Bobby couldn’t do anything except stare. He’d waited months for this, longer than he’d ever waited for anything before. He had Hanbin right there in front of him, completely and lying face down on his bed, head pillowed on his arms, waiting. It was funny in a way—now that he was finally here, Bobby was the one taking his time and drawing it out.
 

Once Hanbin had finally let down his guard on the couch he’d been putty in Bobby’s hands, had given him control of everything. He wondered if it would always be like this, Hanbin soft as a kitten, letting him dictate everything. He doubted that it would last long, because Hanbin did have a rather aggressive side. Bobby had never been with anyone like that before, he’d always gone for partners that didn’t fight him, ones that would let him run everything.

It was surprising to realize that he hoped Hanbin wouldn’t stay like this. The time would come when Hanbin was going to push back, when he was going to be experienced enough to start pushing Bobby around, and Bobby almost couldn’t believe that he was actually looking forward to it. But maybe that’s how he knew that his feelings for Hanbin were legit, and that they were meant to last. Hanbin had made him start to long for things that he’d never wanted before. Like actually being ed. Bobby had never let any of his exes even suggest a swap in their roles before. But he wanted Hanbin to do it one day, whenever he was ready. He wanted to give that gift to Hanbin. It was weird to think about it, but still a little exciting.

After enough waiting Hanbin finally looked at Bobby over his shoulder, his face pulled in a petulant frown. “What’s taking you so long?”

Bobby grinned back at him before he reached out and slid a hand over the back of Hanbin’s thigh, fingers skimming over the soft skin. “Patience, Bin-ah,” Bobby said teasingly, “I can’t just slam it in.”

“Yeah I know,” Hanbin replied with a slightly irritated tone, “just because I haven’t done it, doesn’t mean I haven’t done my research.”

“Ah right, all that you’ve been watching,” Bobby teased again, before leaning down to kiss the back of Hanbin’s thigh.

Hanbin squirmed at the kiss, slightly embarrassed at how much he liked it. “I’m not talking about ,” Hanbin replied, feeling the need to explain himself despite the situation, “’s hardly realistic. I mean I read a lot of things about it. A bunch of articles about what to expect. Donghyuk lent me this book he has, it’s in English but I understood most of it.”

Bobby listened to him ramble on and he was hit with this fleeting feeling like he didn’t even care if they actually had tonight. This is what he wanted—to just be intimate with Hanbin. Lying together, , just talking. It was oddly fulfilling and he was certain that Jinhwan would laugh at him for feeling that way.

He trailed his mouth a little further up Hanbin’s thigh, his tongue dragging a trail over his skin. He brought both hands up to Hanbin’s , squeezed his cheeks lightly. Hanbin whined at the contact and Bobby watched as he grinded himself down into the blankets. He didn’t think Hanbin probably realized he was doing it.

With a final squeeze Bobby sat back on his heels and grabbed for the bottle of lube that lay on the bed by his feet. He squeezed a generous amount into his palm to warm up, and without saying a word he ran a lubed up finger in between Hanbin’s cheeks, a move that had Hanbin whining again. Bobby wished he could record this. Not even for ual gratification—but just so he could remember it if he ever forgot. Everything was new for Hanbin now, in a way that made it kind of new for Bobby, too.

He pushed his finger against the little ring of muscle at Hanbin’s hole, surprised when Hanbin pushed back against him. Bobby grinned, amused that Hanbin was already getting a little aggressive. With his free hand he ran his fingers over Hanbin’s inner thigh as a distraction, a move that made Hanbin spread his legs a little wider, like he was trying to give Bobby greater access.

He took it slow, took time before he started to work his finger in, always keeping a watchful eye on Hanbin’s body language. When he tensed up with the first breach Bobby palmed Hanbin’s balls, squeezing them as a distraction. It worked, and eventually Bobby managed to work the first finger in, and Hanbin relaxed.

Hanbin was a little surprised at how ready he felt. Ready to give everything over to Bobby, his brain dominated by the need to listen and learn and enjoy. Even though he’d read a lot about what to expect, it still didn’t prepare him for he actual sting of the first finger. But Bobby knew what to do, handled the situation like a pro, and Hanbin could focus on other things instead, like Bobby’s hands, and how good it felt to have them running over every bit of his skin.

It wasn’t until Bobby had a second finger in that the thought crossed Hanbin’s mind about trust. He trusted Bobby, in a way he’d never trusted anyone before. This whole thing was so intimate and he even felt a little vulnerable, but he was happy to let Bobby do it all. It felt amazing to give himself over to Bobby, to know that Bobby would handle everything and do it all perfectly.

It took Bobby ten minutes to slowly work Hanbin up to three fingers, but it wasn’t just about the girth anymore, because Hanbin was nearly a wreck underneath him, breathing hard and writing, squirming every time Bobby brushed a finger over his prostate. Bobby had started when he slipped the second finger in, he wanted to tease Hanbin with it, drive him absolutely crazy.

Hanbin could barely think around it, except for the feeling like he needed something more, needed more than just Bobby’s fingers. It was wonderful, felt so much better than he’d expected, but it wasn’t enough right now. He wanted to tell him, wanted to ask, but he couldn’t really produce words at the moment. Instead he tried to tell Bobby with his actions, with the way he pushed back onto Bobby’s fingers.

Bobby knew what he was trying to say, and he stretched his fingers out for a few quick pumps before he withdrew them and reached for the , tearing it out of the packet and sliding it over his .

“You ready, babe?” Bobby asked him, elated when Hanbin nodded, no tremors of fear or nerves running along his body anymore. There was nothing but pure, raw desire now. Hanbin was ready. Bobby was ready too.

Sinking into Hanbin was like a dream, and Bobby couldn’t stop himself from thinking of every stupid cliché anyone had ever said about it, about how it felt like Hanbin was made for him, about how they fit together like two perfectly aligned puzzle pieces.

He sunk in all the way and could barely keep himself held up on his arms, but he waited, wanted to make sure Hanbin didn’t tense up or get overwhelmed. But he didn’t. Instead Hanbin laid there underneath him, totally pliant, and his breathing slowed down to a more comfortable pace. Bobby finally sank down against him, until his chest was against Hanbin’s back and his arms tucked in around Hanbin’s arms, stretching his hands up to thread their fingers together.

“You okay?” Bobby asked, and Hanbin nodded. Bobby could see the curve of his lips, could see the smile on Hanbin’s face, and it made him feel like a superhero. He stayed like that for a minute, just enjoyed the peaceful moment of their joining, savouring the fact that he was in him, and that Hanbin liked it. But eventually the hunger took over and he wanted more than just this, more than some soft and peaceful moment.

He pulled out slowly, inch by inch, but Hanbin just pushed himself back onto Bobby, like he didn’t want them to be separated. Bobby wasn’t planning on complete separation though, and he sat back up on his knees, his hands moving to hold Hanbin at the hips, pushing him down against the bed. Bobby started out with a slow pace, his slides in and out relaxed. He had to test Hanbin, had to make sure he was still doing good.

Hanbin was doing perfect, and after a few minutes of getting used to Bobby’s slow movements Hanbin started to move with him, pulling forward when Bobby pulled back, pushing back onto him when Bobby pushed into him. Bobby let Hanbin set that pace at first, let him get comfortable with it, until Hanbin was the one slamming his back into him.

Eventually Hanbin managed to find his voice. “Do it harder, hyung,” he whined, and Bobby went a little bug eyed at the request, didn’t think he’d ever heard anything so hot in his life.

He laid a hand on Hanbin’s back and pushed him down onto the mattress. He pulled out completely just so he could lean over and whisper into Hanbin’s ear.

“You want me to er you harder?” Hanbin let out a shaky moan in response, but Bobby wanted words. “Answer me, babe.”

“Yes, please.” Hanbin answered, immediate in his response.

Bobby grinned and sat back up, got himself lined up again. “As requested! If you feel like screaming, babe, do it into the pillow.” Bobby couldn’t help but tease before slamming forward back into Hanbin, knocking a surprised yelp out of his mouth. “Pillow, Bin-ah,” Bobby punctuated the tease with a hard slap to Hanbin’s , which only made Hanbin push back onto him again.

Hanbin couldn’t believe how amazing it felt, now that he’d kind of gotten used to it. It still stung a little but the sting was good, equally as good as Bobby’s hands were on him, strong and confident in every move.

A few minutes into this harder pace Bobby suddenly grabbed Hanbin’s hair, fingers twisting into the strands and tugging Hanbin’s head back just a little. It wouldn’t be enough to hurt him at all, he just wanted his attention, was dying to see Hanbin’s face.

“It’s too bad there’s no mirror,” Bobby said with a grin, “I wish I could watch your face.”

Hanbin grinned back at him. The idea of being watched made him even more excited. “Next time, okay hyung?”

Bobby was delighted to hear his eagerness, and he had a sudden idea. “Hey, babe? I wanna do something different, okay? Hyung wants to see your pretty face, so we’re gonna switch our position.”

“Mm, whatever you want,” Hanbin replied, and he absolutely meant it.

Bobby pulled out all the way and stood up, his feet on the floor, grinning when Hanbin all but collapsed onto the bed. He reached for him and pulled him around until he had Hanbin sitting up at the side of the bed, looking near delirious already. Bobby pulled him up to kiss him and Hanbin wound his arms around Bobby’s neck, kissed him like he couldn’t get enough of him. Bobby’s hands wandered over Hanbin’s body, over his shoulders and down his sides, gripped his and grabbed his , and every touch made Hanbin gasp, made him hiss against Bobby’s mouth, his knees shaking when Bobby slipped a finger into his and rubbed his prostate.

“Hyung, please,” Hanbin begged, wasn’t even sure in the moment what he was even begging for.

Bobby sat down on the bed, fluffed the pillow up behind him so he could lean back against it. “Come here, sit down on me,” Bobby instructed, and Hanbin did what he asked, crawled onto the bed and straddled Bobby’s lap. Bobby guided Hanbin down onto his , in his breath when Hanbin slid down over him and squeezed around him. He wanted to close his eyes and get lost but he also wanted to watch Hanbin, needed to see him.

Hanbin was surprised at how different it felt like this, and if he were a little more aware of himself he’d probably contemplate angles and think about it from a mathematical standpoint, because he liked to understand why certain things worked the way they did, and different positions wouldn’t be a far reach for him to want to study.

But right now he couldn’t think about anything other than how amazing it felt to have Bobby buried so deeply in him. It felt even better this way, like the angle was perfect for Bobby’s to hit his prostate. He wasn’t sure how long he could possibly last like this.

Bobby could hear it in Hanbin’s needy whines, could see it in the arch of his back and the way his whole body was trembling with the exertion. He wanted to watch him like this, wanted to see him utterly lose it.

He took one of Hanbin’s hands and wrapped it around his . “Jerk yourself off babe,” Bobby asked, “I wanna watch you so hard you can’t sit up anymore.”

Hanbin didn’t even think twice about it, he just tightened his grip around himself and started , pausing only for Bobby to grab his hand back and squirt some lube onto it. Hanbin hadn’t even thought of it, too caught up in everything else. But his got faster and he closed his eyes, could feel his whole body tensing up in preparation.

Bobby wanted his eyes open, though.

“Look at me babe,” Bobby commanded, and Hanbin opened his eyes right away, and maybe it was the look in Bobby’s eyes that pushed him over the edge, because not a second later Hanbin came hard, spilling over his fingers and onto Bobby’s chest. He didn’t know how he was still upright, because his limbs felt like Jello, quivering and boneless.

Almost immediately after Bobby pulled out and pushed him back down against the mattress, and Hanbin could only watch with half-lidded eyes as Bobby grabbed his legs and pulled him in closer, and then suddenly Bobby was inside him again and if it hadn’t been for Bobby’s hand over his mouth, Hanbin might have yelled so loud the neighbours would have come to investigate.

Bobby ed him harder than he’d been willing to so far, hard and fast and almost brutal, chasing after his own release like a jackhammer. Hanbin didn’t even seem like he noticed, too strung out after his own finish, and it wasn’t long before Bobby came as well, buried deep in Hanbin. He collapsed forward over him and buried his face in Hanbin’s neck, gasping for breath.

Hanbin was utterly spent beneath him, but he still instinctively tried to raise his arms around Bobby’s back, wanted to be wrapped as tightly around him as possible. Bobby could barely move his own body, and he kissed Hanbin where he was, lips against his neck.

“I love you, Bin,” Bobby mumbled into Hanbin’s flushed skin, and after a moment he pulled his head up so he could say it again, looking Hanbin in the eyes.

Hanbin was all smiles in response to it, and he tried to tell Bobby that he loved him too, but he couldn’t form the words right now, and it came out so mumbled that all either of them could discern was the too at the end. Bobby laughed and that made Hanbin laugh in turn, and they laid there for a moment, giggling against each other.

Ten minutes later and Hanbin still couldn’t believe they’d actually done it. It had been utterly amazing, all of it. He could barely feel anything now and he wasn’t sure if it was just the euphoria of it all, or if his body was finally getting numb from Bobby’s weight crushing him. He couldn’t help but giggle at the thought. It wasn’t even funny but he couldn’t help himself. Then Bobby moved finally, but the stickiness of Hanbin’s own sandwiched in between their chests just made him laugh even more.

“Yeah, we should go clean up,” Bobby replied, grinning as he watched Hanbin’s giggling face mumble an agreement. Bobby stood up and left him there, content to let him rest for another moment while he got the shower warmed up. When he came back to the bedroom Hanbin still hadn’t moved.

“I see how it is,” Bobby said, walking over to the side of the bed and leaning down to scoop Hanbin up into his arms, just because he could, “you gonna make me do everything for the rest of the night, aren’t you?”

Hanbin just grinned at him and wrapped his arms around Bobby’s neck. “Mmhmm; you’re so strong.”

Bobby wasn’t sure why he almost felt like blushing at the comment. It was ridiculous. “Uh, yeah, your boyfriend’s super strong. Gotta have big muscles so I can carry you around everywhere.”

Hanbin buried his face in Bobby’s neck and kissed him. “It’s hot. You’re hot.”

If Bobby wasn’t so in love, he thought he might just take Hanbin back to the bed and him again because the comment turned him on. But instead he felt a greater urge to to be tender instead of aggressive. Hanbin hissed when Bobby set his feet under the spray of the water, and it made Bobby laugh.

“You okay, babe?”

Hanbin whined and leaned against the wall of the show. “Yeah, I just feel like my legs aren’t working.”

Bobby pulled Hanbin against him, and Hanbin wound his arms around him and kissed him, soft and sweet and full of tender affection. Bobby thought it might be their best kiss ever.

They took their time in the shower, and Bobby finished before Hanbin, leaving him on his own now that Hanbin could stand without fear of falling over. Bobby jumped out first and grabbed a towel to dry himself off with. He grabbed another towel for Hanbin, who stepped out and stood still to allow Bobby to dry him off. With the towel still wrapped around him Hanbin slowly walked back to his room, changing into a pair of soft pyjama pants and a t-shirt that looked big enough to belong to Bobby.

Bobby was in the living room getting changed when Hanbin shuffled in from his bedroom, still clutching the towel in his hand. Bobby grinned and grabbed it from him, using it to dry his hair a little better.

“Wanna finish watching that movie?” Bobby asked, and Hanbin nodded. He honestly didn’t care what they did right now, as long as he could do it nestled in Bobby’s arms.
 

Junhoe had a mouth full of pillow, damp with his own spit. He’d thought that ing Jinhwan had been amazing (and it had been) but now Jinhwan had who knew how many fingers in him, and there was this one spot in particular (he couldn’t remember what it was called and frankly he didn’t care) that Jinhwan kept brushing over and it was doing the craziest things to him. They’d put music on but it hadn’t been loud enough to muffle Junhoe’s moans, so Jinhwan had shoved a pillow in his face.

It seemed to be doing the job, cancelling out the loudest of the noise. Jinhwan smirked as he watched him, feeling somewhat proud of himself for getting Junhoe to this point. Letting Junhoe him first had definitely been the best decision, given how docile he’d been at the beginning. It was the kind of calmness that came from spending yourself inside someone else.

Jinhwan flicked him a few more times before pulling his fingers out, not saying a word before replacing them with his . He slid in and Junhoe didn’t seem bothered in the slightest, didn’t tense up, didn’t seem nervous. Jinhwan sunk in all the way, closing his eyes and just enjoying it. He’d missed this, both sides of it, and now that he was finally here again he wanted to enjoy it fully, without distraction.

He opened his eyes again to look down at Junhoe laid out beneath him. He ran his hands over Junhoe’s back, grinning when it made Junhoe shiver. He was very ticklish, so Jinhwan at the sides again until Junhoe made some grunting noise of admonishment, like he couldn’t believe he had to tell Jinhwan off for tickling him during .

He quit the teasing then and instead opted for grabbing Junhoe’s tightly and pounding into him a few times, hard and rough, before slowing his pace back down. Junhoe actually raised his head from the pillow and made a noise at that (some unintelligible mutter, maybe even a curse, Jinhwan couldn’t tell) and Jinhwan wanted to resume the faster pace, wanted to do it hard again, but he had to hold back a bit.

Junhoe wasn’t even really aware of what was going on anymore, he was too focused on how everything felt, on the weird collision of pleasure and pain. The difference between the fingers and Jinhwan’s actually had been noticeable, but he’d already been right at the end of his rope, so he couldn’t produce any words that made sense, and he felt an odd sort of detachment from his body, like he could feel everything that was happening but he couldn’t rightly control himself at that moment. He could barely make sense of his thoughts, of all the different feelings running through his head.

All he knew was that he really liked it.

Jinhwan ran fingers down his sides and Junhoe loved it, shivered at the light touch. It almost felt like it was too much, and if he could have been able to talk, he’d have told Jinhwan to cut it out, to tone it a down a bit. But he couldn’t make anything work, couldn’t make his voice produce words that his brain understood.

But Junhoe’s unintelligible whine almost bowled Jinhwan over completely, he thought it sounded so hot. He reached around to Junhoe’s front, fingers closing tightly over Junhoe’s , and he rubbed his thumb over the head. Junhoe was already hard again, and when Jinhwan touched him it was like he’d pressed Junhoe’s ‘on button’ and suddenly he felt like he was in control of his functions again, so he bucked back into him, raising off the bed to give Jinhwan’s hand some space.

Jinhwan had told Junhoe to lie face down for two reason: the first being that it would just be easier for him, it would hurt less and require less movement on Junhoe’s part. But the second reason was so Jinhwan wouldn’t be tempted to kiss him. Kissing during was different, it made the whole act a little softer, made you feel closer to the other person. Jinhwan already felt like he was probably getting too close to Junhoe. He wanted to limit his potential for screwing things up.

He was glad for it now because given Junhoe’s noises, Jinhwan really wanted to see his face, wanted to see his expression. Wanted to see his eyes. He wanted to kiss him, wanted to devour him, but it would lead to problems. So he was happy that Junhoe’s face lay just out of reach.

Jinhwan covered his wayward feelings by slamming hard into Junhoe, driven by Junhoe’s own participation, the way he pushed himself back onto Jinhwan. Junhoe had his head raised up from the pillow, and when Jinhwan heard his own name drop from Junhoe’s lips, in a needy and desperate way, it was enough to do him in entirely, and he came hard in Junhoe, fingers gripping tightly to his hips.

Even as Jinhwan came in him, he was still mindful of Junhoe, still squeezed him until he came as well, shooting out over Jinhwan’s hand. Junhoe collapsed immediately against the mattress while Jinhwan remained on shaky limbs for a moment, his arms threatening to give way at any second and send him crashing down over Junhoe’s back. He rolled to the side instead, exhausted and spent.

It was amazing what could do for you sometimes. Suddenly he remember all of the stressful things he’d gone through lately, and they all felt like nothing to him now. Worries about his future? No big deal. Dealing with his confused feelings about Eric? That had been nothing. Talking to his mom about moving to California? Let him call her right now and get her approval! Falling in love with Junhoe? Not a problem.

He’d needed it, the release. Needed it for months. Everything felt simpler now, it all felt elementary. Right now the biggest problem was the sticky mess in his right hand and his utter displeasure at the idea of having to get up and wash it off.

Junhoe, on the other hand, could barely even string two thoughts together. For some reason his brain seemed to be stuck on the idea that he needed to call Hanbin right now, just to tell him how amazing was. He could picture Hanbin’s eyes bugging out when he heard the news, and he wondered if he’d be mad that Junhoe had beaten him to it? Thinking about it made him laugh, though at first his laughter was strictly internal because he just didn’t have the energy to laugh out loud. If he could move he’d grab his phone, but he felt like he was broken right now, which just made the whole thing even funnier to him.

He felt a weight on his back then, and it took him a moment to realize that it was Jinhwan, and for some reason that just made him want to laugh again. Was it normal to laugh this much after ? Was something wrong with him? Well, not wrong because all the laughing made him feel even better, and there was nothing wrong with feeling better, was there?

“Are you okay?” Jinhwan asked, laying across Junhoe’s back and grinning at all the giggling coming out of him. It was cute though, and he understood it all too well. He’d been a giggling mess as well after his first time. That just meant it had been really good.

“Mmhmm,” Junhoe hummed in acknowledgement, trying to nod his head but failing. Everything was hilarious to him right now.

“Did you like it?” Jinhwan asked, his voice as soft as his heart felt at the moment. It was the laughing, and the good memories that came with them.

“Mmhmm,” Junhoe replied, and Jinhwan almost felt tempted to start laughing too, it was contagious right now. He wrapped an arm around Junhoe’s chest, his head resting against Junhoe’s shoulder blade. It was a dangerously affectionate moment, because he was seconds away from kissing him. He forced himself to hold back, forced himself to think about Junhoe. Jinhwan would understand that a kiss right now was only for the moment, but Junhoe wouldn’t. He’d get swept up if Jinhwan let him. He couldn’t let him.

So he forced himself to sit up. “Let’s go shower, we’re too sticky.”

Junhoe shook his head, craning his head back over his shoulder to frown at Jinhwan. “No, stay.”

Jinhwan grinned at him. Staying here right now was a terrible idea, mostly because he actually wanted to. Granted the shower could be equally dangerous, but he was hoping that the spray of semi-cold water might help to jolt them both out of this warm and affectionate moment.

“Nope, come on, you’ll regret it if you don’t shower right now, trust me. You’ll thank me later.”

Junhoe frowned but allowed Jinhwan to pull him up and drag him into the bathroom. Junhoe’s eyes could barely stay open, though, all he wanted to do was sink back down into bed (with Jinhwan next to him) and allow himself to succumb to the warm embrace of sleep. It was torture to move, especially because his limbs were all shaky, and he wondered if he’d even make it into the shower.

He just couldn’t stop thinking about how good it had all been. So much better than he’d expected, better than he’d thought it could be. Would it always be that good? Had it only been that good because it had been with Jinhwan? Of course Jinhwan knew what he was doing, but Junhoe had all of these damn feelings for him, complicated feelings, sure, but they were strong. He just wanted to express them. He was terrible at expressing himself, though.

He knew he wasn’t supposed to be getting caught up like this, it hadn’t been what they’d agreed to do. But he couldn’t help it—Jinhwan was honestly kind of perfect. Perfect for Junhoe, at least. Junhoe leaned against the wall, waited while Jinhwan fiddled with the water. He just wanted to push Jinhwan up against the wall and kiss him. Was that so much to ask for?

Jinhwan pulled him into the shower seconds later, and Junhoe was about to follow through with that kiss, but the second the water hit his skin he recoiled.

“Hyung! It’s ing cold!” It was so cold it felt like a kick in the face, and he shrunk back away from the spray, angry eyes on Jinhwan.

Jinhwan grinned back at him. It wasn’t cold, but it wasn’t hot. Maybe he should have given Junhoe a moment until it heated up a bit more, but Jinhwan also thought that Junhoe needed the cold shower too. He’d seen the look in Junhoe’s eyes, knew what it meant. Jinhwan had to play it careful right now, he couldn’t let Junhoe rope him into being too affectionate.

He pushed Junhoe against the wall and grabbed a sponge, squeezed some body wash onto it. He grinned at Junhoe (who’d stopped glaring, but was now wearing an expression of slight confusion) and went to work washing his chest and stomach off. Jinhwan just needed to stay occupied, needed to do something for Junhoe so it wasn’t so obvious that he was trying to keep some emotional distance between them right now.

Junhoe settled back against the wall as Jinhwan started washing him. It was kind of nice, actually, what Jinhwan was doing right now. He closed his eyes and let Jinhwan continue, content now that the water had warmed up a bit more. He didn’t open his eyes until Jinhwan’s hand moved around to his , the soapy sponge washing the lubricant off of him.

Junhoe really wanted to kiss him. He probably shouldn’t. If Jinhwan wanted to kiss him, he would have done it by now, wouldn’t he? Unless Jinhwan wanted to, but didn’t know if Junhoe wanted to? Maybe he was holding himself back because he thought that Junhoe didn’t want anything more?

Ah, he shouldn’t get so caught up in his own confused emotions. They’d just ed, after all, maybe it wasn’t the best time for admissions. Maybe Jinhwan was waiting until they were back in bed, lying down. Maybe Junhoe would wait until then and see.

Jinhwan finished washing Junhoe off and stepped back into the spray of the water for a moment before looking at him. Junhoe had that look in his eyes again, like he was waiting for something. Jinhwan winked at him and reached out to pat his cheek. He couldn’t do nothing and ignore him, that would feel weird, and it would make things awkward. He just had to figure out what he could do that wouldn’t feel too affectionate.

“You’re done, so go dry off cause it’s kinda cramped in here,” Jinhwan told him, reaching out to playfully pinch his , “I’ll be done in a minute.” He turned his back to him then, letting the water cascade down over his face. He remembered exactly how he’d felt after he’d had with Eric the first time. Remembered how difficult it had been for him to not blurt out I love you! He hoped Junhoe wasn’t at that level, hoped he wasn’t that caught up.

Maybe he should bring it up. Maybe he should confirm that they were still casual, that they weren’t dating. Because he had to focus on himself and his future, couldn’t let himself get swayed from his path just because he liked someone. If he dated Junhoe it would make it that much harder on him to leave. And what if he had trouble convincing his mother? Maybe he’d give up more easily, knowing that at least he’d be able to stay with Junhoe.

He closed his eyes and stared up into the water. Maybe Junhoe would surprise him. Junhoe wasn’t crippled by the same emotional hangups that Jinhwan had had, after all. Junhoe had plenty of love and support in his life, he didn’t need Jinhwan the way that Jinhwan had needed someone at that point in his life. Maybe he was just projecting too much of himself and his past on Junhoe.

Junhoe stood in the foggy bathroom, towelling himself off. With Jinhwan still in the shower he wiped a spot clear in the mirror and stared at himself. Now that the moment had passed somewhat, he was getting a handle on himself. No matter how much he liked Jinhwan, this whole thing had only been casual, just for fun and some experience. If Jinhwan wanted to change his mind, then Junhoe would just have to wait for him to make that decision himself. He couldn’t ask for it, he had too much pride (and he was too afraid of Jinhwan turning him down).

He wasn’t some whiny, lovesick kid, falling for the first guy to really give him a taste of everything life had to offer. He wasn’t going to do that to himself. He could keep doing this thing with Jinhwan and he wouldn’t let it turn into more than what it was.

Jinhwan liked him, after all. It might not be love, but there were enough moments of honest affection that it kind of made it more than just friends with benefits. But it didn’t have to be anything more than that. Besides, Jinhwan was coming up on graduation, and the last thing Junhoe wanted to do was give him some weird complication he didn’t need.

Especially tonight. Jinhwan had his entrance test tomorrow. If Junhoe brought up their status, it might make things awkward for Jinhwan, and maybe he’d flub his test tomorrow. Junhoe would never let himself be responsible for that.

No. He’d just keep his feelings to himself, and if Jinhwan himself came to Junhoe and asked for something more, than Junhoe could agree to it. If he didn’t, though, then they’d just keeping going with the way things were right now, and Junhoe would just enjoy it for what it was. It didn’t have to be serious. Just because he liked Jinhwan, that didn’t mean they’d stay together even if they did date. Maybe he’d find someone he liked even more than Jinhwan one day.

He was young. They were both young. Too young to be falling helplessly in love.