The moment she lost Irene and the months after was the worst time Seulgi has ever had.

With just a few weeks of school left, she struggles with schoolwork, dance practices, insomnia, and endless crying.

Her parents are coincidentally out of the country for a month. It’s easy for her to fake happiness through the phone when they check up on her.

Krystal spends her time with Seulgi until the summer vacation. She distracts her by bringing her comfort food and binge watching TV series during the weekends. Seulgi assumes she made a deal with their household staff so as not to utter a word to her parents about her misery.

---

She remembers fainting at a dance break of a performance. Mina called their crew members to help her up to the backstage. She remembers waking up on a makeshift mat seeing Momo with Krystal and Amber in tow.

She wasn’t able to dance the last part of their team’s performance for the year. Not when her usual fan is not in the audience before her.

---

It’s a push and pull within her.

On some days, she wants to go and knock on Irene’s door, just to see her, hug her, and simply be with her again.

She praises her own self-restraint.

If Irene pushes her away, she would be hurt and alone on a dark night.

But the more likely case is Irene letting her in and maybe doing something inappropriate together, and she’ll end up broken in the morning still.

She cries herself to sleep instead, dreaming of a happy Irene with a happier Seulgi. At least in her dreams, there’s no lingering pain and sadness between them.

---

Seulgi goes to her hometown for summer vacation and lives with her grandparents. It distracted her for the most part. They serve her favorite food and she gets to walk around town with her cousins.

She sits by the park one day, sketchbook and pencils in hand. She remembers Irene sitting on the grass with her, but shakes the image away by drawing something else instead.

On her third week of stay, she comes home to her grandmother saying she has visitors.

There are three mugs by the living room and it made her anxious.

If it’s an admirer, her grandmother would only serve one.

If it’s her cousins, she would have heard their voices from the front door.

If it’s her childhood friends, well, they’re not in town anymore just like her.

She sees Krystal and it should have given her a sigh of relief. But there are two more with her, one of them she’s not yet ready to see at this time.

---

After the awkward pleasantries, her grandmother leaves them with a pat on her shoulder. Maybe she knows something but doesn’t force Seulgi to talk about it.

Seeing her expression, Krystal pulls Seulgi aside towards the veranda to explain.

They finally, after many attempts, got Irene to explain her reasons. At least they know, Seulgi mutters, unlike her who was left without an explanation.

Krystal’s phone beeps and she sighs.

“They left. Sorry for surprising you like this. We’re all staying at the inn down the street. Get some rest. I know this hard for you. We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

Seulgi nods, tears threatening to fall, just when she didn’t think she had any left.

“But you should read this first.”

Krystal hands her a folded letter and gives her a hug.

Seulgi hugs her back, as she leans on her shoulders, letting the tears fall. Her best friend rubs her back as she cries. When Seulgi’s finally relaxed and ready to read the letter, Krystal bids her goodbye with the assurance that she’ll pick her up tomorrow.

---

Dear Seulgi,

First of all, I am sorry for leaving you hanging without an explanation. With this letter, I’ll tell you my reasons that I wasn’t able to say when you needed to hear it from me.

I am thankful for every moment I spent with you. You brought me out of my comfort zone, made me try new things I never did before. Most of all, you made me a happier and better version of myself.

Nothing I do can ever make up for what I did to you. You were such a wonderful girlfriend. You loved me this whole time and you made me feel things I’ve never felt before. You were simply wonderful and there’s no one el