had a flashback to his first competition, when he’d been a tiny little white belt, with his grandfather. Before he’d gained all the confidence, before he’d known that this was something he would grow to be really good at. He’d been nervous then, afraid of performing poorly. He had the same feeling now, the same fear of failure, of disappointing someone who expected him to do well.

It was the worst way to go into a match, with no way to see how you’d possibly get through it. It was like driving to a new destination that you’d never been to before without directions. You could do it, if you were lucky, but you had no idea how it was going to happen.

He didn’t have too long to contemplate it before they were called onto the mat and Jinhwan took a deep and steadying breath as he stood before Seungri and the official. Seungri had a few inches on him, with a stockier build. Jinhwan looked him over, thought he had sturdier legs than Junhoe had. He was probably stronger, overall, than Junhoe had been. But Jinhwan had fought guys like him before, fought bigger guys than him. He knew how to fight for his size.

But Junhoe knew that, and Junhoe had probably told Seungri everything. They shook hands and bowed, and Jinhwan was surprised when Seungri tried to joke around with him.

“So, you’re Kim Jinhwan, huh? I don’t know what you did to my dongsaeng, but apparently I’m supposed to exact revenge.”

There was a playful sparkle in Seungri’s eye, and Jinhwan was pretty sure that he probably didn’t mean anything by the comment, but he couldn’t help but take it personally, and take it poorly. It also meant that Junhoe was here specifically to throw him off his game and hopefully watch him lose.

Jinhwan spared Junhoe one last look, even though he knew it was a terrible idea. Junhoe’s eyes were on him, of course, full of fire and condemnation. It was what he deserved.

He wasn’t ready when the official called for the match to begin, and it showed. Seungri easily rolled him and achieved rear guard, and Jinhwan felt like he was scrambling for the rest of the match to keep up. Seungri used his size to his advantage, and every time Jinhwan tried to recover, Seungri was there to counter it. Jinhwan narrowly managed to escape from no less than two arm bars, a knee lock, and twice Seungri nearly got him in a rear choke.

The whistle for the end of the first round couldn’t come soon enough for Jinhwan. He remained on the mat on his knees for a few seconds, struggling to catch his breath. He’d never been so entirely dominated before in a match.

He didn’t realize he’d gotten to his feet, not until Youngbae’s hands were on his shoulders, calling for his attention.

“Jinhwan,” Youngbae’s voice cut through his haze, and Jinhwan swallowed nervously before looking him in the eyes, “I’ve never seen you look so sloppy before, what’s going on out there?”

Jinhwan took a steadying breath and just had to own up to it. “I’m sorry.” He had nothing to say, no way to explain his complete lapse in ability that didn’t include admitting to Junhoe’s presence being a huge distraction.

“You completely flubbed that first round. I know you’re better than that, you know you’re better than that. Wake up and focus. You keep walking into everything he throws at you, you need to smarten up.”

Jinhwan nodded, because Youngbae was right. He needed to put everything out of his head and think about the fight, he needed to focus on the match and pay attention to Seungri.

They got back on the mat and Jinhwan tried to focus, tried to block everything out of his mind. It worked for a bit, Seungri went on the attack right away and managed to flip Jinhwan onto his back, but Jinhwan scrambled out of it and turned it into a side mount. Seungri immediately pushed his arm out and went for a lock, as though he were attempting a kimura. But instead of going for the lock in that position Seungri used his bigger size to his advantage and rolled Jinhwan over onto his back, sitting up to apply an intense amount of pressure to Jinhwan’s arm.

Jinhwan was stuck. There was no getting out of the arm lock, Seungri had it held far too tight. He couldn’t see the clock but the second round hadn’t been going for that long. There was no way he could ride out the next few minutes, his shoulder was practically screaming at him.

He had no choice but to tap.

It felt surreal, lying there after Seungri let him go. He hadn’t tapped out in a match in such a long time, his defense was always too strong. But Seungri had just tapped him like it had been nothing, like he was the instructor displaying a move to students and using Jinhwan as his partner.

He wanted to continue laying there for the whole day, didn’t want to move, didn’t want to face anyone. But he pushed himself up to his knees, and then to his feet, and for the first time in a long time, he felt like a kid. Everyone always told him that he looked younger than he was, and today he felt younger than he was.

Seungri clapped a hand on his shoulder and Jinhwan felt like apologizing, but he couldn’t make himself speak.

“Ah, Jinhwan-ssi, I hope we have a chance to fight again some other time, when you’re feeling better. You really seemed like you were off your game today, I’m sure you can do better.” Seungri’s tone was truly regretful, and it just made Jinhwan feel worse. He’d just wasted Seungri’s time, by giving him such a poor fight.

“Thank you for your kind words, Seungri-ssi.” Jinhwan choked the words out, still not able to verbalize an apology. He glanced past Seungri and his eyes fell on Junhoe. Their gazes met and the look of smug satisfaction on Junhoe’s face hurt him to see. Junhoe had enjoyed it, watching him flounder and show a poor version of himself.

Jinhwan felt numb as he walked back to Youngbae, and together they left the gym. Jinhwan knew a lecture was coming and he knew that he deserved it.

“You know that I very rarely have anything to scold you for,” Youngbae started, arms crossed over his chest, “ever since you began training with me, you have consistently been one of the strongest, most focused fighters I’ve worked with. Usually my complaints are for showboating, or not taking weaker opponents seriously. But this, today, I almost find myself at a loss for what to say to you.”

Jinhwan couldn’t even look at him, he felt too ashamed.

“A very big part of promotion up to senior belt levels doesn’t lie simply with technique. I’ve had talented fighters before who I have refused to promote up because of their lacking attitudes. I had honestly thought that you were ready for this, I thought you had matured in the past few months. But I think now that perhaps I was a little too hasty in my decision.”

Jinhwan hadn’t expected that part, and his eyes shot up to Youngbae’s, and he felt like throwing up when he saw the look of intense disappointment.

“I think I made a mistake in promoting you. I don’t think you were ready, I think I just hadn’t challenged you hard enough. What do you think?”

What was he supposed to say? He wanted to dispute Youngbae, but how could he prove himself when he’d just delivered the worst fight of his life?

“Jinhwan? Convince me that I didn’t make a mistake.” Youngbae’s voice was as hard as his expression, as tense as his body language.

Jinhwan’s fingers fidgeted behind his back. “I apologize for my poor performance today. I’ve just been having a very tough time personally, and I wasn’t able to overcome that today.”

Youngbae shook his head. “I would have accepted that from you a belt level ago, but I told you, specifically, that unless you had a good reason, that I couldn’t let you skip these fights. Just using the blanket statement that you’re having a tough time personally doesn’t tell me anything. It just sounds like a poor excuse you’d use to get out of turning in your homework at school. You’re one level away from being a black belt, Jinhwan, one level. Do you think this behaviour is appropriate? You are supposed to be setting an example for junior fighters. Are you telling me that you really can’t clear your head for fifteen minutes?”

Jinhwan tried to keep the eye contact between them, but he couldn’t, and he looked away.

“You did not act like a brown belt today, Jinhwan. I hope you don’t think I’m being harsh. You embarrassed yourself with that fight, and in turn you embarrassed me. I don’t take kindly to that.”

Jinhwan nodded and bit the inside of his cheek. He just had to accept the scolding. He had to accept it, and he had to do better in his next fight.

“You know that I have to hold you to a higher standard now, and you should be holding yourself to that same standard. You have two more matches today, so I expect you to pull yourself together. I know you can, Jinhwan. Your self control is lacking today, so you must find it within yourself to gain it back. Your problems aren’t going anywhere. Whatever is bothering you will still be there when your fights are over. Now you have to learn to live with them, and not against them.”

Jinhwan nodded and managed to look him in the eyes again. It had been a harsh lecture, but he knew it was deserved. He could make all the excuses he wanted, but Youngbae was right. He was too high up now for excuses. He should be able to focus solely on the fights without distraction, that was the example he had to set.

Youngbae left him alone for a few minutes, and Jinhwan sat on the floor to gather his thoughts.
 

Junhoe sat by himself while Seungri went to the bathroom, eyes on his phone. He’d recorded Seungri tapping Jinhwan out, and he was replaying it now with a growing sense of satisfaction. It served Jinhwan right, being embarrassed like that. He’d seemed to be sorely out of his element. Just like that first match of theirs, when Junhoe had lost spectacularly to Jinhwan.

Karmic retribution. Jinhwan had gotten exactly what he’d deserved.

Junhoe wished he’d still been recording when Jinhwan had looked at him, his eyes full of hurt and disappointment. Was that how he’d looked when Jinhwan had told him about his move? Did that expression haunt Jinhwan in his sleep? He hoped it did. Now Jinhwan would be haunted by his own failings too, and Junhoe felt happy about it.

He watched as Jinhwan’s trainer came back in to take a seat, but he didn’t see Jinhwan following him. He was probably off in some empty corridor crying about his poor performance. Junhoe was almost tempted to go and look for him just to rub it all in his face.

He watched the video again. He was happy, but there was also a niggling voice at the back of his head, one that warned him against being happy at someone else’s misfortune.

How would you feel if someone had filmed you getting choked out by Jinhwan? It had Hanbin’s voice, annoyingly enough. And it was different, anyway. He hadn’t done anything to Jinhwan, not back then, and not since. Jinhwan had been the one who’d hurt him. So Jinhwan deserved to be mocked for his loss.

Junhoe was almost tempted to send the video to Jinhwan, because he still had his phone number memorized. But he didn’t. Maybe that would be pushing it a little too far.
 

Jinhwan was back beside Youngbae after ten minutes, and the first thing he’d done was check his phone. Hanbin had sent him a message, saying that he was done with boxing and was on his way. Jinhwan had messaged him back to tell him that Junhoe was here, and that if he didn’t want to come, he’d understand. He didn’t tell Hanbin how the morning had gone, but it was enough of a hint for Hanbin to figure out that Junhoe must not have been pleasant towards him.

But Hanbin had just jokingly replied that he’d go and buy himself a face mask and a hat to cover up. Jinhwan still felt wary, because he hated to think of how Junhoe would react to Hanbin showing up here for him. He didn’t want to fuel another fight between them.

When Hanbin arrived Jinhwan excused himself to go and meet him in the hall, unaware that Junhoe had decided to follow him out. Junhoe did have to go to the bathroom anyway, but he was tempted to see Jinhwan and make a cutting remark to his face. Just once. Just to see him up close.

He was surprised when Jinhwan left through the front door, though. Where was he going? Maybe Bobby had come to watch him, and Jinhwan was going out to meet him? Junhoe paused just far away enough to be able to watch, and what he saw shocked him. It wasn’t Bobby who’d come. It was Hanbin.

The first thing Hanbin did when he saw Jinhwan was pull him into a hug. Jinhwan had thought he’d done a good job at masking his emotions, but apparently Hanbin had read it on him anyway. Jinhwan was grateful for it, and he dropped his head against Hanbin’s shoulder, arms tight around his back.

Hanbin had been concerned when Jinhwan had told him that Junhoe was here, and he had contemplated not coming after all. But Junhoe had purposefully not told him what he was doing today, probably to stop Hanbin from lecturing him about his idea to come here to throw Jinhwan off. So if Junhoe was upset, Hanbin could at least throw that back at him.

Besides, he was also coming today as a favour to Bobby, who’d asked him if he was able to show up. Bobby wanted to come, but he was busy, so Hanbin had promised him that he’d stay with Jinhwan and help to cheer him up if he was having a tough time. Which he clearly was.

“How’d your match go? Did you lose?” Hanbin finally pulled back, but he kept his hands on Jinhwan’s arms.

Jinhwan frowned and shook his head. “It was the worst fight I’ve ever had, honestly I looked terrible. I looked like an idiot, I just couldn’t focus.”

“, what happened? Did Junhoe throw you off?”

Jinhwan hated the excuse, but he needed to talk about it, just to get it off his chest. “I was already feeling off, but seeing him here just made it worse. He kept glaring at me, and the first guy I fought was someone he trains with at his club.”

“Seungri hyung?” Hanbin asked, and he felt even worse for Jinhwan now. He liked Seungri, many times they teased Junhoe together, but it must have been tough for Jinhwan to face that. It also explained why Junhoe was here.

“Yeah. He was really nice, but I’m sure Junhoe told him everything about me, and he even knew that I’d hurt Junhoe. He joked that he was supposed to get revenge for him. But I just fought so poorly, I feel sorry to him. Like I just wasted his time, you know?”

Hanbin nodded. “Yeah, I understand that. I’m sorry you’ve had such a tough morning, and I’m sorry that Junhoe came to bother you. He’d seemed better the last time I talked to him, but, well he keeps switching between being angry and being sad, and I guess he’s in an angry phase. I’m sorry I couldn’t warn you, I didn’t know he was coming today.”

“No, don’t apologize, Hanbin. He’s your best friend, so you shouldn’t be worrying about me anyway. Are you still sure you want him to see you here with me?”

Hanbin shook his head. “Hyung, you’re my friend too, and even though you are in the wrong, I won’t ignore you just because Junhoe is angry. He knows that. He knows that I still talk to you and that I’m not mad at you, so seeing me here with you won’t ruin anything between us. I mean, he deliberately didn’t tell me he was coming today, so it’s his own fault, really. He ditched me to come and bother you, so it’s only fair.”

Jinhwan felt grateful to Hanbin, but he was still wary. He’d ruined so much already. “Alright, if you’re sure. I appreciate your friendship, Hanbin. In case I haven’t told you that already. I’m lucky to have you.” Jinhwan hugged him again, and by the time they pulled apart he did feel better. Maybe he’d just needed to verbally admit how much Junhoe being here was bothering him, because his head felt clearer already.

“Let’s go in? When’s your next fight?” They walked up the steps towards the door, and only when they got inside did they see Junhoe standing there, leaning against the wall, angry eyes on Hanbin.

Hanbin didn’t even cringe, though. “Before you say anything, you can’t be mad at me for being here with Jinhwan hyung.”

Junhoe’s eyes narrowed even further. Like hell he couldn’t be mad! “You keep telling me you’re on my side, Hanbin, but then you keep supporting Jinhwan too. It’s bull.”

Hanbin stood his ground, though. “I asked you what you were doing today, and you purposefully didn’t tell me you were coming here. You just said you were busy, and then you refused to tell me with what. What am I supposed to do, hang out by myself when you’re not available?”

Junhoe shook his head, but then he thought about the video, and he smiled. “Whatever, it’s no big deal, I guess. It’s just unfortunate that you weren’t here to see Jinhwan get destroyed by Seungri hyung. But that’s okay too, because I took a video of him tapping out, so you can watch it later.” Junhoe grinned and looked past Hanbin to Jinhwan, who almost looked a little annoyed, now. Good. Junhoe was getting tired of him pulling his sad face, like he was trying to be a victim. Jinhwan was the perpetrator, he didn’t want anyone to forget that.

Hanbin shook his head and locked eyes with Junhoe. At least Junhoe didn’t look angry anymore. He was about to say something else but Junhoe spoke up again.

“Stay with Jinhwan, he’s going to need someone to cry to when he loses his next two matches. I’ll see you later.” Junhoe spun on his heel and marched back to the gym, leaving Hanbin and Jinhwan standing together.

Jinhwan sighed and looked at Hanbin. “Are you sure you want to stay?”

Hanbin grinned at him and put an arm around his shoulders. “I have to stay, now, he just told me to. Actually, you know, this is good. If he was really mad at me, he’d have barged in on us outside and yelled at me without giving me a chance to say anything. But he was surprisingly calm, given the situation. It’s good, that means he’s at least thinking rationally. Well, rationally for him.”

Jinhwan frowned, still confused about Hanbin’s response. How many outbursts had Hanbin put up with from Junhoe over the years to judge this as a good result? It was almost kind of funny, really.

“Alright, if you’re sure. I just feel bad about putting you in a tough spot. I just feel like this is karma, you know? I hurt a bunch of people, and now I’m getting destroyed. Honestly, Seungri kicked my , I’ve never lost so badly before. I guess the universe wanted to punish me for what happened.”

Hanbin was silent for a moment before answering. “Hyung, respectfully, that’s bull. The universe doesn’t punish you for making a mistake. It’s all about intention, and you didn’t do anything in this situation with the intention to hurt anyone. You were trying to protect yourself, it’s normal. You screwed up, but karma isn’t punishing you. You’re punishing yourself. You lost because you let yourself be distracted by your emotions and your thoughts. But you can tune it all out too, if you have to. There’s no easy way to do it, you just have to do it.”

It was similar to what Youngbae had said. That he, essentially, had caused himself to fail. It wasn’t so much that Seungri had beaten him, but he’d beaten himself.

“Thanks, Hanbin-ah,” Jinhwan said, and he hugged him again. Hanbin had a way of cutting through the bull and saying what needed to be said.

“You’re welcome, hyung,” Hanbin replied. His phone buzzed then, and he took it out to see a message from Junhoe. He took a deep breath before opening it.

-do what u want but u better have my back if anything happens
-thats ll im saying ok?
-ur my best friend bin so dont make me regret it

Hanbin grinned at the messages, hearing them in Junhoe’s grumpy voice. But this was exactly what he’d been talking about earlier. This, right here, was growth on Junhoe’s part. Normally he’d have demanded that Hanbin only take his side, but he was actually giving his acceptance, though grudgingly, for Hanbin to stay with Jinhwan. This was huge for Junhoe. Hanbin texted him back.

-wow i am impressed koo junhoe youre so polite to let me make my own decisions wow thank you such a kind hearted person

Hanbin knew that Junhoe would pick up on the amused sarcasm, because that was how they operated. Hanbin couldn’t seriously tell Junhoe he was proud of him. But he could joke about it, and Junhoe would get it.

-get ed hanbin

Hanbin grinned at the response, tempted to make a joke but deciding against it given Junhoe’s current situation.

-you wanna go get food after this thing is done? listening to you whine like a baby always makes me hungry

Junhoe’s initial reply was a single angry emoji, but it made Hanbin laugh. But then Junhoe replied and Hanbin knew they were okay.

-u can buy me food tomoro cause hyung is gonna take me for bbq after today ok id invite u but u have ur own hyung u traitor

Junhoe wasn’t taking it personally, and Hanbin knew that was a good sign. If Seungri kept winning and Junhoe stayed in a good mood, he might even be able to say goodbye to Jinhwan without being rude.

Maybe. Hanbin was going to try willing it into reality through his thoughts alone.