“Hold it tighter, come on—if Chunghee weren’t such a weakling he’d have broken out of this by now!” Junhoe heeded Seungri’s words, tightening his arm around his opponent’s shoulder.

“Ah, hyung, don’t tease--” 

“If you have time to talk, Chunghee, you have time to escape!” Seungri scolded, grinning to himself as he watched them grappling. 

The increased pressure had Chunghee tapping out, and Junhoe released his hold but remained on his back. 

“Ah, Seungri hyung didn’t lie though, did he?” Junhoe teased, and a second later his opponent slid out from under him. 

“Ah this is unfair! You can’t both gang up on me!” Chunghee sat nursing his shoulder, while Junhoe looked at Seungri and laughed. Seungri grinned back at him. 

“Good form, Junhoe-ya! Just keep it tight all the time, constant pressure is important. You had it locked in well, though, your stance was good.” 

“Thanks, hyung!” Junhoe replied, pleased with the praise. They were training for another upcoming tournament, the first Junhoe would be having since he’d made peace with Jinhwan. He wasn’t sure how it was going to go down if they had to face each other. He was actually a little scared, not of the fight itself, but of what might happen between them. 

He liked Jinhwan. Liked him quite a lot, actually, if he was being honest with himself. Seeing that other side of him at the concert, the excitable and fun side of him, enamoured and in love with the music… It was throwing him for a rather big loop and he still felt like he was caught in an inversion, he could feel it in the pit of his stomach, everything flipped around. 

But what if it was all ruined if they fought each other? What if Jinhwan beat him again and was cocky about it, and he took it poorly in the moment and said something harsh in response? What if he won, and Jinhwan lost? What was Jinhwan like when he lost? Would it make him grumpy and angry? Would it get in between them? 

His thoughts were interrupted by a bottle of water being tapped against his face. 

“Here, drink up! You look lost in thought.” Seungri sat down on the mat next to him, and Junhoe took the water. 

“Ah, sorry, hyung! I was just thinking about the tournament.” He took a sip of water, swallowing slowly. 

“Worried about facing your arch rival again?” Seungri teased. 

“Actually, hyung,” Junhoe hadn’t told any of them that he and Jinhwan were on friendly terms now, “we uh, we’re friends now.” 

Seungri looked suitably shocked. “Friends? You and Kim Jinhwan? The little guy who beat you twice and you hated?” Junhoe nodded, while Seungri looked confused. “How did that happen?” 

Junhoe didn’t really feel like talking about it (because now he was thinking about his intense overreaction to the news at first and he was a little embarrassed) but he probably didn’t have much of a choice, because Seungri was remembering as quickly as Junhoe. “Oh wait, your best friend’s dating his best friend, right? I guess you came around eventually?” Seungri grinned, also thinking about Junhoe’s overly dramatic response to the situation. 

“Yeah we actually got to know each other, and I guess he’s not that bad of a guy after all.” Man, it was embarrassing to say it out loud? 

“Wow, that’s huge, Junhoe-ya! You really despised him.” Seungri’s tone was a mixture of honest admiration and amused mockery, and Junhoe wasn’t sure which one was the prevalent emotion. 

Junhoe frowned and took another sip of water. He really hoped Seungri wasn’t going to keep harping on about this. “Yeah, well, we’re friends now so it’s fine.” 

“We’ll see if that lasts at the tournament, huh? What happens if you fight him?” Seungri asked it as a joke, but when Junhoe didn’t laugh he got a little more serious. “You worried about that?” 

Junhoe hated admitting to stuff like this, but maybe it would be good to talk about it? He couldn’t do it with anyone other than Seungri, though. His other trainers probably wouldn’t really understand the depths of his concerns. But he was closest to Seungri, had shown enough of his personality for him to understand how his mind worked. “A little?” 

Seungri shuffled a little closer until he was shoulder to shoulder with Junhoe. “What are you worried about? Him beating you again, or how you’ll react if he beats you?” 

Junhoe shrugged. “Everything, honestly. I try not to take losses personally, but if he beats me again and teases me, what if I’m heated up in the moment and say something harsh back to him? What if I beat him, and he’s a sore loser? I feel like we just finally got to be real friends, and I don’t want that to get ruined by a fight.” Saying it out loud made it more real. Junhoe honestly didn’t have that many people that he considered a real friend. But he felt like Jinhwan was someone he wanted to be friends with? So he didn’t want to screw it up. 

Seungri didn’t respond for a moment, sitting and thinking and staring. “You actually do really like him, don’t you? You’re not exaggerating when you say you’re friends.” 

Junhoe nodded. “Our friends are really happy that we’re friends now, but that could get ruined if we act like s to each other. I don’t want to be the one that ruins it.” It felt weird to admit it all out loud, and he wasn’t sure that it made him feel any better. Just made him feel even more nervous. 

“Have you guys talked about it?” Seungri asked, curious to be seeing this side of Junhoe. It wasn’t often that he admitted to vulnerability like this (it was often disguised with angry and defensive overtones). This was a rarity. 

“No, do you think we should?” Junhoe asked, legitimately looking for advice. It would feel weird bringing it up, but maybe he was right? They’d had such a good night together on Thursday (Junhoe still thought about the end, when they dropped him off back home and Jinhwan had actually hugged him, packing every ounce of gratitude into the embrace he could muster up) and he wondered if they were ready to have a talk like that on their own? 

“Of course. He might be feeling the same way, or he might not even be thinking about it at all. Maybe he won’t take anything personally that gets said, and if he doesn’t know that you might, then he might tease you if you react harshly without thinking about it, not expecting you to be bothered. So if you want to keep your friendship going well, you should bring it up.” Seungri wasn’t sure if he could actually see Junhoe doing that, but the fact that he was thinking about it was a step in the right direction, at least. 

Junhoe nodded, still feeling weird about the whole thing. Maybe he’d ask Hanbin’s advice on how to bring it up with Jinhwan. “Thanks, hyung. I’ll try and take your advice.” 

Seungri grinned and patted his knee. “Good! You spent long enough coming in angry every day, I don’t want a repeat of that! Now finish up with your water and you and I can spar for a bit! You need to try keeping that hold on someone with stronger arms than Chunghee.” 
 

“Hey, hyung, is there anything that Jeeyoung is better at than you?” Bobby had waited until he and his brother were a few minutes into the woods, feeling more comfortable discussing this in the solitude of the forest’s running path. It was an uncomfortable topic for him to admit to out loud.

Jiun looked at his little brother, curiosity in his gaze. Bobby wasn’t looking back at him, though, and it had him slightly concerned. “Of course there is. Why are you asking?”

Bobby swallowed nervously, unable to look Jiun in the eyes. Usually his brother had to drag these kinds of conversations out of him with a pair of needle nose pliers, so it felt weird to launch into it on his own, even with the added distraction of their run. “Just curious how you deal with it.”

Jiun wondered if he ought to make Bobby stop running, if it would be better for them to sit down and talk. Maybe not, though. Maybe he needed something else to concentrate on while he talked. “Is this about Hanbin?”

“Can you just answer my question?” Bobby asked, insecurity nipping at his tongue. He didn’t mean to be so snappy, but how had Jiun figured it out already?

Jiun looked at him briefly again, but he answered. “There are definitely things she’s better than me at, but she’s my girlfriend, we’re not in a competition, so it doesn’t matter. It’s nice to see her doing things that she excels at. I don’t have to worry about her, because I know she’s strong, she can handle things on her own. Sometimes I ask her for help, same way sometimes she asks me for help with the things that I’m better at. It’s just a natural part of any relationship, finding the things that make you stronger as a couple than you would be alone.”

Bobby frowned at the answer. “I feel like that’s my problem with Hanbin,” he said, eyes still trained on the ground in front of him, “I don’t think I bring anything to the relationship.”

Ah, there it is! Jiun knew how proud of a person his brother was, so this conversation was important. “Ah, that can’t be true!” Jiun replied. “What is he better at than you?”

“Everything,” Bobby answered with a huff, “he’s way smarter than me, he’s a better athlete, he’s more confident, he’s got a plan for what he wants in life, he’s more mature than I am, he’s better looking than I am, his family’s rich--just, everything.” It made him feel so vulnerable, speaking it all out loud like this. But he was desperate to find some kind of answer.

“Ah, see those aren’t necessarily what you should be looking at! Intelligence, well you can’t help that, right? Some people are just born with a brain meant for learning, while the rest of us have to struggle to keep up. Athletics doesn’t count for anything—you’re both accomplished, and you’ve both taken what you need from it. Just because he’s got his boxing thing, doesn’t mean it diminishes your basketball! You can’t compare team sports and individual sports, and you’re a fantastic captain for your team. Looks, well, I feel your pain in that department, but if he thinks you’re attractive, that’s the only thing that should matter! As for maturity, well, you’re still teenagers, so he’s just unusual!” Jiun had no idea if he was saying the right thing to Bobby. He’d never been in the situation his brother was in.

“He’s not unusual, he’s impressive! I used to feel impressive, but when I compare us I don’t feel that way. And don’t say that no matter how good you are, there’s always someone better! That’s not the point.” Bobby fought to maintain control of his breathing and kept his eyes on the ground, dodging rocks and roots. He was glad he’d waited to talk until now, because it was easier to get everything out while focused on ensuring that he didn’t trip.

“The point is that you’re intimidated by your own boyfriend, right?”

Bobby nodded, and it made him feel like but it was true. “Yeah, I know it sounds stupid but I can’t help it. I don’t know what to do.”

Jiun wasn’t really sure what would be best for Bobby to hear right now, so he took his chances and just hoped it would work out. “Do you want to break up with him?”

“No!” Bobby’s answer was immediate and exact, and Jiun couldn’t help but smile.

“What do you want, then?”

“I don’t know,” Bobby wasn’t sure what he was even upset about, “I’m just not used to feeling this way about someone. I always dated guys who kind of looked up to me, you know?”

“You’re worried he doesn’t.”

“I know he doesn’t. Why would he?” Bobby tried not to sound whiny, because he wanted Jiun to treat this like a real question.

“Do you want him to?” Jiun spared him a glance again, trying to figure out what really had Bobby upset.

“I don’t know? I like him the way he is, honestly I don’t want to change anything about him. It’s me. I’m the one who needs to change. I need to be better.” No one had ever made him feel like he wasn’t good enough before, and it was a tough change in dynamic for him to navigate. Usually if someone was obviously that much better than him at things, Bobby wouldn’t even try to be friends with them. Hanbin had busted his way into Bobby’s life without any warning, though, and Bobby didn’t want to let him go over this.

“You’re worried he’s going to fall for someone better than you, aren’t you?” Jiun watched him, could see the insecurity plain as day on his face.

Bobby couldn’t answer with words, though, so he just nodded.

“Do you love him, Jiwon?”

Love. Bobby had never felt like he’d ever been in love before, he’d never been that deep into someone else. But Hanbin?

“I don’t know.” Nope. He wasn’t going to let Jiun bring love into this just yet! He wasn’t ready to think about that.

“Ah, Jiwon, I think you know. No sense in hiding the feelings.” Jiun reached out to grab his brother’s arm, pulling them both to a stop. Bobby tried to turn away from him, but Jiun wasn’t about to let him go. “Hey, it’s not gonna help anything if you’re not honest.”

Bobby crossed his arms over his chest, breathing hard even though he’d barely broken a sweat.

“Be honest, Jiwon. Are you in love with Hanbin?”

Alright, fine. Time to be honest. “Yeah, I think so.” Of course he was! 

“Do you think he loves you?”

Did Hanbin love him? Bobby thought about it, pictured Hanbin in his mind. Thought about the way Hanbin smiled every time they saw each other (like Bobby was the only thing he wanted to look at), thought about the happy little sighs Hanbin would make when they cuddled up (they were so second nature he made them in public, too), thought about how every single day without fail, Hanbin would send him a good morning message (and a goodnight one, too). You didn’t do that for a passing crush, did you?

“He does.” Bobby was sure of it. Hanbin wasn’t the problem—it was Bobby’s sense of pride that was complicating matters.

“You just don’t know why he loves you, right?” Bobby nodded, and Jiun was pleased at how easily he’d figured out the issue. “Ask him why he loves you, then. Sometimes it’s easy to forget about the things we do really well because they don’t seem important to us. But when you ask someone who loves you why they do, you might be surprised at what you hear. I’m sure he’s got a ton of things to gush about, I can it in his eyes when he looks at you.”

Bobby’s brow furrowed in surprise at Jiun’s comment. “You think so?”

“Absolutely! Even mom told me the same thing after she met him.”

“She did?” Bobby was floored by that admission. He knew his mom had liked Hanbin after meeting him just the one time, but she hadn’t said anything to him more than “ah, Jiwon-ie, he’s very sweet!”

Jiun nodded, glad he had the opportunity to tell Bobby about her comments. She’d wanted to tell Bobby herself, but she’d been wary of pressuring him with sentimental thoughts. “She said that he looks at you like you’re the moon, bright eyed and full of wonder. She told me that she hoped you were going to be serious about him, because she was worried that he might get hurt if you weren’t.”

“Wait, mom’s worried about him and not me?!” Okay, he wasn’t quite sure how to take that?

Jiun laughed at his outburst. “Ah, mom’s a softie, she worries about everyone! But you have to admit, your track record hasn’t exactly been long-term, Jiwon. I think she could see how much he likes you, and she wants you to be with someone who thinks you’re as great as she does.”

“Yeah, well mom loves him, that much was obvious.” Bobby joked back, but he still felt a little weird about his mother’s comments. Okay, so he had dated a few guys (and a few girls before he’d come out as gay) but was it really that many for his mom to want him to settle on one person already? Should he be settling on one person already?

“I think mom will be devastated if you break up with him.” Jiun teased back. “Don’t feel like Mom’s not on your side, though. She knows you really well, so she knows what kind of guy is right for you, and she’s a really good judge of character.”

Bobby couldn’t help but smile at Jiun’s comment. That was something he hadn’t considered, but suddenly it made him feel a lot better. If his mom thought Hanbin was that good for him, then clearly there had to be something he was missing?

“Don’t overthink it, Jiwon. If you’re happy with Hanbin, be happy. Having a strong and loving connection with someone is the most important thing in a good relationship. There’s no point in anything else if you don’t have that connection.”

Bobby nodded, because it was a good point. His parents were still very much in love after all these years together, so clearly his mom knew a thing or two about what was important in a long-term partner. And Jiun was right about her being a good judge of character--she hadn’t really liked either of Jiun’s previous girlfriends, but after meeting Jeeyoung once, she’d whispered to her husband that Jeeyoung would probably be the one.

So if she thought Hanbin was the one for him, then he’d just have to work on himself a little bit harder.
 

“So how are things with Bobby?” Donghyuk asked, laying his pencil down and stretching. 

Hanbin immediately smiled at the question, even though it made him feel like a bit of a dork. “Perfect, I think. I’m really happy with him still! Like honestly, there isn’t a thing about him I’d change?” 

“Nothing at all?” Donghyuk asked, happy for Hanbin but still curious. 

Hanbin shook his head. “Nothing I’ve found yet.” 

“Not even the bunny teeth?” Donghyuk teased, grinning when it made Hanbin laugh. 

“Nope! They have a special charm about them, I think.” It almost felt a little disgusting, but Hanbin really couldn’t think of anything about Bobby that he’d change. The more he got to know of him, the more it seemed that Bobby hit every single mark that he’d ever wanted in a guy. 

“Ah, I’m  happy for you! It’s nice to see good people being happy.” Donghyuk meant what he said. Ever since he’d moved back, meeting Hanbin had been the best thing that had happened to him. He was a lifesaver, really, making Donghyuk’s transition back to Korea so much easier. Hanbin was a good guy who cared a lot about other people, and Donghyuk felt grateful that he’d met him. 

“Hey, can I ask you a personal question? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” Despite being friends for only a short period of time, Donghyuk still felt comfortable talking to Hanbin, felt like Hanbin had a much more lenient line for conversational topics than most others had. “Have you and Bobby, you know, have you ed yet?” 

Hanbin couldn’t help but blush at the question, looking away and laughing before turning back to Donghyuk. “Ah, no, not yet!” He laughed at Donghyuk’s lack of a filter. He wasn’t bothered by the question, though, because it was something that had been on his mind. He didn’t exactly have anyone to talk to about it, though. 

Donghyuk was relieved he hadn’t thought the question was too much. He was used to having open and frank conversations with his friends back in the US, but he knew that a question like this wouldn’t be quite so welcome to most here. “Do you want to?” 

Hanbin looked down at the floor again, still a little embarrassed despite wanting to talk about it. Did he want to have with Bobby? “Yeah, I do!” 

“Have you ever before?” Donghyuk asked, curious about his answer. 

“No,” Hanbin met his eyes again, “have you?” 

Donghyuk shook his head. “No. Came close with the last guy I dated, but we just stopped at uh, each other.” 

“How was that?” Hanbin asked, curious for information. “I only dated one guy and the most we did was give each other s. He gave me a once, but I never got to return the favour.” Honestly he’d been afraid to try, afraid of screwing it up. 

“Ah, it was interesting! Like it kind of hurt at first? Not terrible, probably because we didn’t know what we were doing. But it ended up being really good!” Donghyuk had been terrified to try it at first, but he was glad for the experience. They’d done it a few times, all in preparation for more, but they’d broken up before getting the chance. 

Hanbin nodded. “I want to do more with Bobby, but we just never get much time alone together.” 

“Yeah, that’s tough.” Everything here was so much busier than it had been back in the US, and he’d noticed that the dating culture was even different. While some couples were overt in their togetherness, a lot of couples hid their relationships. It was difficult trying to navigate what was “normal” and what wasn’t. 

Hanbin leaned back against the wall, twirling his pencil in his fingers. “With my old boyfriend I just always felt insecure all the time? It’s weird, I don’t know why. I always felt like he was judging me for everything? I don’t think he really was, but I always felt like I had to act around him. But with Bobby I don’t feel insecure at all. I feel like he’s always supportive, I feel like I could talk to him about anything and he wouldn’t laugh at me for it.” His relationship with Woosung hadn’t been that bad, and most of the issues had been caused by both of them being inexperienced in romance. 

“That’s really cute, Hanbin. That you feel so good with Bobby. I’m jealous, wish I could find a guy that I can be myself around.” Despite the good parts of his last relationship, he’d felt similar to what Hanbin had described at times--a wariness to display everything in his personality. 

“Yeah, the weirdest thing too is that my ex, we were the same age, but Bobby’s older. But it doesn’t feel that way? Even when we hang out with Jinhwan, he’s never fussed about speaking to him respectfully or anything. You’d think there would be at least a bit of awkwardness at first with someone older, right? There never was, not even from day one.” The more he thought about it, the more everything just fit with Bobby. Hanbin wasn’t the type who believed in fate or soul mates or anything like that, but it felt like Bobby wasmade for him? Maybe it was just youth and inexperience talking again, getting too high on something after experiencing something that hadn’t been as good. 

He wanted to think that wasn’t it, though. Hanbin was a pretty realistic person, and he liked to approach situations thinking logically, liked to make sense of things. Things just naturally made sense with Bobby. 

“That actually makes it even cuter, really. Bobby must really like you.” 

Hanbin just smiled at the comment, because he was pretty sure that what Donghyuk said was exactly the case. Bobby seemed so much more into him than Woosung had ever seemed. He often caught Bobby looking at him with fond expressions, fonder than anything he was used to seeing. It was nice. 

“Hey, Dong-ie? Did you ever give your ex a ?” Hanbin could already feel his cheeks burning, and he was grateful that Donghyuk didn’t laugh at him for asking. 

“Of course I did! Why, do you want some pointers?” He teased, grinning when Hanbin laughed nervously. It was cute, seeing him insecure about something for once. 

“Uh, that wouldn’t be weird, right?” Hanbin desperately wanted pointers! He actually had no idea if Bobby was experienced or not, that conversation hadn’t come up yet. He’d like to at least have some idea of what to expect before they did, though. 

“No, it’s not weird at all! It’s good, actually. What good are friends if we don’t share our knowledge, right?” Hanbin seemed to get a little more comfortable after that comment, finally able to look him in the eyes. “If you want I’ll even give you some pointers on .” As quickly as it had cleared up, the blush spread across Hanbin’s face again and Donghyuk couldn’t help but laugh. 

Hanbin laughed too, though, and even though he was a little embarrassed for asking, he was grateful to Donghyuk for offering. “Ah, thanks! I figure it’s better to go into it knowing something rather than nothing at all, right?” 

“Absolutely! How good is your English, by the way? Cause I have a really good book I got in the US about gay that I can lend you, if you want? It’s really informative.” It had been a surprising gift from his older host family brother after coming out. Donghyuk had been nervous about telling his host family in the US, but they’d been very supportive of him. The book had come before his older brother had left for college: ‘Look, I know I don’t know much cause I’m straight, but I asked a gay friend of mine and he said this book is something you need to read if you’re into guys, so you better read it!’ Donghyuk had read it. He was willing to pass it on to Hanbin. 

“Ah, really? I’d appreciate that! I can understand English really well, so I’d definitely read it if you wouldn’t mind.” Reading a book might help! At least it would be a way to have a general understanding of what was supposed to happen. 

Donghyuk got up from his bed and crouched down in front of his bookshelf. He kept it there, behind a fantasy novel no one in his family would want to read. They all knew he was gay, of course, but that didn’t mean he really wanted them to see the book. It had some graphic illustrations that might shock his parents. He grabbed it from its hiding place and took it over to Hanbin, dropping it in his lap. 

“It’s all yours! Use it well. If you have any questions, let me know.” 

Hanbin couldn’t help but blush again, and it was really annoying. Whatever. It was just because this wasn’t a topic he was used to discussing with anyone—not even Junhoe! He’d be more comfortable after he read up on things. Definitely. 

“Ah, you almost had it that time! Really get a good grip on the gi, Jinan! You keep letting it slip, that’s why I keep getting out.” 

Jinhwan nodded. He was having a solo practice session with Youngbae in prep for the tournament. Jinhwan loved these sessions, he always learned something every time he fought Youngbae. Of course his black belt instructor could sweep the floor with him if he wanted to, but he still took time out to train with him. Jinhwan liked having mock fights with someone much better than he was. It helped to keep his focus sharp, keep his mind going. 

He wanted to be sharp this time, because Seiyeon had surprised him when she said that she could come and watch. He wanted to be perfect for his sister, wanted her to be impressed with his skills and discipline. Wanted to prove to her why his dreams for the future deserved her respect. 

“One more time, and this time really lock the fabric tight, okay? Because I’m going to try my hardest to get out of it, and if I do get out, you’re in trouble.” Youngbae threatened with twinkling eyes and an amused grin. 

“I don’t like the sound of that, hyung!” Jinhwan replied before climbing back into position. They were practicing some advanced chokes. Youngbae was teaching him how to turn a failed sliding collar choke into a bow and arrow from the back, and they’d been at it for almost an hour now. Youngbae had started out letting him gain it easily, just to get a feel for it, but for the past fifteen minutes he’d been fighting back harder, and Jinhwan hadn’t been able to hold it yet. He was determined to get it this time, though. He knew what he was doing wrong—nothing to do but fix it. 

The moment Youngbae gave him the go ahead Jinhwan focused, fingers flexing the fabric of Youngbae’s gi, twisting the collar and driving his palm into the fabric, locking his fingers on the inside. Youngbae was strong and wily and Jinhwan almost let him wriggle out, but he kept a firm hold and waited patiently, and soon enough he’d managed to get his other hand behind Youngbae’s knee, turning him onto his side, and he didn’t let go until he felt fingers tapping his arm signifying his trainer’s submission. 

He laid on his back for a second, panting with exertion, but pleased with himself. 

“Good job!” Youngbae said after finally getting his breath back. “That’s exactly how I want to see you holding that move. It was perfect!” 

“Thanks, hyung!” Jinhwan replied, proud of himself for holding it on Youngbae. 

“Take a breather for fifteen? I have to go make a call, but if you want to go again I’ll be back soon.” Youngbae got up off the mat and headed for his office, leaving Jinhwan on his own. 

That was just as well, because he wouldn’t mind a short break. He didn’t move, just remained on his back, eyes closed against the glow of the overhead lights. He wanted a moment to think. 

He’d been in a wondrously good mood since Thursday night. The concert had been spectacular, every bit as wonderful as he’d hoped. The music was beautiful and moving, and spending time with his mother and his sister had been needed. As much as he enjoyed being in Seoul with Bobby’s family, he missed his own. 

But an unexpected blessing had manifested in Junhoe’s presence. At first he’d been a little worried over how Junhoe might be around his family, but he’d been polite and friendly and had navigated his mother easily. Jinhwan still hadn’t had the chance to explain to Junhoe why he’d come up with the fake story, but Junhoe hadn’t exactly asked anyway. All that mattered is that it had worked. 

Junhoe had enjoyed the performance more than Jinhwan had thought he would, and on the way home had even taken down music recommendations from his mother about different albums to listen to. Jinhwan had thought it was cute, the way Junhoe kept asking his mother for her opinion on things. He was trying to leave a good impression, and Jinhwan appreciated that. 

But of course there was the whole issue of Junhoe looking extra hot. Jinhwan still liked to picture him in his mind, made up attractively. It was a nice visual! He’d tried to keep that opinion to himself, of course, not wanting to make Junhoe uncomfortable. It was hard, though. At the end of the night they’d driven him home and Jinhwan had walked him to his front door, just for a moment to say thank you for coming out. 

But as much to his own surprise as it had been to Junhoe’s, Jinhwan had reached out and hugged him. Junhoe hadn’t seemed to mind, of course, but Jinhwan knew where this was heading. The more time he spent around Junhoe, the more attracted to him he became. Not attracted for a relationship, though, just a hookup. Jinhwan didn’t want a relationship. Denied wanting a relationship when he got back in the car and his mother asked him if Junhoe had enjoyed their date. It wasn’t like that, he’d told her, but he didn’t think she bought it. 

They hadn’t talked since then (except for Junhoe thanking his mother for the music recommendations) but Jinhwan didn’t really feel weird about it? He needed time to think about it all. As much as he’d love to hook up with Junhoe, it was probably a bad idea. If things went sour they’d all be right back where they were before—especially with another tournament coming up. What was going to happen if he fought Junhoe again? Would Junhoe take the loss hard? Or would he take it gracefully? Could they still have a friendly rivalry? Jinhwan tended to get cocky before fights, he couldn’t help it. What if Junhoe took it the wrong way? 

Too many what-ifs to contemplate. Safer to put the thoughts out of his mind altogether. 

He rolled over to his stomach and crawled over to the bench, reaching up for his phone but not quite in the mood to stand up. He laid back down on the mat and swiped his phone open, pausing for a second to look at the family picture he’d gotten Junhoe to take for him that night. He wished he could take a picture like that one day at a tournament. Maybe, if Seiyeon saw how good he was… 

His phone rang in his hands, taking him by surprise, but he felt like hiding when he saw who was calling. . He let it go to voicemail, feeling guilty about it. Two seconds later, though, a text message that Jinhwan grudgingly opened. 

-I know you’re there, answer your phone! Youngbae told me you just made him tap out using a bow and arrow!- 

. Of course! Youngbae kept harassing him about talking to Eric. Jinhwan couldn’t believe he’d cornered him like this! What a betrayal. 

He stared at his phone for a moment, eyes focused on the words, even though he was staring so hard he let his vision go blurry. Should he talk to him? Of course. He was being an idiot, it was just a phone call. He could handle a phone call. Right? No big deal? 

He took a deep breath before calling Eric back, rolling onto his stomach as he waited for him to pick up. 

“Well, that was like pulling teeth!” 

Jinhwan couldn’t help it, he felt himself smile out of sheer muscle memory, and as much as he wanted to tell himself that the smile and subsequent fluttering feeling he got in his stomach was just a knee jerk reaction that didn’t mean anything, he knew that was a lie. 

“Ah hyung, you’d make a terrible dentist, stick to fighting!” Eric laughed at his reply and Jinhwan closed his eyes, picturing him behind closed eyelids. 

“Oh come on! I think I’d be okay. If the anesthesia doesn’t work, I’ll choke my patients out.” 

Jinhwan hated how easily he laughed, hated how funny he still found him. Why did feelings take so ing long to die?? 

“That would probably be bad for business?” 

“My dentist business, sure. Might drive up the jiu jitsu, though?” Jinhwan could practically hear him grinning. “Alright enough playful conversation! I know you’re training for the upcoming tournament, and I just wanted to call and let you know that I’m going to be there.” 

Jinhwan swore his heart stopped beating for a few seconds, everything just seemed to stop entirely. He should have expected this, why hadn’t he expected this?! 

“Jinan? I’m bringing a couple of fighters up, but I wanted to see if maybe you wanted to get together for a bit? Finally have that damn talk about California?” 

Jinhwan couldn’t breathe, was still stuck on the news. Eric. At the tournament. Seiyeon! . This wasn’t good, not at all. What was he supposed to say? He didn’t want to see Eric, not at all (that was a lie) and he’d have to tell Seiyeon, have to explain that it was a coincidence, that he hadn’t known. Because she’d just think he was still hung up, right?(Was he still hung up?) 

“I don’t know why you keep dodging me, Jinan, but if you’re serious about training in California, we need to talk about it. If you changed your mind and you don’t want to, that’s fine, let me know and I’ll quit bugg-” 

“No! No I want to go,” Jinhwan interrupted, the words spilling out in a rush, “I’m sorry I haven’t called, I am.” 

Eric didn’t reply at first, and Jinhwan could see the look on his face, the soft expression of understanding and concern. Finally Eric let out a long breath before replying. “Let me guess—you haven’t talked to your mom about it yet, have you?” 

“No.” What more was there to say? Eric had been there in person, had seen the progression from the fifteen year old who cried when his mother refused to show up to the indifferent seventeen year old who didn’t even ask her anymore. He understood, but his understanding made Jinhwan feel inexplicably vulnerable, and he hated it. 

“Jinan, the clock is ticking, kiddo.” 

It was funny, sometimes, the things that felt the most like a slap across the face. 

“Don’t call me that.” Those memories were too much, made him feel too much right now. 

Eric laughed it off, though, and it made it all sting a little less. “Sorry, force of habit. So are you still up for talking about this face to face?” 

Was he? Would it really be okay? “Yeah, actually I’d like that.” 

“It’ll be nice to see you again. Good to catch up! I want to see you in action, too! Youngbae said you’re looking sharper all the time. I look forward to seeing that!” 

Jinhwan couldn’t help but smile, because he wanted to show just much he’d improved, wanted Eric to watch him decimate his opponents. Maybe he kind of just wanted to seehim too? Wanted to see what was different, what was the same. 

That didn’t mean he wanted anything. Because he didn’t. Maybe he still kind of had feelings. But that’s all they were. 

And they didn’t mean anything.