A week passed since their “breakup” and if you asked Junhoe, he’d tell you he was perfectly fine and not at all affected by it, not one bit. (He’d also tell you that Jinhwan could go choke.)

But if you asked his mother, she’d complain that he was going through some kind of phase. He snapped at the entire family on a constant basis and was nothing short of exceptionally rude. She likened it to “The Great Coming Out” phase, as they jokingly called it in the family. For a whole three months before Junhoe had come out to them as gay he’d been like a monster constantly waiting around the corner, biting off the head of anyone who got too close. But the very second he’d blurted out the truth to them the act had disappeared and she’d gotten her (mostly) lovely son back. He was reverting back to the demon behaviour, though, and she was worried.

If you asked Hanbin, he’d tell you that he was working on it, but that Junhoe was proving to be extremely difficult. Every time he tried to bring up Jinhwan, Junhoe would just ignore him. Flat out pretend he couldn’t hear. Hanbin was willing to let it go for another few days (at most) because they weren’t back at school yet. But Junhoe needed to confront it before classes picked up and exams came, because Hanbin couldn’t afford to be distracted with Junhoe in this state, and he was also worried about Junhoe’s own grades.

Hanbin had told Donghyuk everything, but had made him promise not to let Junhoe know that he knew it all. Donghyuk was good at prying in the right way to get the information he wanted, and he’d done just that. After listening to Junhoe spit pure vitriol for nearly an hour, though, he almost wished he hadn’t.

Now Junhoe ignored Donghyuk too if he brought up Jinhwan’s name.

There was one week left of vacation time before school started back up, and Junhoe was currently at home in his room, a textbook open in his lap because he knew he should start studying again, but he didn’t want to.

Instead he found his thoughts wandering back to Jinhwan, as they always did.

He wanted to stab something.

Instead his eyes flicked up to his door and he was about to yell at whoever it was before the door opened and he saw his sister. He hadn’t seen Yejin since things had fallen apart (she’d been on vacation with her boyfriend) and the first thing that struck him was her expression.

She looked sad. He wasn’t used to seeing her look upset. In fact if he thought about it, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen her look like this.

“Hey brat, how are things?” Yejin sat down next to him on his bed, and Junhoe regarded her curiously. He could tell her to leave him alone because he was studying. He kind of wanted to, because he’d been in the middle of a nice daydream about breaking Jinhwan’s legs in a jiu jitsu match.

But he’d feel weird, because she was clearly upset about something.

“Hey noona,” he greeted, deciding to ask, “are you okay? You seem down.”

Yejin shrugged and looked at him, frowning slightly. “Eh, I’m kind of not talking to Wonjae right now.”

Wonjae was her boyfriend. Who she’d just spent a week in Japan with. Junhoe momentarily forgot about his own issues and sat up straight, ready to fight the very air itself if it would make his sister feel better. “What happened? Did he do something to you on your trip?”

Yejin shook her head, like it wasn’t a huge deal. “Not really. We just had an argument when we got back, and now we’re not talking.”

Junhoe sat back against his pillow again and frowned. “Yeah well, dump him. Guys are trash and you deserve better than his bull.” Junhoe wasn’t aware of how angry his tone was. He meant it about Wonjae, of course, but he had his own reasons for the comment too.

Yejin’s expression immediately because suspicious. “What happened with you? Don’t tell me nothing,” she cut him off just as he was about to respond, “I can tell something happened, something you’re really upset about.”

. He didn’t want to rehash it again, didn’t want to drag it all up. But she probably wouldn’t leave him be until he told her. Whatever. He didn’t have to go into excruciating detail.

“It’s nothing serious, just, Jinhwan’s an .” There. That would do.

Yejin stared at him blankly for a few seconds, waiting for more. “Jinhwan, that would be your friend with benefits, right?” Junhoe nodded, hoping that was all the questions she wanted to ask.

“What happened?” When Junhoe didn’t reply Yejin smacked his leg. “Just come out and tell me, alright? You tell me what happened with Jinhwan, and I’ll tell you what happened with Wonjae. Deal?”

Ugh. No choice.

“He’s moving to California.”

Yejin waited again for more, and sighed when he didn’t offer anything else. “I’m sorry, why does that make him an ? People move, Junhoe, it’s not malicious.”

“It’s not the moving that’s the problem,” Junhoe snapped (well, it was the moving, but that was beside the point), “he knew he was doing it back when we started our thing, and he didn’t tell me until now. That’s why he wanted it to be casual. Because he knew he’d be moving, and he didn’t want to develop feelings, or whatever. But he didn’t tell me that, not until it was too late.”

“Too late?” Of course Yejin had picked up on that! “Why is it too late?”

Junhoe shook his head. She wasn’t stupid, she knew what he meant! He didn’t want to say it.

“Junhoe? Fine, I’ll guess, but you have to tell me if I’m right, okay?” He nodded. As long as he didn’t have to say it. “You fell in love with him, didn’t you? You wanted to date him, and he turned you down.”

Junhoe nodded, because she was mostly right.

Yejin’s expression turned soft then and she patted his knee. “Okay, that is pretty crappy, but at least he was honest with you when you asked. He could have just pretended to date you so he could keep sleeping with you. But at least he told you he was leaving. It when you fall for people who don’t feel the same way, but it happens.”

“He does feel the same way, though,” Junhoe added, unable to help himself, “he said he likes me too, that if he wasn’t moving, he’d have asked me out right away.”

“Oh,” Yejin frowned, “ah that .”

It was all coming out now, even the bits he tried to keep shut away in favour of just being angry. “It’s just bull, noona, if he likes me as much as he says he does, then why is he leaving? Why can’t he just stay, everything he’s going to California for, he can do here! He doesn’t have to go, he’s just choosing to go instead of finding another way around it.” Okay so that was kind of a lie—kind of. He could easily stay here and get his black belt, but it wouldn’t be training with the best. Maybe that’s another reason why it stung.

“Why is he going?”

“He wants to go train with this specific person in jiu jitsu,” Junhoe answered, “but he could just stay here! He’d still get his black belt.”

“How long ago did he start thinking about moving? I guess long before he met you, right? Did you ask him why he didn’t tell you right away?” She sympathized with him, of course, but she also kind of understood where Jinhwan was coming from. He had to think about himself first and foremost.

“It doesn’t matter,” Junhoe replied, “he should have told me! Instead he lied to me, and he’s an for it. I hope his plane crashes on the way over there.”

“Junhoe!” Yejin snapped at him. “Don’t say things like that, no matter how upset you are. Don’t wish ill.”

He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the wall (he didn’t want Jinhwan’s plan to crash, he just wanted it to never take off so he’d have to stay). “You know I spent weeks wondering why he wouldn’t date me? I thought something was wrong with me. But instead it was just because he’d lied to me. So he’s an , okay? He’s a huge ing .”

Yejin was calm beside him—too calm, in Junhoe’s opinion.

“Why aren’t you mad, noona?” It was like Hanbin all over again. Was she going to try and justify Jinhwan’s actions? Why wasn’t anyone taking his side without him having to ask?

“Because I don’t believe in getting angry before I know all the details,” Yejin replied, “don’t roll your eyes at me, Junhoe! I know you’re hurt, and I understand why. You’re justified in being upset, absolutely. But there’s a difference between someone being intentionally hurtful, and being accidentally hurtful. I doubt he did this with the intention to hurt you, Junhoe. Did he?”

Junhoe couldn’t believe her right now.

Yejin carried on because she knew how to read his silence. “Of course he didn’t, you know that, even though right now it doesn’t matter to you. You’re hurt, and you want to be angry, and you want him to know that you’re angry. But here’s the thing, and this comes from personal experience. Sometimes happens, and you get hurt in situations. But you can decide if it’s something you really want to be that upset about. Just because someone does something that hurts you, doesn’t mean that it has to feel like the end of the world. The more anger you carry around, the worse you are going to feel.”

“So what, I’m supposed to forgive him and not be upset? Is that what you’re saying?” Junhoe turned his glare on her.

Her expression was annoyingly soft again, like he was some kind of injured animal that she had to care for. “No. You don’t have to forgive him, and you don’t have to get over it. But you don’t have to hate him for it. You don’t have to be enraged every time you hear his name.”

Junhoe shook his head. “He’s an .”

“But you love him, right? Did he ever do anything before to hurt you?”

No, of course he hadn’t. The lie notwithstanding, Jinhwan had been nothing short of excellent. He didn’t want to admit that, though, so he just kept quiet.

“Have you tried to talk to him since? You should. This is a tough time in your life, both of you. He has to think about what’s best for him, and that’s not always what’s best for the people he cares about.”

“He doesn’t care about me.” Junhoe replied, even though he felt like that was probably a lie (knew it was a lie, but it hurt to admit it).

Yejin shook her head. “I don’t believe that. You wouldn’t have let yourself fall for someone if you weren’t convinced that they cared about you. I know you, okay, that’s why you don’t have many friends. You don’t want to get attached to people who won’t be just as attached to you. But now he’s moving, away from everyone probably. If he didn’t care about you, he wouldn’t have told you, not until it was closer to the move date.”

Junhoe didn’t want to hear it. She was right, though he’d fight her about it if he had the energy. He just couldn’t right now, he was too hurt about all of it, and the more she talked about it, the more confused he felt. He wanted to be angry, but being angry was exhausting. He couldn’t just forgive him and act like nothing bad had happened, though.

“What happened with Wonjae?” Time for a change of topic.

Yejin was silent for a moment before answering. “He keeps making all of these off handed comments when we’re out, about our future. At first it was just around friends, but he did it too when we were in Japan. All kinds of things, like where we’re going to live when we get married, that we’re going to have kids right away.”

Junhoe looked at her in confusion. “What? Are you engaged, noona?”

“No.” Yejin replied. “He and I haven’t even talked about it.”

“So then why is he saying that stuff?”

Yejin shrugged and leaned back on her hands. “I don’t know. At first I thought that maybe he was just trying to compensate in front of people, because a number of his friends have gotten engaged or married this year. His brother is engaged now. But it doesn’t matter. It’s the whole tone of how he talks about it that bothers me. Because it’s never a question, or a choice. He doesn’t say when we get married, I think we should live here, what do you think? He says when we get married, we’re going to live here, and our kids will attend this school.”

Junhoe was still confused about the whole thing.

“He’s just putting off this whole vibe like my opinion doesn’t matter, you know? And he does it in front of other people, with no regard for how it’ll make me feel. Like, there’s zero explanation for why he’s doing it. None. And he won’t stop, no matter how many times I bring it up. It just feels very controlling, and I will not be with someone who thinks they can control me like that. Even if he has things that he wants, like what neighbourhood to live in, that’s fine. But he’s not saying it that way. He’s just making some definite decision for me, when I didn’t even know there was a question. You know what I mean?”

Junhoe nodded, he was starting to get it. “Yeah, it sounds kinda shady, actually. Like, why is he even talking about you being married if he hasn’t asked you?”

“Exactly. It’s controlling behaviour, just for show. I can’t accept that. It’s different than him just being selfish, for instance. Like if he still gave me a choice in the matter. I want us to live here, and if you want to live somewhere else, then it won’t work between us. But no. No choice. Just this is what I want, and you don’t get a say.”

Junhoe didn’t say anything, just thought about it. He could understand why she was upset. The more he thought about it, really, the more he wanted to find Wonjae and break his legs. His sister didn’t deserve to be treated like that.

“So that’s it, really. He’s a controlling person, who I thought cared about me more than he does. But he repeatedly does the same thing, without acknowledging that it actually bothers me. It just to find out that someone you really like doesn’t respect you enough to include you in their plans for you.”

“He’s an .” Junhoe replied, and he thought briefly, compared them in his mind. Was that her intention? Wonjae’s hurt was obviously intentional, because he refused to accept she was even hurt and kept doing it to her. Jinhwan, on the other hand, had only hurt him once, and as much as he wanted to say that he didn’t have a reason, Junhoe knew that he did have a reason. If Jinhwan’s mother hadn’t agreed to let him go they’d be dating officially right now, Jinhwan would be his boyfriend and Junhoe would have been none the wiser about California.

Intentional vs accidental.

“Do you really think I should talk to him?” Junhoe asked.

Yejin took his hand, squeezing it tightly. “Do you want to talk to him?”

Junhoe squeezed her hand back and nodded. It hurt him to admit that. He missed Jinhwan.

“Before you do, you need to figure out what you actually want, though. What’s the end goal of your discussion? Do you just need some kind of closure, or do you want to try and be friends with him still?”

Junhoe shrugged. “I don’t know. I just,” he took a deep breath, trying to stave off any potential tears, “I just want to talk him again? I’m angry, and even if I shouldn’t, I kind of hate him right now. But I miss him.” He felt a few tears slip out of his eyes and he screwed them tightly shut. “Is that stupid?”

Yejin smiled softly at him, her thumb rubbing over the back of his hand. “That’s not stupid, Junhoe-ya,” she answered, “that’s just love.”
 

“You don’t think we’re reading too much into this, do you?” Donghyuk looked between them, like he wanted them to convince him (for the hundredth time) why they thought this was a legit date, and not just two guys hanging out.

“We’ve been over this numerous times,” Hanbin said, “the signs all point to him asking as a date. You’d know for sure if you stopped being such a chicken and asked him, but instead you’re just driving us crazy with your own doubt.”

Donghyuk whined because he knew Hanbin was speaking the truth. That didn’t make it any easier. He and Yunhyeong had been texting constantly for two weeks now, and yesterday Yunhyeong had asked him if he wanted to go and see a movie together. Donghyuk had said yes, of course, but there was no indication if it was just a night out as friends or something more. He wanted to ask, but he was afraid of Yunhyeong’s answer.

“Speaking from experience, you should ask him to make sure,” Junhoe interjected, his voice gruff and angrier than he realized, “better to know now so you don’t have to spend so much time doubting yourself.”

Hanbin and Donghyuk shared a look between them. This was kind of an improvement for Junhoe. For days he’d been flat out ignoring anything to do with his own experience, so for him to relate his struggles to Donghyuk was a step in the right direction. That didn’t mean they’d engage him on it, though, because that was a potential eruption that might dampen the mood. Best to let him start talking about it on his own time.

“What are you guys going to see?” Hanbin asked, reaching out to ruffle his hand through Donghyuk’s hair. The pair were meeting in an hour and they were trying to help Donghyuk look as good as possible. Hanbin was wondering if they shouldn’t do something different with Donghyuk’s hair.

“Honestly I forget,” Donghyuk answered, “I was too focused on the whole, we’re going to see a movie together thing. I don’t know if I’ll even pay attention to the movie.”

Hanbin grinned. “Well if he suggests that you sit in the back row, you’ll know it’s probably a date.” He swept Donghyuk’s hair back off his forehead.

“Oh be quiet,” Donghyuk laughingly replied, “do you think I should do something with my hair?”

“Yeah, I mean you know that Yunhyeong’s pretty focused on looks based on himself and his friends—”

“He’s not that vain, Hanbin!” Donghyuk replied.

“I’m not criticizing him for it,” Hanbin said, “it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Pretty people like looking pretty, and they like other people who look pretty. It’s the natural order of the world.”

Junhoe huffed and came closer to them, surveying what Hanbin was doing with Donghyuk’s hair. “That’s a lie,” he said, and when Hanbin looked at him, Junhoe just shrugged. “If pretty people only like pretty people, then why do you like Bobby?”

Hanbin laughed. “Ah, really? You haven’t insulted Bobby in weeks, come on.”

“I’m more amused that he’s calling you pretty,” Donghyuk interrupted, “didn’t know Hanbin was your type!”

Junhoe frowned. “He’s not!”

“Hold on, did you just say that because you’re trying to say that Junhoe is pretty?” Hanbin teased Donghyuk.

“Well, you said pretty people like pretty people, and he likes you, sooo…” Donghyuk teased back.

“I like both of you,” Junhoe interrupted, “but I still think that I’m the best looking one of us three.”

“Ah, there we go,” Hanbin replied, “as expected.”

“Just as pretty on the inside as he is on the outside,” Donghyuk teased, reaching out to pinch Junhoe’s cheek.

Junhoe tried to move out of the way, just for show, but he let Donghyuk pinch his cheek. It felt good, being with his friends, teasing each other. It helped to keep his mind off of Jinhwan. It still always came back to him, but he’d take all the minutes he could where Jinhwan was shoved to the background. Even after his talk with Yejin, he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to talk to Jinhwan yet. He missed him, sure, but that wasn’t reason enough to break his silence. He was holding out hope that if he put it off long enough, maybe he just wouldn’t want to talk to him at all.

“So what do you think about Donghyuk’s hair?” Hanbin asked him. “Leave it down or push it back?”

Junhoe let Jinhwan slip out of his thoughts again and focused on Donghyuk’s face. “Yeah, push it back, it makes you look manlier.”

Hanbin reached for some hair gel and together he and Junhoe styled Donghyuk’s hair, and Junhoe spent a whole fifteen minutes not thinking about Jinhwan.
 

Donghyuk hadn’t stopped smiling since they’d met at the theatre, and now they were standing in line to buy popcorn. Donghyuk was certain it was supposed to be a date. The way Yunhyeong’s eyes had gone wide when he’d taken him in, how he’d blushed a little when they greeted each other… It wasn’t the way friends greeted one another. It had to mean there was more to it.

He was so caught up in his belief that his fantasy was correct that he didn’t see the problem until it was right in front of him, sneering expression and cold tone of voice.

“Eh Yun-ah what’s up?”

Donghyuk peered around Yunhyeong to see one of his friends (Donghyuk didn’t know his name, only vaguely recognized him). There was a slightly panicked look on Yunhyeong’s face, though, and it set Donghyuk off too.

“Hey Kwanghee,” Yunhyeong replied, his voice tense enough to make it obvious that he was uncomfortable.

Kwanghee looked pointedly at Donghyuk. “Weird choice of movie date,” Kwanghee said pointedly, looking from Yunhyeong to Donghyuk and back again.

“It’s not a date.” Yunhyeong replied hurriedly, and Donghyuk’s heart dropped at how quickly he said it.

Kwanghee laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. “I’d certainly hope not,” he said with a laugh, like he thought Yunhyeong’s response was funny, “pity friendship, I get it! Doing your good deed.” Kwanghee grinned and gave Yunhyeong a look that was a little challenging.

Yunhyeong recovered himself a bit. “Shut up,” he said half-heartedly, “we’re friends because I like Donghyuk, okay? Quit teasing me about it.”

Kwanghee laughed and shook his head. “Whatever you say, man. I’ve gotta get back to my date, which is a girl, who’s very pretty. See you around!” Kwanghee left, and Yunhyeong watched him go, while Donghyuk just stood there and bit the inside of his cheek to keep his wits about him.

Okay, so it wasn’t a date, whatever. It was still a big deal that Yunhyeong had invited him out to see a movie, especially given the reaction of his friends. Donghyuk had to remind himself that just because he was friends with people who were more outspoken than Yunhyeong, it didn’t mean anything. Yunhyeong’s social circle was very different from Donghyuk’s. He had an image to maintain, and given how some of his friends acted, it was a big challenge for him to publicly befriend Donghyuk.

And maybe Yunhyeong had lied anyway. It’s not like he could outright tell his friends he was interested in a guy, right? Maybe he was still figuring it out himself. There were so many possibilities…

“Uh, I’m sorry about that,” Yunhyeong said, “that was rude of him, I’m sorry.”

Donghyuk forced a smiled. “It’s okay, hyung, you can’t control your friends, I understand.”

Yunhyeong frowned. “I know, but that’s twice now that my friends have said rude things to your face. I really don’t want you to think that I, well—” Yunhyeong floundered for words, not even sure exactly what he wanted to say.

“It’s okay hyung, really.” Donghyuk said, even though it wasn’t okay. But it wasn’t Yunhyeong’s fault. He was trying to fight back against his friends, wasn’t he? Sure, twice now they’d said rude things, but Yunhyeong had told them off for it both times. That counted for a lot.

Yunhyeong nodded, but still looked upset. “Our movie’s just about to start, so let’s go get seats?” They made their way into the theatre, finding a pair of seats near the top. Donghyuk was glad it was dark so he could easily hide the droop in his expression.

He’d been stupid to think this was a date. Even if Yunhyeong did like him that way, there was no way he’d do anything about it with his friends, right? And what if his family was the same way? Maybe Junhoe had been right. Maybe he needed to ask, just so he knew, for a fact, right away. Donghyuk didn’t mind daydreaming, but sometimes it felt so real. Sometimes it was easy to get caught up in dreams and forget reality.

The movie started as soon as they sat down and Donghyuk tried to keep his focus on the movie, tried to get lost in the plot and the characters. But a few times their hands brushed when they reached for popcorn, and they both pulled back quickly every time, like the touch was a shock. It was uncomfortable.

Things were a little calmer by the end, that heavy tension that had settled over them right before had lifted over the course of the movie. Donghyuk still felt a little uncomfortable, but he was chalking that up to his own thoughts, his own feelings. Yunhyeong seemed fine.

Yunhyeong wasn’t fine, though, not even close. He was worried that instead of this night being the catalyst to something he desperately wanted, he worried that he’d ruined everything instead. Donghyuk wasn’t his usual smiley self, what had happened with Kwanghee was obviously pulling him down.

He had to fix this thing. He’d been the one to screw it up, so it was on him to make it better.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” He asked Donghyuk, and he knew how awkward it sounded, but he was relieved when Donghyuk said yes. Yunhyeong just needed a more private setting to have this talk.

Donghyuk had a multitude of thoughts running through his head as he followed Yunhyeong. Was Yunhyeong about to tell him that they couldn’t hang out anymore? Was he going to explain how difficult it would be for him to keep his friendship going? Donghyuk thought it might just break his heart. He hoped that maybe Yunhyeong just wanted to tell him that he wasn’t interested in him romantically, wanted to tell him that he liked girls, but that he liked hanging out with him as a friend too.

It was ridiculous for him to have thought that Yunhyeong was into him. Yunhyeong was older, and so much better looking, he was popular and cool, everyone liked him. Why had Donghyuk even thought there was a chance that Yunhyeong liked him like that? Hanbin and Junhoe had just gotten into his head too much. They’d made him see things that weren’t really there.

Yunhyeong started talking once they got out of the crowded streets, once they were walking through a quieter neighbourhood. “So, I wanted to apologize again about earlier,” he started, “you know, my friends tease me a lot about dating because I’ve actually never had a girlfriend before.”

Donghyuk was surprised to hear that. “Really?” He’d expected that Yunhyeong would have had a few girlfriends by now.

Yunhyeong looked at him and nodded. “Yeah, I’ve had a lot of girls show interest, but I never dated any of them. My friends are pretty ruthless, but I mean most friends are anyway, right? It’s not friendship if you don’t tease each other over things.”

Donghyuk knew there was truth to that, but he couldn’t help but feel wronged anyway. “That’s still kind of mean of them, though.”

Yunhyeong looked away, his gaze on the road. His heart sped up a little, because he’d decided to just come out and say it. It wasn’t the way he’d planned it, but then the movie itself was supposed to have gone differently. He had to adapt. 

“Before I met you I thought I liked girls.”

Donghyuk’s mouth dropped open in shock and he almost stopped walking. Yunhyeong wasn’t looking at him, but Donghyuk could see the nervous lines in his face even from the side profile. Yunhyeong had just said that before he’d met him he thought he’d liked girls and Donghyuk could feel his own heart rate increase at the sudden admission. “What do you think now?” He asked, wide eyes on Yunhyeong, who suddenly stopped walking and instead turned to face him.

Yunhyeong almost felt like his heart had stopped entirely, like it was waiting for him to admit how he felt before it decided to start beating again. Like if he chickened out and said nothing it wouldn’t start up again at all. He didn’t know how long he stood there staring at Donghyuk before he suddenly reached out and cupped Donghyuk’s face in his hands and pressed an awkward kiss to his mouth.

His first kiss. The first time he’d ever wanted to kiss someone.

“I’m sorry I said it wasn’t a date,” he blurted out, “because it was a date. I want to date you, but I’m just afraid of what everyone will think of me. Because I won’t hide it, you and me, I won’t hide it. But I don’t know what my family will think, and I know most of my friends won’t accept it, so I just don’t know how to come out to them. I just feel trapped, and that’s why I said it wasn’t a date.”

Donghyuk didn’t respond for a few seconds, couldn’t physically make any words come out. But his expression slowly turned from shock to happiness, a slow smile pulling up at the corners of his mouth.

Yunhyeong wanted to date him. He wanted to date him and he didn’t even want to hide it. It was more than Donghyuk had ever dared to dream about. But the longer he took to answer the more Yunhyeong’s expression changed, and Donghyuk was surprised when he realized that Yunhyeong looked afraid.

“It’s okay,” Donghyuk said, and it really was, he understood why Yunhyeong had reacted that way, he didn’t blame him. “I was afraid too, before I came out. I understand how you feel. I can help you figure it all out, what you want to say, and when you want to say it.”

Yunhyeong looked relieved at Donghyuk’s response. “I’ve been thinking about this moment for weeks, I was so worried I’d screwed it up because of Kwanghee.”

Donghyuk grinned. “You didn’t screw anything up, hyung.”

Yunhyeong grinned back, and the colour came back to his face, his cheeks tinged pink and Donghyuk thought he was the cutest guy ever. “Hey, are you hungry? I know a really good barbeque place.”

Donghyuk nodded. He was starving. Even though he’d eaten a bunch of popcorn, his worried nerves seemed to have consumed it all and left his stomach empty. “Yeah, barbeque sounds amazing!”

Yunhyeong smiled and soon they were off for the restaurant, which wasn’t too long of a walk. Donghyuk was just happy that they were going to eat together, because now it finally felt like a proper date and he could enjoy the moment entirely instead of being worried.

As soon as they walked in the door they were greeted by an older lady who was sitting at a table near the front, eyes on the TV. Her expression brightened the moment she saw Yunhyeong, and Donghyuk wondered for a second if he just came here often to eat and knew the owners.

“Yunhyeong-ah, what a surprise!” She said, and Yunhyeong walked up to her, Donghyuk in tow.

“I wanted to come visit, halmoni.” Yunhyeong replied, and the realization of who Yunhyeong was talking to hit Donghyuk like a tonne of bricks. This was his grandmother.

“I can see that,” she replied, and her eyes flitted from Yunhyeong to Donghyuk, “and I see you’ve brought a friend with you.”

Yunhyeong was a little nervous, but he’d talked to his grandmother a lot about his lack of interest, and he hoped that meant that she would understand. Hoped that she would support him. “Well, you remember how many times we’ve talked about me, and how I never liked anyone?” His expression was nervous as he waited for her response, but after a few seconds she seemed to figure it out.

“Of course I remember those talks. I told you that there must have been one special person out there, waiting for you to find them.” She smiled at him, cast a quick glance at Donghyuk.

“Well, I think you were right. And I met that person.” He reached back for Donghyuk, took his hand and pulled him forward. “This is my boyfriend, Donghyuk.”

Donghyuk could barely contain himself through the whole thing, but especially when Yunhyeong called him his boyfriend. It was more than he’d hoped for so soon, and it was something he’d wanted so badly for so long. He smiled at Yunhyeong’s grandmother, and she seemed to have such a warm expression as she looked at him.

Donghyuk bowed to her. “It’s an honour to meet you.”

She reached out to lightly smack his arm. “Ah, so polite! And what a sweet face, too. I like this boy already.”

Yunhyeong felt like sinking down to the floor in relief. He had his grandmother’s support. Not only support but she liked Donghyuk, not only from her words but her reactions. It was a weight lifted off his shoulders. If his parents had misgivings, his grandmother would be there to help. If his friends had a problem, well, he’d find new friends.

“Well, I don’t think you came here just to tell me, did you? Have a seat and let me go get your mother to prepare you something, alright?” She ushered them to a table and Donghyuk sat down opposite Yunhyeong, a bright smile on his face as he watched her head for the back.

Yunhyeong was overjoyed, but suddenly he reached for Donghyuk’s hands. “I’m sorry,” he said in a rush, and Donghyuk looked at him in confusion.

“Sorry for what?” There was nothing he could possibly be sorry for. The night was turning out perfect.

Yunhyeong smiled abashedly at him. “Well, I introduced you as my boyfriend, but I never actually asked you if you would be.”

Donghyuk actually blushed at the comment, it was so sweet. “You didn’t have to ask,” he replied, squeezing Yunhyeong’s hands, “I’m happy to call myself your boyfriend.”
 

Hanbin had told Junhoe that he and Bobby had a date, but that had only been a half-truth. In reality he was at Bobby’s place, lying on his bed with Jinhwan and helping him decide where he wanted to live when he moved. Bobby was in the kitchen helping his mother make lunch.

“Ah, hyung seriously, you’re making me want to apply somewhere overseas too. I’m so jealous.”

Jinhwan grinned. “Well you’re so smart I’m sure you could easily get yourself a scholarship, then you can come over and we can live together.”

“Ah don’t tempt me,” Hanbin replied.

“Come on, I’m sure Bobby would be down with the idea. Besides your parents are rich, so we could probably get a nice place if they kick in money too.” Jinhwan joked, but in reality his heart ached for that idea. He was constantly flip flopping back and forth between being afraid and being excited. But having Hanbin and Bobby with him would make everything better.

Hanbin grinned and opened another apartment listing. “Well, my dad does have business contacts in Los Angeles, so it’s honestly not a crazy idea. There’s only one problem.”

Jinhwan knew what that one problem was, and his face dropped at the mention. He was trying to ignore the pangs in his heart, but it was tough. “What if we tried hypnotherapy?”

Hanbin laughed. “I don’t know if there’s a hypnotherapist strong enough to change Junhoe’s mind, but we’ll look for one. Actually, I have the tiniest bit of progress to report.”

Jinhwan’s eyes shot wide open at the comment. He kept asking Hanbin for updates about Junhoe’s feelings towards him, even though he didn’t expect them to get better any time soon. “What progress?”

“We were helping Donghyuk get ready for his date with Yunhyeong, and Junhoe actually sort of brought you up. I mean it wasn’t in a good way, but still, that’s the first time since that day he’s referenced you at all.” Hanbin looked at Jinhwan, who frowned back at him. “No really, hyung! That means his anger is finally starting to come down a bit.”

Jinhwan flopped onto his back and let out a loud whine. “Is he ever going to talk to me again? Honestly, Hanbin, you’re his best friend. Do you think there’s any chance he’ll forgive me?”

Hanbin wasn’t sure. “It’s tough to guess, he was really hurt. I mean, he got hurt in two ways. His pride got demolished, and you’re leaving soon. Even if you hadn’t kept it from him and it was a surprise thing that you couldn’t help, he probably wouldn’t talk to you because he’d be too heart-broken over you leaving. But now he’s angry and he misses you.”

Jinhwan looked up at him at the comment. “Do you really think he misses me?”

Hanbin heard the uncertainty in Jinhwan’s voice and he looked down at him, surprised at Jinhwan’s hopeful expression. “Of course he misses you, hyung. But that’s probably making him angrier at himself.”

Jinhwan frowned and looked back up at the ceiling. It had been over a week now, but it wasn’t any easier. He tried to stay distracted, but Junhoe kept popping back up in his head. He knew it was his own fault, but it still felt a little unfair. He had to do what was right for himself, and he’d never meant for anyone to get hurt. But Junhoe’s refusal to so much as acknowledge him made every day hard to get through. He didn’t feel right complaining to anyone about it, because everyone else was hurt too, and everything was his fault.

He was surprised when he felt Hanbin’s hand settle on his head and start ruffling his hair. This was all unfair to Hanbin, especially. He’d broken the heart of Hanbin’s best friend, and he’d hurt Hanbin’s boyfriend, so by all rights Hanbin ought to hate him too. But instead Hanbin was here, consoling him. Jinhwan felt like he didn’t quite deserve it.

“How come you’ve been nothing but nice to me throughout this whole thing?”

Hanbin seemed surprised by the question, and he took a few seconds to think before answering. “I guess because I understand why you did it,” he answered, “I keep thinking about it, about what I would have done if I were in your shoes. Honestly I don’t know if I would have done anything different, I probably would have hid it too.”

Jinhwan’s expression screwed up into one of disbelief. “Really? That surprises me, you seem like the type that would tell people about stuff like that.”

Hanbin just shrugged at him. “I’d want to think that I would tell people, but it’s easy to say what you would have done when you’re not actually in the situation. But when you really stop and think about everything you were going through, I can’t blame you for not telling anyone.”

“I honestly didn’t think my mom would agree to it when I decided that I wanted to do it.” Jinhwan felt better hearing Hanbin admit that, though it sparked an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach that he couldn’t understand just yet.

“You were already worried enough, you didn’t want to worry anyone else. I can relate to that, I don’t like worrying people either until I know things for sure.”

Jinhwan nodded, happy that Hanbin related to it. But then suddenly he realized what the uncomfortable feeling was. “Hanbin, you’d tell Bobby if you were thinking about something like this, right?”

“Of course I would, hyung,” Hanbin replied, “I’d tell him as soon as I started thinking about it. I wouldn’t have before this, though, I might have tried to figure things out first and see if it was even possible. But this situation made me realize that it wouldn’t be right to do that for big decisions.”

Jinhwan was relieved at his answer. He’d already hurt Bobby enough himself, he didn’t want the same thing to happen with Hanbin. “Good. Just making sure.”

While that was going on, Bobby had been in the kitchen, “helping” his mother. In reality, he’d just been trying to deal with his still mixed-up emotions about Jinhwan leaving.

“I’m just having a hard time trying to be supportive,” he admitted, leaning on the countertop next to her, “I know he’s going through a hard time right now with everything, but every time he brings up moving and tries to include me in helping him make decisions, I have to force myself to do it. That’s bad of me, right? I don’t want to help him move away.”

“I understand why you’d feel that way, baby,” she replied, “I felt the same way when your brother moved out.”

“But he’s still in the city, mom!” Bobby whined, even though he knew she was just trying to relate to his struggles.

“I know, but to a mom, not having your babies in the same place as you all the time is tough. I don’t even want to think about you leaving me one day. My heart is going to break.” She gave him a sad sort of smile, and it just made Bobby feel worse.

“So what do I do? How do I act excited about him leaving me?”

“That’s your problem, right there,” she said, “you’re thinking about it the wrong way. Of course you’re not going to be excited if you think about it as Jinan-ie leaving you. Instead think about it as being excited for him to start a new chapter in his life. He wants you to help him, it’s important to him to get your opinion. That’s what you need to be excited about.”

“But how do I do that? I mean, it would be different if I was going with him, or at least going to visit. Then I know that I’d be able to see it all myself. But instead I have to be excited to help him plan to go somewhere and I won’t even get to go. So I’m sad because he’s leaving, and then I’ll be sad again because he’s going to get to do a bunch of exciting things that I won’t get to do.” Bobby was trying to keep that part of his feelings in check, the jealousy. He’d love to be able to move away to the US for university, but his parents would never be able to afford it.

“If you want to go and visit him, you’ll find a way, baby. There comes a time in your life when you have to start doing things for yourself, instead of relying on other people to plan things for you.”

Bobby frowned and looked up at her. “Are you trying to tell me you want me to get a job?”

She laughed at him. “I’m not telling you to do anything. But if you want to be able to visit him, you can’t just sit around and hope it’ll happen. Do something to make it happen.”

She was right, he knew that. His parents wouldn’t be able to afford to pay for a plane ticket for him to go and visit Jinhwan in the US. If he wanted that, he’d have to work for it himself.

“Jiwon-ah,” she said softly to him, “if you want my advice, then what you really need to do is enjoy your time with him now, before he leaves. You’ll have plenty of time to miss him when he’s gone. Instead of being out here, talking to me, you should be in your room, talking to him.”

Bobby nodded, and he pushed himself up off the counter. “Thanks for listening to me complain.” He stood behind her and hugged her, truly grateful she was willing to listen to him.

“Ah, baby! I love you, and it hurts my heart to see you struggling. But that’s life, and you have to accept that these things happen. These days it’s easy to stay in touch with people who are far away, so don’t forget that. Don’t you remember when we lived in ia? The easiest way to communicate was by telephone, because our internet was so slow. But now you and Jinhwan can video chat on your phone, and it’s fast and clear. It’s easy to feel like you’re still together, you just have to commit time to talking. You’ll see it won’t really be as bad as you think it will be.”

He felt a little better after hearing her talk, and it was true, after all. Technology had come a long way, and even though they’d be dealing with an annoying time difference, it wouldn’t be any different than when Jinhwan had been in Jeju, and he’d survived those years easily. The toughest part would probably just be the jealousy, really.

He kissed his mother and hugged her one last time before leaving the kitchen and heading back to his bedroom. He paused in the door, watching Jinhwan and Hanbin cuddled up together on his bed. He was lucky, really. If he hadn’t met Hanbin, Jinhwan would still be leaving to go to California, and Bobby would be even more alone. But he Hanbin now, so really, he’d be okay.

“I can’t believe you two,” he grumbled from his spot at the door, “I was slaving away in the kitchen helping my mom, and you two are in here cuddling without me?”

They both grinned and pulled apart, and Jinhwan patted the empty space in between them. “We were keeping your spot warm for you.”

Bobby walked over and sat in between them. His mother was right. He had to enjoy the rest of his time before Jinhwan left, and he wanted to help him figure out his impending life in America. Instead of feeling sorry for himself, Bobby would start looking for a job, and he’d start saving money so he could go and visit Jinhwan as soon as possible. It was so easy to mope and be sad, but that wouldn’t help any of them. Instead he needed to be excited, because Jinhwan needed to be excited.

So he pulled both of them against him and took Jinhwan’s laptop from Hanbin. “Okay, did we find you any good places to live yet?”

He could do this. For Jinhwan, and for himself.